Adding to the list of people who are raising my children

When I first had children, there were some people who were horrified that I (a) had to work and (b) had a nanny to help me with the twins.  They said that they just couldn't imagine having "other people raise their children". Which is such a holier-than-thou, shitty thing to say.  Luckily I am ok with the fact that I am unable to clone myself and therefore do need help to 'raise' my children.  

As you know, the twins started Grade 1 this year.  Which has been quite an adjustment, for all of us.  Grade 1 is a lot more work for the children and also for the parents!  Suddenly we have (conflicting) extra murals and stuff like Homework. Lots of homework! I was finding it increasingly difficult to fit in a full days work into a full day of Grade 1 'admin' (fetching, taking, lifting, sport, extra murals, homework) and so after flirting with the idea for several months, I decided to take the plunge and employ an Au Pair.  

It is/was a huge decision, because unlike with Rose (who is still very much around, she looks after Max most of the time and the twins some of the time and still lives with us, but unfortunately doesn't drive), having an Au Pair feels like a bit of luxury, like I am shirking my responsibilities.  But my work is suffering and if I don't work I can't save money for my children's education, send my children to private school and stay in our house in the security complex.  It was Marko who eventually persuaded me to go for it. His approach was simple:  You need the help so get the help. What's the problem?

I did lots of research, I looked at hundreds of CVs, did a few interviews and then with the help of my BFF, made a choice. As of last week, we have a new member of the village raising my children - Jayde.  Jayde will help out with the twins a few hours each afternoon. She will take them to their extra murals and help with the homework. 

(Plus Jayde will look after Adam and Kate's BFF K 2-3 afternoons a week, so my BFF and I are sharing the costs, which helps)

Jayde started with us last week and it is almost too good to be true, which makes me nervous.  (She is probably going to read my blog and will think I am crazy, oh well).  She doesn't have Au Pair experience but that wasn't important to me. What was important to me was to have someone with integrity, someone who I can trust with my children.  Someone who was decent, fair and caring.  Someone who is responsible, realiable and trustworthy.  Someone who doesn't smoke, who isn't lazy and who is never late.  Jayde is all that and more.  Plus she is pretty, clever and funny too. There is so much I like her about her.  .  

Which makes me so anxious!!  Because there must be something wrong!  (And because 'anxious' is my default setting, so tiring)  No one is perfect and I keep waiting for the imperfection to happen.  For her to do something that is going to make me feel all disappointed and make it all fall apart.  I keep watching and looking. And the longer it takes to appear, the more anxious I get.  Where is the imperfection?? When will it appear? She can't be that 'perfect'??

To make matters worse, I asked her to send me her hours for last week and she sent me a spreadsheet.  With formulas in it. A SPREADSHEET!!! WITH FORMULAS!! It doesn't get better than that.  I *heart* spreadsheets. I do spreadsheets for fun! The way to my heart is through spreadsheets!

I jest, but I am actually quite anxious about having someone help out. Even though my children are 7, I still baby them quite a lot and it feels weird to hand them over to someone else, even if it is for a few hours in the afternoon.  Plus of course, the guilt I feel at not being the one to sit at the side of the netball court even thought I was the only one who was sitting at the side of the netball court because I baby my children so much.

But, so far so good.  The children like Jayde very much and she seems to like them.  She hasn't resigned yet.  Let's hope that it all works out well for everyone.

PS Jayde, if you are reading this please could you let me know what your imperfection is so that I can move on from worrying what it could be. Thanks. 

Comments

[Marcia (123 blog)]

I love it! I say hire all the people you need. I'd have more if I could afford it :)

Jayde sounds lovely - children are very good judges of character!

[Heather]

I think it sounds fabulous! Can't wait to her what her imperfection is.

[Andrea]

I have an Au Pair to, the kids call him Grandpa, I am very lucky and think t
It's great you have found someone you can trust. Oh and I love seeing the word 'netball
In a blog post!

[Tanya]

She sounds fabulous! Hope her flaw when found is tiny enough to be completely meaningless. I'd hire the whole damn village to help raise my children if I could!

[nancyblackett]

Tertia, I never comment on your blog but I just wanted to say as someone who had nannies, babysitters and the whole gamut of carers to help with my two daughters, I am totally on your side. My daughters are now 16 and 19. The "au pair" who looked after them when they were little flew 24 hours from her high powered job in Switzerland to be at the oldest's 18th birthday party. The amah we had when the girls were tinies and we lived in HK writes to us every Christmas and is our friend on facebook. The live-in nanny I had when the youngest was a baby is our dearest friend even though she lives thousands of miles away. I salute bringing other loving adults into your children's lives. I think it is only a positive experience for them and for you.
PS, if Jayde ever wants another job... my oldest hearts spreadsheets too

[Dayna]

It is wonderful to bring more people into the children's lives who will love and support them. It does indeed "take a village" and it's supremely shitty of other women to stick their noses up at the choices their sisters are making. We are all in the same boat and how we each cope according to our families' needs is just fine; there is no one right path. So glad it's working out for you!

[barbara]

You are contributing to the economy. You have the money to do so, it is your responsibility to invest that money back into the local economy. Kudos to you for following through on your civic responsibilities. If you hadn't hired first Rose and then Jayde, they would both still be unemployed and looking for work. So whatever, let the haters hate, it's what they do. YOU contribute to the economy and financial well being for two outstanding people. I haven't responded for a long while, here you go.

[Cat@jugglingact]

Well worth the money

[sheilah]

I echo what barbara said. Labor is inexpensive in SA and there are a lot of people who need work. What would be financially impossible for most people here in the US (and other countries as well) is well worth the money, both for you and the people you employ.

[Wobs]

Jayde sounds divine! Good luck, just remember - you gotta do what you gotta do!

[Beth]

I think it's great you can afford to do this, and I totally agree that "it takes a village." As a single mom I rely heavily on my church community to help me raise my daughter (as you know, I'm a minister). I love having all these grandmotherly women surrounding me and helping to love and care for my little one. I hope all continues to go well with your au pair.

[monica]

Totally worth the money and effort! I am a single mom by choice it the USA, and I live outside of Boston. Even though I make what seems to be tons of money (150K!!!) (compared to the rest of the world) I still have never have been able to afford live in or daily help for my boys -ages 9 and 13 ( houses in my town are over 600K for 1200 sq feet). Think it would have been great to have what you have the ability to... well ....have!

By the way-just a warning to all - 12/13 is the MOST difficult age I have ever experiences so far. I mean - there are times when I literally don't know what to do (!) to deal with behavior and puberty and "teen issues!. I DREAM of the days when my boys were 6 and 9 and below! These days, I read your posts with nostalgic jealousy!