Trial separation

I think it is time for a trial separation.  I don’t think it is anyone’s fault, but I think we’ve got stuck in a bit of a rut.  We hardly talk anymore and when we do, it is forced conversation.  I find myself having to dig really deep to find things to talk about.  And this makes me feel bad. We’ve been through so much together, through good times and bad.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I have too much on my plate to focus on the relationship.  I know that no relationship will survive without love and attention, but right now I have so many other things that need my attention.  I feel stretched and torn. 

And yet, even saying this out loud makes me feel terrible!  I feel an enormous sense of obligation towards you.  I also worry about what will happen if we do separate for a while.  Will you forget about me?  Will you still care?  I also don’t want you leave you hanging, hoping. I hate letting you down.  This is hard, but it is better than stringing you along.

Part of me wants to end it forever; I fantasize about how freeing it will be. No one to please, no one to report to.  But a bigger part of me still needs you.  The thought of never speaking again is depressing. 

I know you must be wondering if there is something else, something that is taking me away from you, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t so.

The others were supposed to be lighthearted distractions, nothing serious.  Fun flings, flights of fancy. And yet I find myself spending more and more time there and there, and less time here.  I thought I could have it all, that there was a place for all, but maybe I was just fooling myself. 

And so I think it is time for a trial separation.  Let’s see if this works.  I can’t say how long it will be, I am hoping it is not too long.  And I hope you will be here when I come back. 

Dear blog readers, I do love you, very much but for now we will have to bond on Facebook or on Twitter. I’ll be back, as soon as I find something interesting to say and five minutes to say it in! Love you, mean it.  Chat soon xxx

PS Eeek!  I see a few of you have taken me up on my offer to connect on FB.  If you do, please add a 'personal message' to say that you aren't a random pervert or stalker, but that you are a blog reading pervert/stalker.  I like to classify my perverts accordingly. 

 

Comments

[Pat]

For the first paragraph or two I thought you were talking about Marko, so by the time I figured out it was us, all I could feel was relief instead of the despair I would have felt otherwise. My misunderstanding really helped put our trial separation into perspective. Go, live your life Tertia. Thanks for sharing it with us and, if you choose to come back, we'll be right here waiting inside your computer.

[Ellen]

Been there. Done that.

Honestly, Tertia, quitting blogging was a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I might go back to blogging someday, and I might not. But I will tell you what... it is so nice to live life again without trying to turn every experience into a blog post, or worry about the backlash of my printed thoughts, or wonder if I, or my family members, are becoming one-dimensional fictional blog characters. I hope you find the same relief.

[Orange]

Facebook and Twitter provide some of the outlet a blog does, but with a fraction of the commitment! They kinda killed my urge to blog. I think I put up two posts in the last three months, and they were short ones to provide a link. It happens.

[Melissa]

I'll miss you. I detest twitter, but will catch glimpses of you on FB.

I understand though. You're my morning cofee girl!

Who else am I going to tease the Poms about the cricket with?

[colleen]

Its been a pure pleasure reading your blog. . .getting to know your family was a great read .I totally understand the urge to finish blogging. . .I did too and it was such a release. . .mine was no way as interesting as yours but I felt I had to comment on everyones blog who left me a message . . .in the end I couldnt keep up. Im keeping your blog in my list of faves just in case you decide to come back.Why not do 4 entries a year Tertia? Best wishes from the UK to all your family x x

[Jeanette]

I understand completely, feeling the same way about my ramblings blog.

[Heather]

I totally understand. Good luck with everything. When and if you come back I will be here.

[Kathy_B]

Most of my favorite blogs have gone dormant due to Facebook & Twitter. Life, and technology, move on.

[J from Ireland]

Ah no....
I will miss you as I am not on twitter!
The best of luck to you and all the best to your lovely family. I will keep you in my read feeder for the day you may return. Best wishes.

[melissa]

Ah, everyone needs a blog break now and then. Also, you needed to write in the throes of infertility, (therapeutic?) and you're past that! Hallelujah, did you see that? you're past infertility!!! You are a recovered infertile! Hee hee.
And I guess your focus is on your family, you do after all have a young baby, and you're helping others with their infertility with your Nurture program.
So hey, give yourself a break! Giving up a blog is very liberating.
I for one am glad you will still be around on Twitter because I adore your one-liners!! :o)

Have fun!

[Trish]

No no NO NO NOOOOOOOO. *stomps feet*
I can't get to twitter or FB from work which is where I do 80% of my web surfing. (Do the kids say Web Surfing anymore?)

Fine fine. Go enjoy your life. Don't think about those of us slaving away in cubicles at all.

