The One and Only Tertia

As if there was not enough hate-fodder out there, guess what I will be doing in January? 

Clue:

 

The FABULOUS people at the very swanky One and Only Spa have invited me to have a  beauty treatment, on the house!  You have no idea how excited I am.  This is what they suggested I have (how did they know!!)

One&Only Body Wrap – Unwind Envelopment (60 mins)

Ideal for dry, dehydrated skin requiring nourishment and hydration. This envelopment uses ESPA Marine Mud, blended with skin softening essential oils which have moisturising and conditioning properties. Perfect for women who have had 3 weeks of non-stop intense quality time with their offspring, even though they should be just shut up and be grateful.

Re-hydrator Facial (60mins)

Ideal for dry, dehydrated and tired skin, this rehydrating facial is an excellent regenerating boost. Gentle deep-cleansing and exfoliation helps the skin to improve the absorption of nourishing facial oils and botanical rescue balm. The result is smooth, nourished skin. Ideal for women whose blog readers think she is a spoilt, ungrateful brat who should be taken outside and shot at dawn.

I am beyond excited.  At first I thought I would miss out.  The lovely Adele emailed me last week offering me a free treatment, to happen anytime within the next week.  O.M.F!!  Had she not read my blog??  Did she not know I am unable to leave the house even for two minutes sans the kids, never mind two hours. I nearly wept.  I wrote back explaining that sadly I would have to miss out, but thank you very much and dear god how could you be so cruel as to tease me like this. And then she said I could delay until January, woohooo!

Apparently the hotel is VERY smart, it's where all the rich, famous people hang out. So on the day of my treatment, I shall disguise myself as a palm frond and go leopard crawling around the corridors with my point-n-click and take some photos of the celebs.  I will report back in detail.

I am a lucky fish.

Hey!  I have an idea! I am going to ask Adele whether they would sponsor another treatment for free and then someone can come with me!!  That's a brilliant idea! A blog reader could come with me. Hold on, wouldn't that be awkward..... I'd have to share a spa treatment with someone I don't know and who might secretly hate me....hmmm...I'd have to make idle conversation....Oh what the hell, it might be fun and it would be great for someone else to experience a bit of luxury me-time.

Ok, hold on, before I get ahead of myself, let me check with Adele that this is possible.  (Do you think it would be rude to ask for two extra spots?  That way if the prize winner is a murderous stalker, there will be a witness to my fatal demise)

Very excited now, VERY! 

Comments

[TH]

:-P

Heaven!

Hope there is the rule....no texting or emailing at the same time though! I had one friend who would do that! We have massages in some of our spas called Crackberry - an intensive fingers, hands, arms and shoulders for the addicts!

Go forth and enjoy!

x

[Robi27]

Hahahaha! Love the self portrait :P

[acidicice]

So...technically I'm not a stranger since we've met IRL. *hint*

Lucky lady! I hope you enjoy it!

[Briget]

Waaaah!!!

I think you may definitely need an extra two slots.(one for a scantily clad bit of sexyness with a *koff* concealed weapon, for protection obviously ;-))

Stalkers and secret haters can be very Unrelaxing ;-)

Have FUN!!

[mash]

Pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me

[tiah]

I'll be in Cape Town from the 18-22...I'll buy the wine.... :-)

[ruth]

DAMN you are clever.

more sneaky than a sneaky thing even.

here i was going to launch a tirade of invective about this post ostentatiously displaying thoughts about your overprivileged white ass and its tendency to be overindulged in a number of ways (and that is ONLY your ass), and then you hang out that OBVIOUS bribe to keep the faithful faithful - and to maintain the kissing up of that famous ass in the hope of being equally overindulged without having earned the right to it through having AT LEAST 25 children via natural conception, plus adopting 30 orphans from various trouble spots around the world, never having shaved one's legs, armpits, or even re-shaped the pubes, never having worked outside the home, making all your kids' clothes, food, toys, shoes and furniture from cast-off wood and metal found on the roadside on your tri-weekly walks to skip-dive (never having owned a car, much less a driver's licence), and only able to access this blog in the community centre at the homeless shelter on your weekly visits to the local church to confess your evilness in full, then crawling home on (unshaven and unmoisturised) knees to prepare your husband's lunch.

and you are not even A CHRISTIAN. aaargh.

enjoy it while you can. all that decadence will get you in the end.

dang. goddamit. i need a drink.

being up for 3 nights with a feverish toddler has fair turned my brain.

what i really need is a day in a spa with a lovely lovely person next to me to share my kind and meaningful thoughts. think your buddy at the hotel will cough up a return fare from belgium, oh glorious princess of generousness?

