So Close

When will the madness end???

As you know, the whole gift buying, gift wrapping, card giving thing is not for me. As someone who is terminally unromantic and about as traditional as today’s edition of the newspaper, Christmas is an especially trying time. All that choosing gifts! All that wrapping paper! WHAT IS WRONG WITH A GIFT CERTIFICATE??? 

 

Anyway, I try. I try because I must, because I have small children and because apparently the rest of the world likes their gifts wrapped, and bigger than the size of a standard gift certificate.

 

However, things sunk to a new level recently at the kids school, which made me realize the world has taken this thing a bit too far. 

 

It was another child’s birthday at school recently and the invitations were beautifully handmade, rolled up and tied with a bow and put in tiny golden baskets. Inside the basket were tiny sweets. I looked down wryly at my el cheepo ’20 invites for 20 bucks’ invites (we had a party for Adam and Kate at school as their real birthday is in school holidays) and thought DAMN! But you know, we can’t all be good at everything and some mothers are clearly way more creative than I am. As in WAY more creative.

 

But the real downer came a few days later as we were standing outside the school gates, and the party mom skipped up to us with a bunch of cards in her hand. Another party, I thought! But no, they were THANK YOU CARDS!! 

 

OMG! THANK YOU CARDS??? Individually hand written cards, thanking each child for the gift they bought. I felt instantly dizzy. I.Can’t.Go.On.Anymore……

 

How am I ever supposed to keep up? A card for this, a card for that. Wrap this, put a bow on this. Remember this anniversary, celebrate this occasion. No people, we can’t carry on like this anymore. Someone has to put a stop to this before we end up wrapping ourselves in shiny paper with beautifully handmade cards stuck all over the important bits. When will the madness end!!! 

 

I think I need to go lie down for a bit. 

 

PS It was only after my kid’s party that I realized other mom’s didn’t write on the wrapping paper with a black pen “To Susie, love Adam and Kate”. Apparently you need a card for that too.

 

Your guess is as good as mine

You know what I don’t get? I don’t get the whole speculation, guessing thing. I just don’t get it. Why bother guessing, why not just wait for the answer?

 

Marko and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways, but not in this way. Marko LOVES to guess. 

 

One of the only programs I watch on TV is Survivor so it has become a bit of a ritual for Marko and I to watch the program together, and every week, without fail, as we get to the end, Marko will ask me who do I think will get voted off. And every week I have to listen to Marko expend an enormous amount of brain energy working out various different scenarios of what will happen if X votes for Y but A votes for B.  And I sit there thinking ‘huh? Just wait two minutes and we will know for sure’.* 

 

I don’t get it. I asked him why he does it and he says so that he can prove he is right. Against yourself? I ask. You want to prove to yourself that you were right? Yes, he says. As I said, I don’t get it.

 

But it seems Marko is not alone in this. It happens in sport, in politics, in just about everything. I listen to the radio how they dedicate entire SHOWS to guess what the score will be in tomorrow’s game. They call experts in, they have phone ins, they argue back and forth why their guess might be right and I sit there thinking ‘WHAT IS THE POINT????’ Just wait until tomorrow and then we will all know.

 

If you are a serial guesser, please explain the fascination. Is it a similar thrill to gambling? (Another thing I totally DO NOT GET!) When you gamble is part of the thrill guessing right? Or is just that you like throwing your money away? (Heh heh. I have many addictions but gambling is certainly not one of them, way too tightfisted for that.)

 

* There is nothing Marko likes more than proving himself right AND at the same time, me wrong. Even though he makes me play the guessing game against my will, he still gets a little thrill when his guess is right and mine is wrong.  Whatever, you guessed right, you are the winner, well done. Come here let me pat you on the head.

A little too much honesty

One of the fellow moms at my kids school, who also happens to be my neighbour and friend, kindly offered to take the school pics this year for a  ridiculously cheap rate. She is really talented and has just gone into professional photography full time. I absolutely loved the pics she took, but apparently not all the mothers felt that way.

 

We were standing outside the school and my friend asked one of the mom’s whether she liked the pics and the woman replied quite matter of factly, “No, not really”. Then another mom piped up about not really liking the pics either.

 

OMG! I wanted to die for my friend. How do you NOT take that kind of feedback personally????

 

Besides the fact that we were getting it for a really good rate etc etc, I am just not sure that kind of ‘honesty’ is warranted. What do you think? Should you tell it like it is, or should you spare someone’s feelings?

