So Close

Happy birthday from Kate

It was my birthday on Saturday and Kate made this card for me. Its absolutely perfect.

Outside of card:

Inside of card:

Still harbouring secret lesbian fantasies about me

Remember the mail order bride Zsuzsanna, the one who harboured secret lesbian fantasies about me even though she is married to Steve, the gay-hating, Obama-hating pastor from America who said "he would not call someone who shot a group of gays and lesbians with a machine gun a murderer."?  Well she is back!

A few blog readers emailed me to say that good old Zsusie, clearly still stung by the fact that I never returned her affection, wrote about me again on her blog!  I thought the passion had died but the flame clearly burns on for Zsuse.  

In a nutshell, Zsusie thinks I am a murderer.  A monster.  A monster who has killed 84 children. Because I did IVF in order to conceive.  And because I use expletives!  I personally think Zsuse enjoys a bit of dirty talk but is too shy to admit it.  

Zsusie really hates IVF. And gays. And especially gays who do IVF. What do you think Zsusie would say if she knew that I helped many, many gay people become parents through egg donation, surrogacy and IVF!  

Also, Zsusie is a bit of a fibber. For someone who says they don't read my blog, she seems to know an awful lot about me.  Naughty Zsusie!  Come here and let me spank your bottom!

Not like me

Georgia, who lives in my 'hood, sent me a link to her blog and I was so impressed that I had to share it with you.  As someone who does not have a creative bone in her body, I am super impressed with Georgia's work. One day when I am big, I want to be just like Georgia.

Love and Lollipops:  www.love-and-lollipops.blogspot.com

The really terrible twos

Wow, I had forgotten how terrible the terrible twos were.  They really are TERRIBLE.

Max is being rather trying lately. And by rather trying I mean really bloody awful.  He is so naughty! OMG! What happened to my sweet, lovely natured baby??  Who swapped him with this naughty, wild toddler?  If I wasn't so exasperated, I would be impressed.

Before I get into the latest Max problem, let me catch you up with two outstanding issues re Max.

A. School:

You will recall that I was having a lot of doubt about sending Max to school next year.  I was worried about him not being ready, about me not being ready.  Well, he is going to school next year. On the 9th of Jan.  If I could send him tomorrow, I would.  

Only joking! Although, he really is going to school on the 9th Jan. 3 mornings a week from 9-12.  After thinking about it and chatting to the teacher, I decided it would be best if he started school in summer rather than winter. I am feeling quite anxious about it (the crying that will happen during drop off!!), but I know it is the best thing for him.  His speech has come on really well over the last few weeks, so I think he is ready. And the truth is, I am looking extremely forward to having a break from him for three mornings a week. We need some quality time apart. 

B.  Sleeping in his cot:

He is not.  Not sleeping in his cot.  He refuses. So he is sleeping in my bed. Which is totally fucked up and wrong but I can't bare the thought of making him cry it out just to get him to sleep in the cot.  I have ordered another bed and when it comes, I will move him in the room with Adam. In the meantime, Marko and I will just not sleep or have any life. Being a parent is fabulous!

Which brings us to the next issue...

C:  Hitting, pushing, biting and other worrying behaviour:

Max hits, pushes and sometimes bites (he mainly bites me). If another child comes close to him, he thinks the child is going to take his toy and he pushes the child away.  Yesterday I took the kids to a play place and I overheard another mother talking about a blond child that had hit her precious daughter in the face.  That blond child was mine! I wanted to DIE!  I apologized profusely but I could tell she thought I was (i) a bad mother for not monitoring my child constantly instead of WORKING ON MY LAPTOP! and (ii) my child was a brat. I don't want my child to be a brat.

I know where he gets it from. He has two tough, rough, exuberant siblings who have no qualms about pushing him away if he tries to knock their lego tower over.  He has learnt to go in fighting if he wants to steal their toy away.  

I don't want Max to hit other children. I know many children push other children away, especially when they think their toy is going to be taken, but I don't want Max to hit.  He is going to school next year with children who might be smaller or weaker than him, I don't want him to get physical with them.  Unfortunately his speech is not yet there so it is not as if I can tell him to 'use his words'. He doesn't have the words, yet.  (He does know "mine" though. That is his favourite word, usually followed by a push).

