« Photos from my phone 12/9/2009 | Main | The world according to Adam »


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

gee tertia, why don't you ask us something simple?

with my first, katie, i was 21, got pre-eclampsia, was induced and had a horror birth but i was also ignorant, and blissfully unaware of all the bad stuff that might happen - and the baby was sleepy (8 hours thru the night at 2 weeks, and kept that up until now - she is 26!!!) she slept thru her vaccinations, through teething, through almost everything. it was so easy, she fitted in to everything that i did, and i never felt imposed upon. i think i hadnt developed a strong enough sense of self to notice that i was no longer independent!!! I LOVED EVERY BLOODY SECOND OF IT ALL!

second baby, emily, came after a super easy pregnancy, speedy delivery, and immediate return home. she was more fractious and hard to settle, but still not difficult - just more fragile. but i loved it all, even the projectile vomiting. i felt more alive than ever before, and cherished her. she died of SIDS at 10 weeks - and one of my main ways of surviving that was being fucking thankful that i had loved her so much, and that i had celebrated her existence as much as i had - it did ease the guilt.

3rd baby chelsea was born a year and a bit later after a relatively easy pregnancy and birth. i was paranoid, nervous and horrendously grief-stricken still. but i remember being determined to cherish every moment, regardless of the difficulties - making up special little nests to feed her in at night time etc - JUST IN CASE I LOST HER AS WELL. i can't use the term enjoy or love about this time - again - i was more alive and aware than i had been with emily tho, as if my skin were practically transparent and as if i was feeling every sensation a thousand times magnified - thus the whole period of time was intense and electrifying.

those years sculpted me a certain way - and i just feel FIERCE about them when trying to assess my responses, as if i would not be here now if i had not been thru that. as though i had not even existed until my babies arrived. and that thought is gobsmacking.

when number 6, amelia arrived 24 years after katie, (two miscarriages the year after chels was born), it was a whole new experience. i was more scared, fragile, nervous and grief-stricken than any other time. amelia consumed me completely, and my world was only about feeding and changing and cuddling and nurturing her for months. but again, i can't describe it in terms like 'enjoy' etc. it was too huge, too life-changing, too terrifying, too intense for that. i am still breastfeeding her now, and feel powerfully bonded to her through that process. again, i am not the person i was before i had her. she has changed me for life.

each birth and newborn stage has been a rebirth for me as well, and how the good god do i describe that

in fact, i think the only way that i can describe it is by comparing it to labour - fucking painful (duh ha!), pertifying, almost heartstopping but at the same time euphoric and visceral and all-consuming . . . regardless of how you end up delivering that process still gets gone thru to some extent in that the kid gets out somehow, and without the labour you don't get the result.

yep, can't even think about it in terms of enjoyment - more in terms of its link to my very existence.

Hate newborns. Hate that stage. Everything about it. Newborn stage for first child, was, without a doubt, worst time of my life. And this was an IVF, long-awaited baby who I loved with all my heart, but, crap, those first few months were hard. It took me over 3 years to be convinced to have another child.

Now I have another 9 month old who has been even harder than her brother. This has been a loooong newborn stage. Things are just starting to look up.

I like 'em from age 6 months. 2 was my favourite age.

Newborns? Ugh. No thanks.

We adopted our child (who is now 8 months old) when he was 2 1/2 months old. To me he was like a newborn. I found it really tough and can so identify with what you've said. I have heard so many people say the second is easier but I am terrified of a second, because should I ever miraculously fall pregnant it will actually be like a first as I never had the first 2 1/2 months. So, I am terrified of the 'new' newborn stage. 2 1/2 months was newborn enough for me!

P.s. That comment was ridiculous. Really.

I am not a newborn person - it was easier the second time around because I actually had some idea of what to do/expect but still hard!

As for the comment - very funny (her poor kids though!!)

With my first, I "enjoyed" the newborn stage. I didn't mind the night waking, breast feeding was a breeze and I managed with his fussyness. Thanks to the help of your SIL as well ;0)
My second son was born 8 weeks prem, weighed 920g. He was in N.I.C.U. for 9 weeks. While he was in hospital I coped remarkably well. When he came out, the wheels just feel off. I could not bond with him, I couldn't stand holding him, I couldn't stand it when he cried. It took me over 9 months to bond with him. Time lost never to be regained.
I am extremely broody now, and would LOVE to have another baby (it's just not possible). I see a new born and my heart goes moggy. I NEVER used to sigh and coo over a newborn. A puppy - yes, a newborn, NO WAY!
I am just so sorry that I missed that phase in his life.

