So Close

Would you leave your 8 year olds home alone?

I posted a question on Facebook this morning that got a lot of responses really quickly, so I thought I would bring the discussion on to my blog.  The question I asked was:

"Would you leave your two 8 year olds at home in your guarded security estate behind electric fencing, controlled access alone without adult supervision. Just for 30 mins to do trolley dash at Woollies. They know my number, they can phone if there is an emergency. Pool net on. They know the neighbor. I can probably nip to Woolies for 30 mins, can't I?"

The response was about 70% definite no and a 30% yes.  I was surprised at how many adamant nos there were. Over a 100 people posted a response, it makes interesting reading.  Not sure whether you can view the responses here -> LINK.

In summary, the major objections to leaving them home alone were about the following:

1. They could get up to mischief
2. There could be an emergency like fire or fall etc
3. I could stuck in traffic / in the shop and take longer than 30 mins, what would they do

I think I have covered the gist of the concerns from those who said no ways.

I have never left my children alone at home, but today I needed to go to the shop to get some food and I thought about it a bit and wondered whether they would be ok by themselves.  And so I did it - I left them at home for 30 mins. And they were fine. And also thrilled to have been given the responsibility to be good at home and also that I trusted them enough to behave.

In response to the concerns raised by others:

1. My children are definitely not super well behaved (at all) but they don't mess around with my strict rules. I don't have many rules (I am quite a softy) but the rules I do have (which are about safety) are absolutely non-negotiable.  My faith in them might be misplaced, but I do not think they will get up to that kind of mischief while I am away. It is not in their nature to be sneaky or wait for me to be away. Whatever they do behind my back they do in front of me, knowing that if it isn't dangerous, I am pretty easy.
2. As for the emergency, obviously that is a concern. My thinking with this is that firstly there are two of them. If one of them needs help, the other one will go get it. I am not sure I would leave only one of them at home.  Our neighbours are very close (as in I can hold my neighbours hand while I am on the loo and she is in the kitchen, its delightful), so if heaven forbid something had to happen, they could run next door in 30 seconds. Secondly, Adam carried the wireless phone around with him all the time.  We practiced him calling my number. I phoned and checked up on them when I was at Woollies. Plus they can call the security guards on the internal phone system should they need help.
3. Woollies is exactly 2kms away, so unlikely that I would get stuck in traffic in Sleepy Hollow on a Sunday morning when all the good folk are at church, but of course accidents happen.  Marko was due home at 11. This was 10am.  Worst case scenario, they would have been home alone for an hour.
4. Not mentioned as a concern but a VERY big factor is that Max wasn't there - not a chance in hell would I leave Max at home alone with his siblings as (a) he is bloody naughty and (b) they make TERRIBLE baby sitters.

But what I didn't mention in my note, which is a major consideration, is that Rose was in her room.  It's her day off so she was sleeping late or doing whatever she was doing, but I knew that the children could run to her room if something happened. I obviously told them this as well.  And then just to be sure, I called her and told her what I was going to do.

So perhaps theoretically I didn't leave them home alone as Rose was in her room (which is adjacent to the house, entrance on the outside of the house), but having done it for the first time now and having read all the responses and had a think about it, I think I would do it again, even if Rose wasn't there.  Between you and I, if it was Kate and a friend, I wouldn't do it, but Adam is extremely responsible.  He is such a people pleaser / rule follower that he would never do anything risky.  Kate would probably let the bath water run or swing from the chandeliers, but Adam wouldn't.  He was in charge of the wireless phone.  

It's hard to know when to let go. How protective to be.  It's funny, because I consider myself quite a protective parent with some things, in fact, I thought I was quite a helicopter parent but after reading the responses on the FB post and also a discussion at Whine Club the other night, I realized I am not as helicopter as I thought. Hmmm, interesting.  I know I am a terrible molly-coddler, a big softie and a little bit helicopter'ish, but maybe I have elements of free-range after all. Who knew!

So for those who did not participate in the FB discussion, what would you do?  

(Funny, you know what my biggest fear is/was? That someone will break into the house and hurt them.  I am not scared of them being naughty or too worried about accidents happening at home. Or being stuck in traffic - I could just phone Adam on the home phone.  My thing is that I am TERRIFIED of someone breaking in and hurting them / stealing them. But I had that side covered by living in Fort Knox security estate.  If that peace of mind wasn't there, I would never have gone. I think that is a particular South African fear that perhaps overseas people don't have as much.)

