So Close

The new house

We hosted Christmas at our house yesterday, which meant it was the perfect opportunity to take some loooooong awaited pics of the new house as promised.  Eventually!  Only took about 7 months to do.  (Yesterday was a good day as the house was neat and tidy in preparation for the guests). 

The house is U shaped, with the kids bedrooms down the one side and the main bedroom, Marko's TV room and my study on the other side.  At the top of the U is the lounge/dining room and kitchen.  In the middle of the U is the patio and pool.

I've put the photos up on my Flickr acount here.  Now, a word or two of warning before you look at the pics:

1. I am a VERY amateur photographer. Please forgive my terrible photo skills. There are no artistic shots that show off a certain nook or corner of the house. I tried to do a walk around, taking pics as I go along.  I am quite sure if someone with a certain level of skill had to take the photos, everything would look a lot fancier.

2. If my photography skills are somewhat lacking, I am even worse when it comes to decorating / being creative. Some people have natural flair for interior decorating, I am as good at it as I am at cooking. So please view with a kind eye.

3. Please don't worry about me being stalked now that I am posting pics of my house. There are 24 hour guards that patrol the estate, I have armed response, two dogs, burglar alarms, electric fence and motion sensors in the house. I think I will be ok.

4. I am quite sure something about this post will offend / upset / annoy at least some / most / all of you.  I suggest you deal with it internally and remember that age old piece of advice? Don't like? Don't read.  

PS I really am quite proud of the house and what Marko and I have achieved together. Please don't be an asshole and say horrible things. 

PPS I hate that a few people have made me feel all self-conscious about posting the pics. Gah. Irritating.

The One and Only Tertia

As if there was not enough hate-fodder out there, guess what I will be doing in January? 

Clue:

 

The FABULOUS people at the very swanky One and Only Spa have invited me to have a  beauty treatment, on the house!  You have no idea how excited I am.  This is what they suggested I have (how did they know!!)

One&Only Body Wrap – Unwind Envelopment (60 mins)

Ideal for dry, dehydrated skin requiring nourishment and hydration. This envelopment uses ESPA Marine Mud, blended with skin softening essential oils which have moisturising and conditioning properties. Perfect for women who have had 3 weeks of non-stop intense quality time with their offspring, even though they should be just shut up and be grateful.

Re-hydrator Facial (60mins)

Ideal for dry, dehydrated and tired skin, this rehydrating facial is an excellent regenerating boost. Gentle deep-cleansing and exfoliation helps the skin to improve the absorption of nourishing facial oils and botanical rescue balm. The result is smooth, nourished skin. Ideal for women whose blog readers think she is a spoilt, ungrateful brat who should be taken outside and shot at dawn.

I am beyond excited.  At first I thought I would miss out.  The lovely Adele emailed me last week offering me a free treatment, to happen anytime within the next week.  O.M.F!!  Had she not read my blog??  Did she not know I am unable to leave the house even for two minutes sans the kids, never mind two hours. I nearly wept.  I wrote back explaining that sadly I would have to miss out, but thank you very much and dear god how could you be so cruel as to tease me like this. And then she said I could delay until January, woohooo!

Apparently the hotel is VERY smart, it's where all the rich, famous people hang out. So on the day of my treatment, I shall disguise myself as a palm frond and go leopard crawling around the corridors with my point-n-click and take some photos of the celebs.  I will report back in detail.

I am a lucky fish.

Hey!  I have an idea! I am going to ask Adele whether they would sponsor another treatment for free and then someone can come with me!!  That's a brilliant idea! A blog reader could come with me. Hold on, wouldn't that be awkward..... I'd have to share a spa treatment with someone I don't know and who might secretly hate me....hmmm...I'd have to make idle conversation....Oh what the hell, it might be fun and it would be great for someone else to experience a bit of luxury me-time.

Ok, hold on, before I get ahead of myself, let me check with Adele that this is possible.  (Do you think it would be rude to ask for two extra spots?  That way if the prize winner is a murderous stalker, there will be a witness to my fatal demise)

Very excited now, VERY! 

Jeez Louise, hold on to your broeks!*

* broeks is Afrikaans slang for panties

Wow, I go away for two days and all hell breaks loose! I haven't had time to read your recent comments properly, but a quick glance at my BlackBerry tells me that things have got a little heated around here.

I've been away for two days, did you miss me?  Or did you not even notice I was gone, you fair-weather fickle friends of mine!

