So Close

A lucky double

You know how it never seems to work out that you hit a lucky double - you really dig the parents of the child your kid really likes or your kids really like the child of the grown ups you really like?  Well, I have scored a rare lucky double. My kids have a school friend who they BOTH like and who happens to have a mother and father I really like too! Yay!!  The mom and I have become good friends.  What is great is that both Adam and Kate like the friend.  She is the perfect friend for both of them - cool enough (ie not too girly) for Adam to be friends* with and smart enough not to let Kate boss her around too much. The three of them play so nicely together. Except when Kate tells Adam that he can't play with them because it is for girls only.  Such a sweet sister she is.

Anyhow, K (the friend) came to spend the evening with us last weekend as her parents had a function on. K was going to have supper at our house, bathe and go to sleep until her parents fetched her later.

Suddenly, after giving the issue very little prior thought, I was faced with the dilemma of whether it would be appropriate to put them all in the bath together. Adam and Kate bathe (btw, we say bath, not bathe. The 'e' is for you foreigners) together, but would K's mother be upset if I put her daughter in the bath with a boy? I didn't think she would (and I asked her afterwards, she said she would have been cool with it), but I didn't want to take the chance. One never knows what might upset other parents. I've become a bit paranoid about it especially as I know I am a bit of a free-for-all parent (certainly compared with the no-sugar / no-TV / no-anything-not-organic-granola-tree hugging brigade).  So I said the girls could bath together and then the boys (Adam and Max) could bath together. Which worked out just fine.

I am interested to know what you would have done?  Would you have let the three five-year-olds bathe together or not? Is it ok?  And if you were the mother of a daughter (or a son for that matter) who was sleeping over at someone's house (therefore assuming a level of trust in the parents of the other child), would you have been ok with your daughter or son bathing with a child of the opposite sex? Or am I being over paranoid here? I think it is ok, but I've realized that my ok might not be another parent's ok.

Lastly, from what age would it no longer be appropriate for friends of the opposite sex to bathe together?

*Adam decided that K could be his girlfriend, but she regretfully  informed him that unfortunately she is already spoken for. Adam took the rejection remarkably well. 

The kids eating the nutritious meal I prepared for them with a little help from KFC

 

The girls freshly bathed and in their PJ while the boys are still in the bath:

House of Grace

Hello everyone, this is the charity I was telling you about - House of Grace.  I would like to appeal to you for help where you can.  You can contact Aletta directly, or Bev or myself.

HOUSE OF GRACE:  ALETTA & GERRIE HERBST

At an age where other couples with grown-up children of their own would be putting up their feet and taking life easy, Aletta and Gerrie Herbst have opened their hearts and their home to children in need.

House of Grace is a place of safety for abandoned and abused children who are sent to them by the police and Tygerberg Hospital.

Aletta and Gerrie have a special compassion for children in this type of crisis.   Aletta herself was abandoned as a child, and lived for two years on the streets of Cape Town, sleeping at night in the toilets on Cape Town Station.

She was taken care of by a cleaner who worked on the station, who would bring her food and clothing.  This lady was eventually able to get Social Services to send the young girl to school and Aletta was moved to a boarding school in Wolmeransstad.

"When you have endured something like this", Aletta explains, "you can empathise so much with these children.  I know how they feel, and what they are going through."

At present they are home to 22 children who range in age from 7 months to 11 years.
Some of the children are siblings.  Some are totally alone in the world. All of them are loved and valued by this special couple.

House of Grace is on a farm outside Fisantekraal, where Gerrie works as a farm manager.
The 7 boys who are between the ages of 5 and 11 years, wait for Dad Gerrie to come home from work each evening.  Then they all get on their bicycles and ride around the farm with him, helping him to bring in the cattle and attend to the evening chores.  It is the highlight of their day.

Aletta and Gerrie do not receive a government subsidy or grant for the work they do.  They have been able to survive only by the grace of God, through the assistance of caring churches, businesses and individuals.

Aletta acknowledges with gratitude the farm that has given them the use of a vandalised house, and the many who have helped restore it into the home in which the large family now lives.  Others have helped with donations of food, goods and finances.

As one can imagine, the food bill, medical expenses, petrol and running costs of the home are prohibitive - and House of Grace would value any assistance that can be given them.
Aletta's cell number is (078) 406-0248 and their banking details are:- House of Grace, Absa Bank, Durbanville Branch,  Account number  915 251 1429.

Kidz Playzone is also acting as a collection point for donations.  Please speak to Bev Davies regarding this.  (021) 979-4872 / (084) 575 2546.

