So Close

It's like riding a bike

I accomplished one of the most exciting achievements of my life this weekend, I taught the kids how to ride a bike. It was SO exciting!

We stay in a fantastic security estate, a little haven where the kids are able to ride their bikes around the complex with very little cars driving around and where there aren't any 'baddies' lurking around. At any given day on a weekend there are at least 10-20 young children riding their bicycles up and down. And up until this point, my children haven't been able to participate because they didn't know how to ride a bike.  We bought them bikes 6 months ago but after an aborted attempt to teach them how to ride a bike (*cough* Marko *cough*), the bikes just gathered dust in the garage. I thought about teaching them myself but it was hot and sweaty and I just couldn't.

But it is school holidays now and on Thursday night it was one of those beautiful Cape Town sunny winter's evenings and I thought I would give it a bash. I ran up and down next to the bike telling them how to balance and how to peddle (yay, I remembered!) and Adam got it straight away. Within a few minutes he was peddling up and down as if he had being doing it for years. He had got it.  It took until this morning for Kate to get it, but she has got it too.  It was such a fantastic feeling to see the two of them riding up and down on their bikes.

Yesterday I bought Max a bike too and today the kids were on their bikes the whole day. Poor Adam has a sore bum from all the bike riding. Marko and I are so excited about this bike riding thing we are thinking about getting bicycles too! 

Here are some pics from today. I was going to photoshop some shoes on Max and a helmet on Adam but I am tired and its late so I want you to pretend you can see them. Would hate to have a repeat of this.

 

 

The gift of an eye

There are so many people all over the world who need help. One needn't even go looking, all you need to do is stop looking away for a moment and it is easy to get overwhelmed by the enormity of the need.  (And living in a country like South Africa, there is even more need, everywhere)

But a while ago, a request caught my eye. A friend of a friend of a friend posted something on FB and for some or other reason I decided to click on the link. I was overwhelmed by this woman's story.  I donated some money towards her cause and today got some feedback.  I am humbled by what this one woman (and her two friends) are doing to help other children.  

Please read her story here and please help if you can. My heart goes out to these children:  http://www.backabuddy.co.za/champion/project/running-the-vic-falls-marathon

Akhona, 11 years old

On 22 December 2012, on their way to the Transkei, Akhona, her mother, father, sister and aunt were involved in a head on collision.  Akhona’s mother died.  Akhona’s little sister sustained severe head injuries to the extent that she is now disabled. Akhona also suffered from severe head injuries and lost her one eye.  She waited 6 months for a prosthesis.  She and her father and uncle who are taking care of her are over the moon with the result although more work has to be done due to the extent of injury experienced. She says thank you so much.

 

Tahir, 2 years old

Tahir’s mother Shihaam saw a strange light-like effect in Tahir’s eye when he was a new born.  She immediately took him to the Red Cross Children’s hospital (in Cape Town) where he was diagnosed with Retino-blastoma, a cancer found only in children, localised in the eye but capable of spreading to the rest of the body.  On the 23 November 2011 the eye was enucleated (enucleation is the removal of the eye that leaves the eye muscles and remaining orbital contents intact) and he underwent a series of chemo therapy sessions.  He has tumours in his other eye too but so far he can still see through that eye and it is not yet necessary for an enucleation.  On 12 June 2013 he was fitted with his first prosthesis and his parents were ecstatic especially his father who couldn’t take the comments from other people anymore. “Now people treat my son as a normal person”.  Tahir on the other hand dances in front of the mirror, admiring his eye!

 

Warren, 12 years old

Warren was on a train, on his way home from school when a brick was thrown through the train window and which hit his left eye.  He went immediately to Red Cross hospital where an enucleation was performed as the eye was too damaged to save. He was very traumatised and sad but a social worker helped to a degree. Kids mocked and teased Warren to the point that he didn’t want to attend school anymore.  He started hiding behind sunglasses, never removing them, even when he saw Vida for the prosthesis for the first few times.  Warren received his custom-made prosthesis!  He is a positive, very happy child again and never wears his sunglasses.  “He is a very happy boy again”, says his mother.    