 

I wanted to say that I could never, ever be a photographer or artist or something creative like that, because I would take that kind of criticism so personally, but then I remember my first (and only) bad book review. Instead of thinking “oh well, can’t please all the people all the time”, the review really stung. I was mortified. How could they not like my book? It obviously means that they hate me and everything I stand for ;-) Doesn’t matter that 99% of the other reviews were very favourable, it is that one bad review that seems to speak the loudest. People are silly, aren’t we?

 

What do you think? On the one hand I think that honesty is good and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but on the other hand I am thinking “jeez Louise, a little less honesty might have been a better approach”.  How do you creative types handle negative feedback? Do you take it a little personally, or do you just brush it off?  Your hides must be tougher than mine.

Edited to add:  The two moms in question did say they preferred a more "natural" look, which I thought was really odd because the 'traditional' school pics are very unnatural looking in my opinion and all Renee's shots were quite natural and real.  But I guess each to their own.  Oh, and their kids are really gorgeous, so its not that ;-)

 

Look, no matter what the other moms thought, I LOVED the pics you took and I think you did a sterling job. THANKS my friend xxx

(more pics on Flicker)

A disturbing afternoon

You know, I don’t realize and appreciate often enough how fortunate I am, and my kids are, to live the way we live. I live in this happy, comfortable suburban bubble, and I sometimes forget that there are so many less fortunate than we are.

 

Today we went to visit my in-laws, and suddenly we heard screaming, a female voice from across the road. Crying, begging, “don’t hit me”. Marko and I ran outside and my parents in law just rolled their eyes. Happens all the time, they said. We’ve called the cops, but nothing ever happens.

 

More shouts, more crying. He shouting at her, she shouting at him. Marko was ready to go in there and drag the guy out by his collar, but apparently the couple has told people to leave them alone. My father has tried to intervene, but he isn’t young anymore.

 

But what nearly broke my heart is that their three kids, two girls and a boy, all between the ages of 7 and 13, were riding their bikes right outside. Not saying anything, just riding around in circles. The little girl had tears streaming down her face, it nearly killed me. So surreal, a beautiful afternoon, stunning weather, kids on bikes…. juxtaposed with such heartache and ugliness.

 

So many emotions… ‘why doesn’t she just leave him’, but I know it is seldom as simple as that. Disgust. Despair. But mostly anger – how DARE they do that to their children. How DARE they! They can go off and kill each other, but how dare they do that to their children. HOW DARE THEY!! I wanted to run in there and shake both of them, I was so angry. And so helpless.

 

Eventually the yelling died down, and the kids went back inside. Life carried on around all of this. Surreal.

 

Such a disturbing afternoon, and such a big realization how very fortunate I am to have come from a home where we never had to endure any of that, and how very fortunate my children are to be raised the same.

 

I am tormented by the heartache these young children must face. My heart goes out to them; I hope they manage to find some peace and solace.

American Politics – A fascinating show

Let me start this off by saying that the political situation in South Africa is hardly a shining beacon of political nirvana. We’ve just had our existing president yanked from under our noses, ‘recalled’ and replaced by temporary one (who appears to be quite sensible, thank goodness) until April, at which time he will be replaced by the leader of the ruling party, a man of exemplary moral fibre. Husband and lover to at least four ‘official’ wives and several girlfriends, father to at least 18 children, he has been implicated in several fraud cases, knowingly slept with a HIV positive woman two years ago without protection, showering afterwards to prevent infection. So, take this from where it comes….

 

After months of resistance, on Friday night I eventually succumbed to the hype of American politics and wasted a good hour and a half trawling various blog posts and video clips about your presidential hopefuls and their running mates. 

 

American politics has always fascinated me. Actually, to this day, I still can’t understand how there can be only two (major) parties who apparently represent an either / or view on a variety of enormously diverse topics. I am fascinated how if you are a Republican, or a Democrat, it means you are for or against a check list of issues as diverse as abortion, debt relief, foreign policy, etc etc. How can one political party represent so much of who you are? How is that even possible? As I said, I don't quite get how it works there.

 

But I think therein lies part of my answer – here in South Africa, if you vote ANC, you are not an ‘ANC’ian’. If you vote DA, you are not a ‘Democratic Ally’. You vote for a political party; but that vote does not become part of how you identify yourself. In America, you are a Democrat. Or you are a Republican. It is how you identify yourself, and especially at a time like this. If being one or the other is part of how you identify yourself, then I suppose I can understand some of the passion.