[Victoria]

I too thought you were speaking of your family life - was relieved to realize you meant us!!! Have a wonderful life, we will be here waiting if/when you are ready to try again.

[june]

Enjoy your life and family!

xoxo

[Kristin]

I hope you aren't gone forever. Too many of the really good ones no longer blog BUT I do understand and wholeheartedly support your need to just live life.

[Anna]

So glad you're breaking up with us and not with Marko! Good luck, have fun, enjoy your wonderful kids, and we'll all get by somehow.

[beyond]

i understand. and you will pop up on my feedreader whenever/if you decide to give us some news. all the best to you and yours.

[Lisa]

Oh sure! I still miss grrrl -- but at least you will be on FB.

[blackbird]

I read you via a feed reader - so I'll know if you post again...but, in the meantime, I'll miss you.

[Flicka]

I feel this way about my blog too! Have fun with your life and with social networks that allow you more time offline.

xx

[Boliath]

Scared the pants off me, am relieved and agree, it's been fun though xx

[Stephanie]

Totally thought you meant Marko. Glad it's just us.

[Mindy]

My heart skipped a MASSIVE beat. I was like OH NO, she is NOT getting separated after all these years! whew, thank G-d it's only us. see ya on facebook!

[Kathy]

Was it something I said?! :)

Really, I have to agree with the others that I am just relieved it was not Marko you were talking about, you know, after The Talk and all. Frankly, though, I don't know how you do it: the kids, the marriage, the job, the house, the blog, the egg donor business, the book.... I get tired thinking about how long your days must be. Go and enjoy. I will miss you hre, but I will enjoy the FB updates. And I'll read your book if I need a G&D fix.

[ruth]

oh mi GOD . . . you know what this means? you have no more ongoing list of crises in your life. how bloody wonderful is that? your need to blog, and some of the angst you poured out in the process IS ALL USED UP.
enjoy your wonderful, extraordinary, ordinary life - and i look forward to any other outpourings along the way.

[tiah]

Alles van die beste.

[BiancaW]

Dude! I am gutted! Now I am going to HAVE to log into Twitter to get my fix. I hate Twitter - am not nearly funny enough to post on there!!

Love YOU! MEAN it!!

XXX

[Jaci Ribbink]

Dear Tertia,

I am writing this on behalf of 3 women in an office in Durban who just love you and can’t wait to say hello every morning to see what’s happening in your life - and are now totally heartbroken that you have to leave us!

I struggled to conceive my one and only child some years ago and so leapt on this book when I saw it in the library around the middle of last year … and it was so good I recommended it to both my colleagues, Silvia and Jashika and they then read it. And for both of them, there was a real sense of not being so alone in the complicated world of infertility – whether it was for themselves or whether it helped them understand a family member that was going through their own story – we just completely bonded over this book. And then after we read your book we discovered your blog and this became a standard daily thing – ‘has anyone said hello to Tertia this morning?’, ‘have you seen Tertia’s pregnant, how amazing is that?’, ‘can you believe how Tertia talks about Marco, I’m so glad I’m not the only one!’, ‘have you seen how gorgeous Max is?’ – and on and on – we have just loved the way you string words together, we love how peculiarly unique you are as this makes it okay for us to be as strange as we are – and you have to know how many interesting and stimulating and controversial conversations have started because of something you’ve said.

But, in the end, we totally understand that things have to change and grow just as we do, so although we are so very sad to see you go, we are grateful for the time we’ve been able to share your life, and we are so very pleased and proud of you for taking a stand on what’s important in your life at this time.

Bon voyage till we meet again.
All our love
Jaci, Silvia and Jashika

[Rindacella]

Selfishly, am GUTTED 'coz I can't access Twitter or FB from work (don't have a laptop/pc at home) ... BUT having said that, I DO completely understand - so go forth girlfriend! Us faithfulls will STILL be here when you get back - one day. Lotsa luv xx

[Lila]

I'm neither on FB nor twitter so I'll have to live without you, which is a pity but I understand you completely. I have asked myself several times in the past when you will put down this burden. Every blog post we expect from you something witty, quirky, poignant, emotional, honest and insightful. And you always deliver. At what cost to you - I don't know but I guess.

Don't feel guilty. Do what makes you and those around you feel good. Your plate is full enough. Thank you for the good times! I've been reading and sometimes commenting here since you were pregnant with Adam and Kate. Watched your videos, read every word you wrote, read backwards. You have taught me a lot and I thank you for it. You made me and my children laugh and I thank you even more for that. You owe us nothing.

(I knew immediately that you were talking to us, about us ;-)

[juliag]

Dude. You need to tie up loose ends. Or maybe I just haven't been a super diligent reader...did the kids ever get off of formula and binkies?