How do you get your kids to eat breakfast?

I need some parenting assvice here.  

My kids are not keen on eating breakfast in the morning before school, they just aren't hungry at that time. They are not big eaters (understatement of the year) and on weekends we usually only have breakfast about 2-3 hours after waking up.  On a school day I specifically wake them up a bit earlier so that they have some time to wake up and hopefully build up an appetite before school but every morning we have to force them to eat. I dont want to send them to school without eating, but I am getting pretty tired of having a fight every morning about eating.

Here is their routine:

06:15 - I wake them up and they do educational activities & read their bible (Which is code for: I put them in front of the TV (winner mom!))

07:00 - We start getting dressed and having breakfast (which involves threats, moans and the occasional tear. From me.)

07:20 - Leave for school

10:00 - Snack at school which Adam eats around 90% of and Kate eats about 20% of.

12:30 - School finishes

12:45 - Lunch at home which Adam eats about 20% of and Kate eats about 90% of.

Do your kids eat breakfast?  What do you think I should do?

My absolute WORST part of parenting is having to ensure my children eat. I hate the stress about it, I hate worrying about it, I hate fighting about it. I HATE HATE HATE it. I wish I could just not care.  

Forcing your child to be friends with others

You know how some children are just so sweet and sensitive and soft and gentle?  Kate is not so much like that. She has MANY redeeming qualities, but being soft and sweet is not one of them. To be honest, I prefer her the way she is. I love that she is so strong, that she is a leader and that she takes charge. I love that she is so confident and I especially love that she gets along with just about everyone. 

While some children have BEST friends, or a small group of really close friends, Kate is friends with everyone.  She prefers playing with the non-girly girls, but she does play with them too (she ask them if she can be their dog and they love it). She also plays with almost all the boys, except for the really rough ones. She moves between all the groups of friends at school.  

Kate is a gregarious, confident, friendly, clever, take charge kind of girl.  However, sometimes she can be a bit insensitive to the more sensitive type of friend.  And although I said above that I love her just the way she is and that I am actually quite proud of how she interacts with her world, I do think a dose of sensitivity towards others wouldn't go amiss. 

I was chatting to my BFF about this yesterday.  Should I, can I *make* Kate be more sensitive to her BF who loves her so?  Can I tell her that she HAS to play with a friend's slightly developmentally delayed child who adores her?  My BFF said I can and should as this is a life skill - through out life you sometimes have to be friendly with or nice to people you might not always want to.  She is right - sometimes you have to kiss ass or play nicely with people you would far rather give a kick up the pants.

Yesterday on the way to taking her to a play date, I decided that it was the perfect time to have a little heart to heart with Kate about this. We were alone, she had just told me she loves me up to Jesus, even past him and even up to Space (because I was taking her to a play date), it was the right moment:

Me:  Kate, you know how some people are a bit bigger than others, or faster or stronger and some people aren't?  Well, we must remember to be nice to all people, even those who aren't as clever or strong as us. 

Kate:  Am I stronger and faster and cleverer?

Me: Well, yes but not everyone is good at everything and it is important to be kind to all people, even when you sometimes don't want to play with them.  Being kind is very important. Even when you don't always feel like playing with the person, you should always be kind. (carried on a bit about being kind etc)  What do you think?

Kate:  Excuse me, can you repeat that? I fell asleep there for a minute.

Me: KATE!!! 

Kate: That is what Chowder says on TV *giggles*

Me: You are not watching any more Chowder!

Me:  And anyway, we have to be especially nice to XYZ because he is a bit sad at the moment.  Sadly his mommy and daddy have decided not to be together any more (explained a bit about divorce etc) Isn't that sad..

Kate:  Yes, that is sad...... Please PLEASE can I get a puppy*???

I laughed to myself.  That child!  Adam is SO sensitive and caring and worried about others.  Kate not so much. I am always amazed at how two children who shared a womb and who were raised pretty much the same can be so different. Adam has a best friend who he absolutely LOVES.  He wants to marry his best friend.  Kate plays with anyone who comes along.

