So Close

Team RESOLVE™ Choice Award for Best Book

My book has been nominated for an award!  I have been nominated for a few awards over the years but this one means A LOT as it is nomination by people from within the infertility community, I am SO excited and SO honoured.  

"The Best Book award is given to an author who has written and published a book that covers one or more of the following topics: coping with infertility, choosing a family building option, mind/body techniques as it relates to infertility or personal relationships and infertility."

I don't think I stand a hope in hell of winning as I am up against Alice Domar whose work just about every infertile has read (I have a copy of her book on my book shelf), but it is still a great honour to be nominated.  

"The winner of this award will receive two (2) tickets to the Night of Hope, September 13, 2011 in New York City."

If I win, I am going so going to New York to attend the function. I have never been to America (can you believe that) and I am dying to go to New York so this will be my excuse to spend 100000000s on an air ticket. EEEEK, I am so nervous/excited omgimightgotonewyork!!

I know I am getting away with myself here as the chances of me winning are very remote, but I am so excited!  Wow, what an honour.  

Go vote for me so that I can go to New York. I need to visit America so that I can see what you Americans are really like, in person. And to understand finally WTF your obsession is with bacon.  (We have bacon here, we have it for breakfast. We do not write about it, blog about it, make ice cream flavours based on it. I have never understood the American bacon obsession)

Vote here:  http://www.resolve.org/vote

Before and After

I am the poster child (woman) for those 'before and after' makeover things they do.  I am very much a 'before' person - no make up, no accessories, comfort-is-key.  However, I do scrub up quite nicely.  So when Mooi magazine approached me to participate in a 'before and after' makeover, I said why the hell not.  

It was lots of fun - we each got appointed a personal sylist who did a style blueprint for us - what suited us in terms of fabric, colour, shape, cut etc. I must say, I was quite impressed. The stylist who helped me is Catherine Bowen - a GORGEOUS young woman who knows her stuff. I always thought having a stylist was for rich people only but I think everyone could benefit from at least one session with a stylist.  

Unfortunately for me, my sensory issues have trumped my desire to look this gorgeous every day. I just can't. The fringe (bangs) - looks fabulous but OMG! having my hair actually TOUCH my face all day - can't do it.  I now wear it clipped up with three hairclips everyday.  Wearing necklaces and fiddly things - nope.  Make up - yuck.  So, I am not going to do this every day but it is good to know what colours and styles are flattering.  And that when I do want to dress up, I know what to do.

Was lots of fun. But the best part - having some pics of yourself where you look super gorgeous, even if it is just for that day.

Some pics of the shoot below, more on my FB profile.

PS My mom said:  Wow, you really didn't have to try very hard for your 'before' shot did you.  Thanks mom. But yes, the before shot is very much how I normally look.  

My new tattoo

I had a new tattoo done today, it was FARKING sore. Inside of my left wrist.  My last one was 12 years ago and either I had forgotten what it was like, or I've become wussier in my old age (highly likely).

I am thrilled with it. I have wanted to do a tattoo symbolising my family for a long time, but I struggled with how to incorporate Ben into the tattoo etc without it being a sad symbolism.  I went back and forth with the design for ages, and I am thrilled with the result. Really happy.  I showed the twins a picture of it (it is still under a bandage) and they both grinned widely and exclaimed "wow, it is beautiful".  

I love it.

(PS its a little red and raised because it had just been done, it will settle nicely within the next few days)

Tattoo done courtesy of Simon at Wildfire. Brilliant, clever guy. Very talented.

Belated Mother's Day Meme

Hello Campers, I am back from vacation.  Now in need of a vacation to recover from my vacation.  Seriously though, we had a fab time on holiday.  All we did was eat, drink and relax.  Fantanstic.  About a 100 kgs heavier, but fantastic anyway.  It was a bit of a shock to return back to normal life.  The service at home is shocking and even worse - there is no glass of Chardonnay to be had with my lunch.  Deeply disappointing.  I have posted some pics of our holiday on my Facebook profile. If you are FB friends with me, you can check them out there.  If you aren't FB friends with me, then you must be the only person left on the planet who isn't.  I am proud to say that I have deep and meaningful relationships with at least 5% of my FB friends.  

