PIP breast implants / I told you so / Those Damn French

There is nothing the Internets like more than the opportunity to (a) act superior and / or (b) say 'I told you so'.  Today, as my gift to you, I give you the opportunity to do both.  For free. Please don't ever say I don't do nice stuff for you.

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As you know, about five years ago I decided that I would really like another baby. I had a few frozen embryos left in a cooler box in the fridge and I thought I would give them a spin.  I was anxious about opening that whole infertility mind-fuck thing but I consoled myself with the fact that if the frozen embryo transfer didn't work, I would not go down the route of multiple IVFs again. I would hang up my reproductive boots and get some new 'for ornamental use only' boobs.

The frozen IVF did not work so I got new boobs.  Or rather, I filled up the empty old ones with silicone implants.  

Because life is a funny old thing, two years after I got the boobs I got the baby anyway.  

News of the new boobs did not please some on the Internets.  They did not approve for various reasons, some of which were valid, some of which was a bit judgey. Some of which was their personal opinion which they are perfectly entitled to and some of which was just the normal common or garden variety internet arsehole reaction. 

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I have decided that February will be orifices check up month - boobs, vag, teeth etc and so on Tuesday I went for my annual mammogram.  The mammogram was fine but then it was time for the ultrasound.  The technician started scanning my breasts and then she stopped on one spot and took a few pictures. Then she scanned some more. Then she took more pictures. Then she scanned some more. And some more and some more and some more.  And just like that, I was transported back to the many (MANY) times I lay on the table, having ultrasounds of ovaries / lining / fetal sacs / babies / dead babies where the news has been bad, very bad.  I knew something was wrong. My heart sank and I went icy cold.  My first thought was the big C. 

Thankfully it wasn't that, but what was wrong is that the one implant is leaking. The implant has ruptured.

FUCK.

I got dressed and sat down with the doctor who informed me that implant ruptures are not uncommon (1% of cases) and by themselves do not post any significant risk.  "Unless of course you have one of those dodgy French implants" she joked.

Anyone want to put some money on which implants I have?

Yip, those dodgy French implants that have been all over the news recently. 

DOUBLE FUCK

** This is the part where all the haters just got a delicious little shiver up their spine. It's a pleasure**

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Why did my plastic surgeon use PIP implants five years ago?  For the same reason all the other plastic surgeons did at the time. The implants were approved by the European Regulatory Authority and there was no reason to think that there was anything wrong with them. They were not the most expensive implants but they were certainly not the cheapest.  

Normal implants have a rupture rate of 1%, these dodgy French shit have a rupture rate of 11%. And as if that wasn't bad enough, they are apparently filled with non-medical grade silicone. Lovely.

The bottom line is that these suckers must come out.  When I first got the news that the implant had ruptured I said I don't want other implants put in but I have since calmed down and after discussion with my doctor and a few other people, I have decided to replace them with what will hopefully be high grade implants.

And no, I am not using saline implants I am going to stick to the silicone ones. 

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This is a huge pain in the ass. In the chest actually. And the wallet.  My surgeon is removing the implants for free but I obviously have to pay for the replacement implants, plus the theatre time etc which is a significant amount of money.  It is money I would have preferred not to spend.

However, the biggest pain (besides the actual physical pain which I think is not going to be insignificant) is the time I have to take off from my daily chores, from my daily life.  It is only when you have to replace yourself (lifts / school runs / extra murals / physical mothering) that you realize how much you do.  It is a HUGE mission to make sure that I have someone else to do what I do on a daily basis.  I hate asking people to help out. ALTHOUGH!!!  I know they will help with pleasure. I get shouted at by my friends because I don't let them help enough. It sucks not being able to do it yourself though. 

My operation is next Friday. I am already wondering what else they can do while I am under! Pin those Dumbo ears back.... remove those love handles.... fill that crevice between my eyebrows.... give me a pedicure....If I am going to be out of action for a while, I might as well get a nip or a tuck at the same time ;-)

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I can wail and shout and stomp my feet and cry 'why me' but that has helped me not one bit in the past. I have become somewhat of a veteran of falling in the unlucky X%. I am used to dealing with life's blows.  In the grand scheme of things, this is not a tragedy. It's a ginormous pain in the arse, but it is not a tragedy.

