Anxious is my default setting

On Monday I start work at my regular job after EIGHT months maternity leave.  To say I am feeling a bit anxious about it would be a gross understatement.  I am not even sure I remember what to do, never mind remembering all my passwords and log ons.  It is going to be hectic balancing all the parts of my life and trying to fit in three full-time roles in one day.  We will see what happens.

On Wednesday the kids start at their new school.  The start of a new chapter in our lives. They have spent the last two years at Aunty B's playschool which has been absolutely wonderful.  I couldn't have asked for a better introduction to school than what they had at Aunty B.  It was a small, protected environment and each child was allowed to be what they needed to be.  They could have their dummies in their mouths if they needed, they could have their lovies in their hands all day if they needed. 

But now big(ish) school starts.  No school uniforms yet, but a lot more structured and a lot more rules. No more flitting in at 8:55 (ok, sometimes 9:05).  School starts at 8:30 sharp and the kids are expected to be there by 8:15 at least.  Plus the school is a good 20 mins further away than the last one.  Which means we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') will have to become a lot more organized in the morning. And by 'organized' I mean 'do not spend 45 mins on your computer in the morning catching up on emails while the kids run around playing'. 

I am obviously feeling a bit anxious about the new school. Because anxious is what I do.  But don't be alarmed, I am going to do my very best not to let the kids see or feel my anxiety.  All of their little friends except for one are going to another school, the public school near the old school.  But those selfish fuckers didn't have place for my twins because their mother didn't know you had to apply while the children were still in embryonic phase. Not that I am bitter of course. (Note to self:  Enroll Max in ass-wipey school TOMORROW)

I have made a big deal about our new school, the kids are very excited and keep asking me how many sleeps they have to go.  Lets hope that excitement lasts!

Our new school is a very good school. It is a private one, top education, small classes, cost a fucking fortune etc, but if I could have chosen, I would have sent the kids to the local school that the rest of their mates are going to.

Anyway, I keep remembering how anxious I was when the kids went to school the first time, and how quickly I LOVED that school and how much more I LOVED having a break in the mornings.  So it will all be good I am sure. 

Aarggh!  I can't help but feel anxious about this.  I wish I didn't, but I do.  And no, telling me to just not be anxious doesn't work.  Telling a person who is naturally anxious not to be anxious is like telling a person who stutters to just not stutter.  You either are or aren't, or you do or don't.  There are things you can do to help, and I will do those things, but anxious is my default setting. 

PS I've taken to updating my Flickr photos a little more often, so if you like go there and have a look at a few pics of the kids

Comments

[Gina]

Good Luck! They should be absolutely fine.
Thats what I keep telling myself, Aaron is going to play school for the first time on the 25th!
My baby is GOING TO SCHOOL! but he will be just fine! So will the twins.

[Egg Donor (ret)]

Wow - you have to sign up for public school? Here, everyone can go to public school. They can't turn you away.

In any case, I'm with you on the anxiety thing. But just keep telling yourself that it's going to be great. They will love it. You're doing a great job. Soon, they won't even want to come home with you. :)

[Wenchy]

I know very much how u feel

[Kirsty]

Could have written this myself... in fact have just done a post quite similar. Or not really similar at all, but along the same lines. Here in Joburg, it is the complete opposite with the private/public school debate. Here, unless you have notified the private school of your choice that you are planning a pregnancy, and would very much like the result of such plans to attend their outstanding school, you have know chance of getting a place for said planned child! So imagine this... we landed from London when my child was 4 yrs old, with no names down at any posh schools! He is now attending a posh school! How did I do it, you ask? Simple - I slept with the headmaster ;-). I suggest you also employ such measures to ensure the twins a place at ass-wipe school, if the posh one doesn't work out!
PS: I will also be selling a kidney on e-bay shortly to fund the fees at the posh school! x

[Heather]

Lots of luck! Going back to work is big too! And going to a new school! I cried just at registration for public school for our daughter! She wasn't even going to school there for another 6 months, but it was very distressing that she's growing up.

[Jeanette]

Anxious I completely understand... it's my middle name too.
This is one HUGE week for you, it's quite understandable... it's the next phase of your life really

[adi]

I get anxious just reading this... whoha, it's all gonna come still. Not that I have not had my first taste, with the Old Mutual nursery being already fully booked for 2010 and me being way down the queue for 2011... what's with these long queues and full classes? Are we missing bus. opportunities here???

[B]

Good luck!

[Liz]

I can totally understand. Even though I have been through it with my son, I still felt anxious when I sent my daughter to kindergarten last Sept. It soon will pass, once they settle in the routine.