Lastly, a message from Bev:

Needs:
Cash donations (for doctor bills, transport etc)  Their kombi broke down and I am trying to re-coup R 2200.00 for them which was the labour cost - an amount that has to be put back into the kitty.

School clothes : I know Aletta was worried about having to buy long grey pants for the kids, so school items pop up every term.

Nappies / baby products

Food : meat, potatoes, pasta - anything that can go a long way and be used in different meals.

Second Hand Clothing

and... I am sure if there are any good second hand toys going begging the kids would be chuffed with that.

They are a very loving, well behaved bunch, it is always a pleasure to visit them.

PS International Banking details below:

Absa Bank Durbanville
House of Grace
Acc number: 1952511429
Brand Code : 632005
Swift Code : ABSAZAJJ
Type: Savings

Address of Bank:  Oxford House, cnr of Oxford and Wellington Street, Durbanville, 7500

One year old

It was Max's first birthday on Saturday - can you believe that! A year since he was born.  I know it is a terrible cliché, but seriously - this first year has flown by.  As hard and long and intense as the first year with the twins was, is as easy and quick as the first year with Max has been.  With the twins, my whole life was turned upside down. Max has hardly disrupted my life at all.  Perhaps it is because my life is pretty disrupted anyway, so one other baby is not going to shake things up too much ;-)  Actually, I think it is because I already have kids (so I am in the 'zone' already), plus there is only ONE of him (<-- can't stress this fact highly enough! One baby = fun, two babies = not so much fun), plus I am an experienced mom, plus he really is an easy baby. I really hit the jackpot this time around. 

Poor Max, he is already suffering from second/third/last child syndrome. Hand-me-downs, hardly any new toys, far fewer photos and a first birthday party that was spartan in comparison to the twins first birthday party. The twins had 25 kids and 30 adults attending. Max had his siblings, one set of cousins and the daughter of a friend of mine. 6 kids, 6 adults. However, his party might have been smaller, his gifts fewer but there was no lacking in the love.  I love love LOVE that child.  So much.  My totally delicious no-so-little baby. Yum.

I have a question for you, am interested in your opinion....

I recently came across a charity that really touched my heart. In fact, I had met the person who runs it about five years ago and then lost contact. Then recently I heard of them again.  They are an elderly couple who run a safe house for abandoned and HIV positive babies and young kids. With no government funding, relying purely on their savings and a few donations from the local community, they take care of about 25 kids at a time. 

I remember 5 years ago, sitting in the paediatrician's rooms. I saw an elderly white lady holding a tiny black baby. I started chatting to her and she told me about her charity. I asked her for her website details, and she smiled at me. No website, they are an elderly couple, they dont know about websites etc.  It was my turn to see the doctor and when I came out, she was gone. There are many, many needy charities in South Africa but this woman struck a cord with me.

Then, about a week ago I was at a kiddies play place (in fact, the best kiddie play place in Cape Town - Kidzone - run by my friend Bev) and Bev was telling me that she wanted to raise funds for a particular charity and would I help.  She started talking about the charity and I realized it was the same couple! This was meant to be. I am going to post about them soon (I am just waiting for some pictures), but this brings to my question...

Adam and Kate (and therefore by default, Max too) have lots and lots of toys. More toys than they can possibly play with.  I have already donated bags full of their hardly used toys that they have outgrown to other charities, but honestly - Max does not need any new toys. There is more than enough stuff for him to play with.

So what I wanted to suggest to family and friends is that they don't buy him a gift for his birthday, and instead buy something for the charity, or donate the gift to the charity. They need it much, much more than Max does. Max has enough clothes, toys etc.  But then I thought, I wonder how fair that is to Max? Is it ok for me to decide on his behalf that he shouldn't get gifts for his first birthday? *I* think it is ok, but should I be making that decision for him?  I don't know.  I was very close to telling people that is what they should do but then another thought struck me (I think too much) - maybe I am being unfair to the grannies and family etc, maybe they want to give Max a gift?  Aarrghh!  In the end, I left it.  I thought that I would allow Max to get his gifts, but I would help the charity as well. I would do both.

What do you think? Do you think it would have been ok for me to ask people to donate to the charity instead of buying Max a gift? Or not?  Unfair to Max? Unfair to grannies/family? Or is it ok for me to decide as his mother?

Some pics of his birthday here http://www.flickr.com/tertia

Breast reduction with implants

Advice needed for a friend. 

A friend of mine will be having a breast reduction shortly.  She has heard that for the best results, she should get (small) implants done at the same time. So that her boobs are perky and full. 

