So Close

Enough

I've just come online (looooong day) and seen all the back and forth.  Firstly, thank you for your wonderful show of support.  Thank you for 'getting' why I reacted the way I did.

The blogger has emailed me again, apologizing again. I'm fine. I was very upset by it, but I am fine now and as much as I appreciate the fact that you are being loyal and looking out for me, it's enough now.  The point has been made and I don't want any one to persecute her. You are welcome to comment on my blog about issues of copyright and plagiarism or whatever, but please dont email her or leave negative comments on her blog. Yes she did wrong, but two wrongs don't make a right (one of my father's favourite expressions) so lets leave it now. Ok? I want to move on.  Happy thoughts!

PS thank you for caring about me. I am very fond of you xxx

Why I am am angry

Firstly, people asked me how I find these things out - my readers email me with a 'heads up'.  It's the only way I know people are plagiarizing my stuff.  I suppose I wouldn't know otherwise.

Then, to the people who get up in arms because my readers react the way they do - I have two things to say:  firstly, I can't and don't control what my readers do or do not do. Just like I can't control who plagiarizes my work.  Secondly, believe it or not, I actually SLEEP sometimes and can't be monitoring the Internet 24/7.  And here's a little heads up - there is this thing called a TIME DIFFERENCE between our countries, so while you are getting all riled up, I am sleeping which is why I am not responding to your email or comment RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

As you can tell, I am still cross.  Not very very cross or very very upset, I am not weeping into my handkerchief or gnawing at my wrists (or plotting revenge), but I am cross.  I lay awake this morning and wondered why. Why did I respond so strongly?* (usually I am too scared to 'upset' other people by calling them out, even those who do me wrong - how pathetic) 

The woman who copied my life with pics of my kids, I felt sorry for her. She was lonely.  The woman who copied my personality (by using my blog posts about my personality) - well, she didn't mean harm I suppose.  See, they copied the happy parts of my life, and somehow I don't mind sharing those. 

But what got me about this one is that this woman copied the sad parts of my life, pretending they were her emotions.  And the sad parts of my life were very, very sad.  I was raw, broken, finished.  I ended up in a psychiatric ward one afternoon because the pain of my sadness was almost too much to bear, I thought I was going to go mad.  And for someone to copy that, to pass it off as their own and have people feel sorry for her feels like it is trivializing what I went through.  Trivializing my son's death.  And even worse, deceiving people in the process. You've taken 5 years of the most painful part of my life and trivialized it by cutting and pasting and pretending it's yours.

(And yes, I saw the apology this morning.  She apologizes for not using quotation marks and attributing the work.  I don't care about that. I care about the fact that she is trivializing my pain by faking it as hers.  And that is why I am cross.  But I am moving on, promise. I will stop being cross in about 20 minutes or so. I've wasted enough time on this already.  Off to work I go.)

*Yesterday was a bad day. Firstly I had a good friend fail her 7th donor cycle. That is beyond unfair. Secondly, one of my best friends found out she miscarried a perfectly healthy fetus on her 11th IVF. Total mindfuck. Thirdly I met with a couple who sold their car to finance their fifth donor IVF. And then I had some asshole try and pull a nasty trick on me (not related to this).  And then this.  I guess that is why I reacted so strongly.

Edited to add:  The blogger in question has just emailed me to say sorry. Let's just leave it. As I said, I've wasted enough time on this already. Yuck. Just when you think you've recovered from all the pain you went through in the past, you get a lovely little reminder.

I've had enough of the plagiarizers

I've been plagiarized a few times, sometimes really scarily (one person recreated an entire life based on mine, using photos of my kids pretending it was her kids), and each time, instead of being angry, I've felt kind of sorry for the person. But this time I am pissed off.  This time I've had enough.

This person has ripped off many of my blog posts and many parts of my book, pretending they are her words and thoughts. And even worse, has got people feeling sorry for her and empathizing with 'her' feelings and emotions.  That is just wrong.

And I know this is wrong and judgey of me, but the fact that she is claiming to be a Christian makes it even worse for me.  Doesn't the bible say something about 'thou shalt not steal other people's blog posts and pass it off as your own'?

