So Close

It's the best thing he has never tasted!

Having a child that is different / special needs / developmentally delayed / non-typical is challenging.  Not so much because of the extra work required, but mostly because your heart aches for your child when they struggle more than most. No parent wants their child to struggle any more than they have to. Life is hard enough without having to deal with additional challenges.

(And our 'issues' are minor, absolutely minuscule, in comparison to others.  My deepest admiration and respect goes out to parents who have to deal with significant issues with their children.  Parents of special needs / developmentally delayed children are Super Heroes)

However, the one good thing about having a child that isn't typical, is that you appreciate the milestones and achievements so much more because you know how precious and hard fought for they are. As you might know, Max is significantly speech delayed.  He gets speech therapy twice a week and is making great progress.  I love seeing how his speech is improving all the time and how this has such a positive influence on the rest of his life.

This weekend we went out for a milkshake and he said "This is AWESOME, it is the best thing I have never tasted!!" It was such a cute moment. Firstly because OMG how cute - the best thing he has never tasted - and also because he is speaking intelligibly in long sentences, yay!!!  Makes my heart so happy to see how he is progressing.  So proud of him.  And it is not just me who thinks so, I got this from his speech therapist yesterday (after school holidays so she hasn't seen him for a month):

"Saw Max today and he is really making significant progress!"

Sweet boy. Am v fond of him.  

There are no more babies after this

Every night I lie next to Max while he falls asleep*. (Top bed of double bunk, single mattress. Tiny!) After he falls asleep I gently excavate myself from under the duvet as not to wake him, carefully climb down from the top bunk and quietly leave his room.  (Which sounds a lot more graceful than it is.  I am more gangly giraffe than elegant elf. Picture a giraffe trying to quietly climb down from a top bunk without waking anyone. Awkward. Amusing. Gangly.) I know you are not supposed to do this (not sure why not?!), I know I ‘baby’ him too much especially seeing as he is five whole years old, but he is my last 'baby'. There are no more babies after this**. It is such a wonderful feeling when your busy little boy’s body goes limp with sleep next to yours.  The love you feel for your child in that moment is almost indescribable.  It is unspectacular, unseen moments like these that make realize how lucky I am to be a mother. And how fleeting these times are when our children are little and we can protect them from the world by holding them in our arms, literally and figuratively.  I am feeling especially blessed tonight***

*This is what you miss out when you have twins.  Having twins is wonderful and special and fantastic when they are older, but I really do believe that twin babies (especially twin newborns) is not ideal for either the mom or the babies.  You miss out on that very special time when it is just you and the (one) baby.  Holding your baby in your arms, staring into each other eyes. Intense, uninterrupted connection. They miss out on that too.  Because there is always someone who is waiting to be fed / picked up / held etc.  Maybe other twin moms did it better than I did, but I couldn’t manage that special one on one time when I had twin newborns.  Whenever I had one in my arms, I felt guilty about the other one that wasn’t in my arms.  I have really treasured these moments with Max.  (Although, I LOVE having twins now as they have a 24/7 built in playdate.  I wish Max had a twin to play with so that the playdate duty wouldn’t be mine!)    

**As loving as I am feeling tonight, may I just say HALLELUJAH and praisethelord for that fact. NO MORE CHILDREN FOR ME.  Three is my number. I am full up. Done. Neither my head nor my heart (or my bank balance / sanity / life) could cope with any more children.

***The loving feeling I am feeling right now might or might not have something to do with the two glasses of wine I have had + the fact that all my children are asleep + knowing it is Monday tomorrow and said children plus 1x husband will be at school and work tomorrow thereby allowing me to spend some quality time with myself.  Yay!

Late update:  Slight amendment to loving feeling.  1.  One of aforementioned children got out of bed as they needed a number two. Which shouldn’t affect me and yet it does, because GO TO SLEEP!  2.  Also, husband asleep already and SNORING. Loudly. Both of which have slight dampening effect on loving feeling. Will soldier on regardless. 

Rose the Super Nanny is looking for new horizons

Edited to add:  It has been harder than we anticipated to get a visa for Rose to work overseas, so she is looking for a nanny job in Joburg instead.  She is originally from JHB and is moving back home this weekend. Anyone know of someone who is looking for a Super Nanny in JHB?

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Those of you who have been reading my blog for the past 10 years or so will know that my kids and I have been incredibly privileged to have a very special person in our lives to help raise my children.  Rose joined our family a week before the twins were born to help me take care of them. (It was supposed to be a month and a bit before they were born but they decided to come early.) 

