Once a cry baby, always a cry baby?

One doesn't like to label one's child.  Labels can be very limiting at best and destructive at worst.  And even though I know I don't always succeed, I try my best not to label my children.  No one wants to grow up being known as 'the naughty one', 'the slow one', 'the one-most-likely-to-become-an-axe-murder', or in our case 'the one most likely to cry his way through junior school, high school and his wedding!!'

Please tell me that a sensitive, needy, cry baby has the potential to turn into a normal person who doesn't cry EVERY FIVE MINUTES?  Please?  Because if this continues, I am not sure the child in question will ever find a spouse one day.  That whole cry baby thing is barely tolerable in a four year old, but is extremely unattractive in a grown up.

Oh wait, I have to interrupt this post because SOMEONE is crying AGAIN.

I am now typing with that someone on my lap.  

I'd love to believe this is just a stage. A delayed reaction to Max's arrival, but to be honest it has been this way since he was born. Sigh.  Love the child dearly but he can be DAMN HARD WORK.

Comments

[Debbie]

Hi Tertia,

I read somewhere that boys who cry a lot as toddlers and young children are more emotionally mature as adults have higher EQ and are alround better men because they are not stunted in this part of their developement.

I know it's a bitch now but I am sure in the long term it will pay off!!!

[Hannari]

Hi Tertia

My sister used to be a crybaby as well. I remember at one stage my mother bribing her with R2 a day for every day that she doen't cry. I don't think that she ever made more that R6 a week :) My dad used to say that her bladder is to close to her eyes and therefor instead of going to the toilet she cries.

She is now a very happy and healthy 24 year old and a crybaby no more. I can't exact remember how long it lasted but I think it stopped when she was about 7 or 8.

So there is hope for you :)

[Kirsty]

It's totally a boy thing! Watch - Max will be the same!! Lucky you, with 2 boy cry-babies! ( Me too) And your girl-type will usually be the cause behind the boy-types crying episodes. (Me too)

[ExMi]

ear plugs. i invested in them - best thing ever while The Kid was going through that needy stage.

he'll get over it, i promise.

[Coral]

Sean was like that. He had a very high IQ, but was an absolute cry baby at pre-school. So he was not emotionally ready for school. He stayed back for one more year of pre-school and it was the best thing I did. In 6 months his self confidence rose so much.

He does not cry now - he is 25! But he is totally in touch with his feelings and will get a tear in his eye, and is not embarrassed over it. He will make a splendid husband to the luckiest girl.

Hang in there, Tertia, it does get better.

[Momcat]

My older son wasn't a crybaby but his younger brother - well, at 13 going on 14 at the end of the year, he still cries easily although I can see him trying to control it and sometimes only gets to tearing up before he stops.

[Melanie]

I used to be a cry baby, but then i realised i had to toughen up, i realised that no-one would stick up for me in the real world so i toughened up. I am proud to say that some people even say 'i wouldn't like to get on your bad side' I am not a mom, yet, but i think he will grow out of it ;)

[Katherine]

A problem shared is a problem halved. Maybe just letting it out will you help you find the patience it takes to put up with it.

[Sister Mel]

It doesn't stop at 7, and it is not just a boy thing. Remember, one in every family!

[Julia]

I think that it is a boy thing. My 9yr old also has his bladder close to his eyes. I normally ask him to go to his room and tell him that we can talk about it later if he so wishes. This usually works.

[Veronica]

My little brother was a cry baby. 'Sensitive' it was called.

He's 15 now and pretty well adjusted. Normal angsty teenager stuff, but not tears every 5 minutes. It stopped around age 11. Sorry.

[Sue]

My son can be rather, um, sensitive, and I choose to believe that this trait will be a favorite of his future wife. Don't women want men to be more sensitive and in tune to their feelings?

[kathleen999]

One of ours (the more sensitive one) is also going through an annoying crying phase. Also pretending to be a baby all the time, which doesn't seem like a big deal but is annoying as hell. Crying at the drop of a hat...literally. Any tiny thing sets him off as though his heart would break. I am sure this is just a phase and he will get through it. Yours too.