All I can say is thank goodness I went for the mammogram. I had no signs or symptoms to think that anything is wrong.  And just like my mother's cancer and in so many other situations like that, early detection is so important. So make sure you go for regular check ups of all your orifices, even if you don't have dodgy French boobs.

PS I don't hate the French, just that one French fucker. 

PPS Imagine how much the mail order bride is going to love me now! W00t!

Comments

[Dido]

oh shit. incredible! i just couldn't believe it when i read the title...

but dear t., as you so nicely and precisely put it 'I have become somewhat of a veteran of falling in the unlucky X%. I am used to dealing with life's blows.'

and hun, do you deal with them with grandeur!!!

all the best!!!

[Rene]

Ai, Tertia, I am sorry this has happened to you. I am sure you are feeling a bit....deflated at the moment! But just think how perky you are going to feel within a months time!! Take care xx

[Stacey Vee]

Wow, Tertia - I cannot believe your luck. So these dodgy implants are filled with industrial-grade silicone. It's enough to make me run around screaming 'Get them out of me! Aak!'. I wonder if they'd let you keep the one that's not leaking? (That's a joke. Although, we were given my hubby's kidney stone in a little plastic jar last week). I'll be thinking of you on Friday. Hoping for no more complications and a smooth recovery. x

[Amanda]

What a disgrace! Surely the guys who made the dodgy implants are liable to replace them. And um - why wasnt there a recall - like in kids toys? Once they realised they are industrial grade, more prone to leak etc - why didn't your doctor call you up - say you have the PIPs, we should look at them, check their integrity and maybe replace them. I don't get it - why isnt "the establishment" more on the hook here.

And - yuk - it is such a horrible thing to happen though I admire your attitude. I would totally think of a way to swing it to a positive - think if it as a few days to catch up on your lying in bed and reading. or get bigger implants and a pedicure while you are under :)

Hope it goes smoothly and make sure the put the good stuff in this time.

[Jody]

Gah! I'm so sorry, that sucks. I'm still not a huge fan of implants for myself (won't rehash the arguments, tho' rupture/replacement is one of my big fears) but there are days when I am tempted, no question. I hope your operation and recovery goes as smoothly as possible, and you are enjoying your new non-dodgy cleavage very very soon.

So glad it's just leaky silicone, and caught soon. Whew!

[Chickenpig]

You have some of the worst luck in the world! Or at least it would be if you didn't have your freak miracle Max :) I'm so sorry that this happened. I was probably one of the "I wouldn't do it myself, but kudos to you on doing something positive for yourself" camp back in the day. Nobody needs this shit. I hope everything goes well and you come out of this with stellar looking boobs.

[Debbie]

Ai bad luck on the leaky boob,but luckily you had the mammogram.
Good luck with the op next week and enjoy the forced down time.

[a]

That sucks. Hope the surgery and recovery go well (and quickly).

[Kathleen999]

I'm sorry. With all you have been through, I would have thought you'd get a pass on the leaky implant issue. Sorry the gods are not cooperating with you. I hope you have a quick recovery and that your mom babies you like she did last time.

[Hawk]

I don't think anyone should be patting themselves on the back for anyone else's misfortune. I am sorry to hear about your bad luck! Hope it all goes well and definitely ask for help. That's what our friends are for!

[Lindsay]

BUGGER!!!!

[Anna]

Oh, that totally sucks. I am so sorry!! I wish you the best for your upcoming surgery and recovery. Be well!!!

[Cat@jugglingact]

I am really sorry about that. It's just crappy! And imagine what we had to hear when we sent our 6 year old daughter for plastic surgery (the dumbo ears thing)

[Marisol]

Ohhh, I am sorry. That sucks. Ask for help and don't even think about it! it is (should be) great to feel pampered...
I am curious though. Why did/do you choose silicone over saline? I did mine 11 years ago and I have saline implants. I remember I thought at the time that, whatever happens, I would not worry about leaking.