Her doctor feels that implants aren't necessary but she says that if she is going to go to all that trouble to have the operation done, she might as well have it done properly.

Does anyone have any experience / comment on this?

PS she is NOT asking for your opinion on whether you think breast reductions / implants are a good or bad idea in general. She has already decided to have the procedure done, she just needs to know whether she should have the reduction with the implants or without.

The problem with working from home...

Mothers Day

I must admit, I don't get very excited about Mothers Day.  Perhaps it is an after-effect of the years of infertility where Mothers Day might as well have been called The Day In Which You Feel Particularly Fucked-Up and Worthless, or perhaps it is just that we (and by 'we' I mean me) just don't get very excited about birthdays, anniversaries and 'special' days. Whatever the reason, I find Mothers Day a bit blah.

There was a moment in my day where I thought "ah, this is what Mothers Day is all about" - it was when all three of my kids were moaning about something.  I am very lucky and very grateful to have the moaning. It means I have the children.  Although it would be nice if they could not moan for just this one day a year.  Dream on, buddy.

My poor sister, Sister Mel spent Mothers Day in ER with Daniel, her oldest son. In fact, they are still there now. I just sent her a message to which she hasn't yet responded.  Half way through lunch, Daniel quietly got up and went to the basin where he not-so-quietly started to get sick.  He said something was stuck in his throat. The poor chap was puking and puking.  After a few minutes, my sister took him to the ER. After an examination and x-rays, they have decided to stick a camera down his throat to see what is going on.  Poor guy. I think they are busy with that now. All you Lordy-types, do your thing.

A friend in the computer (a guy) asked a question on FB today that got me thinking:

Help me out ladies. Waking up to clean dishes or roses on Mother's Day? If you could only receive service or a gift today, which one?

My answer?  Dishes any day.  I'd take dishes (or any other chore) over roses, chocolates or expensive jewellery.  If I had to choose only one gift or service for Mothers Day, it would be that my husband takes ALL three kids out for a few hours to give me some precious alone time. Isn't that terrible! A mother who wants a break from her kids! Bad mother, bad.

If you could choose (for Mothers Day, your birthday or any other 'special' day), would you choose service or a gift? What would it be? Why?  My answer is always alone time. It is the one thing I really miss.

PS I really do love my husband and my children very, very much.  

PPS I also really love spending some quiet time alone. Very much.

Girls Day

Three weeks ago, Kate was invited to a girls-only party.  Adam and his father spent the afternoon having a fabulous boys-only day.  This weekend Adam was invited to a boys-only party so Kate and I are off on our girls-only afternoon.

Kate requested to go to McDonalds so that she could get the happy meal toy and afterwards to the Spur to play.  Which means I had to eat the McDonalds burger (I feel dirty).  I also had to buy a happy meal for Adam so that we could get a toy for him too.  Which meant I had to eat his fries (dirtier).  The security guard ate Adam's burger. Kate ate her fries, four of those cups of tomato sauce/ketchup and a strawberry milkshake.

On the way from McDonalds to the Spur, I held her hand and said "I am having SUCH a great time with you on our girls day, I love you".  She squeezed my hand and said "I love you too but I wish Mimi (my mom) was here". 

  Now we are at the Spur with 17,000 other children.  Luckily I am having a cider to numb the pain.  Kate has, in the space of 5 minutes, knocked over her Chico the Clown ice cream and lost the R5 in the ball machine, without scoring a ball. 

Right.  She says she wants to leave immediately to go Mimi's house and play.  I will not be offended that our quality time has come to an abrupt end, I will be grateful that Mimi remains the star attraction. Long may it last.

PS Both kids are at Mimi's house as we speak.  Yay for grandparents!

Holiday diary

Day minus one.

It is the day before we leave and one would swear it was our last day before life imprisonment or something like that.  Marko is short tempered from hell and I am horribly anxious.  It seems like we have been packing for 17 straight hours and I still don’t know if I have everything packed.  Why did we decide to go away again? Why would anyone PAY to leave the comfort of their own home to go stay in a small room with none of your usual comforts? 

Day One – Sunday

Marko and I wake up at 5am and start packing the final stuff and getting everyone ready.  Both of us are relatively calm. By 7am we have two cars loaded with 5 suitcases, a laptop bag, a nappy bag, two backpacks and a pram.  And Rose who is also flying out on holiday for a week.

The airport check-in goes smoothly and we are on our way.  All three kids were very good on the plane.  Max didn’t sleep but that is ok as we have a long drive ahead of us from the airport to the resort.