Do you MAKE your children play with other children that they don't want to be friends with? Do you make them be friendly in the way that you think they should be friendly.  Please dont think Kate is nasty to other children, she isn't. She actually loves her BF a lot, she is just not always so sensitive to her needs. Kate is just not a one-on-one, intense kind of BF. 

I hope I have made sense in this post. I've had to change some facts here and there so that I don't upset anyone, but I hope you get the gist of my question.  

*The puppy thing - Kate is begging every day to get a puppy.  A puppy and a fish. I am leaning towards fish.

Where are you on the soft vs strict scale?

In many respects, Marko and I are a lot alike.  We even look alike, to a degree (both tall, slim'ish, dark hair, blue eyes, thin face).  We are both anal about stuff, we have a similar attitude towards debt, towards finances, towards holidays, religion, being on time etc.  However, one way in which we differ is our attitude towards children - specifically issues on how we should live with them and them with us.

There is lots we agree on, and we both love them equally but if there was a scale of 1-10 in which 1 was allowing the kids to roam free and be in touch with their feelings all the time and all other airy fairy stuff and 10 was 'kids should be seen and not heard and should fit into OUR lives not the other way around', he would probably be around a 7, and I am probably a minus 2. Ok, not so bad, but maybe around a 3.  Which is not a big difference, most of the time.  Most of the time, we operate quite well between the 3 and the 7 and we manage to find a happy space that suits all of us.

I think its a healthy thing, I think we balance each other out well and it is good for the kids. I think if they had two 7s, life would be a bit too harsh for them. If they had two 3s, they would find it tough to survive in a world that is a lot harder than 2s and 3s.

But every now and then our 3s and 7s collide.  

Last Thursday night, we were cooking supper (and by *we* I mean mostly Rose) and the kids were playing around.  It was a beautiful scene... 3 beautiful, hard-fought-for kids playing and laughing, food cooking (Rose), wine drinking (me)....

Adam got his toy box, emptied out all the toys and put Max inside. They then went flying around the dining room table, laughing and screeching and having so much fun.  Soon Kate joined in. It was such a nice feeling to see my children playing and enjoying themselves. I felt really blessed - so lucky to have 3 beautiful, healthy children, I have a beautiful home, I have help, I have a successful business, I am able to work from home... etc etc.

Here are a few photos of the kids running around:

 

What a beautiful moment.  Except that what I didn't realize is that by pushing the toy box (which is on wheels) around and around, they were scratching the gloss off the tiles.  As a result, there is a trail of scuff marks on our beautiful tiles all around the dining room table. Marko was FURIOUS.  He went crazy when he got home.  (In fact, I think he was quite rude to me, but we will not mention that now)

It is these things that drive him crazy.  He says he is clearly the only one that gives a shit about our stuff and if it wasn't for him, the kids would just roam free and the entire house would get fucked up / break down / be destroyed.  I think that is crap. I do care about the house, and about our stuff - I just care about the kids more. 

Actually, that is unfair - it is not as if he doesn't care about the kids. He does, obviously. And yes, perhaps the kids shouldn't have pushed the box around the floor but they didn't know that, and I OBVIOUSLY didn't know it would leave marks or else I wouldn't have let them.

I sometimes feel that he can be too uptight about 'stuff'. And he feels that sometimes I don't care enough about 'stuff' - our stuff that we worked hard for.

I know I need to be stricter (I went to my book club evening last night and I realized that I am by far the biggest wuss/walk over/softy/useless mother around) but I feel that life is so short, with so much hardship and heartache, we should spend more time loving and laughing and less time caring about 'stuff'.  

Anyway, now that I have written this post I realize that I am possibly a little too close to the lower end of the kids/stuff scale. And yes, it is annoying that the tiles were scratched. And maybe Marko had a right to be upset about the tiles being scratched.  (Although he did not have a right to shout at me!!!  Fartbag).

So what is the point of this post? I don't know. I am tired now after all this writing. I think the point is that I am always right and Marko is always wrong. I think that is the point. Yes, good.  We will leave it there.

PS Where are you on the softy vs strict scale?

On Death Row and in Deep Trouble

I am not a very good disciplinarian. It is one of my weak points.  As you know, I hate hurting people's feelings and having to punish the very people I am committed to love and protect is a hard thing for me.  But even pushover like me can only be pushed so far. Today I was very, very cross.

