So Close

Still harbouring secret lesbian fantasies about me

Remember the mail order bride Zsuzsanna, the one who harboured secret lesbian fantasies about me even though she is married to Steve, the gay-hating, Obama-hating pastor from America who said "he would not call someone who shot a group of gays and lesbians with a machine gun a murderer."?  Well she is back!

A few blog readers emailed me to say that good old Zsusie, clearly still stung by the fact that I never returned her affection, wrote about me again on her blog!  I thought the passion had died but the flame clearly burns on for Zsuse.  

In a nutshell, Zsusie thinks I am a murderer.  A monster.  A monster who has killed 84 children. Because I did IVF in order to conceive.  And because I use expletives!  I personally think Zsuse enjoys a bit of dirty talk but is too shy to admit it.  

Zsusie really hates IVF. And gays. And especially gays who do IVF. What do you think Zsusie would say if she knew that I helped many, many gay people become parents through egg donation, surrogacy and IVF!  

Also, Zsusie is a bit of a fibber. For someone who says they don't read my blog, she seems to know an awful lot about me.  Naughty Zsusie!  Come here and let me spank your bottom!

I can use other words besides the F word & I won't blog about you, promise.

I have two things I need to get off my chest.  My bra and my bright red new Ferrari shirt.  Ok, besides those two, there are two others:

1. I can use other words besides the F word and other swear words.

I do a bit of writing on the sidelines, sometimes.  And a bit of public speaking. I don't really enjoy either as they make me anxious and we all know how I feel about adding extra anxiety to my life. However, if I feel particular stirred, I will do it. It always amazes me (and pisses me off slightly) when people ask me to speak or write, they always half jokingly / half nervously say "without the swearing bit (nervous giggle), I don't mind (nervous giggle) but our audience might not (nervous giggle)". WTF? I know I swore a lot in my book but that was in the book. I hardly pepper every casual conversation with the F word. I have many conversations with these people on a day to day basis and I never use swear words. I am very aware that not everyone likes it.  Bottom line:  rest assured that I am able to write and speak  in normal conversation without swearing. Got it? Fucking A.

2. I will not write about you or your life on my blog, promise.

Another thing that drives me crazy is when people tell me something and then follow it up with "but you are not allowed to write about this on your blog!" Okkk, then. I promise not to write about a total stranger and her totally unrelated life on my blog, because - as you know - my blog is all about other people and not about me and MY life. Why on earth would I (a) want to write about someone else's life or (b) would my readers be interested in: your affair / your marital problems / your weight issues etc.  In over 6 years of blogging, have I ever given away someone's secret on my blog? Have I ever mentioned names or split someone's secret? Why on earth would you think that I would want to do that? It blows my mind.

This has come across bitchier than I intended, sorry. I am quite sure the people who say any of the above things don't mean to insult me, but I can't help but find them slightly insulting. I promise that I am more than just a foul-mouthed blogger. I have a brain, and I have discretion. Luckily for all of us, I know how to use both.

Vote for me or else I will feel like a loser

I hate these blog competitions, they make me feel all anxious. If you get nominated and you don't pimp your blog, you will lose. If you do pimp your blog, everyone thinks you are a big fat loser. Its a lose-lose situation.  Last year (or was it the year before?) I decided I would not allow my blog to be nominated so that I could avoid the stress. After 2 (or is it 3?) years of not being part of the 'vote for me!!' madness, I have clearly forgotten how much I hate it and didn't ask to be taken off the nomination list.  Now I am in it and it is up to you to save my self-esteem.

I've been listed as a finalist in the 2010 South African Blog Awards for Best Parenting Blog and Best Personal Blog.

Vote for me by clicking on the link below.  http://website.sablogawards.com/2010/vote/voteforme/137,478 or you can click that big shiny banner to the left of this post <--

And just to add to the madness, apparently you can vote every 24 forking hours!  I will have to make my husband sign in every day on 10 different computers and vote for me. 

Righty ho, back to our regular programming. 

Karen from the Naked Ovary

In case you were wondering where she is, she is here

(Busy sorting out my To Do list. Posting the link was one of those things on my To Do list. CHECK.)