Five minutes after leaving the airport Kate asks how much longer till we get there.

Ten minutes later Adam asks ‘are we there yet’.  It is going to be a long ride. Luckily Max falls asleep quite quickly and off we go.

After almost two hours of “are we there yet” and “I am bored”, Adam begins to look decidedly green around the gills.  By this time Max had woken up and decided he had had enough of sitting in the car seat.  Adam and I swapped seats so that he could sit in front next to Marko and I could sit next to Max.  2 minutes later Adam projectile pukes all over Marko, his wallet, the seat, the floor etc. I try to catch some of it my hands but most of it ends up in a pool on my feet. 

I could go into detail about what happened next but suffice it to say Marko didn’t handle it very well.  That might just be my understatement of the year.

We eventually find a gas station and pull over for a break while Marko cleans the car and I entertain the kids.  An hour and a half later, we are back on the road.  The car smells FANTASTIC.  Not.  We pretend that we aren’t asphyxiating in the fumes and decide to play ‘guess which animal am I’.  Marko doesn’t play with but I am guessing that if he was an animal it would be a constipated rhino with a thorn in its foot.  (Actually, he handled it quite well.  After the initial freak out, he calmed down and wasn’t too bad)

An hour and a half later, we arrive at the resort.  It is fantastic.  A real kid’s paradise.  The whole place is geared up for families, and especially families of young kids. Adam and Kate are in heaven.

It is now 8:30pm and Max and I are in the room while Marko has gone for a walk with A&K.  He bought them these really cool flashlights that they can strap to their heads so off they have gone on a ‘siventure’.

I think I might like it here.  Even if there is NO SIGNAL HERE.  No internet for 7 days..... how will I cope? 

Day Two – Monday

So last night’s sleep wasn’t too bad.  The twins slept well and Max slept ok’ish.  We all woke up after 7 this morning, yay!

As I said, this resort is a family resort.  Lots of families with kids aged 2 – 10.  And each family has the option to hire a nanny to help look after the kids.  It is part of their community upliftment program to offer employment to the largely unemployed community who live in this very rural area.

Marko is VERY excited about the nanny idea.  I think he has visions of throwing all three kids at the nanny and riding off into the sunset with me.  Or at least into the bedroom.  I think not.  I’ve hired a nanny though, because this holiday is about spending time with my husband as well. 

So far the nanny has walked next to me while I carried Max to the kids area, supervised the twins on the play area for an hour and sat on the porch for an hour while Max naps. And I hover in the background.  It is very hard letting go.

I’ve just given her an hour and a half break. 

Anyway, I am sure it will get better once I feel a bit more comfortable about the resort and the nanny and how things work. 

You should see where I am now, sitting on the porch / veranda / stoep of our bungalow, overlooking the most gorgeous view.  Beautiful white sand dunes where the river meets the see.  The kids are a few feet away catching fish and crabs with their father.  Max is still sleeping inside.  I am on my beloved laptop, could life get any better?  (Wine.  Wine would make it better.  I think I will have some with lunch)

The weather here is perfect!  The days are warm, but not too hot. The nights are cold, but not too cold.

The only slight ‘droll in die drinkwater’ is that there are bugs – LOTS of them. We saw a effing huge spider yesterday, and there are at least two geckos on the wall.  Me no likey the bugs. Trying not to think about it.

I think we are going to come back here next year.  Next year it will be even better because Max will be walking. Its a huge pain having a crawling baby, you can’t just put them down anywhere.  Plus he weighs a ton!

Well, signing off for now. Looking forward to lunch and wine. 

Having a great time, wish you were here!

Day Three – Tuesday

Last night was not so great.  It was the first night of leaving the three kids with the nanny while we went for dinner (the night before I ate the kids left overs).  I stressed and worried the entire 90 minutes we were away.  I got back at 8:15pm and Max was crying. GUILT!!  Paid the nanny, brushed the kid’s teeth, gave Max his bottle and after everyone was asleep in bed, I had a bath.  What a long day it was.

The night wasn’t that great as Max was very unsettled.  He kept waking up and crying, clearly traumatized by his mother’s abandonment of him. Bad mother, bad.  Marko thinks I am crazy. 

We’ve had a great day so far.  Lying on the lounger while the kids play.  Ok, so I have a baby climbing on my head and poking his finger in my eye, but still – I am lounging on a lounger, life is good.