Fuck. I am really cross about this.

(Click on the images to enlarge them - spot the difference)

 

 

Spotted error removed

I put up a post yesterday about a blogger who was plagiarizing my posts, passing them off as her own. She contacted me today and apologized, so I have taken the post down. It was honest of her to face up to it and email me directly. 

If you missed the post, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!

(I don't blame you for only checking in on me every once in a while, I have been a useless blogger of late)

Blogging 101 Workshop

For all those in Cape Town, do yourself a favour and get your cute ass to the .24 Blogging Workshop. V v cool presenters. 

Blogging 101 Workshop

Been wondering how you can improve your blogging? Come learn the tricks of the trade from SA’s blogging maestros. More info here

South African Blog Awards

So, it is that time of the year again, when the little children start stomping their feet and pouting their lips. “It’s not fair!” or “I don’t like you!” or “Me and my friends are going to sulk because you won’t play by our rules” etc etc.  Yes folks, it’s time for the annual South African Blog Awards and once again, all you hear from the restless natives is moan moan moan. Mixed with a side of bitchiness and a dollop of nastiness.

It never fails to irritate the living shit out of me.

Every year a group of volunteers, who must either be particularly thick skinned, or else they are just suckers for the worst type of punishment, get together and put in their OWN time and resources and work tirelessly to put together a FUN (<-- remember that point, it is supposed to be a FUN exercise) awards program that recognizes some of South Africa’s top blogging talent.  It doesn’t claim to be the definitive measure of blogging genius, of journalistic excellent, outstanding writing ability or who knows who; it is just a FUN awards program that allows South African blog readers to vote on who they think the top blogs are in each category.

And each year, without fail, there are the miserable little preschoolers with their noses out of joint because they either haven’t been picked for the top lists, or because they perceive that there are flaws in the system.

Of course there are flaws in the system!  This is not the effing end of year financial statements for a listed firm!  It is not the national lottery!  It is a FUN competition that is supposed to be ‘by the people, for the people’. 

But it appears that point is missed by some. Each year they see the SA Blog Awards as an opportunity to moan, bitch and point fingers.  I read a complaint that the results aren’t audited. OMG people!  WTF! Get a fucking grip on yourself.

Ok, so let’s assume for the sake of your delicate egos that the system is flawed.  Don’t you think a FAR better idea would be to offer CONSTRUCTIVE input and even better, GET INVOLVED!  Use some of your obviously superior knowledge and talents and volunteer to help out. If audited results are important to you, organize a group of people to do this! If you don’t like the way the competition is run, suggest ways it could be done better and then volunteer to DO IT!  Get involved, help out.  Instead of just complaining about the situation, offer to create change.  Slating from the sidelines against the people who put in their OWN time and effort to do something for the rest of us serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever except to create noise and perhaps some traffic to your blog.

Honestly, it is like complaining about the government but then never bothering to vote, or complaining about crime/pollution/schooling and never getting involved in finding a solution. Sorry buddy, unless you get involved and help out, you have no right to sit on your arse and point fingers.  If you don’t like the game, don’t play, but don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

To the people who tirelessly put together the SA Blog Awards each year, and who do so for absolutely no reward or recognition themselves, thank you.  I honestly don’t know how you don’t throw your hands up and say ‘thanks, but no thanks’ after all the kak you get thrown at you every bloody year, but I am glad you keep doing it.  Because at least you are doing SOMETHING, which is more than I can say for most.

To all the entrants in this year’s blog awards, good luck.  Looks like the organizers have done some excellent work in securing some fun prizes!  Well done to them. For the rest of you, get voting!  Voting closes on the 01st April.

To the moaners, the complainers and the foot stompers, either put up (your time/effort/help), or shut up. 

Mommy has spoken. Now go to your rooms!

(Disclaimer - I offered to be a judge in this year's competition, which meant my blog was not eligible for nomination. I thought the judges in the previous years were perhaps a little too of the 'techie' flavour, so I offered to get involved. I am the token Mommy Blogger Judge)

 

RSS Feeds not working?

