Mommy makes babies

My kids go to a private school.  This was not initially out of choice, but instead because the school I wanted to send them to was full (bastards rejected my darling children). I wasn't that keen on the private school for three reasons: 1. We didn't know anyone there (silly reason really, the kids made friends so quickly and they LOVE it there now), 2. It is expensive (but I can afford it, at least for now) and 3. It is further away than the other school.  Instead of a five minute drive, it is a 15-20 minute drive.  Nothing compared to some commutes of course, but a lot more than five minutes.  However, instead it being a pain, I actually look forward to the drive.  It is an opportunity to chat the kids - something that we don't do often enough. 

On Monday, I told them that I had a work meeting that afternoon so they would need to stay home with Rose for a bit. Adam asked me what work I did. My response was the same one we have had since they were old enough to know a little about this thing called 'work': I work on the computer.  But then Adam asked, "but what do you actually do?"

YAY!!!  I love talking about my work!!

"Well", I said, metaphorically rolling up my sleeves, "Mommy helps people to have babies". 

What an absolutely amazing, divine, cool, fantastic, awesome, special job I have! I help people have babies!! Damn, I am lucky.

I explained some more:  "Remember Mommy told you that to make a baby, you need a seed and an egg? (And a few hundred thousand bucks if neither of the buggers work) Well some people's eggs don't work so well, so Mommy finds kind ladies called egg donors who give some of their eggs to the people whose eggs don't work.  Then the doctor takes those eggs, mixes them with the seed and then the people can have a baby!"

We then had a great conversation about where the eggs are kept in one's body (pointing to my lower tummy area), whether I had eggs inside my tummy (yes), whether it meant I would have another baby (NO!!!) and whether Kate had eggs. 

Yes, I said - you do have eggs, but they are not yet ripe. One day when you are bigger and your eggs are ready, you can have a baby.

NOOOOO! says Kate, she doesn't want a baby because she doesn't want someone to make a cut in her tummy, it will be too sore.  Well, I replied - some people actually push the baby out their fannies you know (vag = fanny), you dont have to have a cut in your tummy. 

NO WAY!! I AM NOT PUSHING A BABY OUT OF MY FANNY!!!

That's ok dear, my feeling was exactly the same as yours.

Just then, I thought the time was right to chat about some of the different versions of family that exist today. 

"Do you know, some children don't have a mommy and a daddy, they have just a mommy.  Or some children even have two daddies!"

Hmm, they said, nodding their heads seriously, how cool!

And then we spoke about what the children would call the two daddies.

Well, they could call the one dad and the other one daddy.

Kate: Or dad and dada

Me: Yes

Adam: Or daddy and pops

Me: Yes

Kate: Or papa

Me: Yes

Adam: Or popa

Me: Hmm, maybe but I don.....

Adam: Or how about Popeye!

Me: No, probably not Adam.

Its amazing how children so easily accept what some grown ups seem to have such a hard time dealing with.  

And now I have to go.  But tomorrow I am going to tell you about why I am a HUGE supporter of gay parents and a bit about how I am cyber aunty to many gorgeous babies all over the world. Tomorrow we are going to talk about Papa and Popeye and their right to have children.

PS if you have ever thought about donating your eggs, please (PLEASE!) give it some serious thought - you would make an enormous difference in someone's life.  Read about the egg donor program here: (www.nurture.co.za) 

Comments

[acidicice]

Very cool conversation! I love the way you used the opportunity to broaden the scope and incorporate another lesson into it.

[Nola]

I love this post!!

[Orange]

Yes, children don't think families can (or should) ONLY be mom/dad unless that is the message that is reinforced to them. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of gay men (the lesbians are mostly a few neighborhoods away) and like to attend the LGBT Pride Parade and gay-friendly street fairs each summer. Two dads + baby at grocery store? Not so rare.

It's not at all the environment I grew up in. When a same-sex couple holding hands walks down the street, I still notice it in a way I don't notice straight couples being affectionate. I suspect hand-holding fades into the background for my son no matter whose hands are involved. Imagine the world in 20 years if *everyone* grew up feeling comfortable with the full range of human sexuality. (And races, religions, cultures, etc.)

P.S. My best friend and her partner used a sperm donor to have their son. He calls them Mama and Ima (the Hebrew word for "mama).

[One of Two Mommies]

What a fun and lovely conversation! As a lesbian mom of 3 toddlers I appreciate the fact that you are helping my chilren's peers learn more about diverse families. I am excited for my kids to grow up in an increasingly accepting and affirming global community. It's all of these "little things" that aren't so little that helps. My "little thing" I've been working on is forms you fill out at the doctor, dentist, school, etc. Nearly all of them ask for information on the "mother" and "father". In every case I explain our family situation and ask if they would consider changing their form to read "Parent #1" and "Parent #2" so that it is more inclusive. I have always had a good response from people. I'd encourage others to make the same request whether their gay or not. It's amazing how the little things like seeing your family respected on paper makes you feel.

[Kristin]

I love that you are so open and honest with them.

[haitian american family of three]

I created a line of fabric based on this idea, that there are all kinds of wonderful and diverse ways of being a family-there is a two papa, two mama, single parent, bi-racial family and more.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/manoallamano

Love the honest and kind way you speak with your kiddos.

-long time reader!

[Adele]

One of your best posts ever!

[Veronica]

I agree, I love how kids are so accepting of different kinds of families. THEY don't care, so why should anyone else?

[Poppy]

Good for you for teaching your children about the differences in families and how they are all totally acceptable. I do the same for my kids. Beats the religious views some of my twins' friends are brought up with.

Religion is great, as long as it does not bash or cause hate towards anyone. Or a fear of earthly wrong doings resulting in an eternity of burning in hell (raised Catholic!)

I have my own and I call it 'Being a Good Person' :) The rules? Be friendly, fair, appreciative, giving, and nurturing. (But NOT walked all over!)

[Wobs]

I look forward to your post! I love that children are so innocent and accepting - why do we have to loose that as we grow older?

[MollyK]

Have I ever told you that I *love* you?
Now, don't squirm,
I *LOVE* YOU!
Mwah! Big kiss! :-X

[Jen]

My friends, two men, have a son.

He calls one father, Abba (Hebrew). And the other Papa (will probably be shortened to Pop eventually).

Seems easy to me.

[Xavier]

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