Love notes

Let me reassure all new mothers out there - do not despair if you have a not-so-easy baby, because sometimes not-so-easy babies turn out to be the sweetest, most kind-hearted souls. 

And those mothers who have easy, compliant, low maintenance babies - do not be too smug, because you never know what type of pre-schoolers / children they turn out to be. See exhibit B and exhibit C of my brood. Both were easy, compliant babies.  Both who have become rather challenging in different ways!  No names mentioned.

And then we have Exhibit A - my 'difficult' baby.  The one that made me think parenting is damn hard work.  That I was failing miserably as a mother. The one who has turned out to be the sweetest, kindest child.  Such a pleaser - the teachers love him, his friends love him.  He is always getting awards for good behaviour, he works hard, he does well academically, he does well at sport.  But most of all, he is such a kind-hearted child.  He really does care about everyone.  I actually think he might need to guard his heart a bit more because otherwise life is going to hurt more than it should.

Moral of the story:  Do not think that just because you have a not-so-easy baby that you are (a) doing a bad job or (b) you are doomed to have a difficult toddler / preschooler / child.  You might just be pleasantly surprised. And the same holds true for those of you who have easy babies:  it might not always be plain-sailing. (Exhibit B and C)

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About once or twice a week I send a little note in the children's (and husband's) lunchboxes.  A little love letter to remind them that I love them.

I did some for Valentine's day:

I did some a week later (the addendum to Marko's note was because he gave his lunch to the cleaner on Valentine's day and now she thinks that he is in love with her):

I asked Adam the other day whether his teacher saw his notes and he said no, because he ate his lunch on the mat with a group of his friends.  

"Oh" I said, "what do they say about your notes that I send?"

"They laugh and tease me" he replied.

"Oh no my boy, I am so sorry! Sometimes children can be a little mean. I am sorry that that they laughed at you. Would you prefer that I don't send the notes?"

"No!" he urgently replied, "Don't stop sending the notes, I love them. It's ok, I know they don't mean to laugh at me. They are just teasing me. I love the notes."

Such a sweet, sweet child. 

I must admit my heart broke a little when he said the other boys laughed at him.  My sweet-hearted little big boy.  

So today I tried to tone down the notes, to make it less 'tease-worthy':

I asked Adam whether he liked his note today and he said yes, he did.  I asked him whether the boys teased him and he said that he didn't show them the note. He just read it to himself.  

Sweet boy. Wish I could wrap all of them up forever to protect them from hurt and disappointment. I know I can't though. In the meantime, I will carry on sending love notes for as long as they will let me.

Comments

[SheBee]

Your addendum to Marko made me snort out my breakfast punch.

Adam is such a beautiful, sweet natured boy. The girls are going to be so lucky :)

[Sara]

I hope you continue to send them even when they don't want them. When I was moved out and on my own in college, and thus in a place to be able to repair the damage done to the mother-daughter relationship in high school simply because we're too similar in temper to get along well when confined to close quarters for long periods of time, my mom would occasionally send me the grown-up equivalent to these. They always meant a lot, even if I wouldn't admit it at the time.

[mar]

What a sweetie that Adam is! My now 17 year old son liked the notes too, esp. when I was traveling for work, I would leave them for my husband to put in his lunch. As he got to be 7-8-9, I traded the notes for jokes - knock knock jokes, etc. He loved it, and when I put one in his lunch he always went back to his class after lunch and told the class his joke. His teacher said the class loved it, he loved being the funny kid, and it made me feel like I was still sending him my little love notes in a little different way.

And the feeling of wanting to protect them doesn't stop, I'm afraid - the things you want to protect them from just change!

[Wobs]

The best is when they start returning those "love notes" - I have a note from my (now 18 year old) son when he was about 6 (he use to be such a deep sleeper that sometimes he would forget to wake up to go to the toilet and on the rare occasions that he wet the bed he would be mortified) he wrote me a little note that was placed next to my bed which read, "Mom, befor you go to sleep tonite, plz take me to the tiolet, xx" there was another note I found in my undewear draw (after having a little row with him for not listening) - he was also about 6 or 7 - and his note read, "I am sorri Mom, I won't do it again". I treasure these notes...

[Meg]

My mom wrote notes in my lunches every day through grade school (index cards, with thematically appropriate stickers). I didn't know anyone else whose parent did that, so seeing that you do that for your children makes me happy.

[Marisol]

What a great idea!! i love it and I will definitely adopt it ...

[Julie James]

What a sweet, poignant post! Brought a tear to my eye when I remembered similar sweet moments with my own children You can never tell them often enough how much you love them ! Thank you so much for sharing!

[comprehensive insurance]

That is so so adorable. My mom did the same for me, I kept all of them and now have a box filled with notes. Such a treasure!

[Cherry]

I love the idea, it is really special. I think any child will treasure it.

[Sharona Zee]

poor cleaner, hopes dashed!

what a wonderful practice for your lovely family!

[car insurance]

I found my box filled with my mother and my primary school GF messages hehe, ;)

[Jenny]

First of all, you are right about babies. My daughter was the perfect baby while my son was a challenge. Now the roles have reversed over a decade later. They might be shy about love notes now in their lunches, but I send love text messages and emails - and I glow when they send them back. One day my son IM'd me just to say he loved me. I felt great all day!

[Office pods]

Yes. That’s true. A small note can make a big difference. It can tell your loved ones how much you care about them. Nice idea.