My mother and father greeted me on my return with sharp admonitions to update my blog (Mother: "Tertia, you MUST update your blog more often".  Father:  "Yes, you are completely useless" - clearly feeling lots of love from my parents).  However, because my brain is still stuck somewhere between last week Wednesday and Thursday, I am sans inspiration.  But fear not - I found this lovely meme on my friend Tanya's blog (that skanky ho who is the editor of Living and Loving magazine and who secretly desires to be me) and in honour of Mother's Day next week*, I thought I would I give it a whirl. PS my other friend Tania did a version too.  I've decided to only have friends called Tania/Tanya.  It makes it much easier to remember their names. 

My most embarrassing moment as a mom was when… I have many embarrassing moments, but I guess my worst ones are when the twins go into 'twin zone' when I am out in public. That is where they start psyching each other up, getting into a manic frenzy where they screech and giggle and completely zone out. They tickle each other, laugh and basically act like two crazy wild children and I can't stop them or quieten them down without making a scene.  Totally embarrassing.  

The worst parenting advice I ever got was… "You better not pick them up too much / go to them at night / hold them too much etc when they are babies or else you will spoil them".  It is impossible to 'spoil' a baby, they NEED to be picked up / held etc.  I am glad I never listened to that.

The best parenting advice I ever got was… 'this too shall pass'.  It really is true. Even in your worst, most sleep deprived times... this too shall pass

I wish they had have told me that being a mom… would turn my whole life upside down. That I would no longer be in control.  And that I need to stop trying to be in control and just enjoy the flow

My most frightening moment as a mom was when… Wow, many.  When Adam was born and was taken to the NICU for breathing problems.  When we thought we lost Kate in the shopping mall.  Those brief moments when I feel totally out of control and unable to protect my children.

My best mom blog is… I have many that I read often.  Tanya/Tania as above.  My sister.  Dooce.  But my new favourite one is Rage Against the Minivan.  I LOVE the way she writes and I think she is an amazing woman.

The most awkward question I get asked as a mom is… When other moms assume that I am as domesticated as them.  I don't / can't cook. I am not a SAHM.  This lack of domestic skills sometimes makes me feel inadequate

If I had to do anything over as a mom, it would be… Relax more.  Dont be so paranoid / uptight / terrified.  Try and remember that kids are actually quite tough and 'this too shall pass'

If I could advise new moms to do anything, it would be to…Enjoy every stage, it goes by so quickly.  Savour today, your babies grow up so soon :(

The “non-essential” items that became essential were… For the twins - anything that would substitute being held - swings, bouncy chairs, prams. For Max - a very comfy rocking chair that I put in my room.  We spent many hours at night in it.  

The products that make me look as if I’ve had a decent night’s uninterrupted sleep are…Haven't yet discovered this. I always look as if I am about 8 hours short of sleep

The things that have kept me sane as a mom are… The Interwebs, my fabulous paediatrician, my sister, my mother, my husband and my fantastic nanny

The one thing I’ll never do again as a mom is… be so terrified of being in charge of such fragile beings - as I said above, I wish I had spent less time being scared and more time just enjoying each stage.

I’d like to be remembered as the mom who…is totally in tune with her children's hearts and minds. One of the kid's teachers said this about me "She is very in tune with her children". It was the best thing anyone has ever said about me. I hope I always stay that way. 

Motherhood has changed me because I’m… privileged and honoured to have the opportunity to experience this kind of love.  I love my children so completely and deeply, it blows my mind. I never knew such love was possible. It is better than any drug I've ever taken (and I've sampled a few in my life time)

Here is a pic of my precious children on holiday. I have THREE healthy, wonderful (slightly naughty) children. Three. That very thought still gives me butterflies in my tummy.  Damn, I am lucky. 

PS I know Mother's Day was this past weekend, but remember I am still about two weeks behind in terms of brain function.

To Whom It May Concern

Guess where I am! I am in a lovely hotel with my husband for a romantic night away. Unfortunately for him, I am (a) at my laptop working (and taking a quick break to blog) and (b) full of coughs and snot.  And as we all know, there is nothing particularly romantic about snot.  Although truth be told, this was not about a romantic night away but more about using the opportunity to have a rest and catch up on some sleep. Alas, that didn’t happen either as my dear husband’s phone went off at 6am this morning. It was his boss. And by boss I mean He Who Thinks My Husband Should Be Thinking Work 24/7.

I spoke about surrogacy (<-- need to talk to you about surrogacy!) at an event recently and the lovely organizers gave me a gift of one night’s stay at a really lovely hotel – the Protea Colossuem in Century City.  What a gorgeous hotel!  Seriously.  The hotel is stunning – Marko is raving about the decor.  Very mod.  He loves that type of thing. I love that it is spotlessly clean and everything is working as it should.  Plus all the staff are super friendly and efficient.  Really is a gorgeous hotel.  Highly recommended.