 

Because, boy oh boy, has there been passion. I watch in amazement at how passionately you defend your political identity, and to be honest, I watch in horror at how polarized some of you have become. Such strong feelings, such vitriol. Very black and white, if I am to be right, you must be wrong. Either / or.

 

I think if I was American, I would probably vote Democrat because from the little I know, they seem to represent the majority of my views. But I have to say that after reading various blog posts, I actually felt sorry for that Palin woman. She is being attacked so viciously. Look, I must say, she doesn’t look like the sharpest tool in the shed, but wow – so much hatred and nastiness directed towards the poor woman. I'd hate to be her right now. She is on a hiding to nothing.

 

You know how it looks to me? It looks to me as if the people who are supporting Obama are doing so with an almost heroic worship. From reading blogs, twitter etc, I get the sense that his supporters are practically swooning with excitement. I get the feeling as if I am in a stadium, watching the fans swoon as their pop idol comes on stage. Not passing judgement on whether he deserves the swooning or not, just saying how it looks to me.  And the poor Republicans. They seem desperate to defend their leaders, old McCain and Palin. Looking for good, desperate to defend their choice. Much less swooning seems to be going on there.  But on both sides defensive and aggressive. Attacking. Frenzied feeding, always searching for weakness. Attack and destroy. Fascinating stuff.

 

Anyway, there is no point to this post really. It just has been interesting to watch from the distant outside. I hope which ever way it works out, it works out best for you, for your country, and of course for the rest of the world.

Isn't democracy a wonderful thing! 

Hypothetically speaking.....

Imagine if life was like blogging.  With one foul swoop of your 'delete' key, you could erase something you said that you kind of wish you hadn't.  If only :-)

I've decided to delete the text of this note.  I very rarely delete posts, but I think, hypothetically speaking, if the hypothetical person had to read this post, they might be a bit hurt.  I am leaving the comments up, because I really appreciated your input.  If you missed the debate, WHERE WERE YOU!! 

Control-A, DELETE.  Imagine if life was like blogging....

PS Someone said I sounded annoyed, I hope not! I am not at all annoyed by your comments, I loved them. I just felt a little guilty for talking about the person so publically. I am worried that if they read it, they would feel really hurt.  So I decided to take it down instead.  Not annoyed, just feeling a little guilty.  Perhaps those thoughts of mine should have been inside thoughts.  You can't always take back what you say in real life, but at least I can tidy things up around here ;-)  Not annoyed, just careful xxx

What your magazine reading habits say about you

Before my mother in law selfishly retired, she used to work for South Africa’s major magazine publisher. It was a complete win as I would get a free (LOVE that “free” thing) copy of just about local every magazine to devour at my leisure (i.e. the five minutes I get on the toilet.) But since she now spends her days inconsiderately enjoying the fruits of her hard labour, I am forced to PAY for magazines. Horror!

Being the tight-fisted bastard that I am, I hardly ever buy magazines any more. But every now and then Marko will buy a magazine for me, as a treat. Coincidentally, it is usually at the same time as he spends 400,000 million bucks on the latest Car magazine. Funny, that.

Recently, after exhausting all the interesting bits (more on that later), I found myself reading through the only remaining unread bits of the mag, the recipe section. Fascinating stuff. I can’t believe there are people out there who WILLINGLY subject themselves to this stuff! The ingredient list reads like a foreign telephone directly and the instructions are more complicated than a Korean DIY instruction manual. Why on earth would you CHOOSE to make this shit yourself? Why not just BUY the stuff ready made??? I don’t think I will ever get that cooking thing. (Please people: This is not a cry for help or an open invitation for you to send me your fail proof recipe. There is no recipe on this earth  that is immune to my innate ability to Fuck Things Up.)

Anyway, it got me thinking about how other people read magazines*. I mean, they wouldn’t put that recipe shit in the magazine if some people didn’t enjoy that sort of thing. It’s like the fashion pages (my second to last bit of the magazine that I read): is there anyone out there who actually looks at those pages and says “OMG! Those lime green plastic pants and that maroon and pumpkin crouched blouse are TO DIE FOR! Quick! Let’s go buy it NOW” 

So, how do you read your (general / common or garden variety) magazine? Which bits do you read first? Which bits are your favourite?