I have to confess that I found your Tweets about how adorable Max was, and how much you loved staring at him, certainly during that newborn phase, incredibly difficult - but only because I was having such a hard newborn time with Nate. I just DIDN'T feel that way about him. With both my kids, the newborn stage was hard. With Nellie, because she was 7 weeks prem and had issues. With Nate, because he had really bad colic that would last ALL day... (I cried frequently). After losing Zoe at term I wasn't convinced that God was going to let Nate live, so I didn't want to bond with him, just in case... too jinxy. The result was that it's taken me weeks and weeks to start to bond with him. Thus, hearing that someone else was having such a breeze with the newborn stage did not really help me. Having said all that, the newborn stage with him was emotionally easier to handle (although physically much harder) because it was the second time around. Like you, I knew that "this too shall pass", and that a bit of crying won't kill him. However, now that his colic is better and his reflux is under control, and he's SMILING and GURGLING (Thank you God, he is normal after all!) I can totally see where you are coming from. He's just adorable and I can't help staring at him for hours.

Nope, not me. No thanks. Funny thing is, BEFORE I had my kids I thought newborns were all that, but now that I have my two, and know what that ACTUALLY entails - uh, uh. No way!

Bryce was a small whoopsie baby, perfect pregnancy, not so great birth, and by and large a very agreeable newborn (not that I knew that), but I was shocked to my very core that there was a baby in my house that I was resposible for. I swear I must have had my head up my jack for 9 months!! Anyway, we got through it - just, and then when Hannah came along, as much as I knew what to expect, I didn't dig it. And.....no more newborns for me!! This here factory - Is closed!!!

I adore newborns, I just watch them twitch and move. Tim was almost stared to death before he moved to the Cape!

Then they start walking, and I go off of them until they start communicating properly.

School going age is fab!

Ok, I'll admit it. I do love the newborn stage - it's easy. They cry, feed them. They wet, change them. They crap all over the damn place, do laundry.

It's the next stage that does me in - I would cheerfully skip over everything from about 18 months to 3 years. Yes, they're adorable and all that, but my god, the stress - you can't take your eyes off of them for a split second, they want only the most dangerous and obsessive of items, and they're much too young to reason with or explain what in god's name they want already. I said all along that I'd have six more if I could just skip the young toddler stage. (Well that and the whole being pg six more times thing too.)

with my son, the newborn stage was awful. he cried, we had a terrible ratlationship (later we separated). all the same I loved my son very much and I would have loved to have one more baby. which was really insane at that moment. now, 5 years later, I see how awful it was. but with a new partner, the wish of a second baby comes back. and also the horror, the "would I survive it once more?".
so, for me your words are really a comfort. at least it could be different, if I had another baby...

I detest the newborn stage. I am a confident, natural mother, who worked with children for 10 years before having my own.

But I suffered (after both of mine) Post Partum Depression that bordered on PP Psychosis. I adore my children, but was so ill i got my tubes tied to avoid ever going through that again.

I'd do anything for more children. Except that. Just looking at a newborn makes my heart race and my palms sweat and i cannot open my mouth at all to speak.

Give me a dozen 3 year olds though.

Ignore any negative comments!!! Who died and made them god? You are an excellent mother to all your kids and should be congratulated for that not judged by some crappy insane "I am better than you" standard!!!

As for newborns I have only had one and I am still waiting for the terror to subside!!! She is 18 1/2 months now!!!

I feel and felt the same way you do about newborns. I found my daughter terrifying, mystifying, wonderful, and horrible. I was so stressed out and probably a little postpartum. I have to thank you for posting what you did about newborns because it allowed me to release some of the guilt I felt for not loving every screaming moment!

P.S. I remember asking a person, who was visiting us after the birth, if it ever got easier. I never got a straight answer from her and I wanted to scream. Then I read your blog and instantly felt so much better. So . . . thanks!

