So Close

I better mind my Ps and Qs, and especially my Fs

Just when I wanted to reduce my hours at work, I’ve been put on several big cross country projects. Grrr! Although I shan’t complain too loudly, I secretly love being busy. Plus I get to do these projects from home in the comfort of my PJs and sheepskin slippers. 

As you might know, I do comms for a division of IBM (who by the way, have nothing to do with this blog and whose opinions, views and thoughts are in no way reflective of mine and blah blah usual disclaimer stuff*). Now, on the spectrum between extremely staid and like, totally chilled dude, IBM are probably closer to staid than they are to laid back. Which means I’ve had to curb my natural exuberance, potty mouth and toilet humour somewhat when I send out my comms, newsletters etc. But even with my marked restraint, they all think I am totally mad and seem to enjoy my goof ball sense of humour. I think I’ve broken them in. 

Like for example, I sent out a questionnaire thingy for my newsletter to a few people on the sales team. These were some of the questions in the interview:

Which parts of your job gets you excited? (besides the exceptionally exciting possibility of seeing me at the office)

What is the hardest part of your job? (besides having to deal with the disappointment of not seeing me)

If you weren’t doing this, what else would you be doing? (fishing / travelling the world / telling Tertia how gorgeous she is etc)

But this new project is a whole different ballgame. South Africans are one thing; foreigners are a whole other kettle of fish. I know the British and Australian sense of humour (much like ours) and I know the American sense of humour (50% of the people have an excellent sense of humour, the other half are too busy being offended to be amused). But now I am dealing with people like the GERMANS and the SWISS – are they even ALLOWED to have a sense of humour? Zat vas a joke, ja!

I am going to have to think grown up thoughts and do my best to be business like at all times. I guess that means no xxx at the bottom of my emails or risqué innuendos. Goodness, I hope I manage. 

*I got into BIG trouble recently for mentioning IBM and my boobs in the same interview. (The NYT interview) Please note that IBM have nothing to do with my boobs, nor are my boobs reflective of the views, thoughts (proper or otherwise) or opinions of IBM. 

Family comes first!

Marko works incredibly long hours and has been away from home quite a lot lately. If I wasn’t such a lovely domesticated wife who gave him lots of sex and home cooked meals, I would be worried he was having an affair. Oh…wait….

Anyway, the poor guy works really hard and so it is really unfair of me to get just a tiny bit cross that he sees so little of the kids. But I can’t help it. I want him to tell his employer that he has a FAMILY, a young family at that, and he can’t spend 12, 13, 14 hours a day at work. Marko says that is just how it is and employers don’t care about the fact that you have a family at home. I think that’s BS and there is no way on this earth that I would accept not seeing my kids. 

I know, I know, it isn’t always as easy as that, and I am very lucky that I can work the hours I do, but dammit, I think that sometimes we (read him) need to put our foot down and say ‘this is my family’s time’.

I am going away for two days soon and my mom can’t fetch the kids from school. Which means I am going to have to ask Marko to do it and I am already stressing about asking him because I know how stressed he get about it. If it was me, I would say “listen Boss, I have to fetch my kids from school. End of story.” But I know Marko will get all stressed about the fact that he has to actually take a lunch break that is longer than five forking minutes.  

I know I shouldn’t get cross about it, it isn’t fair towards Marko. It is just that I miss him and I know the kids miss him too.  Am I being an asshole? I probably am, right? Blech. Don’t you hate it when you are cross about something when you know you aren’t really allowed to be cross? It makes you even more cross!

I know some companies and countries are better at work-life balance than others. IBM for example is really great about it, and I think it works both ways – it benefits the employees AND it benefits the company. Gone are the days where you were expected to give up your whole life for your job. Well, at least for me.

Tell me what your work / life balance is like in your home / job / company or country. It is good? Bad? Fair? (Apparently the Americans only get two weeks paid vacation time a year? The horror! We get at least four weeks. So perhaps I should stop complaining about how hard my poor husband has to work.) 

Roommate from Hell

The roommate from Hell: Me, not my roommate.  I am sure she is cursing her unlucky stars that she ended up with me.  Only joking.  Half.  I didn’t fart, burp or spend hours in the bathroom but I did get up at sparrows fart. After three years of not sleeping in, it is eempossble for me to sleep late. So even though we both got to bed at midnight, I got up at 6. Plus there was that whole ‘unable to breath through my nose thing’. But I was very quiet and left as soon as I could. I am now sitting at breakfast, on my own, with my laptop and I am as happy as a pig in shit.