 Adam and Kate were acting like total and utter brats the whole day.  In fact, not just today but for a while.  We have name Kate Portia Gibbons because she behaves like a Mean Girl ALL THE TIME.  I know I said I wouldn't label my kids but OMG!!!  KATE = PORTIA GIBBONS PERSONIFIED!!! 

Adam - well, Adam has been especially trying. When is not busy crying (ALL THE TIME), he is lashing out physically.  Today I moaned at him for doing something wrong and he slammed the shower door. I was very cross. He was extremely apologetic about it, but I was CROSS.

However, the last straw came this afternoon when I was on the phone, trying to sort out a work crisis. Adam and Kate had yet another fight and Kate punched Adam on the nose.  His nose started gushing blood. Beautiful.  

I handled it extremely well - I started yelling at them so much that my face went red, saliva sprayed everywhere and my throat was raw.  "YOU UNGRATEFUL, HORRIBLE, SELFISH BRATS, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR HORRIBLE BEHAVIOUR, THAT IS IT, YOU WILL NOW HAVE PUNISHMENT!!!!"

Punishment!  I don't often haul out 'punishment'.  In fact, I think I have done it only three times ever.  'Punishment' is being sent to your room and no TV for the rest of the night! A fate worse than death. In fact, they will choose a hiding over 'punishment'.

But 'punishment' it was. I was that cross.  They really do behave like ungrateful, selfish, horrible brats sometimes. 

And they know when they have crossed the line with me. They knew I was very cross.  They stayed in their room (together. Yes I know, I should have put them in separate rooms, but even when I am cross, I am still a bit of a wuss) for the rest of the evening. Rose brought them some supper in the room.  A while later I hear the door open and a light thud. And then the door close again.  It was their supper plates that they put outside the door.  Haha!  Like prison.

When Marko got home from work they asked for juice but he said all they were allowed was dry bread and water as they were being punished.  Kate told him that he wasn't allowed to punish her as she was already being punished.  "And anyway Dad, you are not the policeman". Defiant, even while on death row!

I sort of made up when I said goodnight.  I said we were friends again, but that I was still a bit cross with them.  They wanted to know whether the TV ban was forever or whether they could watch tomorrow.  I said it would be lifted tomorrow if they were good.  I am not holding my breath.

Motherhood - not for the faint-hearted.

PS Max not much better.  Temper tantrums starting already.  And yesterday Max bit Kate on the cheek. God, my kids are like dogs.  I obviously suck hugely at this parenting thing. Fuck.

PPS To the Parenting Police: Yes, I am sure I broke 17.5 Basic Parenting Rules in the incident above.  I don't care. Keep it to yourself.  If you think you can do it better, you are welcome to come over to my house and do it for me. You either help out or you shut the fuck up. The End.

Blogging about your children and when its time to stop

Unless you have a password protected blog with the password known only to you, if you blog - you share.  Some bloggers share a little of their lives with others, others (like me) over-share the minutiae of our daily existence to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen (read).

Even before my kids were born, I blogged about them. In fact, while they were still a positive balance in my bank account and a un-consituted vial of Gonal-F, I blogged about them.  When they were babies, I blogged about them. When they were toddlers, I blogged about them.  There were some of you who expressed concern (<-putting it politely) about what I was doing, but after thinking about it carefully, I felt comfortable that I wasn't compromising their needs with my need to share. I said that I would stop sharing when I felt it was time to stop sharing.

That time has come sooner than I thought.

I will still blog about my kids and how crazy they drive me sometimes, but I am increasingly reluctant to share things about them that might make them feel uncomfortable one day.  Normal day to day stuff, fine. Anything personal or particular to their individual personalities, unfortunately no longer.  I am very aware of the danger of labelling my children, even unintentionally. 

It's a pity for me, in a way. There are many things I would like to share with you so that I might ask your advice.  But I am concerned that as teenagers or young adults my children might feel uncomfortable reading these things, or having others read these things about them.

I have no doubt that when my children have children of their own (hopefully!!), nothing I could say about them now will cause them angst.  As a parent, they will know and understand that all of this is normal parenting / children stuff.  But unfortunately, they have to get through the teenage years first.  And as a teenager, there is MORE enough opportunity for the angst, I certainly don't need to provide any more fodder.