 

Shaylin

Shaylin has Retino Blastoma (cancer found only in kids, manifests in the eyes.)  Shaylin and his family travel from George (approx. 370km from Cape Town) for treatment and according to Vida they have been known to wait at the clinic at 8am for their 2pm appointment. 

NOTE: Permission was sought and granted by the children and their families to use their photos and stories. 

 

What do we owe our parents?

As my parents and their generation get older, I have been thinking a lot about what we owe our parents?  Is it our responsibility to take care of them when they are old, as they did when we were young?  Or was it their responsibility to plan for their old age? Is it our turn now to live our lives now, they had their turn? Do we not owe them a debt of gratitude for everything they did for us? For the many, many sacrifices they made when we were young?

When I was younger, the answer was simple to me (as most things were. With age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the realization that very few things in life are simple. Are either a firm yes or a firm no. Life is not black and white, it is more than just 50 shades of grey, and I am not referring to the book of the same name). Anyway, as I was saying, when I was younger, the answer was simple to me:  As children, we owed it to our parents to look after them when they were old.  Our parents, my parents, had done so much for us when we were children. They gave up their time, money, bodies, life so that we may develop, grow and become successful. As adults, we are reaping the rewards of their blood, sweat and tears. Literally and figuratively.

But as I have gotten older, I have realized that it is not as simple as that. Not everyone has parents like mine - parents who were kind, loving, caring. Who gave as much as they could to their children. Who wisely invested their money and who saved for their retirement.  Who, back then and even today, always had their children's best interests at heart.  Who were and still are, decent, nice, caring human beings.

When I was younger, I used to hear stories about lonely old people in the old-age home and wonder "where are their children?? Why aren't their children visiting them?"  But maybe those children are exhausted by that parent who was mean, nasty, manipulative, abusive?  Who are tired of taking responsibility of a parent who didn't and won't take care of themselves?

As I have gotten older, I have met people who have parents unlike mine. Who have parents who have mistreated their children - in obvious and often less obvious ways. Who have been and still are horrible people. Selfish people. Nasty people.  Who were assholes to their spouses and their children.  Parents who still today manipulate and emotionally abuse their children.  Parents who did not save for their retirement. Who were irresponsible about their finances.  Who seem to have no regard for the fact that they might live to be older than they planned. (I know of one older woman who has planned that she lives until 75.  She has money until she is 75 years old, with no thought to the fact that she might live to 76. Or 80.).  

I have a friend who has a mother who is not a very nice person.  Who emotionally abuses her daughter, even today. Who withholds affection as punishment. And yet who will need taking care of when she is even older. What does my friend owe her mother?  

I have another friend who has in-laws who live beyond their means. Who have been extremely irresponsible about saving for their retirement. And who will become their daughter's responsibility when their expenses finally exceed their income. What does my friend owe his mother and father in law? Is it his responsibility to financially care for his in-laws?

Another friend whose mother has had extra marital affairs (which was extremely damaging to my friend), who has been a not-very-nice person her whole life and is now single and living in a room in someone else's house, wondering why her daughter won't allow her to stay with her and her family. Wondering outloud why her daughter wont have anything to do with her. 

What about these parents? What should their children do if these parents come knocking at the door to say "I have nothing left, I have no money / no place to stay.  I need your help."  Do we let them in? Do we turn them away?  

What do we owe the older parent who doesn't seem very deserving of much?

(Note:  My biggest blessing and gift in life has been the upbringing my parents gave to me. I realize every day how fortunate I am to have parents like mine. I sincerely believe that the successes in my life today are because of what my parents gave me, materially and more importantly emotionally and psychologically when I was growing up.  Love you mom and dad xx)

And now I have to dash to wake up the toddler.  And remind him and his siblings that they better take care of their mama when she is older. Or else I will haunt them FOREVER!