A slow learner (PG ment)

So, about 4 weeks ago, on CD29 on my cycle, I got odd twitching in my nether regions and knowing how absolutely (ir)regular my cycle is, I immediately knew that this meant that I was either (a) about to get my period, (b) about to ovulate, (c) pregnant or (d) had once again indulged in too much dried fruit.

 

When nothing much happened the next day (except for the dried fruit bit), I forgot about it.

 

Fast forward to about two weeks later and I start getting more odd sensations, this time in the digestive system. Having learnt my lesson last time, I knew it couldn’t be the dried fruit, so I chalked it up to a bug. The bug made me feel extremely tired, a little pukey and a bit of an upset tummy. Eventually, after a rather delicious lunch of chardonnay and a gorgonzola, winter rocket, roast butternut and pancetta salad, I suddenly found myself feeling extraordinarily ‘unwell’.

 

That night I went to bed at 8pm and I lay there, mentally counting on my fingers and toes and worked out that I was on CD47. Nothing too alarming as my previous cycle had been 50 days and I tend towards anything between a 35 day cycle and a 110 day cycle.

 

And then I thought ‘what if’. What if I could be pregnant? The thought made me instantly more nauseous. THAT’S IT! I said to myself, I am going to pee on a stick tomorrow and then I am going to have that mirena fitted IMMEDIATELY. I really don’t want more children, I am perfectly happy with what I have, thankyouverymuch.

 

So, next morning, I climb over 2 little bodies and pee on the stick. Look down – farking stick is broken as the pee is not climbing up the window. Put stick down, wipe, flush, wash hands and pick stick up. Two BRIGHT lines. Oh my fucking fuck. 

 

I tell Marko and his loving response is “you fucking asshole”. I said “it is YOUR fault, you are the one who wanted to have sex”, to which he replied with unnecessary emphasis, “EVERYONE HAS SEX!!” 

 

So, I went for a beta that day. 7781. Which means absolutely nothing (besides me being pregnant) as I have no idea when I conceived. Next beta 11871. So, it is going up. I appear to be around 6 weeks. First scan last Thursday, one sac (praise the lord) and 1x beating heart (115bpm). Both sac and fetal pole measuring at 6w. 

 

Well. I am pregnant. I am in shock. I am also an extremely fucking slow learner because it is the THIRD time I have been pregnant in the last year and a half and do you think maybe I can actually get pregnant by having sex?? DUH.

 

But because I thought I was further and because this is my SEVENTH pregnancy with only ONE successful outcome, you’ll have forgiven me if I was a little gun shy. So I waited for a second scan (today) before sharing the news with anyone. 

 

Scan today showed 1x appropriately growing thingy. The embryo thingy that might maybe just could actually result in a baby.

 

The news has been met with varying reactions from “you are SUCH as asshole” (my sister, yes folks, the lordy one actually used the word ‘asshole’,) to “how did that happen” (I have no idea myself) to “oh, well, um. Ok. Well, good luck” (the most common reaction). Once bitten, 7 times shy, the lack of jubilation is understandable. 

 

Unfortunately, there isn’t much celebrating on this side either as I have been so, so, SO sick with all day nausea, headaches etc. It is RELENTLESS. Honestly, I’ve been pregnant with quads and with twins, and this is far worse than that. I have been feeling completely depressed about it. Which is why I haven’t been posting as well. I have been too sick to do anything. The doctor first prescribed one medication which did nothing, and I am going to try another one today. I hope it helps because I am absolutely useless. My poor kids keep asking me what is wrong and why I am so sick. 

 

So, that is my news. I feel very strange. Not at all excited, and quite detached. It is probably a defence mechanism, and it is also probably due to that fact that I feel so sick. It is really just such a shock. I know that sounds stupid, but I had expected to get pregnant, maybe. I hadn’t ever considered the possibility that being pregnant could end up in having another child.

 

It is still a loooong way to go, and my track record isn’t exactly stellar, but for now, I appear to be knocked up, once again. Who would have guessed.

 

PS if any former or current infertiles hate me for this, I understand. I hate myself for it too. It is pathetic and childish and frankly, quite embarrassing.