As I said, it is a huge pity for me. Its all normal ages and stages stuff.  Nothing to be terribly worried about, but there is so much I want to ask you!!!  Arrgghhh!  I have to resort to the good old fashioned method of asking for advice from my mother, the teacher and my real life friends.  Damn. You were such a good source of assvice.

PS Luckily Maxie Boy is still a baby, so he is fair game.  If (when) he poops in the agapanthus, you will be the first to know.

PPS Wow, that was a nostalgic trip down memory lane reading the agapanthus post. Times goes by so quickly, I can't believe that was three years ago already.  My babies get big so quickly :-(

Do I make them go or do I let them stay?

Remember how I told you that I was putting the kids in aftercare and that they were excited to go etc? Well, the excitement soon wore off.  Adam has been fine as a few of his friends from class are at aftercare but Kate hates it.  Firstly, they serve food at aftercare. Normal food. OMG! FOOD!!!!  Kate doesn't do food.  I've told her and I've told the aftercare teacher that she doesn't have to eat a single thing at aftercare, I will pack extra food for her.  But it doesn't matter, there is FOOD around and she doesn't want to have anything to do FOOD*.

Secondly, apparently she has no friends at aftercare.  Which was true'ish as there are far fewer girls there than boys, but in a stroke of splendid good fortune, Kate's best friend started aftercare three afternoons a week. Perfect, I thought. I would only send the kids to aftercare when Kate's best friend went.  That went well for about a week, and then Kate said she didn't want to go anymore.  Because (a) there is FOOD at aftercare and (b) it takes too long.  She wants to come home. I asked her again today (they are on long school break at the moment) why she didn't want to go to aftercare and she said again "it is too long".  And of course, Adam has jumped on the bandwagon too and says he also doesn't want to go because it takes too long (<-- please note that aftercare is only until 3pm, three days a week) 

Rats and damnation!  I have a big dilemma now.  Do I make them go, or do I allow them to stay home.

My sister Melly and I always laugh at how different we are. Melanie's motto is 'if you start something, you finish it' and mine is 'you don't have to do anything you don't want to do'. Ok, not really. I know that in life there are somethings that you have to do, even if you don't like it. Like work / dieting / not drinking too much wine / marriage. (OOPS! Only joking! Marriage is wonderful. Am very fond of my husband at the moment.)  But they are only five years old.  Do I need to make them go to aftercare now if they really don't want to? Yes, I would like them to. I desperately need the time to work, but I work for myself. I work from home. I can make another plan.  Maybe not forever, but for now I can manage. 

Obviously they are not always going to get out of things they don't want to do. They can't say to me "I don't want to go to school". Tough luck buddy, you have no choice. But in this case, there is a choice, even if that choice is mine and not theirs. (Although, it has to be said that this choice comes at a cost - I still have a business to run which means I need to make up that time at night, which is not great for me or for my husband)

Shit, I don't know what to do.  Head vs Heart.  My head is saying something, but I can't hear what it is saying because all I can hear is my heart and my heart is saying "you don't have to go if you really don't want to".  I can't help but put myself in their shoes and I wouldn't want to go either. I am a homebody boring old fart too, I love being at home. 

I can make her go. I know I can.  But I also know that the teacher says that Kate sits there the whole time, sucking her thumb, not saying much, not eating, not mixing with the other kids and asking when she can go home all the time. It breaks my heart. That is not who Kate is.

I know I am too soft with my kids.  I know I parent too much with my heart and not enough with my head, but in this whirly twirly world of a million rights and wrongs the only thing I can trust is my gut, and in my case my gut is almost always linked to what my heart is saying. 

What should I do?  Do I allow them to decide they don't want to go anymore or do I make them go. What are your thoughts?

PS they are at holiday camp this week, from 8am until 12:45.  They had fun the first two days, but now they have had enough. They don't want to go tomorrow because 'it takes too long'. Tough luck, sorry for youuuu!  I am making them go because I need to get some work done and because it is good for them to get out and play for at least part of the day.  So I can make them do some things when I feel it is the right thing to do. 

