I can't even boil an egg

Yesterday I tried to cook again, and I was once again reminded (a) that I HATE cooking and (b) that I suck at it.

I decided to make some boiled eggs.  We were having a salad kind of supper (cold roast chicken (store bought, obviously), tomatoes, cucumbers etc) and I thought a few boiled eggs would go nicely with the salad.  Plus I could mix the leftover eggs with mayonnaise to put on the sandwiches the next morning. Win.

It started off badly.  The friend I phoned to find out how to boil the eggs didn't answer her phone.  I was left to try and figure out how long to boil the eggs / whether to put the water in first or the eggs in first / whether the water should be hot or cold - so complicated!! (Good friends are so hard to find).  I eventually phoned another friend who told me what to do.  'Eight minutes from the time the water boils, warm water is fine'. Got it. 

Unfortunately I got distracted and didn't see what time the water started bubbling and then had to guess whether one minute had passed or five.  Which was extremely stressful. Thank goodness my guess of 2 minutes past / 6 minutes remaining was close enough and not one egg cracked. So proud.

I then started to make the egg and mayonnaise sandwiches only to discover that the mayonnaise had expired in January 2011.  Right. No mayonnaise with our egg and mayonnaise sandwich. It was all too much for me and I gave up for the night. I put the boiled eggs in tupperware and abandoned my cooking attempt.

This morning I woke up early to make sandwiches.  I crumbled (crushed?) the boiled eggs in the tupperware and sprinkled it on the sandwiches.  Unfortunately the crumbled boiled eggs spilled out the tupperware all over the floor.  At 6am.  I managed to salvage some of it and put it on the bread, cut the sandwiches into quarters and wrap it in lunch wrap.  Only to realize I had forgotten to put salt and pepper on the boiled eggs.  I briefly contemplated leaving it as is but after missing out on 50% of the ingredients in the egg and mayo sandwich, I thought the least I could do was add a bit of salt and pepper.  So I had to unwrap the sandwiches, peel off the bread, add the salt and pepper, put the bread back, wrap it again and put it in a packet for Marko's lunch. And then get on my hands and knees, at 6am after a night of disturbed sleep because SOMEONE was snoring like a tractor, and scrape the remaining boiled egg off the kitchen floor and throw it away.

It was then that I realized that I will never, ever like cooking and I will never, ever be any good at it.  

When I say I can't even boil an egg, I really mean I can't even boil an egg.  

Comments

[Jenty]

PMSL!! This did make me laugh. Well done for trying!

[Katrina]

Now why would you bother trying to scrape the egg off the floor when you have DOGS? Isn't that what the doggies are for - cleaning up?!

[Baglady]

Buy an egg boiler. 7 eggs and you dont have to know how to do it:-)

[Shannon]

I like the idea of an egg boiler. Amazing all the contraptions one gets these days - I even saw a cupcake maker! Imagine that Tertia, you could actually make cupcakes for bakers days....on second thought, why would anyone want to make something they could just as easily buy. Your efforts are comendable though :)

[Cyndee]

Now I made that chicken-in-a-bag that they've been advertising on TV last night - EEEEEEEASY peaaaaasy! Even Y-O-U can do it! Switch the oven onto 180 deg, put the chicken pieces (and mixed veges if you wish) in the bag (supplied), sprinkle over the seasoning (supplied) and bake in the oven for 40-45 mins - voila, meal in a bag - all done and dusted and VERY tasty too mind you!! Marko will LOVE you for that!

[Marcia (123 blog)]

LOL poor thing! I don't know how you do it - I would die if I couldn't at least cook something - my kids are like teenagers (at two) the way they eat

[A Daft Scots Lass]

heehee. you had me giggling. I'm not domestic goddess but I can boil eggs. practise my dear, oh I know, fuck it just buy everything from Woolworths!

[Lynn]

Any bad or good cook needs a good egg timer!

[Kelly]

So I am assuming you will not be entering the South African Masterchef Trials then :) LOL! Thanks for the good giggle :)

[V]

Hey T, I am really, really curious as to what your family eats. I can cook a little but am not very imaginative. I grill fish as per the instructions and put veggies in the microwave, my mac 'n cheese is macaroni with packet cheese sauce and cheese sprinkled on top, very basic stuff. Oh and I make Smash - with everything! Do you buy ready made meals from Woolies? Does Rose cook? Take-aways?? Advice needed for a fellow non-cook! (but I can at least boil an egg!)

[paul]

Once bought an egg boiler contraption thingy that you are supposed to use in the microwave. I had been warned many times by friends that you cannot use in microwave no matter what the packaging said...I went ahead anyway and to cut a long story short I am still cleaning pieces of nuked egg from the machine 6 months later lol.

Thanks for cheering up my day with your post. I thought it was just me who couldn't do eggs !

[Stephanie]

Lol...poor thing! I hardly ever buy mayo - and if it's expired, I usually test it to see if I can use I, you'd be surprised how many things are actually still edible past their "date"....although that may just be a US thing.

[Cheryl]

Easiest way to boil eggs. Put the eggs in a single layer at the bottom of the pan. Fill the pan with water. Put the pan on the heat and bring it to a raging boil. Take the pan off the heat, put a lid on it and let it set for 20 minutes. Easy peasy!

[Mabel's Labels Coupon Code]

I can`t begin to tell you how hard I just laughed because although I enjoy cooking and am even "ok" at it.. That would be me at the end scraping the egg off the floor- forgetting the ingredients and being kept awake by a tractor of a husband all night. (That part happens frequently)

[amy]

I can cook but I CANNOT boil eggs. I boil the hell out of them, they crack and are runny on the inside. No matter what recipe I follow I get the same results!