I have often said that Rose is my special gift that I got after going through all the shit I did to have my children. It was as if the universe said “right, you have had an extra shitty time up until now, but here you go – I am sending you Rose to make up for all of that”.  I am not sure what I would have done without Rose. Rose helped me so, so much, especially in the first year after the twins were born.  Rose loved and cared for my children as if they were her own.  In fact, my children believed that Rose’s surname was Albertyn for a long while because they totally thought she was part of our family.  They have a mom, a dad and a Rose.  If you look back at their family drawings, you will see Rose in all of them. 

Rose has been my backup, my children’s other mother for 10 years.  I am eternally grateful to her.  But it is time for Rose to do something new; she is itching to take on a new chapter in her life.  And as sad as that makes me, I fully support her in this.  She wants to broaden her horizons and taken on new challenges.  Plus her true love is newborns and little babies. She is just unbelievable with babies, and that is what makes her happiest.  My children are getting bigger now and although she loves them very much, she needs a bit of a change.  And she wants to travel overseas to experience new countries and cultures before she is old like me :)

So, I am putting it out there – Rose would like to be a nanny to a family overseas who need help to take care of a baby or two.  Any time from the next month or two or three. I know that many South Africans Au Pair overseas for families abroad.  It would be great for her to live overseas for a while, and any family who has Rose as their nanny will be getting the best person they could ever have dreamed of!!  She is brilliant brilliant brilliant with kids, she is so hard working, reliable, honest, decent, clever.  In return, you would have to accommodate her, pay her an appropriate salary and mostly, treat her with the respect she deserves.  You would obviously have to find out what your country’s requirements are in terms of work visas etc.  She doesn’t really mind where she goes.  She is English speaking. 

Please pass the word along to your friends or family if you know they could do with a Rose. I think everyone would love to have a Rose!  Please email me to tertiaa @ gmail . com if you are keen.

Some older pics of Rose and the twins

Travelling Tertia

I am writing this from 2937329732 miles above sea level, hopefully on my way home.  It has been a great two weeks away, but I am so incredibly glad to be going home. I have missed my kids terribly. 

I am too tired to spell check this blog post. Grammar police, this is going to be painful.  If you are feeling stabby, I suggest you look away immediately.   

I have a love-hate relationship with travel.  Going away from home and my kids makes me anxious (surprise! XYZ makes me anxious, how novel), and yet it is such an honour and a privilege to be able to see more of the world.  It really is such a gift to visit other countries and cultures.  I love and hate going abroad.

I always learn a lot when I travel, some of it is old lessons, some are new.  Things I learnt / observed:

Travelling overseas when you are a South African is PAINFUL. OMG things are expensive in Europe. People (Marko! Melany!) say you mustn’t convert but I can’t help myself. Sixty forking Ront for a cappuccino!! It costs R20 in South Africa.  R40 for a coke. It costs a third of that in SA. Basically everything is 3x more expensive.  I ordered a glass of wine at a not-terribly-posh place, it was 14 farking pounds. Two hundred and eighty ront (give or take a million) for a glass of wine!!!!  I can buy three bottles of really, really nice wine for that price.  I just couldn’t.  In the end, I felt physically ill at how much things cost. I drove Marko mad.  Poor guy. I really am a pain in the arse.

Germans are scary!  Some really friendly people but also some really strict people!  The customer service people were unfriendly and even shouted at people who knowingly or unknowing broke the rules (stepped over the line / went in the wrong queue).  Shouted!  Marko and I were too scared to ask for help in case someone shouted at us. Plus there was that whole jaywalking incident.  So no, Munich is not my favourite place. (Of course, we have only seen a tiny part of Germany and I am sure the rest of Germany is lovely etc. Looked really pretty from the air).

I love London.  It is dull and dreary sometimes, overcrowded, busy, frenetic, dirty and full of non-residents, but I love it. I love how small and big it is at the same time.  I just hate the bloody exchange rate, but that is not London’s fault.

Priceline is a win!  I have used Priceline a few times in a few cities across the world and you can get some good rates on accommodation.  It suits me perfectly as there is nothing I love more than a bargain.  Even if I don’t need it or want it, if it is a bargain, I am happy.  I use Priceline to book 5 star accommodation (so I am never surprised by crappy hotels in crappy areas) which I get for 3 or 4 star pricing. Love it. We stayed in a lovely hotel in London which I would NEVER, EVER have paid full price for – are they mad!!  Beautiful but expensive.  I refused to eat breakfast there (breakfast for £35 for two on ‘special’. What!) We went downstairs to a coffee shop and had a perfectly good breakfast for two for £22.  Also, I forbade Marko to even look at the mini bar.  Marko unsupervised can be detrimental to the wallet.