Thanks for being honest, am due to have my first newborn in 2 days time and am glad that I don't have to feel bonded or feel like I am coping just because I wanted her so much.

I'm a mom who can honestly say I didn't love the newborn stage nearly as much as I did ages 4 months and onward (with one to two years being my absolute favorite!). My mom and sister both adore newborns - those squeaky noises, old man faces, startle reflexes, rooting around for the boob, etc... Me, not so much. I felt incredible guilt every time someone would come over and snuggle my newborns into their necks and say "don't you just LOVE this age?" I would think, "actually, I don't". I'll never forget running into a friend a the store when my daughter was about 8 weeks old and she kept raving over and over about how wonderful motherhood was, how sweet and precious newborn babies were, how much she loved that age, etc. She asked me, "Isn't this the most wonderful thing you've ever experienced?" I walked away and cried because at that point it honestly wasn't the most wonderful thing I'd ever experienced. Having two very colicy babies who had their days and nights mixed up for months certainly didn't help my appreciation of those early days, but I can say I enjoyed 4 months and on much more than the true newborn phase. I'm finished reproducing, but in hindsight I would like to have had the opportunity to try it once more with a laid back, easygoing baby just to see if I actually like newborns or not!

Great post. I have just been reading a blog of a woman I know - for some reason I am compulsively addicted to reading it, I guess because I know her. The nauseating thing is, it is all about how perfect she is and how perfect her kids are. Today they did violin practice before baking gingerbread cookies and drawing Chinese characters. AARGHHH ! Anyway, sorry to get off track there, but I love the way you are so honest. After countless failed IVFs, a miscarriage, extremely premature babies, I expected to love the newborn babies experience. After all, I should have been enormously grateful right? Instead I HATED it! Spent a long time analysing it - I was just too terrified to enjoy it. They were too fragile. So many things could go wrong. I had nightmares every night: ridiculous things like their pushchair rolling off a pontoon into the sea, me dropping them from a balcony; a car mounting the pavement - you name it, I had crazy dreams it would happen. I could NOT wait for them to be more robust. They slept all through the night from a tiny age (NICU feed training!) - but I didn't. Was up all night checking they were still breathing.

Now I worry about other things: they could choke on a biscuit; they might wrap a curtain cord round their neck; what if they run in front of a car in a carpark before I could stop them..... I guess it will never end!! But I am beginning to relax - just a little teeny weeny bit...

Tertia, I think you greatly underestimate the whole twin thing. It is NOT a newborn thing, it was a twin thing. When you have one newborn you can direct all your attention and energy to it. Having two as your first children, especially when one, (or god forbid, both!) is a touchy infant, is freakin' difficult. Like you, I have twins and a singleton who is a great baby. My twins are almost four, and they still break me down almost every day. N was a colicky, reflux-y, tough nut baby...D is a tough, PITA toddler-pre schooler. Between the two of them they have managed to wreck just about every stage for me. My husband and I constantly say "If there was only one of them...." .

I think if I had had a singleton the first time around and had gotten the fear of newborns out of my system I would have been prepared for the nightmare that is multiple newborns. As it is, having a baby who is pure sunshine, and a singleton, after having the Wonder Twins has been a cake walk. She is now 13 months old and I can't remember having any bad days, or even really bad moments with her. She has given me back the joys of being a mom that I had missed. If I was guaranteed that all my kids would be like her, I would have twenty!*

*If my husband and I were fertile, which we aren't, and if they came ONE AT A TIME. which, when you ARE infertile certainly isn't a given ;)

I am not a newborn person. I love my 3 month old babies (as I loved my first when she was a baby), but I enjoy parenting a lot more when we can interact beyond just smiling and cooing at each other.

As an adoptive mom to 2 girls who were both 12 months old at adoption I can't say whether or not I'm a newborn person. What I can relate to is the dichotomy of working so hard and waiting so long to parent and then not loving every single minute of it. I have to work hard to remind myself often that regardless of how we became a family I am allowed to have a normal experience from here on out. That means good days and bad days, making lots of mistakes and remembering not to be so hard on myself when I just want to run away from it all.

To be honest, I'm not a big fan of the whole first year. Once they are able to communicate in some way, it gets fun for me.