This morning was not a good morning.  Kate was being OBNOXIOUS!  Willful, disobedient and generally a pain in the ass.  So my patience was very thin by the time I got to school.  When we were walking to class, Max wanted to run into the play area to play so I said no sternly and picked him up.  And he responded by slapping me through the face, hard. One of those loud, stinging slaps that reverberated across the then quiet play ground. My face was stinging. I had to put him down and walk away. I was about to lose my shit totally.  

I don't know what to do about the hitting thing. It is really worrying me. 

GAH!!  Isn't this parenting thing supposed to get easier as you have more kids?  Damn it, these children can drive one to drink.  

I think I am going to ship them all off to boarding school and run away to a deserted island with a case of chardonnay and a packet of chips n dip.

PS Luckily I am quite fond of Max, or else I would have done as Kate suggested: "Take him back to the pet shop"

 

Getting kids to sleep doesn't get any easier the more you have

There are some things I am really good at when it comes to the mothering thing.  And there are some things that I really suck at. Getting kids to sleep through the night is one of those things.  My kids sleep through the night when they decide to, not because of anything I do.  Kate slept through at about 10 months, Adam at 3 years old (!!) and Max at about 2.  Except that for the last two nights he seems to have lost the plot.

He is usually very easy to put down, we have the same routine every night.  He still sleeps in a cot (in my cupboard. True story) and I just put him in his sleeping sack, put him in the cot and he goes to sleep.

On Friday night he started crying.  I went in, picked him up, sat with him for a few minutes and put him back in the cot. He went ballistic. I tried all my usual tricks. I shhh'ed him, I got strict, I event sent in the heavies (Marko). After TWO hours, I couldn't anymore and I put him in the bed with me. He went to sleep straight away.  I spent the rest of the night being kicked, prodded, knocked etc. I looked and felt like shit in the morning.

Last night, same thing. This time for 2.5 hours. I tried everything again. I even sat on the floor next to his cot in the dark (in the cupboard!) for an HOUR with my arm through the slats of the cot, first patting his back then just sitting there waiting for him to fall asleep. He didn't fall asleep. I eventually got up and he started screaming again. And so I did the worst thing possible, I put him in the bed with me again.  Where he spent the rest of the night with his head on Marko's pillow and his feet on mine, lying perpendicular on the bed.  Marko and I hanging off the side of the bed.  Needless to say that neither Marko nor myself got much sleep.

You would think that after 3 kids, I would know what to do about this but I am clueless.  Clueless and tired.  

If he cried for 30 mins and then fell asleep I would still be able to handle it, but I can't handle him crying for two hours.  Ignoring a crying baby (no matter how big) makes my nerve endings stand on end.  

Of course, I am completely paranoid about what will happen tonight.

He can't sleep in the bed with us.  He is too big and we aren't going to get enough sleep. Marko and I need to sleep in order to be the best parents we can and in order to do our respective jobs.

Sigh. I suppose I should just let him cry. I am probably making it worse by going in there all the time.  I think I am going to sleep on the other side of the house tonight and send Marko in there.  He seems to listen to Marko more at night, he knows he can maniupate me. I don't what his story is! He isn't sick, he isn't teething.  He just wants to sleep in my bed with me.  

I have ordered a new bed for Kate so that Max can move into the room with Adam. Even though the thought of having Max on the loose is a terryfying one, I think Max would love to share a room with his brother. It might make him sleep better. 

Gah. This is very stressful :(  

Pic of Max's cot in my cupboard (walk in closet)

My big babies

Class photos and graduation pics.  When did they get so big!  

Pussycat, pussycat where have you been?

I've been to London to see the queen.  

Well, not the queen, but Primark, GAP, H&M and other such fabulous shops.  

Just come back from London, had a fabulous time!  Was there to support my friend Nicola the Fertility Astrologer who was exhibiting at The Fertility Show but cunningly went a few days earlier to spend some quality time with myself.

I love London.  I prefer it to New York (sorry!), maybe because I know it a bit better having been there a few times. It is just so accessible and interesting.

I had two glorious days all by myself. I hopped on the tube and went all over.  ALL BY MYSELF. Other busy people (wives and mothers) will appreciate what a treat this was.

The children missed me terribly and I missed them too but to be honest, not all the time.  Most of the time I was too busy having a fab time ALL BY MYSELF. 

Hope you've all been well and haven't missed me too much. Not that you would have noticed I was away seeing as I have become such a super shit blogger.

PS I stayed at a fantastic hotel, highly recommended - The Cavendish.  Great service and ideally situated very close to Piccadilly Circus tube station. Ask for sales manager Kelly, really excellent service.