(phew, lucky i held my self back from even implying criticism here . . . could have totally screwed my chances.)

[Sandra Claassen]

How DEVINE! May every month of next year start this way for you!!

[Wenchy]

Sincerely, you are a cow. :)

[Lindsay]

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM, how do I enter??? Tired, stressed, underpaid teacher who is thinking about buying a business- INSANE- maybe? Mother to one VERY busy little girl! Just as spoilt and moaning about having no help!!!
Promise not to talk or stalk you. Will bring wine and earplugs!
xxx

[Valery]

"disguise myself as a palm frond" ... don't all smart, rich and famous people have their personal palm fronds to languish behind?

[Veronica]

Much jealousy here!

Have fun though, very lovely thing to be offered.

[Angie]

I'm sure they wouldn't mind flying me right over.

[Kirsty]

Thats a fab idea. As long as I'm the winner. Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me
I am a very harrassed mother of 3 wild tikes who don't know how to wipe their asses either!I soooo need that treatment! In fact.... that red stick lady on the bed in your picture? That is so me! C U there. can't wait x
P.S: Apparently I am also a spoilt brat who can't cope without my hired help... who happens to not be a Rose but a Daisy x Viva les flowers! Now come back soon flowers x

[Luann]

airfare included right?

[Tracey]

LOL! I think I've just fallen in love with Ruth.

[Dana]

Any chance of a getting a return flight from Miami, while you're at it??? That would be an awesome Christmas gift. I would take Argentinean Malbec wine and some sushi. Earplugs too. Or better yet, Bose noise cancellation headphones for the Ipod.
Mmmm... wait... Would my dear husband survive without me with our 8-month-old little one??
Yeah... he would!! he rocks!

[Beth]

Ruth, you made my day!!

[Stefanie]

My first though - how the heck is she going to last through a 60 minute body wrap without having to pee?? LMAO! I would have to pee 3 times!

[Stefanie]

First thought, that is.

[Lisa]

See, I always liked you until now. Now, not so much.

[TANIA]

I am soooooooo envipus of u! We gave our boss today a cert for a free half hpur hot stone mssage! AS a mother of three 7 7 N 8 I am like soooooo jealous! Cant afforf nor hve time wrkimg full time nor able to find free care for lovable children at same timwe! DON`T blame peole! LOL ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY! I think it is wonderful tht U get to enjoy this!

[tania]

Oh my fcken god! MY SPELLING sucks! C previous post abve! LOL new phone! OH ya wnted to say am from Maine! I ALSO think the wine might B effecting my spell check! Have fun! ENJOY!

[Kristin]

I am green with jealousy. Have a wonderful time.

[Liesl, your farting bitch friend who could do with some oa]

Niiiiice. You wait exactly 2 days after I leave CT to post this. I wouldve won this hands down, you know that hey? Still love you though. (and I wouldn't have even farted).

[Coral]

Okay, there is only one problem, you KNOW I only get to CT on the 4th Feb......

Take Sis Melly - she also needs some Time Out! And what about Mimi?

Presuming of course that Ruth says ok to extra bodies...

(Damn I cannot make it - did I say that already, oh, sigh)!

[Sister Mel who is clearly the obvious choice!!!]

I'm with Coral! Oh please pick me, I am shamelessly begging here!! Adele, my BF, I am very nice and my feet look terrible and I would make a great before and after pick. T you and I could have a long over due bond. Me, me, me.... hand up in the air waving and jumping!
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[bp]

hmmmm, well, initially i was going to respond to this post with one word "bragger", but at the end i had totally revamped and am shamelessly polling "ME" "ME!" PICK ME!

cuzz, obviously if they will give you an extra spot they CERTAINLY won't mind flying me in from the states.

right?

LvU....have fun!

[Nicky]

Two words: Pick me!