So Close

When DH means Darling Husband more often than it means Dick Head

Let's talk about my husband, we haven't spoken about him for ages.  There was a time where he was a regular feature but like the rest of the characters on this blog, he has been given no time on stage for a long while.

I have about 20 minutes before I go wake the kids, so this will have to be a quickie.

There are a lot of people who either quietly or publicly give me stick for writing about my husband on my blog.  They feel a mixture of horror, shame and pity that I could write about my poor, long suffering husband on my blog.  I am sure they must be thinking 'what kind of a wussy, pushover guy he must be to (a) allow that shit and (b) be married to someone as full of shit as Tertia.  To them I would like to say this: don't.  Don't feel sorry for my husband. My husband is THE strongest person I know.  Before I dated Marko, my longest relationship was only a few months because 99% of the VERY few men I dated (was practically a VIRGIN when I met Marko at the ripe old age of 30 - Hi Dad, Hi Marko) allowed me to totally dominate them, turning all mushy and mooshy.  Which I find very unattractive and so had to dump then.  The pattern for all my relationships was three months: the first month of the chase (I'll get that guy, watch me), the second month of intensity (OMG, he is so divine) and the third and final month of WTF have I done (he is such a wuss, grow a spine dude).

With Marko, the 'OMG he is so divine' part just never ended. All my girlfriends kept saying "but when?? When are you going to dump him??"  And I kept saying "as soon as he turns into a wuss and starts irritating me".  Which, after 10 years of marriage, he has not yet done. Chances are, I have met my match times a million and although he does and can irritate me immensely, it is never because he is a wuss.

Marko is everything I admire and like in a guy.  Maybe with a bit less stubbornness and a bit more listening-to-his-wife, but the best bit for me, the part I love the most about him, is that he is always on my side.  Always.  Besides all the other bits I love about him (like being handsome, clever, strong, sexy, sometimes fucking annoying), the part I love most about my husband is that he is everything you would want in a best friend plus everything you would want in a family member.  He has always got my back, always.  

shit is has been 20 minutes already and I haven't said all I wanted to say. rats and damnation.

Ok, so now I am going to have to conclude with the two main points I wanted to make:

1.  Please do not be concerned about Marko's feelings when I write about him on my blog.  Firstly, he occasionally reads my blog so I can hardly write about him behind his back. I write knowing he is perhaps going to read it. Secondly, I would never write anything that would cross the line. Our line.

2.  When I write that he is being an asshole, there are two truths that you mustn't forget:  (a) He IS being an asshole at that particular point but (b) it doesn't matter because I still love him very much and no one (besides me) is perfect. 

Oh, and the last thing is this:  I never knew this was possible (seeing as my longest previous relationship was only a few months), but I actually love my husband more now that I ever did before. I thought that as marriages goes on, the 'love' you feel forever other fades a little. I was wrong.  Perhaps you might have slightly less sex (Exhibit A:  My husband with a tight pinched expression, weeping quietly into his hands) but you love and like the person so much more.  I really do love my husband, perhaps not in the same way as I see some people do (we don't hold hands when we walk down the road, we don't lie entangled on the couch in front of the TV, we sometimes call each other assholes), but I love him in the best way possible for me.  He makes me feel safe, secure and protected. I love that he loves me so much, and I love him as much back. And of course, it does no harm that he is damn handsome as well ;-)

And now I really must go.  Have a lovely day xx

PS I was going to write this on Sunday but he was SUCH an industrial strength asshole on Sunday that I was too busy working out where I would hide the body parts after I dismembered his body with a blunt rusty machete.  

PPS I am now late, and it is all your fault

Do I make them go or do I let them stay?

Remember how I told you that I was putting the kids in aftercare and that they were excited to go etc? Well, the excitement soon wore off.  Adam has been fine as a few of his friends from class are at aftercare but Kate hates it.  Firstly, they serve food at aftercare. Normal food. OMG! FOOD!!!!  Kate doesn't do food.  I've told her and I've told the aftercare teacher that she doesn't have to eat a single thing at aftercare, I will pack extra food for her.  But it doesn't matter, there is FOOD around and she doesn't want to have anything to do FOOD*.

Secondly, apparently she has no friends at aftercare.  Which was true'ish as there are far fewer girls there than boys, but in a stroke of splendid good fortune, Kate's best friend started aftercare three afternoons a week. Perfect, I thought. I would only send the kids to aftercare when Kate's best friend went.  That went well for about a week, and then Kate said she didn't want to go anymore.  Because (a) there is FOOD at aftercare and (b) it takes too long.  She wants to come home. I asked her again today (they are on long school break at the moment) why she didn't want to go to aftercare and she said again "it is too long".  And of course, Adam has jumped on the bandwagon too and says he also doesn't want to go because it takes too long (<-- please note that aftercare is only until 3pm, three days a week) 

Rats and damnation!  I have a big dilemma now.  Do I make them go, or do I allow them to stay home.