I am definitely a newborn person. I loved it. I loved how he smelled and how he snuggled up against me and how all his needs were pretty easily met. Boob, warm body, dry diaper. Done. Don’t get me wrong, the 15-month-old he’s grown into is awesome too, but I sure do miss that tiny little body asleep on my chest.

Not really a newborn person really and I have 4. In fact, the 'newborn phase' and the stress and inevitable spousal arguments that follow were on the con list when trying to decide to go for #4. We just kinda suck it up and deal with it until they get about 6 months. Now of course, I still enjoy the baby smiles, the talking and cooing, the cuddles. But the all consuming neediness is draining.

Baby personality a heavy heavy influence on my enjoyment of newborn stage, but in general, do NOT enjoy it. My first was an easy easy baby, but we were very distracted with serious illness in the family and I felt mostly sadness about not having the time to dote on my perfect (and long-awaited) baby. Still, I haven't forgotten the times I fantasized about just letting her fuss outside on the lawn where I wouldn't be able to hear her for just a few minutes please!

Second baby, experienced mom, and incredibly high-maintenance newborn = HATE HATE HATE the newborn stage. Counting the minutes until 3 months, then 4, then 5... Now, at 8, we all like each other a lot more. Most of the time ;)

Well, I hope this doesn't mark the end of a beautiful friendship, but I AM a newborn person. I totally am. I don't know if it's because I was blessed with these amazingly strong willed kids who make every single daily situation a challenge, but I suspect that has something to do with it. And those first few months really belonged only to me. Me and the baby and the big overstuffed chair we snuggled in 27-7 and always getting to be in yoga pants and tee shirts and just keeping that little baby snuggled and fed.

And, I got to watch a LOT of bad TV. Which I also love.

Now, once we emerged from that newborn cocoon, I was also ready. Ready for the regular showers and clothes that actually zip or button or snap and shoes that made a clicking sound on the floor when I walked. And no doubt I was tired and snippy and a bit irritated with the leaky boobs and all during the newborn time.

But to me, it is my utopia, my overstuffed chair, newborn babe, cup of water, and remote control, cocooning. Yum.

Newborn babies melt my heart. I hated being pregnant so much that the newborn stage was a breeze for me. I adore newborns. Everyone is different and sure wouldn't it be boring if everyone was the same!!

My husband and I shudder at the thought of ever having a newborn in the house again, and ours were both easy babies, looking back. My little guy just turned one, and this age, between one and two, is my favorite. Sure, I spend every waking moment trying to keep him from injuring himself, but he is so cute and sweet, and I love all the learning that takes place and just the all around joyfulness of this age. I fall into bed in exhaustion every night, but the next morning I am so excited to see him again and don't want him to grow up.

My first child was a breeze, even as a newborn, and I enjoyed even those first months - even though the whole time I really was dying for him to get big enough to DO something! I found 6-12 months to be incredibly exciting - amazing changes practically every day. So, I really wasn't worried about baby #2 - I knew they were all different, and baby #2 might not be as easy (or could be a nightmare) but there was no way to know. As it turned out, she really was a lot more difficult and stressful, but mainly because the girl would NOT let me sit down. She demanded to be carried around with us, walking, practically every minute of the day. The only time we could stop walking was when she was nursing or, praise the lord, sleeping. Even now, at 19 months, when she's upset, she wants to be carried around - and she's a lot heavier! So, I didn't find the newborn stage of either baby particularly emotionally difficult, just exhausting and frustrating the second time around because of my baby's particular idiosyncracies. I honestly believe that baby's temperament makes up about 75% of the difference between people's experiences...