* What does Kate eat? She has a few things she will eat and she will not eat anything else. You can stand on your head and whistle through your arse, she will not even try anything else.  Example:  the kids drink tea (Rooibos tea).  That is what they are used to.  Recently Mimi (their granny) offered to make them hot chocolate with a marshmallow in it. Delicious!  Kate would not try it. Adam loves it. Now Adam has it instead of tea but Kate refuses to even try it. She drinks her boring old tea while Adam has his hot chocolate with the marshmallow.  Whatever.  After five years, I have learnt not to get worked up over it. As long as she is getting some nutrition in, I am not going to sweat about it.

A lucky double

You know how it never seems to work out that you hit a lucky double - you really dig the parents of the child your kid really likes or your kids really like the child of the grown ups you really like?  Well, I have scored a rare lucky double. My kids have a school friend who they BOTH like and who happens to have a mother and father I really like too! Yay!!  The mom and I have become good friends.  What is great is that both Adam and Kate like the friend.  She is the perfect friend for both of them - cool enough (ie not too girly) for Adam to be friends* with and smart enough not to let Kate boss her around too much. The three of them play so nicely together. Except when Kate tells Adam that he can't play with them because it is for girls only.  Such a sweet sister she is.

Anyhow, K (the friend) came to spend the evening with us last weekend as her parents had a function on. K was going to have supper at our house, bathe and go to sleep until her parents fetched her later.

Suddenly, after giving the issue very little prior thought, I was faced with the dilemma of whether it would be appropriate to put them all in the bath together. Adam and Kate bathe (btw, we say bath, not bathe. The 'e' is for you foreigners) together, but would K's mother be upset if I put her daughter in the bath with a boy? I didn't think she would (and I asked her afterwards, she said she would have been cool with it), but I didn't want to take the chance. One never knows what might upset other parents. I've become a bit paranoid about it especially as I know I am a bit of a free-for-all parent (certainly compared with the no-sugar / no-TV / no-anything-not-organic-granola-tree hugging brigade).  So I said the girls could bath together and then the boys (Adam and Max) could bath together. Which worked out just fine.

I am interested to know what you would have done?  Would you have let the three five-year-olds bathe together or not? Is it ok?  And if you were the mother of a daughter (or a son for that matter) who was sleeping over at someone's house (therefore assuming a level of trust in the parents of the other child), would you have been ok with your daughter or son bathing with a child of the opposite sex? Or am I being over paranoid here? I think it is ok, but I've realized that my ok might not be another parent's ok.

Lastly, from what age would it no longer be appropriate for friends of the opposite sex to bathe together?

*Adam decided that K could be his girlfriend, but she regretfully  informed him that unfortunately she is already spoken for. Adam took the rejection remarkably well. 

The kids eating the nutritious meal I prepared for them with a little help from KFC

 

The girls freshly bathed and in their PJ while the boys are still in the bath:

Toy guns

When Sister Mel had her first child 13 years ago, she was quite an ethno-bongo (tree-hugger / granola type).  She said that her son would not play with guns and there would be no toy guns in the house.  However, it wasn't long before he was fashioning make-believe guns out of old marijuana branches and shooting pow-pow at imaginary baddies. 

I have much lower standards and looser morals than my sister and the toy gun thing was never an issue for me.  I have never specifically gone out to buy toy guns for my kids, but along with pirate masks and eye patches, they have also chosen toy guns and pirate swords.  And it doesn't worry me at all.  Admittedly I have not studied in detail any studies that say playing with guns at five years old increases the propensity to become a serial murder in later life, but my gut says that banning toy guns in my house will not help much if that is his eventual career choice. I would prefer he becomes a plastic surgeon or something useful like that but as parents we must be careful not to force our own aspirations on our child.  (Dear Adam, please don't become a serial killer, there is no money in that! Choose a nice profession like plastic surgeon or IT entrepreneur so that you can help mommy one day). I am not anti guns, and I am not pro guns. I don't feel strongly either way, but I know that some people do. (Some people feel strongly about EVERYTHING. I wish I had the time)

Adam came home from Mimi and Pops the other day with a REAL GUN! It was a pellet gun (I think you call them air guns/ air rifles) that used to belong to my brother when he was a teenager.  You shoot tin cans with them, I think.  It was empty of course, but Adam was BESIDES himself with excitement.  He is so thrilled with his 'weal gun', he sleeps next to it every night and carries it all around the house with him.  I am not mad about it, only because it looks so damn real.  He is not allowed to point it at people, but I've let him carry it around the house. 

