Blogging about your children and when its time to stop

Unless you have a password protected blog with the password known only to you, if you blog - you share.  Some bloggers share a little of their lives with others, others (like me) over-share the minutiae of our daily existence to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen (read).

Even before my kids were born, I blogged about them. In fact, while they were still a positive balance in my bank account and a un-consituted vial of Gonal-F, I blogged about them.  When they were babies, I blogged about them. When they were toddlers, I blogged about them.  There were some of you who expressed concern (<-putting it politely) about what I was doing, but after thinking about it carefully, I felt comfortable that I wasn't compromising their needs with my need to share. I said that I would stop sharing when I felt it was time to stop sharing.

That time has come sooner than I thought.

I will still blog about my kids and how crazy they drive me sometimes, but I am increasingly reluctant to share things about them that might make them feel uncomfortable one day.  Normal day to day stuff, fine. Anything personal or particular to their individual personalities, unfortunately no longer.  I am very aware of the danger of labelling my children, even unintentionally. 

It's a pity for me, in a way. There are many things I would like to share with you so that I might ask your advice.  But I am concerned that as teenagers or young adults my children might feel uncomfortable reading these things, or having others read these things about them.

I have no doubt that when my children have children of their own (hopefully!!), nothing I could say about them now will cause them angst.  As a parent, they will know and understand that all of this is normal parenting / children stuff.  But unfortunately, they have to get through the teenage years first.  And as a teenager, there is MORE enough opportunity for the angst, I certainly don't need to provide any more fodder.

As I said, it is a huge pity for me. Its all normal ages and stages stuff.  Nothing to be terribly worried about, but there is so much I want to ask you!!!  Arrgghhh!  I have to resort to the good old fashioned method of asking for advice from my mother, the teacher and my real life friends.  Damn. You were such a good source of assvice.

PS Luckily Maxie Boy is still a baby, so he is fair game.  If (when) he poops in the agapanthus, you will be the first to know.

PPS Wow, that was a nostalgic trip down memory lane reading the agapanthus post. Times goes by so quickly, I can't believe that was three years ago already.  My babies get big so quickly :-(

Comments

[Em]

For what it is worth, if there was such a thing as a blog way back when, I would be curious what my mother's take on me were. I have a daughter who is exactly, exasperatingly like me and I would be curious how my mother thought through what the hell to do with me as I try to figure out what the hell to do with my daughter.

I hope you will still share pictures sometimes, or maybe the good stories, the celebrations, etc. Otherwise, I'll miss them. I've been following you (er, figuratively) since before they were splitting and doubling cells.

[Jenty]

That's a big step, maybe you should start a private journal just for that?
I can't shut up, but I have also changed the way I blog over the years

[Liz]

I say you do what makes you feel comfortable, on the other hand, I would love to hear funny stories about them. Also I think it is great way to remember what they said/did as children.

[Natt]

Have you still got a lot of your followers here on facebook? that could be a good place for the more private stuff - it gets deleted quick, your profile is private etc etc

Hope we dont miss hearing too much about Adam and Kate - I'm sure lots of photos will make it up to us :-)

[landismom]

I had a conversation today with my daughter (who is almost 11) about the fact that no one that she actually knows in real life (with the exception of her father) reads my blog, or will ever be able to figure out that it's about her and her brother. She still seems okay with it. I don't know what I would do if I stopped blogging about some of the harder things involved in being a parent--it would be difficult. I guess at some point, she might ask me to, but it hasn't come to that yet. She also has never read my blog, FWIW.

[Startrightnow]

As a more-than-a-year long lurker on your blog and first time commenter - a beautifully appropriate time to comment. I have loved getting to know your family, but have been thinking about exactly this in the last few days, as I make my first tentative steps into blogger-dom.
I have often admired your forthrightness in sharing your joys and struggles and allowing others to give their 2 cents worth ... I think I will be more hesitant, but am encouraged but the feedback that I see others give you, that maybe the big bad web does have a heart and that there may be some value in opening myself to it.

I thank you more than you could know for sharing yourself in your blog and your book.
And I do think you're making a right step, even if you do change your mind a ta future time.

[Megan]

I comment only infrequently, but this one is bringing me out of the woodwork.

My mother did some blogging 10 yrs ago, before it really had a name, and she and I had to have an unpleasant showdown over her account of my relationship with my first boyfriend. I felt extremely uncomfortable about any of my friends or colleagues possibly reading it, and she refused to take it down or to stop writing about me.

Now, you're not my mother (she's got NO filter) but there does come a time when a child has to have editorial rights over the publication of the details of its life. I'm glad you're thinking about that, and I'm sure you'll make the right decisions.

[Kristin]

It's a fine line between sharing about your older kids and sharing too much. I'm sure you'll find a balance that makes you comfortable.

[Lindsay]

I totally respect and admire your decision, it's extremely thoughtful!
xxx

[Amanda]

I think it is all a minefield so you have to do what feels right at the time!
On the 1 hand I wish I had my mom's thought's about me as a child - she has passed away now and it is hard to remember that I may once have been the most important thing in her world. On the other hand I would be horrified/ashamed if she blogged publicly about half the craziness that went on. Telling the stories at dinner parties was enough to have me crawling under the table. Maybe that private diary is the way to go - or maybe just some blend - keeping the outrageous stuff private.

For what it is worth - your book was all gold! The blog too.

[Mid]

Maybe when you're looking for, as you put it, assvice, you could blog about your "friend" who has a child with a particular issue, and how you were thinking of advising her in a particular way. We'd never see through that!

[One of Two Mommies]

I'm glad your doing what you feel you should do - even if it makes you a bit sad. I'm sure you'll still have lots of great stories to share with us. If it helps with the transition perhaps you can start writing more personal things about Marko. I'm sure he'd love that! He's a big boy, he can take it. And if he happens to be "boring" one week just make stuff up - it's all for entertainment sake so it's not like lying :-)

[Stephanie]

coming out of the woodwork to say 2 words---email list. That way you can still ask frequent commentators or blog friends their advice, without it staying someplace public that the twins may stumble upon. If you create a list, can be super easy to send an email to the group :-)

[adi]

It's probably time to stop but I'll really miss hearing from Adam and Kate. I hope when they learn to write, the first thing they'll do is start their own blogs...

[Asics shoes]

We should temper When a man's temper gets the best of him, it reveals the worst of him.

[colleen]

You'll know what is the best for them, but I will miss the stories

[Wobs]

maybe you could just tease us from time to time with a little titbit.... ;)