Those who read my blog in a RSS feeder like Bloglines, Google Reader etc, are you getting my full posts?  I have heard from some that they are no longer getting my updates, but I dont know why.  I haven't done anything differently my side, at least I don't think I have.

Typepad sent me this response, but it can't be the whole truth as although I do copy paste from Word in most occasions, I also type some of my blog posts directly into the Typepad word editor itself, like this post. 

I hate it when things don't work, it frustrates me terribly that I dont have enough knowledge to figure these things out myself

Hi Tertia,

Thanks for the note. When I view the feed validator results, it looks
like you are copying and pasting some content from another application,
such as Word.

Microsoft Word's formatting code does not work well when merged with
the Rich Text editor. Copying content from Word can cause formatting
problems (including the link color discrepancy you see), error
messages, and feed validation problems.

The code that is copied over into your posts when pasting from Word is
the source of the issue with your feed.

You can read more about this at FeedBurner's Support at:
http://www.google.com/support/feedburner/bin/answer.py?answer=79005

More information on Copying and Pasting Posts from Other Applications,
as well as information on correcting the affected posts, is available
here:
http://kb.typepad.com/id/297

And we have specific information on correcting your weblog feed at:
http://kb.typepad.com/id/1342

The issue with Microsoft Word formatting code is not unique to
TypePad's Rich Text Editor. Any editor that copies over formatting will
cause issues such as this - because the code that Microsoft Word
inserts is not web-compatible.

If you would like to compose your posts outside of TypePad, you may
want to consider using a desktop client, such as Windows Live Writer -
which is very comparable to using Microsoft Word:
http://get.live.com/writer/overview

or like one listed at:
http://kb.typepad.com/id/87

I hope this helps! Please let us know if we may be of further
assistance.

Thanks,

Privacy, anonymity and your sphincter

This is something I have wanted to talk about for a long time, but haven’t had the time to write up something intelligent.  Unfortunately, it is late and I am tired, so the chances of this being a coherent post are slim, but you will get the gist of it.

The issue I wanted to talk about is privacy on the net.  Well, not privacy as in: here is my bank account number, my ID number and my secret PIN, please help yourself to all my money.  Not that kind of privacy.  Perhaps I am talking more about anonymity.  A bit of a mixture of both.

Oh bloody hell, I should actually wait until I am not tired to write this up, but that might only happen in 3-4 years time.

Let’s start again.

Let’s first talk about anonymity on the net. Like for example, on the bulletin boards.  People have various non-identifying pseudonyms, like TryingForMore, or NYCchick etc. Me? My user name has always been Tertia.  I am about as anonymous as a self-addressed envelope, and I really am totally ok with that. What I have to say anonymously is the same as what I would say openly.  I am who I am, and I feel no need to hide behind anonymity. Not that there is anything wrong with it, if that is what you choose, but I guess I just don’t understand the reason for it? 

I don’t get the whole sphincter-clenching paranoia of revealing info about yourself online.  (Clearly not – see semi-nekkid pic below!)  Let’s take the Facebook example.  I friend everyone who wants to be Facebook friends with me, unless you are clearly a pervert or an asshole.  But otherwise, if our only connection is that you read my blog, then why the hell not be FB friends. You can only read what I choose to put on there and quite honestly if the fact that I had a burger for lunch is going to turn you on / excite you / ignite you or anything else, then good for you.  Yes, you might get to see what my favourite movies are, or what I did last night, but WHO CARES?  Not me. 

Yesterday I posted a Google Map of my house on the Net.  Five years ago, when I just started blogging, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.  But clearly some of your paranoia has rubbed off on me, and two seconds after I posted it, I went back and edited the images to take the coordinates off. 

(As I am busy writing this, a dear blog reader has managed to find the coordinates of my house within 10 minutes. Oh dear.)

Not 24 hours after putting up the post, the comments started from concerned blog readers (actually really sweet of you to be concerned for me! You’re not a bad lot) who were worried about me putting up those pics.

And then I started to worry that maybe I should be worried!  Maybe I should be worried about…………WHAT!  I don’t know!  What will someone do with the information if they know where I live?  Stalk me?  Break into my house?  I don’t know?