Thanks Protea Hotels and the Singer Group for the night, you have an absolute jewel in your crown with this hotel.

Moving on, I must share this with you – I am a letter writer.  I write letters to companies complaining (or complimenting) them on their poor (or excellent) service.  Which means that I am officially old as that is what old people do – write letters.  The next thing I will be writing letters to the newspaper complaining about The Government.

Funny aside – my dad phones me the other day to ask me for a word – (he was struggling to find the right word. He would have asked my mother, but my mother has done a Shirley Valentine and skipped off to go lie on the beaches of Thailand with her second and third favourite daughters for 2 weeks).  I gave him the word and asked him why he needed it.  He said he is writing to the bank (the Bank) to give them feedback.  Oh, I ask, what happened?  No, nothing happened he says, he is responding to a question they sent him saying “How would you rate our service?”.  I think they were looking for an answer from 1 – 10.  Instead they got a 10 page lecture on how they don’t have any loyalty to their customers anymore and do they know that he has been a customer of the bank for 40 years etc.  Poor bank. I do hope they reply to my dad’s letter.

So I write letters. In fact, on reflection, I have not only turned into my mom (“go take a headache tablet and lie down, you are not dying, you will be fine in the morning”, I have turned into my dad too.  I wrote a letter on Wednesday, because I was very cross.

On Wednesday I had to have my car serviced.  I absolutely HATE having to have my car serviced as it is a royal waste of my time and it always takes longer than they say it will.  After five years of traumatic service experiences and lots of letter writing (with little or no response) with Renault, I swore never to get another Renault again – purely because of their extra effing useless service. And I loved my Renault.

I bought a Toyota Fortuner and on Wed it had its third service.  I wont go into the long story about the experience (although I could just reference my letter dated 13 April 2011 – Re: Poor Customer Service), suffice it is to say that my car was NOT finished on time, that this made me late for an appointment (which is an absolute sin in my eyes, I am a stickler for being punctual) and that the car was not cleaned.

So I wrote a letter to management, sure that I would either get some insipid response or no response at all. Was I wrong!  The first thing the next morning I got a call from both the general manager at Barloworld Tygervalley (Hilton) as well as the service manager (Grant).  They emailed me to say how sorry they were and have arranged to have my car collected from my home, have all the things sorted out and they will give me a courtesy car sorted out while I wait.  I love the way they manned up to the complaint and didn’t try to fob me off. 

In the customer service experience, It is not really that you have fucked up, it is how you address and resolve the fuck up.  Toyota Tygervalley did an outstanding job at that.  They have my loyalty.

I am going to talk to you about surrogacy in a separate blog post because I must dash  now. Bottom line – we need surrogates! Badly.  If you love being pregnant and you have the passion to help other people, please, pretty please consider becoming a surrogate mom.  It is the most rewarding, beautiful, generous, amazing, spiritual thing you will ever do.  More information to be found here:  www.surrogacy.co.za

Right, off to be romantic with my husband. I hope he doesn’t mind the occasional sniff or cough (knowing my husband, he will be so happy to get ANY romance, he wouldn’t mind if I was bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound to the leg, as long as he was getting some romance.  Poor deprived chap. Oh well, his fault, he wanted three kids.  Oh….sorry – my mistake, it was ME who wanted three kids.)

Marko playing with my iPad while he waits patiently for me to get off the computer.  

 

Pick n Pay Campaign

My friend Boulder said I had to share this with you :-)

I was a nominee in Pick n Pay's "Inspirational Women" campaign. Cool huh.

Tertia Albertyn became almost-famous whilst struggling along the journey to motherhood. After nine In Vitro Fertilisations (IVFs), various miscarriages and two children who were born, but didn't survive, Tertia successfully gave birth to twins, Adam and Kate. She later had another boy, Max. Tertia is South Africa's favourite blogger, a published author and is now the proud owner of Nurture, an egg donation program which dedicates its time and effort to helping other couples become families through the medium of surrogacy, egg donation and fertility support.
Through the medium of writing, Tertia has touched many a lives and become an inspirational woman to people from all walks of life, especially with her candid sense of humour. She believes in loyalty to her followers.