I had a little trip planned for Monday and Tuesday, but due to Rose's early leave, I had to do some fancy footwork to arrange care of the offspring while I was away.  Marko is at work during the day, schools are closed, Rose is away so I was pretty stuck.  Luckily my lovely mother helped out with the twins, but I had no one to look after old Maxie boy so I took him with me!  He was SUCH a superstar on the trip.  Very good on the flight up to Joburg and mostly quite good on the flight back (he was quite tired so cried a little, but was mostly really good). I met Rose in Joburg at the airport (she was delighted to see her charge) and then we all went back to the hotel. Rose and Max went off to do their thing and I had a few appointments.  I booked a hotel room for Rose and Max, and another one for myself.  The prospect of a full night's sleep was VERY alluring.  Unfortunately I worked until 11 and then was WIDE AWAKE at 5am.  But it's the thought that counts, so they say.

It seems strange to take Max aalllll the way to Joburg with me but it worked out really well.  It was so fun to see Rose, Max had a great time and I felt much better knowing that he was close by and well looked after. 

I must say, I felt quite proud of me.  I am normally SUPER anal about routine and about staying home etc, but there I was, baby and all, winging my way across the country!  Go me!  Getting quite adventurous in my old age. Next stop - BINGO! 

PS Max really is THE most friendly, sweet, easy baby in the world. I am so damn lucky! 
I am very fond of that chap.

Revolting little fuckers

On Monday Rose got some bad news, which meant that she had to leave for home as soon as possible.  She left for Joburg the next morning at 6.  Which means that I have suddenly been thrust into full time mom, which means, to put it delicately, I am fucking terrified.  Well, not really terrified, but terribly bloody busy.

If my only 'job' was to look after three kids all day, everyday, 24/7, day and night (omg, help!) then with some help from booze and pills, I could do it.  (Note: the booze and pills are for me, not them. I don't share my booze and pills with anyone).  But working AND being a full time mom?  Bloody difficult.

I have had to cancel my pedicure, plus all my gym sessions (OMG, I have SUCH a hard life, can you hear the violins playing?)  Who is going to look after them while I work/go to gym/have my feet done/drink?  No one.  I will be a full time mom with shabby feet and flabby thighs.  Just beautiful.

Anywayyyyy, moving on swiftly.....

I saw another flea on my foot yesterday morning.  That was one flea too many. I called pest control immediately and got the chap in to spray the whole house.  Sent dogs off to be dipped.  Dashed off to the vet to get advantage/frontline/capstar/AK47 to blast those motherfucking fleas to hell and gone.  Revolting little fuckers.  

BTW, if you are ever looking to get rid of any revolting little fuckers of your own (fleas / cockroaches / kids / other scary small things), get hold of Angelo from Libra Pest Control - what an efficient, professional chap.  He was outstanding.  And extremely reasonable. librapest at mweb dot co dot za

PS I have 17,000 chairs in my house, but my daughter insists on sharing the kitchen stool with me. 

PPS Funny story - Yesterday while we were in the car, I saw someone I knew who had put on quite a bit of weight, and before I could stop myself, I mumbled under my breath 'oh my word lady, you've become quite chunky'.  Not my finest moment, sorry.  Kate asked me what chunky meant and I said (for lack of a better explanation) "it means you've got a bit of a big bum".  Kate then says "Oh ok.  Mom, you are quite chunky too".  I laughed out loud and said "oh really?  Am I a bit chunky as well?"  Well yes, she says, you've also got a bit of a big bum.  So there you go.  That will teach me to call people chunky.  Bit of a case of the big bummed pot calling the kettle chunky!

PPPS School broke up today.  We are now together ALL DAY LONG.  I am unbelievably excited about that.  

PPPPS  Max still the favourite.  Such a sweet boy that.  Almost 7 months old.  Not at the top of his class though as still not sitting etc.  (Rose hates it when I say that!  That will teach her for leaving me)

PPPPPS Adam is now sitting on the chair as well.  Annndddd he has just headbutted me by accident. I better go.  Send reinforcements!

Sleeping pill dependence

This is a Public Service Announcement:  Do not take sleeping pills, ever.  Especially if you have an addictive / dependent personality.  Because you will never be able to go off them again.

About 4 or 5 years ago when I started a new AD, the doctor offered to give me a prescription for some sleeping pills.  The ADs could cause a spike in anxiety in the beginning and might make it difficult for me to sleep at first.  "If you like, I could give you a prescription for some sleeping pills to tide you over for the first two weeks?"