The tube:  Do Londoners even realize how lucky they are to have such excellent public transport?! What a total win to hop on and off as you need it.  Sure it is hot and sweaty and full during peak times, but how fabulous that you have that as an option.  Having said that, I am glad I don’t have to do it every day.  Very useful for visitors though.

London is busy. OMG, it is busy. The tube stations were busy every single moment of every day.  Crazy busy – there is always so much going on. People coming and going.  Frenetic. Marko loved it, I started to get sensory overload after a while.

OPK (Other People’s Kids).  As a parent to young children, you forget how annoying children can be.  They are loud and busy (and my children are especially loud and busy) and I love children madly, but it is only when you are without your own kids that you realize what a pain (some, including my own I am sure) children can be. I actually feel sorry for those people who have to travel / eat out / catch public transport and are forced to deal with other people’s kids.  I fully support having childfree sections on flights / areas / restaurants.

I miss my children very, very much and hate being apart from them. I never feel complete when I am without them. 

Skype is great – I am not sure what travelling parents did before Skype.  At least we could Skype several times a day.  Which was mostly great and not so great when Adam would stalk me several times a day asking whether I had bought him any presents.

I am extremely grateful for my ‘village’ who look after my children while I am away. Rose, Jayde and my mom were awesome.  I am so lucky. 

I love my husband dearly, he is the most perfect husband for me in every way (and probably for many other people as well), but there is such a thing as too much quality time. Certainly for me. I desperately need alone time to reset my insides (head/heart/nerves/senses etc).  Being together 24/7 in a hotel room can be a bit challenging for me.  I wasn’t very nice to him sometimes.  Luckily he loves me, in spite of me being a total over-sensitive, tight-arsed cow.

I have awesome friends. I went to stay with my beautiful, clever, class, generous friend Nicky for a night.  She is a South African who lives in Bath in the UK.  It was such a great experience, I am so glad I went. I got to experience a bit more of the UK besides London.  So much history.  I am glad I did it.  I don’t usually like to stay over at anyone’s house (it makes me anxious – what if I don’t like it there?  I will have to stay and then I will feel trapped and scared and sad and OMG am I five years old??!), but Nicky made it perfect for me.  I am really, really glad I did it.  I love Nicky.

I am an antisocial extrovert.  I hate going out. I am not shy and I can chat to anyone, but I hate going out. I hate staying up late / going to clubs / going out / dressing up / wearing makeup / staying over.  I LOVE staying home. I really love staying home.  I think some people don’t believe me, but honestly – staying home is a 9/10, going out is a 1/10. The only reason why each option doesn’t have full marks is my fear that by not going out I am going to hurt someone’s feelings.  If I didn’t think it would hurt someone’s feelings (by not going to that dinner party / visiting someone / going for a drink or coffee), I would choose staying home every time. I could stay home for the rest of my life.

Because our time in London was so short, I didn’t get to see any of my other friends.  Which is a pity because I do love my friends. Kirsty, Juliette, Mandy, Lisa – sorry.  At least I got to see my brother, albeit for a very short while.

Businesswise, the trip was a great success. I had two very good meetings, one in Germany and one in London that made the trip worthwhile from a financial point of view.  Phew!!  Can’t tell you how happy that makes me.  I probably could have made the trip shorter by a week in terms of meetings / business, but unfortunately for me Marko booked the flights.  Marko is the opposite of me when it comes to quality time / socializing / travelling / being away from home etc. 

Funnily enough, at home Marko is the saver and I am the spender. He squirrels money away while I spend it all. On bills like the house bond, the school fees, salaries, food etc.  So it is not like I am wasting it (a lot).  But when we travel overseas, Marko likes to travel in style. I prefer to MOAN ABOUT HOW EXPENSIVE EVERYTHING IS.

Have I mentioned what a pain in the arse I am?

I love my home. I have missed home some much. I have missed my kids, my parents, my friends, my work, Woolies, salads, wine that doesn’t cost a forking fortune, biltong, my car, driving, I miss Cape Town. Cape Town is one of the best cities in the world, it certainly is one of the most beautiful.  I know we have our problems, some of them are really big. But I love Cape Town.  I love South Africa. And I love Africa.  I can’t wait to touch down on African soil.

I am honoured to be able to travel, but there is no place like home.