Thank you so much for writing this, Tertia, you are a woman after my own heart. I didn't know what to expect, having never had a child before, but I have to confess that the newborn stage really sucked, and I'm just now starting to recover from it (that is, I can now enjoy spending time with my four-month-old daughter without fervently wishing she were asleep, which is how I spent the first couple months of her life). She was collicky and I was overwhelmed, and being single, I found myself crying all the time (until my mom saved me by coming to spend three days a week with me each and every week). So...I'm glad Max has been better for you. You must admit, though, having a full-time housekeeper/babysitter puts you in a different league than most! (Lucky you)

am in 1%!! LOVE newborns. ADORE them. am lazy mother, therefore adopt hippy methods of dealing with babies. BF constantly, sleep with them next to me, carry them everywhere.

i am allergic to routines (have note from my doctor) therefore ignore 'nap times' and just them sleep in baby carrier whenever. result (for me) has been that they don't cry much, i am filled with happy happy hormones and get enough sleep BUT am also allowed to have a year off work to do this 'incredibly hard' thing of cuddling little baby. marvellous! and because i ignore naptimes, i spend every spare moment at cafes, gossiping with friends, eating cake. and because i BF, cake calories are removed from my body again by baby! could things BE any more awesome?

what's not to love? am in danger of ending up with 6 kids though...

I'm one of those crazy newborn lovers, though I also think the newborn stage is horribly difficult. In my case, I was SO happy to finally have a baby after years of infertility, but my 1st was colicky (sp?) and would scream for hours. Sometimes I screamed with her. She was NOT a "fun" newborn. I was so exhausted that when she did finally sleep I was too exhausted to enjoy her. So I felt like I got "cheated" out of her newborn time. Then I fell pg without medical help (!!!) when she turned one and when my 2nd was born she wasn't even two yet. And she was STILL my demanding, high needs toddler. My 2nd was a breeze, but because of my first who was still not sleeping through the night and high needs, I felt as though I got cheated out of my 2nd's newborn stage. I don't even really remember it.

SO, I say that I'm a newborn lover rather tongue in cheek. I guess I love OTHER people's newborns. :) I'd love to come over and snuggle ANYONE's newborn for hours and hours, but the newborn stages in my mothering career are just hazy, sleepless, exhausting days I certainly don't gush over.

My first was a singleton and I was overjoyed to be having a baby...until I had her. I think she screamed for 6 months straight. Then 9 months after her arrival I got pregnant with twins. I though surely I couldn't have another child like my first and I was right...I had two more. The first 6 months after my boys were born were the worst 6 months of my life. They are now 11 months old and life is MUCH better. It's still crazy, but much more manageable. Almost everyone I've talked to struggled with the 0-3 month stage...why don't people talk about this more freely? It would help ease some of the guilt that is floating around in motherland.

I didn't expect to like the newborn stage, but I have to admit that I did. It was one of the most magical times of my life (sorry, but you asked!) I can imagine that with twins it would be a whole different story, though, and especially after you had so recently lost Ben. Grief + fear + difficult child + another newborn doesn't sound like fun to me.

I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying Max more. You deserved that.

OK, I already commented above, but I totally forgot one very important detail. And that is that I was a devoted reader of both Tertia and Julie of A Little Pregnant before I got pregnant with my first baby. They both were going through absolutely horrific newborn experiences, and writing about them graphically. You guys scared the living shit out of me. I was sure that my own experience would be equally horrible - BUT, I had also read every last damn commenter who assured everyone that things would GET BETTER, and damn it, I believed them. I really did. So I figured the first 3 months would be a total nightmare, but that I'd just have to suck it up. My actual experience was nothing like what either Tertia or Julie had, however, so it all just seemed really anti-climactic. Amazing how you people in the computer really affect lives!

I would NEVER want to go through the first-time mom newborn phase ever again. It took years off of my life. The second-time mom newborn phase is sooooo different. I love every minute of it. I enjoy it. Even the sleep-deprived ones, because these too shall pass. And my second baby seems much happier to me. But I am much happier too. I wish with all of my being that I could back and be the mom I am today, to my first daughter when she was a newborn. But I wouldn't be the mom I am today to my second if it wasn't for my first. Ya know?

I'm not going to say I hated the newborn stage, I'm just going to say that it kicked my ass. We adopted our son, placed at birth. Totally not prepared as I only had 4 hours to prepare. The adoption happened really really quick. He had colic, reflux, and cried a lot. So did I. I was scared shitless that I was doing everything wrong, worried about every single little thing(to the point of being a tad bit compulsive), and couldn't sleep as half the time I would worry if he was breathing, etc... I experienced a little PAD(post adoption depression) also. I waited many many years for this little bundle of joy and here I was crying half the time. I think a lot had to do with no time to adjust and the sleep deprivation. One he started sleeping through the night I started to feel much better. But, long story short. Some phases I did hate, some I loved. I think if we ever adopt another child I would be MUCH MUCH more laid back. Been there done that now... I do miss those newborn snuggly days at times but I'm really enjoying the hell out of my almost 2 year old now.