Look out for her on magazine covers, on TV talk shows and for her inspirational writing in columns for various publications. You can also read her blog here.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer: Because we took it for a walk.

Sometimes I look at my life and think that if my former glamorous, oh-so-with-it self (pre marriage and kids) could see my life now, she would shake her head in horror.  Three kids, two dogs, two bunnies, a few fish, a bowl of tadpoles, a chicken, one husband, a large mortgage, comfortable pants and what looks suspiciously like (and probably is) dried snot on my shoulder.  

Of course, if my former infertile self had to see my life now, her heart would explode with happiness because my life is exactly how I wished it would be.  Except perhaps for a few kilos more and a few bucks less.  But every bit as crazy / busy / full / wonderful as I hoped it would be.

Still, I have to laugh. I hear myself do and say things that I never thought I would say. Like for example "make sure the chicken doesn't run across the road".  

We have a chick. A baby chicken.  My father bought two baby chicks for the kids, but one unfortunately didn't survive the love and enthusiasm dished out by the twins.  The surviving chick (who just happens to be Kate's chick 'Fluffy', according to Kate that is) stays in a special hutch thing with special warming lights and special straw and special food etc.  

Cost of chick (bought by my father) = 10 bucks

Cost of special hut, special warming lights, special everything else (bought by Marko) = Much, MUCH more than 10 bucks

As soon as it is big enough and able to keep itself warm, it will go outside in the area where the bunnies romp around.  But for now it stays in its special hutch.  Unless we take it out for a walk.  Yes, we take our chicken for a walk. It is the funniest thing.  We take it across the road to the lawns and the kids play while the chicken pecks and scratches and follows us around.  

I don't know - there is just something about me sipping on my glass of wine at 5pm while the twins ride their bikes, Max rolls around on the grass and the little chicken follows everyone around that makes me smile.  My life is wonderful. Crazy, but wonderful.

PS Big moment, Max had his first hair cut today.  It was like night and day compared to Adam's first haircut (and every hair cut since then).  I could say more, but I wont.  In essence, YAY for easy babies!!

PPS A special hello to the lovely blog reader I met today in the park - you made me feel like a celeb when you came up and said hi, thank you :-) 

 
 
   

PPPS That wine glass looks terrible like that on its side (empty), but I had to put it somewhere while I ran after Max, prying his chubby little fingers off the chicken's neck. I don't normally leave empty wine glasses strewn around the communal parks. 

Honesty is the scariest policy

I think I might be having a mid-life crisis or something.  I am having strange urges.  Not for fancy sports cars, young lovers or trips to Europe - instead I have urges to tell people how I really feel.  

This is huge for me!  I am about as anti-confrontational as a __________ (<--insert very extremely anti-confrontational thing here). I would FAR rather keep the peace and count to 10 / accept the situation / give in / suck it up than confront the person or situation.  Why? Because I am so scared I will hurt the other person's feelings.  Yes, I am that much of a wuss.  Even with people I don't really like or who dislike me, I would far rather keep my thoughts to myself than say it as it is and potentially hurt their feelings.

I have a million excuses:  it is not that bad / they don't really mean to do it / maybe my expectations are too high / it is not intentional blah blah blah.  This wussy, non-confrontational approach has served me well for that last 41 years.  If it ain't broke (much), then why fix it? They are happy, I am only mildly and occasionally unhappy - what's the big deal!

Well, it isn't a big deal. Not really. Mostly. Except that lately I have the urge to tidy things up.  To sort out the nagging lose ends that exist in my life.  To say 'maybe he/she didn't really mean it that way, but actually.... that's not good enough'.  That thing you always say / do / don't do, that isn't good enough for me - this is how I really feel.....

Eeeekkk! Anxious feeling - pass the wine!

I had lunch with a friend recently, a man - and I was amazed at how logical he was about having to confront someone he liked about something they had done wrong. I was dying all sorts of deaths thinking about how hurt this person would feel when confronted but my friend simply said 'what the person is doing is wrong, and I need to tell them that'. 

I need to be more like that.  I think I need to man-up a bit and tell it like it is.

Tuesday.  I will start on Tuesday.  Tuesday the 01st. Tuesday the 01st of December. Tuesday the 01st of December 2022.

Or maybe a bit sooner, depending on how brave I feel. I might just have a glass of wine instead and wait for the feeling to pass.

PS it isn't you, its me!

PPS can we still be friends?

PPPS pass the wine anyway.

PPPPS To distract you from this outpouring of confrontational mid-life crisis stuff, here is a pic Adam took of Kate and I yesterday.  