Besides the cursed snot nose. I took EIGHT neurophen cold and flu tabs and three corenza c’s and three glasses of wine yesterday and I still couldn’t beat the lurgy. So frustrating. Everyone went off to party and I went to my room to sniff in peace and feel sorry for myself. 

The good news is that there wasn’t enough room in the entry level hotel in which 90% of the IBMers were booked, so a few of us (yours truly included) were bumped up to the much nicer hotel next door. Yay!

So, all is well so far in Sin City. I might even take a little stroll in the gardens. Or not. I might just carry on doing nothing. How fabulous.

PS I think I might be antisocial. I’m not sure, but I am having definite ‘happy to be on my own’ moments. More on that later.

The unpopular kid

Oh woe is me, I feel like the last kid to be picked for the soccer team.

IBM is taking us all away for a three day ‘Thank You’ getaway at Sun City. I don’t usually go to these things because I hate being away from the kids, but you know what, I deserve a little break! Marko is completely unimpressed. He can’t actually believe I am going, and going willingly. Ha! Suffer baby!

I considered not going, because we have to share rooms. Now, you know that I find it difficult to share a room and bathroom with my very own husband, the thought of sharing with a stranger is enough to make me break out in hives. I asked if I could upgrade (at my own expense) to a room of my own but apparently it is impossible.  So share I must. 

But it appears I’ve left it a little late to pick my room mate and all the good girls are taken! I’ve worked through my first choice list, all taken. I’ve sent out a note to my second choice list, all taken. I’ve even started sending notes to people I hardly know but whose names I recognize, all of them have already found a roomie! Aarrghh! 

Dear BEST friend

Do you have a room mate for Sun City yet? I see I've left it very late and all the good girls are taken ;-)

Are any of you still looking for a room mate and more importantly, would any of you mind sharing with me? I don't smoke, I don't snore and I try not to fart too much. 

Am feeling a little like the last kid to be picked for the soccer team. Not that I am trying to guilt you into saying yes of course!

Say yes!!!

Even that note didn’t work. It’s official, everyone hates me. I’ll end up with the second to last person to be chosen who will be a farting, snoring, bathroom hogging smoker. It will be like home, just worse. 

Starting the first day back at work filled with good intentions

A day in the life of…

Tuesday lunchtime: Get notification I have to be up in Johannesburg for a 9am meeting at customer site.

Tuesday afternoon: Book flight, arrange trip, organize things at home

Tuesday night: Ask Marko if he would sleep next to Adam so that I can get some sleep

 

9:30pm  Go to sleep on my own

12:30am  Wake to hear Adam crying for me. Go into his room, tell Marko I will sleep next to Adam, its fine.

02:00am Adam wakes to check I am still there. We both go back to sleep easily. Thank goodness!

03:30am Wake up, stare at clock

03:44am Get up, shower

04:30am Leave the house for the airport

04:50am Take photo of dashboard so can share woeful situation with blog readers

05:00am Check in for the flight

08:00am Arrive in Jhb

08:20am Collect rental car, leave for meeting. Should take 40 minutes to drive there.

08:45am Call colleague, tell him there is no way in hell I will make it by 9am. Joburg traffic is HORRENDOUS!!!

09:45am Arrive at meeting, flustered, irritated and embarrassed that I have kept the customer waiting.

11:00am Finish one meeting, start the next

02:00pm Drive back to airport. Plan to take an hour.

02:30pm WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH JOBURG TRAFFIC!!! I can’t believe these people do this every day of their lives. Start stressing that will miss flight and wont get to see babies before they go to sleep. Get a little anxious. Tell self to calm down.

02:50pm Arrive at airport, hand back rental car. Run to go through security etc.

03:00pm Notice all SAA flight delayed. Want to cry. Don’t.

6:00pm Arrive at Cape Town airport, pay for parking, head for home

6:45pm Arrive home to a joyous welcome.

7:30pm Kids to bed, glass of wine for me. So glad I didn’t sleep over.

9:30pm Go to sleep next to Adam. Let’s hope it’s a peaceful night

..... And around we go again.