I felt the same re: guilt about not really enjoying the newborn phase with newborn long-awaited IVF twins. It was SO tough when they were newborns + the inexperienced mom gig. I obsessed and stressed out over everything! I didn't enjoy that time. In fact, my memory has blocked out that whole stressful time and i can't remember much of when they were newborns. Then No. 3 surprise bonus showed up, and I actually LOVED and enjoyed the newborn stage. Simply because small new baby = small lungs = small mews that fall into the category of baby-won't-die-from-crying. And because when the toddler stage comes, that's when the real STRESS begins. Makes me long for those newborn days when No.3 just lay there sleeping in cot/pram, was non-ambulatory, and only needing milk! (And not requiring 24/7 supervision before she puts every.single.thing into her mouth and doing everything that she shouldn't!)

I had a rough time with the first born although it did not help that he was extremely fussy and colicky for months. Sleeping and eating problems galore. When he was barely one I realized I was extremely PPD'ing and went for anti-depressants. (Have always suffered from severe PMS so am not sure why it took me so long to figure out maybe being anxious/depressed for a year was not normal.)

4.5 years later I had our twin girls. Easy babies (of course experience helps a lot. and to this day I contend caring for them during the first year was easier than with my first born.

I DO love babies and the first year but man is it EXHAUSTING!

I look forward to Grandbabies some day ;)

I felt so bad sometimes after my son arrived because I felt like I should be enjoying it. Everyone told me to cherish the newborn days, because they'd pass so quickly. And they did (sort of). But the sleep deprivation! The reflux!
Funny you mention 3 months plus. I told my mom I thought the first 2 months were what was supposed to be so bad and things still weren't manageable. She told me it was the first 3 months. I was like "okay and when he is 3 months, are you going to tell me it's the first 4 months?" And she just said "I hope not". But it really was better by 3 months.
I am pretty terrified of what it will be like with another one though. I can see how in some ways, it will be easier. I think, if someone took care of my firstborn, it would be okay. But how the heck am I supposed to take care of both a toddler (assuming I get pregnant again when I'd like to) AND a newborn?! At least with one child, I could theoretically sleep when the baby sleeps. But what are the odds I can #1 get both kids to sleep at the same time and #2 have them both sleep long enough for me to fall asleep (which takes forever since I'm on "high alert" and feeling anxious when I get sleep deprived. Answer: Not bloody likely. Solution: I have told my mother and my mother in law that if they want more grandchildren, they must commit to coming and living with us and helping out in shifts for the first few months. None of that piddly coming for just a couple days and disappearing for weeks stuff.

Enjoyed my 1st baby very much,when I comparred it to running a 42 bed surgical ward 12 hours a day,looking after a New born was a breeze.
2nd one not so much fun,she vomitted up all the time ,was miserable and clingt and allergic to everything....ughhhhh
3rd one was the BEST she was a dream,good and a lovely baby.I was old and well experienced so didn't fuss over the little things so it was an enjoyable time.

Re Mary - Not nice.

I think if you have fertility problems you get brain/heart damaged forever.We managed to have Christian without any treatment after loads of drugs, AI's and IVF's.I don't think I enjoyed the pregnancy even fully as I was sooo scared something was going to go wrong.I won't say enjoyed is the right word for his first couple of weeks as he only really slept and ate. And even the reflux was okay.But I stress EVERY day something is going to happen to him.I still check up on him a couple of times a night to check that he breathes.I stress when he is sick and cries.I stress when he doesn't want to drink.Basically I stress at any possible sign that something could be wrong with him.I sometimes wish I loved him less, maybe I'd relax a bit more.I have this terrible fear of losing him.So,I do enjoy playing with him and spending time with him and watching him "talk" and laugh,but it's not a carefree happiness like "normal" moms.

Don't do newborn - Aikona - 3 babies in NICU = no good mamma.

Why don't you ask "our" friendly Marie to be a guest blogger and then we can all see what keeps her busy during the day?