As he asked, the voice inside my head was saying "NO TERTIA, DON'T DO IT! You know yourself, this is not a good idea, do NOT take the sleeping pills".  But of course, I never listen to the sensible voice in my head and out came "yes please, that sounds like a good idea".  That was 4 or 5 years ago and I can't sleep without a sleeping pill.  Can't/Wont.  Not sure which it is, but all I know is that I take half or quarter sleeping pill every night.  If Rose does a night for me, I take a half.  If I have Max at night, I take a quarter.

It sounds like a little.  If I am only taking a quarter, why not just take nothing?  Because I've become so conditioned (mentally and physically) to use the sleeping pill as the way I fall asleep, that I don't know how to fall asleep on my own. I have completely forgotten how to.

I've tried falling asleep without my crutch, but the insomnia becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.  I lie there getting more and more anxious that I am not sleeping until I eventually get up and take a half/quarter pill. I know that my problem is that I have extremely bad bedtime habits.  I work on my email right up until bedtime.  Which is usually when I am too tired to see the screen anymore.  Then I pop a half/quarter pill, brush my teeth etc, get into bed and go straight on to my Blackberry and catch up with Facebook / Twitter etc. I wait until the screen goes blurry which is when I know the sleeping pill is kicking in.  I then close my eyes and wait for sleep to take over.  Sooo bad.  But I just can't see that hot milk toddy and a lavender bath doing it for me. Unless I could use my laptop in the bath. 

Unlike my ADs (which I am not sure I ever intend going off as I MUCH prefer myself on them), the sleeping pill thing I am not mad about.  I miss being able to drift off to sleep by myself and a sleeping pill sleep is not as refreshing as a natural sleep.

What is interesting to me, is how many people do take sleeping pills.  I thought it was only me, but I've since discovered that many people do.   For those who do, how do you feel about it?  Are you able to do it only occasionally?  And for those of you who have successfully managed to come off them - how??

The gym rabbit's Chardonnay diet

While I am not exactly a gym bunny (bit old to be a bunny, more like a gym rabbit), I am still doing the gym thing.  I am not skipping off to each session (more like a limp, dragging my terribly unenthusiastic limbs behind me), but I do go.  Mostly because I've paid for the sessions and if there is something I hate more than gym it is wasting money.

Actually, I don't hate gym. Gym is ok'ish.  It is just that I would far rather be sitting at my desk doing some work (and perhaps enjoy a small, calorie-laden snack) than strengthening my inner thighs. I can think of far more enjoyable ways of doing that.

But go I must as I clearly enjoyed far too many of those calorie-laden snacks while I was pregnant. 

The good thing is that I am seeing results.  The weight is not magically dropping off me and I am comfortably faaaar away from being anorexic, but I am losing centimeters.  Plus the odd kilo or two.  I am going to post my 'stats' when I get them back from the personal trainer on Wednesday (remember her? the one who is 'used to working with the elderly'? I am still with her, she's nice.  And good with elderly)

I know I would lose weight faster if I cut back on the wine but to be honest, going to gym is punishment enough, I would rather hack at my wrists with a blunt butter knife than give up my Chardonnay. 

In summary, my Gym and Chardonnay Diet Program is going well, if a little slowly.  Will post evidence of said results soon

Trial separation

I think it is time for a trial separation.  I don’t think it is anyone’s fault, but I think we’ve got stuck in a bit of a rut.  We hardly talk anymore and when we do, it is forced conversation.  I find myself having to dig really deep to find things to talk about.  And this makes me feel bad. We’ve been through so much together, through good times and bad.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I have too much on my plate to focus on the relationship.  I know that no relationship will survive without love and attention, but right now I have so many other things that need my attention.  I feel stretched and torn. 

And yet, even saying this out loud makes me feel terrible!  I feel an enormous sense of obligation towards you.  I also worry about what will happen if we do separate for a while.  Will you forget about me?  Will you still care?  I also don’t want you leave you hanging, hoping. I hate letting you down.  This is hard, but it is better than stringing you along.

Part of me wants to end it forever; I fantasize about how freeing it will be. No one to please, no one to report to.  But a bigger part of me still needs you.  The thought of never speaking again is depressing. 

I know you must be wondering if there is something else, something that is taking me away from you, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t so.

The others were supposed to be lighthearted distractions, nothing serious.  Fun flings, flights of fancy. And yet I find myself spending more and more time there and there, and less time here.  I thought I could have it all, that there was a place for all, but maybe I was just fooling myself. 

And so I think it is time for a trial separation.  Let’s see if this works.  I can’t say how long it will be, I am hoping it is not too long.  And I hope you will be here when I come back. 