[kim]

haven't experienced this yet as a mom but I grew up with a boy who was an ABSOLUTE cry-baby! He cried over everything...what I really remember is his constant snotty nose from all the crying! Anyway - he is now an uber-successful attorney. Give it time...as my mom says...this too shall pass.

[Tripsmom]

I don't understand this kind of thing. Among my triplets I also have a cry baby - irritates the s.... out of me! How can siblings born on the same day, at the same time, from the same parents all be so different?

[roberta]

"That whole cry baby thing is barely tolerable in a four year old, but is extremely unattractive in a grown up."

I thought you were complaining about Marko!! Haha!

[Stacey]

I have a 4 year old daughter that will be perfect for Adam, especially if they both grow up exhibiting the same type of "attractive" behavior! Can you imagine that household? Two flowers, no gardner!!!

[jane]

I assume you are talking about my son John..... He turns 6 in just over a month and no, it hasn't gone away. Drives me crazy!

[tiah]

I think it is a very common thing with 4 year old boys; and, if you are doing a survey - add my son to your list.

[Tracey]

My brother was the crybaby. My mom always blamed me for his tears. 90% of the time I had nothing to do with it.... but I'd get blamed, and often spanked if he said that I had done something to make him cry. Eventually he started using tears to get me in trouble... cause he could.

Sounds like sour grapes, but it's not. It's just how it was for me growing up with him as my brother.

He's no longer a crybaby, but a successful man with a Masters degree in Aerospace Engineering, a wife and two great kids.

[sunflowerchilde]

My brother was a crybaby for quite a few years when he was little. I don't remember when it stopped, but the only times I've seen him cry since he became an adult were when family members died. I think little boy cry-babies turn into sensitive men that women tend to like.

[Wobs]

Sister Mel, spill the beans.... who was the cry baby in the Loebenberg household?

[Suzannne]

My mother says she had no idea how sensitive boys really are until she had them. My youngest brother was a total cry baby and we were so immune to it he once broke his hand and my mother delayed in taking him to the doctor because we thought it was another overly dramatic reaction. He's now 27 and a wonderful and well adjusted man. He's sensitive and thoughtful but not to the point that he's a pushover. He also appears to be a really good boyfriend to his awesome girlfriend.

[Katy]

It'll stop, they outgrow it. For us it took four years of "I can't hear you unless you are talking normally and not crying. Go into your room and calm down *then* we can talk about it." I think I said that twenty times a day for those four years.

Buy lots of wine.

[Em]

I think, too, that crybabies tend to be that way more with their moms. Not that the moms are in any way responsible, just maybe they feel at ease enough to whine their heads off.

I also try to pay attention when I hear older moms I know describing their grown children in stories they tell. They will often say, "He was such a ...." when I know that now, as grown-up people, they have their act together enough that even if they are that way at heart, they can still get along without the world seeing them that way.

[Rachel]

I wouldn't say I was a "cry-baby" but I was an overly sensitive child. I'd like to think that I turned out fine. I'm 21, in my last year of undergrad, have plenty of friends, and yes, even found someone who wants to marry me. I'm not so bad now (even though I do tear up at the occasional commercial.)

[Rae]

I have a response to your post "In or out the closet?" For some reason it won't let me post it. So, I tried to eamil you but for some reason it isn't working. Could you please email me, so I can write you back. My eamil address is [email protected]. Thanks!

[Tania]

Soooo happy it's not just me!

[akeeyu]

http://www.livingcontrolsystems.com/wonder_weeks/content_ww.html

Quick, check here and see if he's in or about to enter one of these stages, because HOLY GOD, babies are obnoxious and needy at these times.

Anecdotal whatever: Fitz-Hume was the neediest needy to ever need. MY GOD. She was one of those babies who didn't ever want her butt to touch the ground because she wanted to be in your arms all day (and she wanted to sleep within reach). She is now independant and charming to strangers and much less clingy in social situations than her far-less-needy sister.

So...you know.

[Andrea]

Looking at circumstances has A LOT to do with it, and I say that both in a personal and professional opinion. He gets hurt? Valid cry. He isn't getting his way? Not valid at all. Do not give into the whims of ridiculous reasons for crying; it only teaches that crying is a tool. Remember the good ol' CIO method for babies? It can work for toddlers, too. Even better? Create a reward system to help him more properly control his emotions. I am FAR from the boys don't cry theory; in all honesty, my own husband cried just yesterday after finding and watching an old video of his father who died about five years ago. I think the difference is teaching children how to own their emotions and be honest in them instead of using it as a means of controlling a situation.