I used to joke that for my 2nd child, I wanted to give birth to a one year old. Well, you know the old adage of "be careful what you wish for"? We had secondary infertility issues and turned to adoption where we became the parents to a beautiful 10 month old daughter. I've got to tell you, it's a pretty big shock to the system to bring home a child who can already run around the house and spends half her day trying to eat her brother's Lego!lolol I have a new appreciation for the slower pace of having a newborn and the different stages you go through before you hit the crazy mobile child stage! But either way, it's all good. :-)

After three years, three IUIs w/stims and one IVF, finally a baby boy! Terrible pregnancy, terrible delivery, five days on the NICU. The first two months (maternity leave), I felt like I was in prison. Nursing was terribly painful, and thinking about giving up nursing every minute of every day--well, the guilt was eating me alive. The minute I told my husband I wanted to quit nursing he almost broke out in a Steve Martin-esque happy dance.

I kept thinking, when I go back to work I will be happy (what a terrible fool I was). When baby turns three months I will be happy. Nope. Four months. Five months. He's almost six months now, and I'm still terrified. But it's getting better.

My entire life, all I have ever wanted is to be a mother. (If you had asked me when I was in my 20's, I would have told you I wanted 10 boys--no kidding). Now that I am a mother, I figure I have no right to be depressed and miserable because I am one of the "lucky" ones who was able to get pregnant with "only" one IVF. Everyday should be puppies and rainbows for me, right? I now realize I am a "kid" person, definitely not a "baby" person. And I am starting to let myself believe that is ok. Of course, it goes without saying (I hope), I am madly in love with my almost six month old son. I just can't wait until he is two+.

When you say that human babies are "premature" at 40 weeks? You're right! Human beings ARE born prematurely, compared to other mammals, able to walk from the moment of birth. The reason is this: Human beings have large brains and therefore large skulls. because we walk upright, we also have small, fixed pelvises. As a result, human babies must be born when they're still quite small and relatively undeveloped -- and their heads STILL tend to get stuck in the birth canal. You're quite right: when it comes to coping with a newborn, about every other mamal mother on the planet has it easier than a human mother.

I miss having a newborn, and I've been very very sad this month because I was supposed to have a newborn a few weeks ago, but he didn't quite make it through the first trimester.

There are two Mommies in my son's preschool program with brand new babies, and they are completely exhausted. Seeing where they are at right now knocks some of the sadness away. I'd like another baby, but it's nice to be reminded of the reality that newborn Mommyhood is not entirely blissed-out breastfeeding and gazing into each others eyes.

I LOVED having a newborn, but I will also admit that she was a very easy baby - a fact I have not ever taken for granted! She hardly cried (that is once we figured out I was not producing enough milk to satisfy her and began supplementing with formula). She was content to be held by anyone or just lay in her boppy pillow, or rock in her swing. Honesly I don't think I could have asked for an easier baby.

I'm another crazy newborn lover. From birth to 18 months, I am in heaven. Then it's hell until they're about 4, and then heaven returns. (Mine's only about 5 so I don't have any insight to any future ages...)

Everyone's different, T, so naturally everyone is going to love different stages of their kids development. I think there were points when she was three that I didn't even LIKE her.

My best friend loves the newborn stage also but would gladly forgo ages 2 and 4.

Just read your post Giving Up, when enough is enough... Mo has a link of it on her blog, Life and Love in a Petri Dish http://lifeandloveinthepetridish.blogspot.com/2009/09/its-not-exactly-hope-but-its-something.html

Anyway, I just wanted to say, I can see why she linked it!

Hmmm... 2 IVF's in which I didn't stim well, 1 IVF that ended in a chemical, 1 IVF that ended in a miscarriage, and a subsequent FET that also ended in a miscarriage. Oh, and three IUI's. And surgery.

Tons of fun.

Anyway, I have recently asked myself many times, am I stupid or just determined, and it was really, extremely good for me to know that someone else feels the same way!

And the bit about it being enough, when the pain of going through it is harder than the pain of knowing that you'll live childless. I SO needed to hear that. Thank you.

I keep knocking around the idea of adoption and I can't even bring myself to research it. Gah! I'm not ready to give up.

Anyway, thank you!