 

Anxious is my default setting

On Monday I start work at my regular job after EIGHT months maternity leave.  To say I am feeling a bit anxious about it would be a gross understatement.  I am not even sure I remember what to do, never mind remembering all my passwords and log ons.  It is going to be hectic balancing all the parts of my life and trying to fit in three full-time roles in one day.  We will see what happens.

On Wednesday the kids start at their new school.  The start of a new chapter in our lives. They have spent the last two years at Aunty B's playschool which has been absolutely wonderful.  I couldn't have asked for a better introduction to school than what they had at Aunty B.  It was a small, protected environment and each child was allowed to be what they needed to be.  They could have their dummies in their mouths if they needed, they could have their lovies in their hands all day if they needed. 

But now big(ish) school starts.  No school uniforms yet, but a lot more structured and a lot more rules. No more flitting in at 8:55 (ok, sometimes 9:05).  School starts at 8:30 sharp and the kids are expected to be there by 8:15 at least.  Plus the school is a good 20 mins further away than the last one.  Which means we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') will have to become a lot more organized in the morning. And by 'organized' I mean 'do not spend 45 mins on your computer in the morning catching up on emails while the kids run around playing'. 

I am obviously feeling a bit anxious about the new school. Because anxious is what I do.  But don't be alarmed, I am going to do my very best not to let the kids see or feel my anxiety.  All of their little friends except for one are going to another school, the public school near the old school.  But those selfish fuckers didn't have place for my twins because their mother didn't know you had to apply while the children were still in embryonic phase. Not that I am bitter of course. (Note to self:  Enroll Max in ass-wipey school TOMORROW)

I have made a big deal about our new school, the kids are very excited and keep asking me how many sleeps they have to go.  Lets hope that excitement lasts!

Our new school is a very good school. It is a private one, top education, small classes, cost a fucking fortune etc, but if I could have chosen, I would have sent the kids to the local school that the rest of their mates are going to.

Anyway, I keep remembering how anxious I was when the kids went to school the first time, and how quickly I LOVED that school and how much more I LOVED having a break in the mornings.  So it will all be good I am sure. 

Aarggh!  I can't help but feel anxious about this.  I wish I didn't, but I do.  And no, telling me to just not be anxious doesn't work.  Telling a person who is naturally anxious not to be anxious is like telling a person who stutters to just not stutter.  You either are or aren't, or you do or don't.  There are things you can do to help, and I will do those things, but anxious is my default setting. 

PS I've taken to updating my Flickr photos a little more often, so if you like go there and have a look at a few pics of the kids

2009 / 2010

Wow, 2009 has been a huge year for me.  Just having a think about it now and realized what this year has meant for me. I have grown in so many areas of my life:

On a personal level, I have made some huge strides forward. Massive. I still see my shrink regularly (the one I have total transference with/for - LOVE that woman, she is amazing!) and this has been a big year for me on an emotional/psychological level.

I have also grown in family size with the birth of baby Max.  Before Max arrived, I was secretly really worried about how he would fit into the family. And to be honest, whether I would be able to love him as much as the twins. The twins were so special - my first (living) children, the babies I had fought so long and hard for.  How could I possibly love this freebie baby as much?  Well, oh my word! I am so completely, totally, ridiculous in love with Max.  I can't even begin to describe to you how in love with him I am and how special he is me.  Or maybe I can - if you are at the stage where you have had your last baby and you knew he was your last.  I am savouring every single moment.  I feel giddy with love.

I have grown in terms of exercise - 2009 saw me inside a gym for the first time in years.  Can't believe I eventually took that step.

I have grown in a material sense as well - new bigger house, bigger car.  Bigger debt, but we wont talk about that now.

My business has grown and has become even more fulfilling.  We had our first Nurture babies born early this year and since then have had so many babies born through our egg donor and our surrogacy program.  What a magnificent, special, humbling process to be part of.  

2009 has been a great year for me. It has had its difficulties, but life wouldn't be what it is without some hardship. How else would we appreciate the good if we didn't have some hardship to compare it to?  We nearly lost my father, but he made it through two heart attacks, open heart surgery and a stroke - and it has made us even more appreciative of how precious family is.  My mother is doing well. 

It has been a great year. And I think 2010 is going to be even better! I can feel it in my waters, 2010 is going to be a big year for me.  Looking very forward to it! Hope it is an excellent year for all of you too.