My sister Melly and I always laugh at how different we are. Melanie's motto is 'if you start something, you finish it' and mine is 'you don't have to do anything you don't want to do'. Ok, not really. I know that in life there are somethings that you have to do, even if you don't like it. Like work / dieting / not drinking too much wine / marriage. (OOPS! Only joking! Marriage is wonderful. Am very fond of my husband at the moment.)  But they are only five years old.  Do I need to make them go to aftercare now if they really don't want to? Yes, I would like them to. I desperately need the time to work, but I work for myself. I work from home. I can make another plan.  Maybe not forever, but for now I can manage. 

Obviously they are not always going to get out of things they don't want to do. They can't say to me "I don't want to go to school". Tough luck buddy, you have no choice. But in this case, there is a choice, even if that choice is mine and not theirs. (Although, it has to be said that this choice comes at a cost - I still have a business to run which means I need to make up that time at night, which is not great for me or for my husband)

Shit, I don't know what to do.  Head vs Heart.  My head is saying something, but I can't hear what it is saying because all I can hear is my heart and my heart is saying "you don't have to go if you really don't want to".  I can't help but put myself in their shoes and I wouldn't want to go either. I am a homebody boring old fart too, I love being at home. 

I can make her go. I know I can.  But I also know that the teacher says that Kate sits there the whole time, sucking her thumb, not saying much, not eating, not mixing with the other kids and asking when she can go home all the time. It breaks my heart. That is not who Kate is.

I know I am too soft with my kids.  I know I parent too much with my heart and not enough with my head, but in this whirly twirly world of a million rights and wrongs the only thing I can trust is my gut, and in my case my gut is almost always linked to what my heart is saying. 

What should I do?  Do I allow them to decide they don't want to go anymore or do I make them go. What are your thoughts?

PS they are at holiday camp this week, from 8am until 12:45.  They had fun the first two days, but now they have had enough. They don't want to go tomorrow because 'it takes too long'. Tough luck, sorry for youuuu!  I am making them go because I need to get some work done and because it is good for them to get out and play for at least part of the day.  So I can make them do some things when I feel it is the right thing to do. 

* What does Kate eat? She has a few things she will eat and she will not eat anything else. You can stand on your head and whistle through your arse, she will not even try anything else.  Example:  the kids drink tea (Rooibos tea).  That is what they are used to.  Recently Mimi (their granny) offered to make them hot chocolate with a marshmallow in it. Delicious!  Kate would not try it. Adam loves it. Now Adam has it instead of tea but Kate refuses to even try it. She drinks her boring old tea while Adam has his hot chocolate with the marshmallow.  Whatever.  After five years, I have learnt not to get worked up over it. As long as she is getting some nutrition in, I am not going to sweat about it.

Reason #236497 why I love my job

Many of my Nurture customers are same-sex couples (men) who obviously need both an egg donor and a surrogate in order to have a child. I am Aunty-by-proxy (actually by forcing myself into the role!! LOVE those babies!! All the daddies and the babies feel like part of my extended family) to lots of gorgeous babies born through Nurture. This morning I got a text message from one of my Nurture daddies:

We will never forget the wonderful role you played in helping us celebrate our very first Father's Day!  U will always hold a very special place in our lives!

I LOVE MY JOB!!! I am so flipping lucky.

A boot and a bottle of deodorant.

Last night Adam said he wishes there wasn't ever a mothers day because he is so cross with me. I can't even remember what it was that I had supposedly done wrong.  My list of transgressions is extremely long. It is my fault he tripped, it is my fault he hurt himself, I am a horrible mother and not his friend because I wouldn't let him have 'something nice' to eat.  Something nice = something sugary.  Whatever.  I am waiting for the kids to say "when is KIDS DAY?" so that I can tell them what my parents told me (and which used to frustrate me endlessly) "everyday is kids day, buddy".

So it's Father Day today.  Another one of those Hallmark occasions that infertiles dread.  Mother's Day sucks because it symbolizes everything you want and don't yet have. Father's day sucks because its ok if you are hurting, but it kills you to see your husband hurting, even though they pretend not to be hurting.

And yet, here we are - Marko is celebrating Father's Day as a 30-something* father to three kids, married to the best wife he could ever have dreamed of having. That right there should be enough gifts and blessings to last a life time.  But because apparently it is not the done thing to offer one's blessings as one's gifts, the kids and I went to buy the gifts they chose for their father.  Adam chose a can of deodorant (because dad loves his deodorant) and Kate wanted to choose a boot. One boot. Why, I have no idea.  Sometimes Kate and Marko clash a little as they are both equally stubborn.  The boot might have been a revenge gift.

I hope Marko likes cheap chocolate as we bought two cans of deodorant (they were on sale - WIN!), a chocolate tool set and three chocolate boots. I persuaded Kate that it was a win-win situation, Marko could get the boot she wanted to buy and she could eat the chocolate afterwards.  We aren't big on gifts in this house.