The twins are exhausted, they have had such a great time. It is now 2:20pm and Max and Marko are asleep in bed, and Adam and Kate are lying in their bed watching a movie on their portable DVD player. They are all showered and clean.  I am sitting on the chair, catching up on some work.  I feel so lucky.

Day Five – Thursday

Somehow I seem to have missed out on Day Four. I suppose that is the sign of a good holiday.  Yesterday was a busy day for the kids – a breakfast cruise in the morning and a mullet cruise in the evening.  The mullet cruise is in the dark and the fish (called mullets) apparently jump out of the water in the torch light. Oh, and they went on a crab hunt the night before (all the kids and their parents) and Marko apparently caught the biggest crab. What a clever boy he is.

I can’t believe today is our second last day.  The time has gone by so quickly, I feel quite sad about going home. Another good sign!

We are coming back next year, and I am sure it will be even better.  At the moment it isn’t THAT much fun for me because I have Max with me 24/7 and crawling babies are not easy to look after.  I can’t just put him down anywhere.  Plus he is going through a really ‘mommy’ phase where all he wants is me. He cries if I move away from him.  It is exhausting but I secretly love it.  Him and I have spent so much quality time together this holiday.  I can’t believe how much I love that little boy, I didn’t think it was possible.

The bad side of this is that I have spent hardly any time with the twins.  They are having a fantastic time, but I miss them.  Poor Kate is missing me as well.  She keeps asking me why I wanted to have another baby, why was I so silly.  I responded “well, I’m sorry Kate. It isn’t really my fault that he is here.  Anyway, what I am supposed to do with him?”  Her response?  “Take him back to the pet shop”.

I thought Adam would be the one who would battle with me having a baby, but Kate is not enjoying having to share my attention with yet another sibling.  She said she wishes she was an only child.  Or if there had to be another child, why couldn’t it be a girl child and not a boy.

It is 10am now and I am sitting in the room, waiting for Max to wake up from his nap.  With him having two naps a day, it means that my time to do other things is a bit restricted but that is fine.  Its nice to relax anyway.

Oh, about the nanny.  She is ok.  She doesn’t speak English very well, which is a bit of a challenge but she is sweet.  I’ve decided that I am not going to leave Max with her (I just can’t, my issue – nothing to do with her) but she is really good at keeping an eye on Adam and Kate.

Well, the husband has just arrived to disturb my peace.  Best I pack the laptop away before he moans at me!

Day Plus 6

And so ends my holiday diary.  I can’t believe how quickly the time went, next time we are definitely coming back for longer – a week is just too short.

Max got sick on the last night there, he was quite feverish on the drive back to the airport (which took forever and TG no puking). By the time we arrived back at Cape Town airport he had a raging fever. I took him to the Paed on Tuesday – he has bronchilitis.  Baby bronchitis. I have to take him for physio. Even though he is sick, he is still such a nice chap.

I am going to put up this post, half done because if I don’t, it will never get done.  Life is crazy busy as usual.  There is so much happening businesswise that I don’t whether I am Arthur or Martha.

There are some pics of the holiday on my Flickr profile if you would like to see. 

PS I do not have time to check this post for spelling errors / grammar errors / potentially offensive content / fodder for trolls.  If you find any, count to 10 and look away.

PPS This is how crazy my life is:  Last night at dinner time, I realized I had not planned anything for supper for the kids.  Cupboard looking like Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard.  Decided I would make some eggs on the stove. Mix up the eggs, then remember I had run out of gas 4 days ago and haven't had a chance to get some more - can't use the stove.  Move on to Plan C - toasted cheese sandwiches. Except there is no bread and none in the freezer either.  My poor neglected children.  So off we all went to do grocery shopping at 6:30 at night, in the dark.  Woe is us.  

PPPS Marko asked me what the kids should get me for Mother's Day this year.  I am a bad gift person - gift just aren't my love language.  I couldn't decide, so Marko said 'what would you really like'?  A nice bottle of wine!  That is what I really would like.  Unfortunately Marko felt that was a slightly inappropriate gift for five year olds to buy their mother for Mothers Day. So instead I am getting a pot plant.  Hey, at least it isn't body lotion or hand cream - the Mother's Day equivalent of Soap-on-a-Rope.

PPPPS Is is Max's first birthday next weekend - how ridiculous is that! Can not believe how quickly the first year went. 

 

Holidaze

Guess where I've been??  On holiday!  In what has been the fastest week of my life, Marko, the kids and I have went away for a week's holiday. It was absolutely fantastic.  Way too short. Will fill you in shortly. As soon as I have responded to the 732 unread emails in my inbox and done the 5 loads of dirty washing.  xx