(not all days are as bad as these, thank goodness or I would look older than my 98 years)

Mobile office worker

 As I have mentioned before, I am really REALLY fortunate in that IBM are big into flexible working arrangements and work/life balance etc. They really are good at that. When I joined I got a laptop and a 3G card, which means that I can work from anywhere.

From home
Small problem with the lurking kid factor. I do this sometimes by hiding in the study. It’s a bit of a pain but v nice if I want to spend whole day in PJ’s. Plus I get to spend extra time with kids before and after my work day.

From the office occasionally (VERY occasionally)
I try and arrange my meetings to happen all on the same day and try not to go into town more than once or twice a week.  That traffic is horrendous! Plus the parking is impossible.

From coffee shops
I do this occasionally too. If I have a midday meeting in town, I will go to a coffee shop first and work there until my meeting, but it gets expensive. Plus I always need to pee and then what to do I do with my laptop? I have to pack the whole thing up and take it with me.

From my mom’s house
This is the best option. My mom lives 5 minutes away from my house. I get free coffee and tea plus I can pee when ever I want. Plus it is really quiet here. I am at my mom’s house now in fact. And she has just baked.

And then, sometimes when I have a late or early conference call, I work from my mobile office. The one on wheels.

(Pic taken from my cell phone early on Wednesday morning this week, me sitting in my car, just finished with my conf call)

I take my laptop and cell phone, drive down the road and dial up from my car. It is the only way. Can you imagine trying to do a conference call with the two little buggers around. Impossible.

“Mama! MAMA! WHERE ARE YOU!!!”

“Wanna talk onna phone, Mama. WANNA TALK ONNA PHONE MAMA!!”

(Why do my children always shout? Do your children shout? I swear I must have the loudest children in the world)

No, that won’t work. So it is me in my pyjamas, parked on the side of the road, dialled up and ready. Fun and games of being a working mom.

(I am SO fortunate that I am able to do all of this, it gives me so much extra time to spend with the kids on either side of my working day, time that I would ordinarily have to spend commuting. Not sure how long this will last as I might be drafted on to a huge project soon. Sob!)

Aging workforce

When I started working, I was the young kid in the team. The up and coming youngster full of energy and good ideas.

As time goes by, I am slowly starting to become ‘middle aged’ in terms of work years (a bit like dog years, but at 5:1). Still have fairly good ideas, energy levels a little less. Definitely not the up and coming youngster anymore.

 However, one thing that has kept me going is that my bosses have always been older than me. Somehow you expect your boss to be older than you are. You know, that whole looking-up-to-your-boss thing.

 I am not a hard-nosed career woman. I am not going to be VP of blahblah fishpaste by the time I am 40 (dangerous close to that dreadful milestone, fuckity fuck!) Just can’t do the hours / travel / socializing required to be totally career focused. I need to be with my kids. My choice, might not work for others. But this choice means that I might have introduced some kind of ceiling into my career and some day, probably quite soon, I am going to be working for someone younger than me.

 I fear that day is nigh.

 I met my new boss today*. She is a mere FIVE MONTHS older than I am. We are both 38. My next boss will probably be 5 YEARS younger than I am. And then soon I will be old, near retirement and reporting to a 21 year old whiz kid.

 Sigh. This aging bullshit is v childish.

 * New boss is fabulous, I really like her. Even if she has fewer wrinkles than me.

Working from home - Tricky.

I don't have to tell you all the advantages of working from home. Time and money saved by not having to drive all the way into the city. Preventing ozone layer depletion and green house effect (she says, skipping off to hug that tree). Potential road rage incidents avoided by not having to sit for 476 hours in the rush hour traffic. (Why the fark do they call it 'rush hour' traffic? The traffic is not moving at all, never mind rushing anywhere.) 

The extra hours I save by not sitting in the traffic I get to spend with my kids. Which makes me happy. Which makes me a better worker. Which makes my employer happy. Everybody wins. Win-win-win. All round winning and happy campers.

Of course working from home is a lot trickier now that I have kids. They are totally disinterested in my entreaties that ‘mommy is busy: go play outside / watch TV / call Rose’.  They get completely childish about it and insist on sitting on my lap / playing on the ‘puter’ (if you ever get a garbled note from me, you know where it comes from!) / hitting me on the head with their toy golf stick (true story!)   

Working from home when they know I am around clearly does not work.   

