Let's talk about my husband, we haven't spoken about him for ages. There was a time where he was a regular feature but like the rest of the characters on this blog, he has been given no time on stage for a long while.
I have about 20 minutes before I go wake the kids, so this will have to be a quickie.
There are a lot of people who either quietly or publicly give me stick for writing about my husband on my blog. They feel a mixture of horror, shame and pity that I could write about my poor, long suffering husband on my blog. I am sure they must be thinking 'what kind of a wussy, pushover guy he must be to (a) allow that shit and (b) be married to someone as full of shit as Tertia. To them I would like to say this: don't. Don't feel sorry for my husband. My husband is THE strongest person I know. Before I dated Marko, my longest relationship was only a few months because 99% of the VERY few men I dated (was practically a VIRGIN when I met Marko at the ripe old age of 30 - Hi Dad, Hi Marko) allowed me to totally dominate them, turning all mushy and mooshy. Which I find very unattractive and so had to dump then. The pattern for all my relationships was three months: the first month of the chase (I'll get that guy, watch me), the second month of intensity (OMG, he is so divine) and the third and final month of WTF have I done (he is such a wuss, grow a spine dude).
With Marko, the 'OMG he is so divine' part just never ended. All my girlfriends kept saying "but when?? When are you going to dump him??" And I kept saying "as soon as he turns into a wuss and starts irritating me". Which, after 10 years of marriage, he has not yet done. Chances are, I have met my match times a million and although he does and can irritate me immensely, it is never because he is a wuss.
Marko is everything I admire and like in a guy. Maybe with a bit less stubbornness and a bit more listening-to-his-wife, but the best bit for me, the part I love the most about him, is that he is always on my side. Always. Besides all the other bits I love about him (like being handsome, clever, strong, sexy, sometimes fucking annoying), the part I love most about my husband is that he is everything you would want in a best friend plus everything you would want in a family member. He has always got my back, always.
shit is has been 20 minutes already and I haven't said all I wanted to say. rats and damnation.
Ok, so now I am going to have to conclude with the two main points I wanted to make:
1. Please do not be concerned about Marko's feelings when I write about him on my blog. Firstly, he occasionally reads my blog so I can hardly write about him behind his back. I write knowing he is perhaps going to read it. Secondly, I would never write anything that would cross the line. Our line.
2. When I write that he is being an asshole, there are two truths that you mustn't forget: (a) He IS being an asshole at that particular point but (b) it doesn't matter because I still love him very much and no one (besides me) is perfect.
Oh, and the last thing is this: I never knew this was possible (seeing as my longest previous relationship was only a few months), but I actually love my husband more now that I ever did before. I thought that as marriages goes on, the 'love' you feel forever other fades a little. I was wrong. Perhaps you might have slightly less sex (Exhibit A: My husband with a tight pinched expression, weeping quietly into his hands) but you love and like the person so much more. I really do love my husband, perhaps not in the same way as I see some people do (we don't hold hands when we walk down the road, we don't lie entangled on the couch in front of the TV, we sometimes call each other assholes), but I love him in the best way possible for me. He makes me feel safe, secure and protected. I love that he loves me so much, and I love him as much back. And of course, it does no harm that he is damn handsome as well ;-)
And now I really must go. Have a lovely day xx
PS I was going to write this on Sunday but he was SUCH an industrial strength asshole on Sunday that I was too busy working out where I would hide the body parts after I dismembered his body with a blunt rusty machete.
PPS I am now late, and it is all your fault
So sweet to see elderly folks like you so happy together. ;)
Posted by: Maritza | 30 June 2010 at 08:24 AM
I also love my asshole husband like you love yours :-)
Posted by: Tania | 30 June 2010 at 09:12 AM
hear, hear! so brilliantly put. one of your best
Posted by: Shannon | 30 June 2010 at 09:42 AM
Yup mines an arsehole to, but adore him, even when he makes me wanna react episodes of the series "When women Kill"!! hehehe... Loved your book (circulating it among family and friends) and love your blog! Thanks for sharing your story and for being so real :-)
Posted by: Cathy Nel | 30 June 2010 at 10:41 AM
What a lovely tribute.
I was wondering if there was any possibility of the interview he did about trying to conceive, being translated into English?
A long shot I know, as who has the time to do such a thing?
Best wishes. xxxx
Posted by: Christa | 30 June 2010 at 11:18 AM
I think you speak on behalf of a lot of ladies here, Tertia. Although we love our DH's to bits & pieces, there are times when you could quite easily smother him in his sleep... My Mom always say there's a fine line between love and dislike. This is a lovely tribute to Marko!
Posted by: Wobs | 30 June 2010 at 01:18 PM
What a pleasure to read! Sitting here grinning. I am also not one ot those "over-tender-sweet-fondle-girls". :-) But this is ok for him. And after 18 years of marriage I know that my husband is my best friend. Sometimes I kind of "hate" him. We have our fights. But HE is the only one I want to be married to.
I read your post while I chatted with my Marco. :-) He is on a business trip. Called him a whimp for something that did not have to do with this post. Then we agreed that true love is possible between men only. I guess he will come home anyway.
So, yes... assholes can be true darling husbands.
Posted by: Geertje | 30 June 2010 at 05:46 PM
Brilliant, excellent post - it's Vintage Tertia. Love it! :-D
Posted by: melissa | 30 June 2010 at 09:07 PM
This is a wonderful post, and I absolutely get what you're saying. It's possible to be both madly in love with a person and still be able to acknowledge when said person is being an asshole.
Posted by: jenn | 01 July 2010 at 01:51 AM
Lovely post.
Posted by: Julie | 01 July 2010 at 06:48 AM
I have to admit that after reading your post the thing that popped out the most for me was, "You have to wake your kids?!!!!" (clearly I missed the entire point the first time around :-) Asside from being jealous that your kids aren't waking you up at 5:30 am as my 3 toddlers are I was very touched by your post. I am quite certain many many married people have not found what you (and I) have. A true life partner is an amazing thing. I've heard that families with multiples have a much higher divorce rate and I can certainly say after having multiples myself I can understand why. Only people with a very strong relationship can make it through and it sounds like you guys not only survived, but came out stronger in the end. Well done - I know how much work that must have taken!
Posted by: One of Two Mommies | 01 July 2010 at 09:24 PM
You have said this all before - lots of times. Great that you can say it about someone and for someone. Not everyone can say it.
Posted by: Kim | 03 July 2010 at 02:08 PM
Brilliant!!!!!
Posted by: tanyetta | 04 July 2010 at 12:27 AM
Really not everyone can say it.Amazing.
Posted by: goji berries | 04 July 2010 at 01:38 PM
What a g & d post. Fantastic.
Just a few more months!
xtess
Posted by: Tess | 05 July 2010 at 03:14 PM
While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.
And then God made the earth round....
God clearly has a sense of humour! :)
Posted by: Bevc | 06 July 2010 at 04:48 PM
It is no use doing what you like,you have got to like what you do.Do you think so?
Posted by: new balance | 27 July 2010 at 03:33 AM