Loved my babies...HATED the newborn stage. Took me a long time to admit to anyone. I couldn't sleep, didn't do anything right, and was a WRECK. I was surprised because I was always a babysitter and LOVED babies. I would grab and hold other people's babies any time I got a chance. When I became a mother, I was paralyzed. I am LOVING this period of my life, though. Youngest is 4 (other 2 are 6 and 8.) I thought I would have no interest in this time, but, surprisingly, I love it.

Also another 1%-er. My favoritest age is from when they are born until they can roll over. From then on they totally have the upper hand.

I was working with a doctor in a maternal mental health practice who was seeing a long-time patient who had just had her third child. The doctor laughed and said that in another year she'd probably be back pregnant with the next one. I laughed, and said "of course, by then this one will be too big!" The doctor gave me a horrified look; turns out she feels like things didn't really get fun until her kids hit elementary school.

I think there's probably a good distribution of people in the world to take care of every age. Personally, I love 0-4 months and 18-year-olds (HS seniors and college freshmen). Most people I know have similarly idiosyncratic favorite ages. Across all of us, I'm sure that every age has enough people who really enjoy them and feel they're at their best interacting with that age group.

Oh, I could have a hundred newborns (not at once!) I love the newborn stage. There's nothing I love more than that falling in love feeling I get with a newborn. I can just sit and drink them in with all my senses, feeling their skin, smelling their heads, gazing into their drifty little eyes. My husband has had to put his foot down after 3, or I would just keep feeding my addiction by squeezing out newborns. I really enjoy most of parenting, hard work though it is, so I hate to pick one age or stage as my favourite - but newborns do have a special something for me.

I don't have children -- but I'm with you! I'm so not a newborn person.

I have worked child care for years, and my favorite ages are 2 and 5-7. Newborns I find a bit creepy, honestly -- they don't ever seem quite completely "baked." This passes for me at about the 6-week mark, but the first few weeks are not ones I appreciate -- I just endure.

I love the newborn stage. New and cuddly and the needs are very simple to meet. I had trouble getting started with nursing my first, but I still loved it. My second baby was so happy, calm and easy as a newborn. The second time around is definitely better.

I definitely have to comment on this one! I also have a single child (almost 9 years old) and I am just getting out of the newborn phase with twin boys. It is very true that one is much easier than two at a time in the newborn phase; however, I'm also not a big fan of it. I actually tell the boys that I need them to give me smiles as "positive reinforcement". Without that positive feedback from them, it seems like a thankless, no fun job. But they are so cute!!!

I LOVE newborns!! Loved all 3 newborn stages. Mostly the 1st and the 3rd. small gap between 1 and 2 so was more stressed. Thrid time around was bliss!! Loved it. I love the fact that they slept for hours and then woke just to feed and change nappy and sleep again. Love the way they smell and look and sound. My daughter is 11 months now and I am loving this stage, especially since she just started walking and says mamma!! But it's exhausting and I find it harder than the newborn stage. More rewarding though. I miss the newborn stage and a part of me is sad that I wont have it again.

Thanks Tertia. I am SOOOO not loving the newborn stage. I can't wait to sleep again!

Have always loved KIDS when they can talk and interact with me. Love that stage. I can't wait til my 10-weeks old boy-girl twins after 2nd IVF are TWO!

I do love newborns, but most of my friends don't and that doesn't surprise me. I think everybody has favorite stages: I like newborn and small baby, and then I like age 3-5. My best friend doesn't like babies until they're about 3 months old, and she likes them better and better through the toddler stage. Her to me: "You're nuts." Me to her: "You're crazy and also nuts."

Newborns are so much effort and worry, without much reassuring feedback. You survived two of them at the same time. You rock.

There is research out there that says that humans should really be born 3 months later. That would be equivalent to the development stage of other mammals. However, as mentioned in earlier posts - their heads already get stuck at 40 weeks. In my opinion the first 3 months are scary for a very good reason.

The comments to this entry are closed.


  • Medsitters Au pairs

More Ads

| More


Bloggy Stuff

  • Living and Loving

  • SA Blog Awards Badge

  • Featured in Alltop

  • Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

  • RSS Feed
Blog powered by Typepad
This is the Reviews Design