[Katherine]

So sorry to hear. Few things. Chris (Plastic surgeon hubby) says you must make sure you get a 40% discount on the price of the Euro silicone implants. He got an email recently saying they are offering anyone needing to replace PIP ones a 40% discount on the cost. They are a good make (he uses them and they offer a lifetime guarantee) and are in no way connected to PIP, just maybe see it as a gap in the market perhaps. Think they are about R5000 then less 40%. The other interesting issue (which he said I shouldn't tell you but he's never going to read this) is that when they asked who'd used them at their Annual Plastics conference last year(when the sh1t had just hit the fan, it was quite a number of the better known, more expensive surgeons that had. They were significantly cheaper than the other implants (a cost usually included in the surgeon's fee) and there were questions about whether one should use them both because they were cheaper and the company had previously gone bankrupt. They were CE approved so technically there shouldn't ever have been a problem but still. If you have any questions or want more details about Euro silicone or the email or anything else just shout. Hope the op goes well.

[ruth]

i'm sorry but i so laughed out loud when I read this - not because I am a hater, but just realising what a bloody BALL the actual haters will have. esp that christian mom from a few years back. her granny knickers will be crawling RIGHT UP HER BUM when she finds out. oh, and there is also the irony factor. altho she wouldn't call it irony, but punishment from God (altho i thought THAT was supposed to come once you were dead already - my theological timeline is a tad rusty).

my inappropriate humour aside, this is total ARSE. altho, after a month where my family members are being hit from all sides by really serious illness, I am grateful for you that it is not cancer.

of all the people i know that this could happen to, i am glad it is you - one because you have the ability to charm the birds out of the trees with your humour and two, because of all the shit you have been thru this will seem like a cake walk. just rip the surgeon who penny pinched and gave you the cheapest and meanest implants on the planet a NEW ONE, and keep us posted

[Sheridan]

Well that sucks big time. I am really sorry!!!!

[Sara]

Well, that sucks 32 different flavors of arse, is all that I have to say. So sorry, T.

[Katy]

Oh bugger it! What rubbish luck. Hope the op goes OK and the new knockers look even more fabulous.

[Roo]

You earned it. No surgery in the world can repair your vile narcissism.

[tryingtobegrownup]

That does suck. I hope Boobs 2.0 turn out to be even cuter and perkier than the dodgy French ones.

On another note, I really wish you hadn't introduced me to the Mail Order Bride; I'm ghoulishly hooked on her crazy blog. I think it's the pictures of her buzz-cut white-shirted sons that are the most troubling - do you think she's deliberately styling them like junior members of the Aryan Nations, or is it just a happy coincidence?

[Erin]

So sorry to hear the news. Anyone that can take pleasure in someone else's misfortune needs to take a long look in the mirror. Especially when we are talking about you, a woman who can't say no to anyone who asks you for help. If anyone like that Roo are in my part of the US let me know and I'll go box their ears :)

[Lesley]

I hope the surgery goes well and that you'll recover as quickly as as can be expected.

[BiancaW]

fokkit man! That sucks! Good luck on Friday. But.....now that you are going to be taking it easy for a while - how about more family updates? :-) Cheeky huh?

[Vivian]

Tersia hope it all goes well with sorting out your boobs. I have your kind of luck so even if I could afford it I will just resign my self to living with my Gravi-tities.

[Sarah]

Life is fun as the statistical outlier. I hope that the new set falls into the 99% category and that your recovery time both physically and financially is short.

[Jenty]

Holy crap that's hectic!! And here I was thinking I've had a bad month!

[Slim]

Is that Roo with a silent sz? SzRoo?

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

[Alexicographer]

Oh no! I heard about the dodginess and didn't even think of your boobs (go figure!). I'm so sorry to hear yours were among the dodgy set, what a nuisance.

[carrie]

Oh no - does that mean the hunky boob designer pic has to go..bugger! Hope it goes well and you are feeling your 'ol perky self again soon!

[Bebesuisse.blogspot.com]

No delicious little shiver here, just best wishes for a good recovery (and new boobs just as perky as the last).

[Allison Rouble]

Fuck a Duck, well not really....I am also a 1percenter and according to the doctors I have a lot of "one off" situations...

Hope you have a quick recovery and keep us posted....