My children started an annoying habit last year where they want to take something to school every day to show the rest of the kids. Something new / exciting etc.  It's annoying because they are not allowed to bring their own toys to school so I have to schlep it to the class, and then schlep it all home again. 

Anyway, Adam obviously wanted to take his 'weal gun' to school to show his friends and I had to tell him he couldn't because some moms don't like guns and would judge his mother for allowing him to play with a gun and then they will talk about me behind my back and label me etc.  Well, I just said that some moms don't like children to play with guns.  A conversation we have had to rehash a million times.  "But why don't some moms like it when their children play with guns?"  "Which moms?"  On and on.  Anyway, I've stood firm. The gun can come with in the car, but it can't come out.  The gun has travelled to and from school every day this week and last week.

Then, yesterday as I put them in the car after I went to fetch them, my phone rang.  I was standing next to the car with the door open chatting to whoever was on the phone.  Next thing, Adam is by the open door, proudly showing his gun to the other kids (and their moms), saying "LOOK, I GOT A WEAL GUN, AND IT HAS GONE WEAL BULLETS IN IT".  I couldn't get off that phone fast enough.  I giggled nervously and said in a falsetto voice "oh, haha, don't be silly Adam, its not a REAL gun and it certainly doesn't have REAL bullets in it, nowputitawayandgetinthecarimmediately".

OMG!  Now they are all going to hate me.  I saw the look the one mother gave me (only has girl children who clearly don't have weal guns with weal bullets in them).  Sigh.

I don't know.  I don't think it will do any harm for Adam to play with the gun but I am obviously not 100% convinced about it because otherwise I wouldn't be so anxious about other people seeing. 

I really don't think that playing with a toy gun is going to make him any more or any less violent.  In my gut, I don't feel this. I am not sure what it is about toy guns that upsets some mothers (and I am sure I am about to be enlightened why), but I am actually way WAY more concerned about violent computer games and TV programs where 'baddies' explode / have their heads chopped off / fighter planes shoot each other out the sky etc than I am about toy guns. 

How do you feel about toy guns? Do you let your boys & girls have toy guns in their toy box?  Is a water pistol in the pool allowed?  What about those squirting water tube things?  A sword?  Where do you draw the line?

Please do not touch my baby's hands

I stumbled across this story this morning, and it reminded me that I have wanted to chat to you about this for ages. 

"For those nervous moms who have never let another human being touch their baby unless they scrub down like a doctor before surgery -- there's a new product for you!

A company called My Tiny Hands has come up with the idea of a sign you can hang in your baby's stroller or carrier that tells people with unwashed hands not to touch. Kind of like the "Don't feed the animals" signs they put up at the zoo. We think this "invention" goes a little overboard....."

I don't think it is overboard at all - I've wanted a sign like this since the twins were born!  The FIRST thing people do when they see a baby is take hold of their hands - ARE YOU MAD!!!  You've just touched the dog, the hand rail, your steering wheel, the shopping cart, your child's snotty nose, and various other infectious diseases and then you touch my child's hand. The same hand he sucks on 24/7 because he is teething? Why would you do that? 

Yes children should be exposed to germs / dirt etc, but honestly - if I can avoid my 4 month old baby (or worse, a newborn) having a cold right now, I would prefer it that way.  I know he will get plenty when he is older, but I would prefer him NOT to get N1H1 and various other ailments while he is still so little.

Rose is even worse that I am.  She wont let Max out of her sight.  And when she goes out with him, she carries wipes to wipe his hands off if someone touches his hands. But she was away this weekend, so I took him out a bit. The first thing she said when she walked in on Monday night was "did anyone touch Max?"  I had to confess that plenty of people had. Because I didn't have that sign!  (and because I am worried I will offend someone by saying no.  Which means I am more worried about offending someone than I am about my baby getting swine flu.  What a winner mother I am.  I NEED THAT SIGN!)

Yes I know I am anal/paranoid/odd etc but honestly, I don't understand why people think it is ok to touch a baby's hands. If you must touch my baby (I really would prefer you didn't), then touch his feet or his leg, but not his hands!  

Ok, you can all hate me now.