So Close

Fertilization

18 of the 20 fertilized. Next step on Monday when we review what they look like and see how many we have got to PGD.

Shitting whole bricks here.

Retrieval

Quick update: Got 20 eggs. Was damn painful this time, going to kick Dr up the ass!!

Big day tomorrow to see how many fertilized, will update more then.

Retrieval set for Friday

Have eggs, have lining, will retrieve.

All looks well in the ovary dept, eggs by the dozen and lining a nice plump 9.something. Did the trigger last night so hopefully eggs busy cooking up as we speak.

I am ashamed to say I had to set my alarm clock for 11:30pm for the trigger because I don’t stay up that late. I go to bed at 9:30. But I wake up at 5am so I need my beauty sleep.

Yesterday’s Dr’s visit was a normal Tertia visit.

Tertia: Hi Doc
Dr: Hello Mrs A
Tertia: Dr, I think you are seeing other women behind my back
Dr: Sorry I was late.
Dr: You are looking well
Tertia: You don’t look too bad yourself

Tertia hops on exam table (for an excellent visual of this, refer to Julies classic photo collage)
Dr lays blanket over knees

Tertia: Why the blanket today? I’ve never had the blanket before?
Dr: My patients normally cover themselves with the blanket
Tertia: Oops.

Dr gloves up, puts condom on probe, lubes and inserts probe

Dr: Tell me what you think of the new machine, do you like it?
Tertia: *panicked moment thinking he is asking me if I like the new probe*, realize he is talking about the clarity of picture on the new u/s machine. Tell him it’s about time he got a new machine.

Dr: So, you are good, you keep getting your blood results before I do
Tertia: *blushing* well, um, I phone the lab myself pretending to be your nurse and get the results myself, I hate waiting
Dr laughs, says he doesn’t mind

Dr: *looking at ovaries* ‘hmmm, baie eiers’ (he was being silly yesterday and talking Afrikaans to me, showing off that he can speak the language, not being South African and all), means lots of eggs
Tertia: looks like no dominant follicle
Dr: What do you think of your lining
Tertia: looks good, triple layer pattern, what’s the measurement
Dr measures
Dr: 9.something
Tertia: very good.

Tertia: So it looks like you were right
Dr: I am always right
Tertia: Not bad for a man
Dr laughs

Hop off table and walk back to desk, now clothed.

Dr: I don’t need to explain to you what to expect for retrieval?
Tertia: No, see you Friday, looking very forward to those pre-meds and the anesthetic. I’ll pick up my own meds on the way out. By the way, how many pre-meds am I getting?
Dr: You can have ten if you like (he is a funny guy, my Dr)
Tertia: Um, no, I had better stick to two, thanks though.

I really am a low maintenance patient, I should be getting a discount for doing half the work myself. I can practically do my whole IVF except for retrieval and transfer. And the ICSI of course. And the PGD. Oh shit, I guess I do need the Dr and his team after all.

Oh and great news, I am getting my PGD for free!!!!

So think of me tomorrow, while I am in my lovely daze of pre-meds and lets hope for many good eggs with a great fertilization rate.

Hopefully this time I wont tell my Dr I think he looks handsome in his scrubs while drugged up on pre-meds and anesthetic.

Eggs-plosion

We have eggs. Lots of eggs.

Had a scan yesterday and we saw lots of eggs (20+), the biggest being about 12mm. Lining at 8.7mm. My E2 went up from 457 on Friday to 2057 on Monday. Things are definitely happening down below, and boy can I feel it. Feeling very bloated and sore.

I had to cut back on stims, from 3 amps to 2 last night to one tonight and back tomorrow for another scan. Dr says if all goes well retrieval will be on Friday. Which means the sperminator will have to do his thing on Friday. He is looking sooooo forward to that. He was complaining about it last night so I said “I’ll tell you what, lets swap, I’ll masturbate once a cycle and you get to have the injections every day and the bloated feeling”. He said he would prefer the injections but he is just saying that. I do feel sorry for him, just not that sorry.

The good news is if we do end up with +20 embies on cd3 we can do PGD*, which is actually quite a relief. After having three babies with possible congenital defects I don’t want to risk getting pg only to have that happen again.

So for now, things seem to be back on track. Lets hold thumbs.

*PGD = Pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (known as PGD) is a technique which permits analysis of the genetics of an embryo prior to transferring embryos to a woman undergoing in vitro fertilization. It's primary use is to permit the selection of normal embryos.

When the embryos are 3 days old, they have divided into 6 to 8 cells. A single cell is removed from the embryo leaving 5 to 7 cells behind. This single cell is placed on the slide and treated with "chromosome paints." Chromosome paints are compounds which fluoresce in different colors and then they are attached to DNA probes seeking each of the chromosomes. Common genetic abnormalities involving 3 copies, where there should be only 2 copies of a chromosome, such as Down's syndrome or Mongolism, Patau's and Edward's syndromes (Trisomy 13 or 18), Klinefelters's syndromes (Y-XY), can be diagnosed. Deletion of a portion of a chromosome can also be detected. By identifying the sex of the embryo, one can eliminate sex-linked recessive disorders such as hemophilia. Polymerase chain reaction techniques can be used to identify single gene defects such as cystic fibrosis. Thus each embryo is biopsied and a report is issued on each embryo.

PGD is very powerful and can be beneficial to any couple (husband and wife) expected to generate more than six embryos.

Mother's Day Gifts

All in all, it was a bearable day. Although I agree with Julie that it is all a commercialized load of nonsense, it still is widely recognized as a celebration of Mothers around the world. And it does poke on your bruise, even if just a little bit.

I agree with Grrl – we need a special day for us Infertiles! I also want an excuse for gifts and breakfast in bed.