And so I resort to that age old parenting solution of trickery and deception.

I hide away. In my study. Perfect!  They don’t know I am there and I can work in peace. It means whispering on the phone and holding my pee until I can come out between 12 and 2 when they nap, but it is a damn sight better than sitting in the traffic.

Unfortunately however, I can’t just slip away into my study.  They will want to know where I am and I can’t just suddenly vanish in the mornings. That would be unfair.

Here is where the real subterfuge comes in …..

I store snacks, water and a comfy outfit in the study, get dressed in my decoy work out (a frock that looks v workified, at least to a toddler), say good bye as I usually do “bye bye my darlings, mommy is going to work, I love you. Kiss kiss” and in my car I get. I drive out the garage, waving goodbye to a smiling Kate and a crying Adam (the crying only lasts 1 minute, so Rose tells me.  Still sucks) and up the road I go. Rose then picks Adam up, gives him a hug and takes the two of them outside to hang up the washing / go visit a friend / play on the play gym etc.  She gives me a ‘all clear’ call on my cell phone and I zoot back into the garage, nip into the study, slip into something more comfortable and tra la!  I can work in peace and quiet. Clever me. 

It really does work out best for all.  I get to spend more time with my kids and I am around if there is an emergency or I need to take them somewhere.  I really do work harder at home than in the lovely open plan office at work.  Quieter, fewer distractions. Plus I have this fucked up work ethic that says while it might be acceptable to VERY occasionally surf the net / update your blog etc while at work (not that *I* ever do that!), doing it at home would be like stealing.  Or lying.  Because your boss is trusting you that when you say you are working from home, you really are working from home and not on the beach etc. 

I am really lucky that IBM allows for flexible working arrangements.  Working from home is a great option.  And luckily there aren’t too many times I have to work in complete darkness.  (I only have to do this if they are climbing on the couch right outside the window. Like this morning.)

 

 

It sucks being the new kid

Blech. It really sucks being the new kid.  I don’t know anybody; nothing seems to work, I have no idea how to use the systems that are working (I only managed to figure out the phone system at 4pm yesterday!)….. woe is me.

 For 90% of the 150 people who transferred across to IBM, things have gone smoothly. It was an easy transition: you went from being a domino developer at the old company to a domino developer in IBM.  90% of the staff still report into their same boss and work at the same desk in the same building.  (IBM has taken over the lease of our building as there are more of us from the old company than there were IBM’er in the region).  Easy. Life goes on pretty much as it was before, albeit with a few process changes and a new emblem on the door.  However, for a handful of us who were in non-technical roles like Sales and Marketing, the swap across wasn’t as straightforward.  

 IBM is a lot more complex and process driven than my old company. Understandably so. With 350,000 people across the globe, you have to be process driven and it is impossible to escape some degree of complexity and yes, even bureaucracy. One can’t really argue against it too much; they clearly are a very successful company.  And they have done this type of transition many times over.

 Still. It still sucks being the new kid.

 I am one of a handful of people whose life has changed completely by the move across to IBM. I have a completely new role, a new reporting line, and a new office location.  And I don’t know how anything works. I felt like crying at the office yesterday, but I thought I better not cry at my first day at work.  They would think I was a total fruit cake / baby. (I think I might be hormonal though, I am not normally such a big baby)

 It’s just little things: like accessing certain systems, understanding how the telephone system works, getting assigned an extension and PIN number …. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure IBM has an excellent orientation programme, I am just an anomaly in terms of role change / remote location / cost centre allocation / general gorgeous and divineness.  Although I don’t feel particularly G&D at all at the moment.  Instead I feel very spare part’ish and very lost. And to top it all, it is IBM’s financial year end, so everyone is understandably snowed under with targets and deadlines.  I hate bothering them to ask things like “excuse me, would you mind showing me where the internal mail goes”.  Sigh.

 But! It will get better. Of course it will.  I just hate not being on top of everything.  I hate not knowing how everything works. But as Marko reminded me, I felt the same way when I joined this last organization five years ago.  My first time in IT. I was just as frustrated and lost then.  

 In the meantime, I’ll just battle along bravely and do my best not to cry in front of my new colleagues.  It is going to be a big enough shock to them once the real Tertia comes out.  (A “fuck” slipped out quietly yesterday, hope no one heard.  Better than a 'fart' slipping out, I suppose.)