This is how I read mine: I first flip through the magazine briefly so that I have an executive summary of what is contained inside, and also to create that delicious feeling of anticipation of what is to come. Then I read the ‘readers letters’ section. Then I read the editors letter. I then read any personal or real life stories / first person accounts. I then read any tips / advice / consumer tests / product service reviews.  Then any investigative journalism. Then the health / body section. After that, the back page, the book reviews, ‘dear mary’ stuff. The magazine usually gets tossed after that. But if times are tough and magazines are few, I will haul out the old mags and read the beauty section. If I am bored, I might give the fashion pages a once over. Only if I am really constipated, there are no other magazines around and the kids are watching Cartoon Network will I finish up with the food / cooking section. 

It is actually quite interesting, I think, and it is the same reason I have taken blogs and blogging in such a big way, because things like letters (comments), real life stories (blogs), editorials (posts) etc are the things I really enjoy.

So what do my magazine habits say about me?  That I enjoy the people stories, that I have a strong connection with other people.  And that clearly fashion, cooking and beauty do NOT feature big in my life. 

So how do you devour your magazine? 

* Am I the only one who always thinks “I wonder what other people think / do when it comes to ____________” That is why I love my blog. It is ‘I wonder if it is just me?’ benchmark.

My brother and his wife on why communication is so important in a marriage

I wish I had..….(insert assvice here)

I don’t believe in regrets. Even though I haven’t exactly lived a very saintly life (one could in fact, argue for the complete opposite), I still don’t believe in regrets. Sure, I have done some things I am not very proud of (times when I’ve hurt people, like my sister during my infertility years and my parents during my druggy years), but I don’t spend time agonising about the past. It happened; I can’t go back and change it.

But while I don’t believe in living in the past, I do think you can learn an enormous amount from the past experiences of other people, good and bad. I absolutely love reading articles and stories written by older, more experienced people where they reminisce about their lives and share some of the life lessons they have learnt. And as you know, I am not afraid to ask for assvice, opinion and experiences from others. I know some people don’t like it, but I really love it. Why not learn from others? Sure, not all of it will be relevant, not all of it will resonate with me. For every 10 pieces of (often conflicting) assvice I get, I will perhaps only internalise one. But some of those ones that do resonate with me are extremely powerful. My mother is especially brilliant at handing out little gems of advice and past experiences. Especially about marriage and raising children. As someone who has been married for 40 years and who has raised four children (and helped to raise 7 grandchildren), I learn a huge amount of her.

In actual fact, I believe you can learn from just about anyone. Even if it is only to say “that it something I would never do”.

So, with that in mind, I am keen to learn from you. Looking back at last week, last month, last year, the last decade, the past lifetime, what is it that you wished you had done or not done that you would pass on as a piece of advice to others who might follow your path. About marriage, parenting, work, life in general. I am not talking about regrets; I am talking about opportunities to learn.

Here is mine, for what it is worth:

• I wish I had established good eating behaviour in my children right from the start. Fed them a variety of different foods. I wish I had realized that if they refused to eat a meal, they wouldn’t starve.

That would be my one piece of assvice I would pass on to any new parents: establish good eating patterns early on – feed them what you eat or else you will create fussy, painful eaters who refuse to try anything new.  Feeding my children (balanced meals) is the absolute BANE of my life.

As for the rest of it, I am still learning all the time!

What do you wish you had done or not done, a piece of assvice that you would pass on to others?

Happy You Day

Although for lots of women today is a celebratory day, there are many women for whom today is at best annoying and at worst, an extremely painful reminder of what they so long for and don’t yet have.

So, in honour of those women, and everyone else, I would like to wish a Happy You Day:

To all the mothers out there: Well done and congratulations for making it through another year without killing your husband or beating your children. You deserve a day at the spa and a bottle of really good wine.

To all the infertiles: Today is a super crap day, I know. Go and do something completely decadent and self indulgent, have a glass of champagne, celebrate your gorgeousness and avoid restaurants, malls and church services like the plague. 

To our wonderful Nurture egg donors: On behalf of all our recipients, thank you to each one of you for this wonderful thing you are doing, you are very special young women indeed

To all the Childless By Choice: Sleep in late, do something spontaneous and book your next fuss free holiday. Like my best friend Mel, I think you might be on to something the rest of us haven’t yet figured out.  

To the women who haven’t even thought about whether they want to be mothers or not: Please see above to guide your decision

To any and all other woman not covered by the list above: Sending you big smooches (no hugs) and lots of love, I hope you have a wonderful You Day.