I do understand the need to leave. I only do a monthly update on my blog now -- for those that don't facebook and for myself to read back on later.

[Alison C]

Will miss you here but will check in just in case there are updates and long promised new house pictures.

Good luck!

[Wobs]

Will miss you! mean it! Come back when (and if) you're ready.... Until then, then... xx

[sheilah]

You are the first thing I read in the morning. What am I going to do now??

(guilt, much...?)

[Adi]

Ah crap :( . (Says she who blogs every six months). Please throw us a peace offering every now and again... We'll miss you.

[Lindsay]

HEARTBROKEN! But I understand. Miss you already xxx

[carmen]

I'll miss you dreadfully but also completely understand. I'll check in now and then just to see if you've posted. Enjoy your wonderful life, dearest Tertia, and thanks for the company all these years. (((hugs))

[Martha]

Aw, I want to say "No, No!" but I do believe you should do what's best for you and I can imagine the pressure you might feel to produce something for your blog regularly. (I don't blog, I just read, so who am I to judge.)

I'll still be hanging around, checking to see if you've popped in, or maybe to read some old posts. In the mean time, I think it's time I friended you on facebook.

All the best.

[Pablo (yo)]

Great blog!!
If you like, come back and visit mine: http://albumdeestampillas.blogspot.com
Thanks,
Pablo from Argentina

[Nors]

Dear Tertia,
You have been there for me over the years in ways you couldn't imagine. But we have grown apart and our struggles are different now. It has been a pleasure. Good luck with everything.

[Molly Morgan]

SO COMPLETELY THRILLED for you :-D
Yeah, we'll miss you, but if you give a few funny/inspiring/poignant FB updates, that's great, too.

I really wondered how on Earth you could post here at all with that yummy chubby baby, two cutie-pies, spouse, agency, job, friends, God-kows-what-else-you-got-going-on.

Get outta here!
(and thanks for the memories)

Mwah! Big kiss :-X

[Melissa]

I'm up. I'm drinking my coffee. I have snark ready to go. And you're not here.

You weren't kidding. Huh. Bugger!

[Mika]

Please Tertia !!!

Come back soon !!

I read your blog every day !!!

Mika(Brasil)

[Sara]

Will miss you, but I get it. Bye for now.

xoxo

[Kerrin]

I don't know how you did it all anyway and secretly worried you had over committed yourself ;) I have really enjoyed your blog for the last few years. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself in such an honest, generous and funny way. Putting in a FB friend request now. xx

[D]

It's that little chap Max isn't it... He's just too damn cute to look away from! I follow (hate that word) you on twitter and FB, but I will miss your blog. It's just different I suppose.

Think I will need an extra glass of wine tonight.... you should too now that you will have a few more minutes in your day!

[Aurelia]

Yeah, trouble is I find myself wanting to say much longer things and twitter won't do that. So as a fellow addict to twitter and FB, I agree it's fun to switch, but I'll never abandon blogging totally. I just wish there was some way of combining all of them....

[Silindile Ntuli]

I was really enjoying your blog, only found it two weeks ago but its all good.... Will miss your funny writing.

[J]

Quite honestly amazed and impressed you managed to keep blogging for so long given everything else going on in your life. I can imagine that was a tough decision in some ways as well as a relief. I loved reading your blog but totally understand and am very pleased for you that you are letting go xxx

[Gabrielle]

Of course, you will be sorely missed. And of course the thousand other projects and people you have in your life deserve attention. I'm kinda jealous of them! Thank you for your sharing, honesty, humour and energy. I love reading your blog and often talk about what I've read/learned to friends, as if you're just another person I know IRL. I've managed to avoid FB so far, but maybe I'll be driven to it, just to see what's up in your world. Good luck and lots of love.

[cath]

Love you tart. Okay, ill now stalk you on twitter like a mad person X and comment on every facebook status. wah

[Lena]

Can't believe how sad I feel. Like a friend moving away. I follow you on FB, but is not the same for me. The blog was more of short stories and FB one liners.You have been with me through so much in the past 2.5 years. I feel kinda lost. Will miss all your funny stories. xoxoxo

[poki]

Thanks for sharing your life with us :)

Have been meaning for some time to go back to the start and read everything - this gives me the perfect opportunity. I will only get shattered if you felt like delete everything as most folks seem to.

Que Sera Sera from Australia :)

[Chrystal]

Hi,
I don't visit as much as I used to. I understand sometimes you need a change.

'Will you forget about me? Will you still care?'

No. Yes.

Take care of yourself!

[Kay]

Hate Twitter. Love you. See you on Facebook. I'm already filed with the "acceptable" perverts. Be well. Be happy. Be FREE!