It was an especially poignant day for me because I should have been home with my month old twins, not in the middle of yet another cycle, having lunch with my in laws. But luckily I played cards, drank some wine, had yummy food and generally had an ok day. (Wine seems to be a recurrent theme in my postings…… wonder if I should be concerned? Nah.)

Gift One – the Wonderful One

My mother dropped off the most beautiful bunch of flowers, St Josephs Lilies, with a card that said “To my beautiful daughter, a special mother to special babies”. My mother is just awesome. She has been my rock through all of the infertility shit. I didn’t even cry when I got that. I came close but I didn’t.

Gift Two – the Thoughtful Ones

A text message from dear friend T saying “thinking of you today”. A message from my sister “saying Luke, Ben and Hannah are watching over their mother today”, which was really sweet, and a really meaningful hug from my husband, which spoke volumes.

Gift Three – the “This is a reminder how fucked up infertility is” One

My good friend B had her second transfer yesterday and it was close to a total fuck up. Zero fertilization, then rescue ICSI and on day four three little embies, one at 4 cells and two at two. My heart goes out to her.

Gift Four – the “Could it get any worse” One

I came home from lunch with in laws to my neighbor’s home coming, the fertile fucker who just came home with her (naturally conceived, has two year old) b/g twins. Just what I needed to see on Mothers Day. Ta for the reminder!

Gift Five – the one I gave to others

As a special Mother’s day treat, each dog got a nice big juicy bone. What a wonderful mother-to-dogs I am.

Gift Six – the one I gave to myself

Three fruit danties, three truffles and a chocolate bar.

All in all, not a bad day at all. Even if I didn’t win at cards. Jeez, you’d think they’d let me win. Bastards.

Bugger the pineapple, drink wine!!!

I now know what you have all being doing wrong.

After two nights of moderate wine drinking (ok, not so moderate last night, had three glasses of wine!), 2 (two) menthol cigarettes, and a bit of fairly harmless flirting, my ovaries were lulled into a drunken stupor and too tipsy to avoid the Gonal F. Some FSH sneaked through, gave the ovaries a serious kick up the butt, and I have some (many small) follies growing. My E2 seems to be moving up.

Sooooo, for now I am to carry on with the stims and go back on Monday for yet another scan. My husband thinks its all an elaborate hoax on the part of the Dr in order to see me again. I said to him ‘duh. Obviously. Men want me.’ (Dear lord I hope my Dr never reads this blog).

I asked the Dr whether the prolonged period on stims could affect egg quality and he said an emphatic NO. Trying to trust him on this and let him do his job, but its damn hard not to jump in and start giving instructions. Of course now the Dr says he is worried about OHSS. Nice. Dr said “I don’t want 30 eggs”. I said “I don’t either”. Dr said (imagine Belgium accent…) “you zee, wiss theez type of problem, you get nothing, zhen all of a sudden, you get theez explosion of eggs”. Let's hope there is no explosion of any body parts.

So, bugger the pineapple, throw away the wheat grass, dump the barley green. Get yourself some good Chardonnay, throw in some harmless flirting and voila!! You have the schizophrenic responders protocol. Designed and tested by Tertia. Dr Sher has his poor responders protocol, I have mine. Mine is a lot more fun.

crapcycleupdate

I’m writing this post drunk. Thank god for sp0ell check. Oops. Did the e2 test today. Cra0p news. Oiops. Oops. Anyhow, bad news. Its hardly gone up. Dr said he is not worried. Good for him. I’m worried. So took myself off to the bar (on a business trip out of tpown) oops. Had a glass of expensive white wine. Then chap at bar bought me another. So might be infertile but men still want me. Also bought box of smokes. Don’t care any more. Now siting oops in hotel room waiting for room service. Stupid f’ing cycle. Hate ivf. Love wine. Where is my food? F'ing hunrgy now.

This.is.the.last.time....

This is the last time I am using my own eggs.

CD8 scan showed NO f'ing follies this morning. None. Zip. Fuckall.

Lovely. Not.

Apparently this is a fairly common response in PCO patients, you sometimes get lots, sometimes none. I am to go for more bloodwork on Wed to see if my E2 is rising, and then another scan on Friday.

Whatever.

If it is not going well I am going to cancel this cycle and do a donor cycle as soon as I can. I am so sick and tired of this crap.

Dr said he is not too worried. Well its not his money is it. He said to carry on with 3 amps and I could get a whole bunch growing suddenly.

I did do some reading on this and it seems there is a very fine, moving line between under response and over response in PCO patients. I know this. I either get 30 eggs or none. Its just that the line keeps changing so finding a protocol that works is a ever changing target.

I just want a baby. Now. Jeez, I am tired of this crap.

Serious party dude!!

Things I do on a Friday night. Take me to your dealer......

Not a good start to the day (bodily functions ment)

Not such a good start to the day.

1. Firstly, crap sleep because I was scared I would mess (AF) on my new linen. So kept waking up to check. This after previous night’s very little sleep due to too much to drink and night out.

2. More stupid dreams. Too stupid to go into.

3. Geyser seems to have packed up or something (its only two months old) because no hot water. So had to shower in cold water, very very quickly. Splash and dash. Thank goodness I had long shower last night.

4. Therefore couldn’t wash hair (I wash my hair every day) and now have greasy hair.

5. Could not make number 2 this morning now feeling full of shit. Ha ha. Sorry, gross joke. But not being able to make a number 2 puts me in a bad mood. And I can’t go at work. So I will have to wait until I get home.

6. Wore ugly dress today to reflect shitty (or lack thereof) start to day. Am wearing demin dress (blue), brown sandals and a maroon scrunchie (hair tie-er upper thing). Beautiful. Not.

So feel ugly and full of shit today.

It can only get better.