Dear blog readers, I do love you, very much but for now we will have to bond on Facebook or on Twitter. I’ll be back, as soon as I find something interesting to say and five minutes to say it in! Love you, mean it.  Chat soon xxx

PS Eeek!  I see a few of you have taken me up on my offer to connect on FB.  If you do, please add a 'personal message' to say that you aren't a random pervert or stalker, but that you are a blog reading pervert/stalker.  I like to classify my perverts accordingly. 

 

I've come a long way, baby

Last night I went to my 10-year MBA reunion dinner.  I almost didn't go. Firstly, it was pissing down with rain, secondly I had to take Max with me, and thirdly because I've become a real stay-at-home fart. I HATE going out at night.  I love staying at home. Yes, I know - I am a hundred years old.  But I made myself go.  The connections I made when I did my MBA are important to me, I was looking forward to seeing my ex classmates.

Of course another big motivator is that I had already paid the R300 for the dinner.  Fuck, that's a lot of money.  I told the person organizing it that for that price, I hope it came with a blowjob or something similar.  It didn't.  It was the most expensive fish nuggets and stuffed chicken breast I have ever eaten. And because I didn't want to leave too late, I left before dessert.  Bloody expensive restaurant.  ANYWAY, moving on swiftly...

I am glad I went.  It was a good moment for me.  It was a weird moment actually. I've come such a long way since I did the MBA.  10 years ago I was single and a real party animal.  I partied my way right through the MBA, I was the class clown.  And there I was last night, with a baby and another two kids and a husband at home.  A far more subdued, grown up version.  And you know what, I felt really proud. 

I am so proud of what I have achieved over the last 10 years.  Not so much the career, or the house, or the money, but instead I feel so proud to be mother to my 3 beautiful children and wife to my awesome husband.  Yes, I am proud of the other stuff too, but I realized last night that the other stuff was absolutely secondary to my children and my husband.  They are my world, and I love that they are.  It is a good feeling. 

Side note:  Last night someone remarked that when they heard I was bringing my baby, they couldn't wait to see, because I was the last person they expected to see as a mother.  That kind of hurt.  But then I thought back to how things were 10 years ago, and I suppose it is understandable. I would never have thought 10 years ago that I would ever say being a mother was my most important and rewarding role.  But still, ouch.

Oh wait, look! I found another picture from a post grad course I did before my MBA.  Haha!  Loving these old photos.

The other mother and my aching butt

Phew!  Marko saw the other mother at school today and she thanked Marko for the note Adam wrote.  I am very relieved, I hate having bad vibes.  Perhaps she just needed some time to cool off.  (Which is better than my friend's version of why she was a bit 'off': "Perhaps she is busy consulting a lawyer with the intention to sue)  Now let's hope Adam keeps his teeth and other weapons of mass destruction to himself!  (BTW he is actually not a biter.  Kate is more likely to bite than Adam is.)

PS I nearly died at gym today.  If you are following me on Facebook or Twitter you will have noticed that I have become somewhat less excited about this gym thing.  I am still going, and I will continue to go, but I have to say I expected to 'ease' into things a little more.  I expected a more zen approach to gym, you know - some gentle stretching and perhaps a little adopting of the lotus position or something like that.  Not this blood, sweat and tears right from the start!  For someone who is used to working with the elderly, she is bloody hard taskmaster.

Practical wins over sexy

So, I’ve decided on a car – the Toyota Fortuner. I test drove the car again and it drives very nicely.  I don’t know where I was going with that whole sexy and sleek thing; I had a momentary lapse of reason in which I forgot I am a mother of three small kids.  It is Friend Mel’s fault.  She got a very, very sexy new VW Sirocco, which got me all hot under the collar and made me want sexy too.  Luckily sanity prevailed. Practical won over sexy.  I am feeling very relieved – the Fortuner is very spacious, drives very nicely and has 7 seats.  It is the right car for me and for the kids.  Yay. The decision making process was consuming far too much of my time.  Car will be delivered in six weeks time.

In other news, I have no news.  Rose was away for a few days and I got to play SAHM for a while. I realized that I am hopelessly under qualified for the job, I am FAR better as a WAHMWH (work at home mom with help)

Marko is on leave for two weeks and it is actually so nice to have him around.  Granted it has only been three days so there is still plenty of time for him to irritate the living hell out of me, but it is VERY nice to have someone to take the kids to school etc. 

Oh, I had my first proper session with the Personal Trainer who is Used to Working with The Elderly – It was fun, even if I nearly died after cycling for about 25 seconds.  I managed to burn up enough calories to cancel out AT LEAST three of the olives on the pizza I had for lunch – WIN. I am off to have a glass of Chardonnay to celebrate.

Love, Gym Barbie.