[Amy]

ooohh...I love that saying. I may get a plaque engraved with it. My husband doesn't "do" anxious, so he just doesn't get that I am anxious about nearly everything.

I am having the exact opposite problem. I am the principal at the public school (where EVERYONE is able to go...how I would LOVE to put up a "no vacancies" sign) and my b/g twins will be starting there with me next year (August). All I can see in my future is absolutely NO time away from them. They will be riding to work with me and staying after work with me. I love them dearly, but my productivity is going to suffer mightily...

[juliette]

You are so lucky! You have everything. I on the other hand have fuck all. Single parent; fuck all money...wanted to send DS to college and was willing to sacrifice big time for him yet ex refused to pay half fees so DS is now at the old public school down the road. He is still on a waiting list at the college for grade 6..hopefully someone might have died by then and left us some money. Horrible I know but other than an inheritance or me winning lotto (which I play 4 times a week) no chance of anything improving around here!

Sorry...yes I am green however I am not wishing you any less! Just wishing a bit more for me. I had two blastocysts frozen from the cycle that resulted in DS and I have been paying $400 a year since 2004 for storage fees. I decided two weeks ago that I am in no position to use them so I wanted to donate them. I rang the clinic and told them and they said "no; legislation says that as you and your husband are separated they must be destroyed". Can you believe it???? They are mine for gods sake...how dare the bloody government (bunch of fat useless pricks) dictate to me what I do with them? I then told them they can pay me back the fees I have paid considering no one ever told me that...So I am now having a fight with them and no doubt I will lose as I have no money to go to court and no one to back me up. All I can say is thank god I didn't want to use them as if I had and I was told that I would be absolutely gutted!!!!! Why would I pay storage if I had known I could not use them in any way shape or form??

I am sorry this is all over the place....I know you will understand which is why I am sending this.

xxxx

[Kate]

Been there, done that and almost had a break down in the process. And guess what? My son loves his new school. My husband said "I told you so" and never even entertained the possibility that things might not go perfectly.

[Amanda]

Man - I so relate to the chronic anxiety thing. Just started reading Jane Austen and found the fabulous phrase which may now be a bit misquoted as "She was not one to dwell on her vexations". HA HA ! I wish. My only advice would be to remember all the situations you have been anxious in in the past and to see how most of them just resolved themselves anyway right?

Good luck with work day 1 and tell us all how to get 8 months maternity leave? I have a lot to learn about the art of negotiation.

[gretchen]

Welcome back to work!!!! Are you ever on IM??? Look me up!! When are you coming to see us in NY???

[Stefanie]

What is up with that public school thing? Here, you just go sign up for the one you are zoned for - based on where you live - you go to the school nearest your house in most cases.

[savannah TX]

8 months maternity leave sounds like a dream...unfortunately i left a country where I would get about the same...here in the US I get 40 day...wahoooo...

yeah anxious is me right now as well.

I wish you and the kids the best of luck.
Y'all will be fine...

[Stephanie]

Argh! i totally understand, that's a lot going on all at once- a lot of balls up in the air. Hopefully everyone will settle into the new routine soon, and it will all work out :-)

[Chickenpig]

If a parent isn't anxious about their kids' first day at a new school then they aren't ever anxious about anything. School is a BIG deal, Tertia. You have every right, but I'm sure your kids will love their school and your anxiety will drift off.

I tried to enroll my twins in a very highly rated magnet school, which is a school that is like a private school but is public. They have a lottery system, and my twins came up numbers 75 and 76 out of 76, and there are only 30 slots. :( They'll be on the waiting list until they are old enough to go to college, I imagine.

[Pablo (yo)]

Great blog!!!
If you like, come back and visit mine: http://albumdeestampillas.blogspot.com

Thanks,
Pablo from Argentina

[Erika]

I'm anxious because my daughter is in the next room with a babysitter but she "wants Mooooom today" and i have to get work done. Argh. It's making me so fidgety that I'm surfing instead of working. (Although scanning infertility-related blogs IS working for me ... kind of.)

[Rebekah]

Just wanted to say that I think it's perfectly normal to feel anxious about all of that. It's a LOT of change happening all at once ... going back to work, kids starting at a new school, new schedule for everyone ... ohmygosh, I got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about all that!

I can very much relate. Baby #3 is due any day and I KNOW everything will really be fine, but the uncertainty of it all, all the details that have yet to be revealed about our soon-to-be-new-lives ... it's kind of freaking me out! (Doesn't help to be incredibly tired and already a bit overwhelmed.)

Anyways, I know you will all do great. Just takes a while to get used to the dreaded "C" word ... CHANGE! =)