The vicious cycle of long term relationships

Partner A needs/wants some attention*

Partner B is too tired/stressed/busy to give required attention

Partner A tries again

Partner B responds as above, with a slight tinge of irritation

Partner A tries again, this time with more urgency

Partner B responds as above, now with annoyance

Partner A sulks

Partner B gets resentful

Partner A sulks some more

Partner B gets even more resentful (and thinks to herself 'that sulking thing is VERY unattractive, there is no way I am going to give you any attention if you are going to be a sulky susan)

Eventually Partner B realizes that she is never not going to be tired/busy/stressed and decides to give Partner A some attention. A great time is had by all.

Partner A is very happy and full of the joys of spring.

Partner B thinks to herself - well, that was actually quite pleasant. Why didn't I just give him some attention in the first place! Will I never learn.

Rinse and repeat.

*You are welcome to substitute 'attention' for any word you wish.

Comments

[Coral]

Person A flies to see family in CT, spends two nights away. Person B picks up A from airport. What does A want to do? Please take for lunch, need a beer.

After a late lunch, and much chatting, A+B get home. A's son is at home watching a video under a blanket, A climbs under blanket with son and chats about weekend. Person B goes upstairs with suitcase and starts to read on bed, this is B's way of sulking. A has bath, takes sleeping pill and goes to bed at 6.30. Cannot cope with 3 year old behaviour.

My weekend 'sharing'.

[tiah]

I have that kind of relationship with exercise...probably not the same, really....

[Ann]

Ain't that the truth, though? Once you get into the "attention" it's not too bad... it the starting that's tiresome!

[BiancaW]

Totally what Ann said.

Why does it take some of us so much longer to enjoy the attention, than the others, that just STAND to attention?

[kim]

exactly what ann said...sometimes...sometimes the attention is just as tiresome.

[KarenD]

You must be a fly on the wall in my house!

[beyond]

well, i'm really glad that " a great time is had by all"!

[Martha]

Been there, done that, will be there - and do that - again.

[mary]

too funny. thanks for that on a dreary Monday at work!

[stay@homemom]

As partner B always tells me he is really such a simple creature, he needs to be fed, f... and watch TV. Very easy really. If only we were that simple - I need a whole lot more before giving "attention". Am now on new meds together with old meds to see if we can kickstart my very dormant and dead libido - so now I have grogginess, dizziness, dilated pupils - how can I not want to shag with all those side effects?

[RainbowW]

when i was married, we never got to the part where she relents.

it's one of the reasons i'm not married anymore.

[Stephanie]

LOL- in my house, Partner A indicates they would like some attention. Pertner B indicates a willingness to give attention. Partner A continues playing on the computer until Partner B goes to bed. Partner B is usally sound asleep before Partner A joins, looking for attention. Whoops!

[melissa]

YES! Ha ha ha. Sounds like many of us are in the same boat. I've got to the point where I just hurry him past the foreplay, there's really no need ... I tell him I'll get into it soon enough, he must just go for it!! :o)

[Judy]

Good golly.

I told my husband I'd make a great asexual partner for him. I can so totally go without "attention" for eons and be perfectly happy. He, on the other hand, usually has other ideas. At around 11:45 p.m.

[victoria]

I'm sorry, but when B has JUST HAD A BABY like, TWENTY MINUTES AGO (or six weeks, what's the difference), A needs to grow the +&@% up and quit sulking like a 3 year old.

[Not On Fire]

I always say "Yes" to attention. It is always at least pleasant and usually quite a bit more. Attention has a big positive impact on my marriage.

[Wobs]

What is also quite frustrating is when Partner A wants attention at 3am but Partner B prefers attention at 10pm..... the wires get a bit crossed (excuse the pun)....

[Yvonne]

Was reading my book : How to kill your husband (and other handy household hints) by Kathy Lette and thought of you and this post! ;) I shall quote from the book below:

"As Rory ran his tongue around my upper molars, once, twice, around and arond and around until the titillation became so intense that I was tempted to flick on the telly to watch the Darts final, I realised with dismay that Jazz was bloody well right. As wife will do everything to discourage her husband, bar stretching razor wire around her bed and setting bait traps. While men want the tumbling in the hay to recommence six weeks after childbirth, mothers want to tie up the sheaves and put them in the barn. Sure, I'd joked with my girlfriends about how my favourite position in bed was the doggy position - 'where he begs, and I just roll over and play dead', but I hadn't admitted to myself that it was actually true. As Rory climbed aboard and pounded away at me as if I was his latest bit of DIY, I made a mental list of all the excuses I'd concocted to get out of sex in the last year.

...

"If you're really desperate for a good night's sleep, you can employ my tiptop favourite sex-stalling technique. Warning: this must be used sparingly so as not to induce heart failure. Just when hubby's snuggling up and you feel the prod of his penis in your back, mention casually that the Inland Revenue telephoned and want to audit his accounts. Not only will he lose the inclination for sex, he'll also lose the desire for sleep, which means you won't have to put up with his snoring either."

:) :) :)

[Andrea]

I am cracking up at Yvonne's book quote!

[Kirsty]

Spooning leads to Forking. I'm just saying...

[Anna]

Since you are a practical one, schedule time for attention so that it doesn't go beyond a certain frequency, just enough as not to trigger nagging from partner A. You will find that said frequency is actually lower than you thought, partner As are really easily pleased with a small effort : )

[BlindCripple]

Hahaha... I loved this post :)

[Wobs]

Yvonne's post has had me in fits of laughter. Like: tears running down my face laughter. I've also read that book... made hubby a bit nervous I might add - especially when I informed him that it is a "self help" book.

[Olivia]

I relent pretty quickly because I know once we get started it'll be fun. But, I usually heave a heavy sigh of resignation before doing so.

[Kris]

Wow, I could not have related more to this post if I had written it myself. Men are really quite simple actually.

[Melissa H]

I finally learned something after three kids, and ten years of marriage. Take One For The Team. It goes like this, I force myself to act interested, to give affection, have sex. I'm not in the mood and would rather read and then go to sleep or do chores or whatever. But, if I force myself to give in to my husband's demands on my time, I am always glad I did and in return, it makes me WANT to give him more attention and affection. I am happy, he is happy and because of this, kids are happy. Sometimes you have to just suck it up and take one for the team, you'll be glad you did.

[Momzilla]

It's almost insane how common this is. I can't actually say that there are ANY of my friends, who are mothers, that want attention anywhere even close to their husbands. At all. Not even a little.

And I'm glad someone else can admit it's 'pretty okay' when they 'relent', though I hate having to relent anyhow. I feel guilty for having to give in, rather than just desiring my wonderful husband and wanting to shower him with so much attention that he goes cross-eyed.

Does anyone else feel guilty for not simply wanting to?