I have been a mother for longer now than the time I was trying (and failing) to become one. Double the time in fact. You would think I would be used to it by now, and I am. There are many days where I am so immersed in the mothering that it is all I can see, think and feel. And then there are moments where I have little flashbacks to the time where I wondered if I would ever have children. Ordinary sights and sounds that make me stop, catch my breath, and let the realization wash over me that I am a mother! I have children! Three of the buggers in fact. Something I feared might not ever happen. The trauma was (relatively) short but it was deep.
The moments come randomly. Stepping over Kate's abandoned school shoes lying on the bathroom floor (those school shoes belong to a girl who calls me Mom), seeing Max's red wellington boots at the sliding door (boots that belong to a little boy who wraps his arms around me at night and tells me how much he loves me), filling in a form that asks for parents to volunteer at a cake sale (a cake sale to raise money for a school attended by a boy who is becoming a teenager and yet who still wants his mom to work at the cake sale so he can sneak a quick hug during school time).
10 years later and I *still* get that delicious thrill, that butterfly-in-the-tummy feeling when I realize about how lucky I am.
Of course, five minutes later I am ready to kill them and run away to a deserted island, just me and my Chardonnay. Because although I love them dearly and being their mother is the most significant (and challenging) thing I have ever done, there is no denying they can be a giant PITA sometimes.
This is a portrait Kate draw of her family. Don't you love how I am so huge and the rest of the family is looking so lovingly at me? I think it speaks volumes. I am so very lucky.
I do love my darling little PITAs very much. xx
That pictures is just precious, a real treasure if there ever was one.
Posted by: Martha | 02 September 2015 at 06:06 PM
I have these same feelings at the oddest moments. Today is significant for me because my first miracle baby turned 13!!! I not only have a child, but I have a TEENAGER! I recently read through all my old online journals from when I was still struggling to conceive and then through my first pregnancy and ultimate birth of this girl-child who is now a teen and it was just as emotional reading through the blog as it brought up all those very deep, sad emotions. Yes, the hurt is deep, but like all pain, it has subsided to a distant memory on most days when I am busy just being a mom. But the thrill of "being a mom" has never gone away and I do think about it almost daily -- that I AM a mom.
Posted by: Heidi | 02 September 2015 at 09:08 PM
Oh my gosh. I absolutely ADORE Kate's picture of you guys. That needs to be framed!!
Posted by: BiancaW | 04 September 2015 at 03:11 PM
Love the drawing. Did you notice you are the only one talking?
Posted by: Melissa | 04 September 2015 at 08:59 PM
What a superb picture! She is quite an artist!
Posted by: Wobs | 10 September 2015 at 04:47 PM
Lovely, lovely picture! I still remember when you were anxious about the water temperature in the motherhood pool ;-) and it's been a pleasure and a privilege to see your children grow up from afar. You're doing a wonderful job - as a mother and as a blogger.
Posted by: Lila | 23 September 2015 at 07:16 PM
You have made me cry! I wished for you a baby so hard what seems so long ago. Thank you for being a good Mom.
Posted by: Evilisa | 25 September 2015 at 04:05 PM