Because I blog so openly – you all know my full name, place of work and bra size, if you really wanted to stalk me, you could find me pretty quickly.

So maybe I should worry about that??? But again, what should I be worried about? What is someone going to do with this information? 

Yes, I know, someone impersonated me on the internet recently. Made up an entire life for themselves, based on my story, my photos of my kids etc. But that didn’t freak me out, I actually felt sorry for her. What harm did she do to me directly? None. 

Look, I know I can be pretty naïve.  I will be the first to admit that. My husband wants to KILL me sometimes for how naïve and trusting I am, but quite honestly, I do not see the danger in these issues.

I am far far FAR more concerned about someone breaking into my house, about rape and murder than I am about any internet stalker. Maybe it is because I live in South Africa, a country that has one of the highest crime rates in the world. Maybe because we live behind locked doors and windows, in security estates, with 24 guards patrolling the estate.  Maybe because we have electric fences and guard dogs, laser beams and alarms.

Maybe it is because we live with real danger every day, that we, or at least I, don’t see the threatened danger in this? I don’t know.

I am not sure if the anonymity thing has anything to do with the privacy thing, whether either have any thing to do with posting google maps pics of your house on the Internet.  I am not sure.  These are just thoughts swirling around in my head. 

But I am interested to hear what you think.  Why do you choose to post / blog / comment anonymously?  Why do the google maps of my house make you feel uncomfortable inside?  Why does your sphincter clench when it comes to privacy / anonymity on the Net?  What are you paranoid about? What do you think might happen?

Now:  A little lesson in how to answer the questions above:

The wrong way:

“I think you are very irresponsible to …………”

“well, I would never do XYZ because it is wrong!”

“it is foolish and stupid to put pictures of your house on the internet”

“My way is the only right way, therefore you are wrong and an irresponsible stupid person.”

The right way:

“What would worry me is ………….”

“I choose to do XYZ because I feel ……………”

“These are my fears….”

“you are a magnificent specimen, please let me adorn you with jewels and riches”

Ok, I almost lost this entire post because my computer clearly hates me and everything about me and just crashed. An HOUR after starting it!  Thank fuck it managed to save some of it.  But it really is time for bed, I can’t even see straight anymore. Too tired to spell check, grammar check, offensive check (check to see whether, god forbid, I have unintentionally offended anyone in this post). If I have offended anyone, please accept my apology in advance and unequivocally. Grammar police, take a deep breath and look the other way.

I am going to bed, be gentle. 

So you want to be my Facebook Friend?

In response to my question – Who are you and why do you want to be my Facebook friend:

The Wrong Answer (one that results in ‘Ignore this request’)

“I found you while I was seeking a friend, I found you and I was interested to add you as a friend. I'm xxxx from Jakarta, Indonesia.”

or

“i added u because ur very cute and looks like very frank. thats all. if u would not mind pls accept my request. hope u will. any way tc. bye.”

The Correct Answer (one that results in ‘Accept this request’)

“I follow your blog”

I know some people are very private when it comes to who they friend on Facebook, they don’t like just anyone seeing which movies are their favourites or that they had mac n cheese for lunch.  Me? Not so much.  I don’t mind having Facebook friends who I don’t know personally, and if our only connection is ‘I read your blog’, I am more than happy to add you as a friend. But I don’t do stray men who are looking for “friendship”, because darling heart, I have enough of those. And lets be serious now – I am a 40, knocked up mother of twin pre-schoolers who barely has time to nod a greeting to my own husband, do you really think I am going to be of any interest to you?  Go find yourself a pert young thing has enough energy to keep their eyes open after 10 at night.  Now excuse me while I go wipe someone’s bum. 

MommyWorks - Social networking site for South African working moms

"Have you heard about the social networking site for South African working moms? If not, where have you been? MommyWorks is a growing community of South African working moms. We have blogs, forums, chat, resources, photos and more. By signing up, you'll also get a monthly newsletter, sent straight to your inbox. Every week, we have something interesting on the site, like a cartoon, a question, a competition or an announcement. Come and meet other working moms at MommyWorks today!"

MommyWorks created by my friend Janine, hence the shameless plug on my blog.