SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

I have to tell you that my hearing problem does not go well with foreign accents.  There is a lot of “pardon?”, “sorry?” etc.

Today I went for a spa treatment to distract myself from my woeful missing bag situation.  It was a most amusing experience and I kept thinking that if my friend Melany was with me, she would be in hysterics.

Conversation:

Kind lady at spa to me:  You want (can’t hear) herbal tea?

Pardon?

Herbal tea?

Pardon?

Tea (makes drinking motion)

Yes please.  (thinking it might help with the garlic problem. Well, the internet said green tea but maybe herbal tea will do a similar job.  At the very least if it smells like it tasted (like one of those potpourri sachets you put in your cupboard to make it smell nice) then hopefully it would mask the garlic)

I go into the treatment room and put on the gown and the disposal underwear (sized extra small) and hop onto the bed which is quite large and has a leather/leatherette type covering with a disposable cover on top of that.

The massage begins quite vigorously, which is great because I am not paying anyone to pussy foot around with wimpish gentle touch.  Unfortunately with each massage stroke she does, my painted toenails squeak against the massage bed.  Rub SQUEAK Rub SQUEAK.  It was very distracting and so I thought I would ask her to put a towel under my toes.

Me: Wow, my toes are quite noisy!

Massage lady:  Eh?

My toes, they are noisy. Can you put a towel under my feet?

Your feet tired?

No, my toes are noisy, can I have a towel please

Tired?

Towel!

This part tired? (pats feet)

No, a towel please. For the toes.

Ok she says and climbs on the massage bed with me, sitting between my legs and spends at least half the time massaging my ‘tired’ toes and feet.  .  Rub SQUEAK Rub SQUEAK. SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

I gave up on the towel idea and just enjoyed what was a VERY thorough and rigorous massage.  Where EVERYTHING was massaged expect my vajayjay and my …. Actually, it was only my vajayjay that wasn’t massaged.  She even massaged my eyebrows.

At one point she had my one leg just about wrapped around my neck with the other one wrapped somewhere around the waist area. 

Half way through she whipped the towel up to my shoulders to tell me to turn around and in doing so accidentally caught the edge of the disposable panties in her hand which meant I was very suddenly and quite surprisingly wearing a thong. Pulled up to just about chin height. There I was, having parts of my body massaged that I didn’t even know existed with my extra-small panties up my bum and my toes going SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK.  Interesting!

After the massage I had a hair appointment for a wash and blow dry. 

I thanked the massage lady and said that I was going to shower now

No, she says

Pardon?

No shower.

I must shower, I have a hair appointment.

No shower for 5 hours. Oil good for skin. No shower.

(panicking now in case I am locked in the room for five hours with someone who has just massaged my boobs and given me an accidental thong)

Oh, no! Um, I have to shower, sorry. Thank you. Bye!

And off I ran.

It was an interesting massage. Good and interesting.  Very strong hands for such a small person.

SQUEAK. 

Comments

[Beth]

You made me laugh out loud, Tertia! Hysterical.

[Isabel]

I laughed so hard, I cried!

[Tine]

Snorting with hilarity way over here in the US of A. :)

[Pam]

O.M.G. laughing hysterically here at my desk. You have such a flair when you tell a story.

[Mrs Beson Sophia]

I am Mrs Beson Sophia, from New York i want to use this
medium to congratulate Dr Cely, for the
great help of spell he has render to my relationship
outbreak. since the past 6 years i was in a
relationship problem with my ex, he always get me
beating, i never knew he has another girl outside the town, her
name is Michel, until i got this great spell caster
email address from the internet, so i email him and i
laid all my complain to him, he promise me that i am
to keep off away from him, and i really agreed on it,
but on a condition that my lost ex will be back,,,, he really put some few
items which he uses to
consulting his great oracle, his plan for my
relationship was fulfill and my lost ex was back
again within 48hrs... please if you are in such mess
today please
contact him at [email protected]

[Annalien]

Hilarious! I just about spit coffee all over my keyboard from laughing!! :-D

[Jessica Otto]

Whahahaha