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"Quit licking people!"

Don't bite the dog's tail!

"Don't put your toothbrush on your p*nis!"
I stopped brushing his teeth in the bathtub....

Dying at the first two comments because I replied to your twitter earlier with my favorite. "Don't lick the dog."

What is it with little people and licking and dogs???

Don't shoot your brother.

I added this to facebook "please stop calling your brother's scrotum a nut sack"


To my potty-training 3 year old,"sigh, yes honey you are right mommy needs need to use the big toilet because she has a big vulva and you have a little vulva"

Don't head-butt the cat! (My son has developed a habit of giving an enthusiastic head-nuzzle as a sign of affection. Cute until he hits the bridge of your nose.)

"No, you may not take your giant penguin to Paris."

"No mashed potato beards"
"Cucumbers do not make hats"
"Stop licking the carpet"

"Stop playing trains on your brother."
"We do not sit at the table naked."
"Please take your hand out of your pants. That is something you do in private."
Oh god...

"Poop is personal!"

"no, I will not pick your nose"

"please don't tell people that your Dad has magic spit"*

(*please let me explain. When DVDs skip, my sweety rubs spit on them then wipes off, they never give us trouble again. So I always say "Dad has magic spit!" Until one day when the six year old told a complete stranger "Ms. Lisa says my Dad has magic spit")

"We don't put candy in our vaginas."

"There is no such thing as a nipple parade."

"Stop farting on your father's head"

Hee Hee - as usual all it takes is your blog to make me smile!!!! What we need is a list of stuff you don't want your kids to tell the teacher at school!!!!

Mine was - Guess what Mrs R - the XX#@%$^& bad men stole all mommies bras and panties !!!!!

"Get out of that frying pan!"

"Does baby spit make my diamond shine?!" Said while one of my twins started chewing on my diamond wedding/engagment ring that was on my hand!

"stop painting the wall with your pooh"


Get your tongue off the conveyor belt! (the belt at the grocery store your purchases roll on down towards the cashier. I don't know what you call all that stuff in S.A.)

"Just lie back, this will only sting a little bit"

... I never thought I'd be a nurse hehe

Danielle take that chip of Rachel's shoulder.


"STOP licking the bin!!"

"Sorry Anna, but, no, you can't have a winkie"

"Of course your tongue will burn if you lick a light bulb!"

"Take your socks out of your applesauce!" and "you must wear undies in the front yard"

"Throw up into my hands."

Me to daughter about baby brother: "Whose poop did he eat, yours or his?"
"Which clothing rack did you poop in?"
"You're... pooping in the garbage can?"
"Get your finger out of his butt."
"Because I said so"
"We don't swing the cat around by his neck"

"I like the long thin one because they glide in easily and don't leave a big hole." (Speaking of sewing needles...REALLY!!!)

No, I don't have tissues, hock it back and swallow.

When your cousins done, THEN you can play with the hatchet!

check this out. good stuff.

Don't put the staircase in your pants.

1. stop licking the paving.
2. don't shine that laser up my nose.
3. no, the dog does not want to eat your buzz lightyear.
4. no, the dog food is not small biscuits for little boys.

While at a viewing for my husband's estranged grandfather, I actually yelled across the room at my then 12 year old son, " Stop leaning on the coffin!"..." Because he's dead that's why!"

I think Nixgrim and Plunkie is going to give me my first aneurysm. Heelarious!

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