The 2010 Bloggies

Cool!  Haven't done one of these for AGES! Didn't think anyone read my blog anymore ;-)  I've been nominated for a 2010 bloggies award - Best African Blog.  Go vote for me now or else I will cast a spell on you and turn you into a hyena.  People will laugh and point at you.  (Good thing is, you can laugh your hyena laugh back at them). Vote here

Top 50 Mommy Bloggers

A few years ago, in the throws of my infertility, never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be listed as one of the "Top Mommy Bloggers".  Cool huh.  Not too shabby for a South African gal. Check out the list here

I know some people don't like the label "mommy blogger", but I frankly don't care. I am a mother and I blog. If it makes people feel better to categorize me as a mommy blogger, then so be it. And let's be honest, it's a damn site better than being listed as one of the Top 50 Asshole Bloggers.

This is the point where I stick my fingers in ears and say I CAN'T HEAR YOU! <-- For those of you who are saying "Well, if there was a list of Top Asshole Bloggers, YOU'D BE NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST!

Can't stop thinking about you

Is it normal to think about you ALL THE TIME?  Ever since our trial separation, you are all I think about. I keep thinking "I wonder what you would think of THIS!" or "I must tell you about THAT!"  And then I remember that we are supposed to be having a break from each other.

I am worried I might have been too hasty in our break up. I think I might need you around more than I thought I would. You mean more to me than I realized.

I don't want it to be one of those relationships where I keep going "I'm leaving". "I'm staying". "I'm leaving".  I don't want to mess you around.

Bottom line is I don't think I am ready to leave.  But I am also not ready to for things to go back to what they were before.  I can't be the same person I was. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Could we start over?  Will you have me back?  Will be ok if we start slowly in the beginning? 

Trial separation

I think it is time for a trial separation.  I don’t think it is anyone’s fault, but I think we’ve got stuck in a bit of a rut.  We hardly talk anymore and when we do, it is forced conversation.  I find myself having to dig really deep to find things to talk about.  And this makes me feel bad. We’ve been through so much together, through good times and bad.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I have too much on my plate to focus on the relationship.  I know that no relationship will survive without love and attention, but right now I have so many other things that need my attention.  I feel stretched and torn. 

And yet, even saying this out loud makes me feel terrible!  I feel an enormous sense of obligation towards you.  I also worry about what will happen if we do separate for a while.  Will you forget about me?  Will you still care?  I also don’t want you leave you hanging, hoping. I hate letting you down.  This is hard, but it is better than stringing you along.

Part of me wants to end it forever; I fantasize about how freeing it will be. No one to please, no one to report to.  But a bigger part of me still needs you.  The thought of never speaking again is depressing. 

I know you must be wondering if there is something else, something that is taking me away from you, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t so.

The others were supposed to be lighthearted distractions, nothing serious.  Fun flings, flights of fancy. And yet I find myself spending more and more time there and there, and less time here.  I thought I could have it all, that there was a place for all, but maybe I was just fooling myself. 

And so I think it is time for a trial separation.  Let’s see if this works.  I can’t say how long it will be, I am hoping it is not too long.  And I hope you will be here when I come back. 

Dear blog readers, I do love you, very much but for now we will have to bond on Facebook or on Twitter. I’ll be back, as soon as I find something interesting to say and five minutes to say it in! Love you, mean it.  Chat soon xxx

PS Eeek!  I see a few of you have taken me up on my offer to connect on FB.  If you do, please add a 'personal message' to say that you aren't a random pervert or stalker, but that you are a blog reading pervert/stalker.  I like to classify my perverts accordingly. 

 

If your name is Jennifer & you are a 36 year old Cancerian, you too can be my FB friend

Out of Tertia's 1,901 Facebook friends:

Most common name:Jennifer (27 friends)

Most common zodiac sign:Cancer (152 friends)

Female/Male:80% / 20%

Single/Taken:10% / 90%

Average age:36 years old

PS As always, you are welcome to be my Facebook friend - but if you do send a friend request, please put something like 'I read your blog' in the message field so that I can differentiate you from 'I am a pervert and I would like to stalk you online'. Thanks.

My BFF Zsusie's husband hates the gays more than the infertiles!

Remember Zsuzsanna, the mail order bride married to that epitome of godliness, the very tolerant Pastor Steve?  She who wrote about me with so much love (and I dare say a dash of lust), pretending to hate me, calling me names like 'freak', 'monster' and 'vulgar' when it was BLATANTLY clear she secretly wanted me? Well it looks like her and her hubby Stevie hate gay people more than they hate those of us who do IVF!  There is a pecking order folk, and I've just been moved up a rung. 

Hey, I just noticed Zsusie is on Facebook, I wonder if she would want to be my Facebook friend?