Marko is a great father. He is not perfect (like me), but not everyone can be.  However, luckily (for him) his good points far outweigh his minor character flaws. The kids seem quite fond of him. I think I'll keep him around for a bit longer.

On a more serious note - I am immensely grateful to spending this father's day with my father.  This month a year ago, my father suffered two heart attacks (scary), open heart surgery (very scary) and a stroke (absolutely mind-numbingly, earth-shatteringly terrifying. Terrifying). At the time I didn't know whether we would be spending another father's day together. Today I am so grateful to be spending it with my happy, healthy, amazing father.  I love you daddy, very, very much.

PS Max and I are watching the Baby Einstein DVDs I thought I finally was rid of four years ago. It doesn't get any better the second time around. 

*It was Marko's b/day yesterday. He is heading rapidly towards 40. Oh how I will laugh and laugh when he hits 40.  After teasing me mercilessly for years, it will be payback time. Heh.

Terrible quality pic below. Of the three camera's I have in the house, only one is working. Very annoying.  Anyway, here is Marko and his brood on the couch watching TV this morning.

A quickie is better than nothing at all

As you know, life has got a tad busy for me.  Apparently having three children (one of which is a baby) plus your own business means very little time to do anything else but (a) mother and (b) work.  Which means I have badly neglected my blog. I probably have about 2,3 readers left, the rest have left in a huff of neglect.

The problem is, I keep waiting for the spare hour or so it takes to write up a decent post. And that spare hour just never happens.  I already have about six urgent To Dos clamouring for that spare hour and so updating my blog just never happens. If I wait for the perfect moment....well, we would find ourselves where we are now.  Instead, what I have decided to do is focus on the much underrated quickie. If we keep waiting for the full show, we might wait for ever. After all, a quickie is better than nothing at all, right?

(BTW - this is all Twitter's fault.  Since I got into Twitter, anything longer than 140 characters seems like a huge mission. I *heart* Twitter. I update Twitter often, so if you like you can follow me there: http://twitter.com/tertia )

So, dear 2,3 readers left - if you are up for it, instead of longer, more infrequent posts I will post shorter, more frequent posts.  A bit like a stream of Twitter updates.  When I have time, I will post longer ones.

OK?

A big moment!

What a big moment today, Adam lost his first tooth! Very exciting. The Tooth Fairy will be paying a visit tonight. On that note, how much does the Tooth Fairy shell out for a tooth nowadays? I have no idea how much is appropriate.  I am giving him R20 (about $2,5 dollars). To be honest, it wouldn't matter to him whether it was R2, R20 or R200 as he doesn't know the difference. How much do you give for a tooth?

 

PS my babies are growing up. sob

PPS Katie E E is very upset that she doesn't have a wobbly tooth. But is trying to be stoic about it.

World Cup Fever in South Africa

I am not a big soccer fan. I am also not a big fan of crowds, noise and mass gatherings. However, there can't be a single warm-blooded South African left in SA that doesn't feel at least a bit excited about hosting the 2010 Soccer World Cup.  The country has come alive and I don't think we have ever seen such excitement, enthusiasm and community of spirit before in our history.  I am always proud to be a South African, but right now I am both proud and excited.

Yesterday at 12pm thongs of people came out of their offices, their homes and their cars and tooted their horns and blew on their vuvuzelas in celebration of this magnificent occasion.  One of my friends-in-the-computer Jeanette captured some images from the moment.  Outstanding. For more pics from the day, have a look at her amazing website 

 

 

 

Please do not use these images without her permission.

Oh wait!  There's more, check out these amazing images here http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/06/preparing_for_the_world_cup.html

Karate Kids

Some families are really good at sport. Their children do lots of sporting extra murals and they spend their Saturdays driving from one match to the other.  Us - not so much.  I fear my kids might have inherited my sporting abilities - which probably means a future of being relegated to the E team.  But luckily for us, we don't have to be in the first team in order to have fun.  Very luckily for us.

The one thing I do make the kids do is Karate.  It is very good for them from a discipline and concentration point of view, the two things my kids could do with a bit more of.  And of course, it doesn't hurt that it is an extra mural that the kids can do together which means less driving around for the mother.

On Saturday we had our first Karate grading session, which thank goodness seemed to be based more on participation than any particular aptitude as we are not particularly excellent at Karate. 

The kids were so thrilled with their medal and certificates. It was our first time that Marko and I went to go see our kids perform / participate in something like that so it was a pretty special moment. 

Here they are with their medals:

I need to end this post now as I have lost my cursor on this page which is unbelievably annoying as I have to guess where to type next rather than follow the cursor.

Have a great Monday  xx

PS This was the only photo that came out ok.  Which coincidentally is the only photo that I took.   According to Marko, the camera is not working properly.  I am not saying a word.