[Rebekah]

I was the biggest crybaby as a child, much to my older brother's and sister's amusement. They could make me cry doing ANYTHING! My sister made me cry when we went to the beach because she said she was going to call the sting rays and they would sting me. How absurd, right? Anyway, I'm not a crybaby anymore (except perhaps when I was pregnant, but I seriously doubt your Adam will ever experience that). I stopped being a crybaby at about 12. Hopefully, Adam will grow out of it sooner...

[juliette]

I have not time to read others comments but has he been checked over by a doctor? Perhaps there is an underlying reason? I don't know how you do it...I only have one child who is five; he has never been a cry baby but he is very hard work as he is an only child and I am his constant companion; every three minutes he calls out for me and I am just worn to a frazzle. Nothing gets done (properly at any rate) and just that tone of voice in the "MUM" now gets my blood pressure rising...I now smoke and drink far too much as I feel CONSTANTLY stressed and 'got at'. No one ever tells you how bloody hard it is being a Mum. I am sure if they did we would not believe them anyhow. They ARE worth it but I totally sympathise as some days one does wonder what one has done....!!!

[louise]

I can only imagine! Does he do it for the attention, or "just because?" Poor you! LOL. Now we all want to know who the cry baby was in your family, lol.

[V]

My son is 10 and still cries at the drop of a hat. The tricky part is to get them to not cry for stupid things like not getting their own way and to allow them to cry for sad things like someone/thing dying or for extreme pain. You don't want them to think crying is totally wrong under all circumstances. As I said, tricky to get a balance.

[Melissa]

I went to a wedding a few months ago where the groom cried harder than the bride (hell, I think harder than anyone else). At one point I actually thought he was laughing because he was crying so hard!

He is a dear, sweet, sensitive man and I love him dearly. Bet he was a crybaby when he was young!

I also have an uncle (my Mom's youngest of seven brothers) who can't read certain books or tell certain stories without breaking down in tears. It is a family chuckle to ask him to read a certain child's book to newly arrived children because he can not get through it without crying. He is also a dear, sweet sensitive man who I love like a father - AND he is a very successful attorney, judge & actor who is happily married with three gorgeous children. He is the most amazing father - truly.

But I bet he was a cry baby too! ;-)

[Stefanie]

I think it's a behavior that you can change. It's one thing to cry if your hurt, it's another just to be a cry baby. I send mine to their room if they act like that. Eventually, he'll stop because he knows it won't get him anywhere.

[will]

he knows that if he cries hard and long enough, you will give in - hence him being on your knee while you type - so he is only doing what works for him now, and that has always worked for him. if you say 'no, no, no, no, go away, do something else' and then eventually give in, you are teaching him that all he needs to do is to persist even more until you cave. and so he does, and so he will. the only way to change it is to teach him that he is old enough to ask for what he wants in a non-whiny voice.

he won't change his behavior until you change your responses. he needs you to teach him a more pleasant and manageable way of asking for things, or of expressing his feelings, by refusing to give in regardless of his complaints, and telling and showing him the behaviors you WILL accept and respond to.

[ruth]

just had a thought in response to another comment - my ex husband was such a whinger and non-stop complainer that one day he broke his shin bone (tibula maybe?) while playing soccer. he kept playing, with a limp, and then drive home complaining all the way. his father came for dinner that night, and he and i rolled our eyes and ignored my husband as he rolled around the floor clutching his shin, saying he thought he had torn a muscle. when he asked to go to the hospital, i rolled my eyes again, and took him up to the accident and emergency department . . . he went in to a cubicle and came out two hours later in a thigh length cast.

i was mortified, but seriously, the guy went on and on so much in our 12 years together that i never knew when there was a REAL problem. his mother did though, and used to rip me up for not making sure he was okay all the time - everything that went wrong with him was my fault because i wasnt cooking right or cleaning right or breathing right . . . jeez louise, he was over 30 when he did this to himself.

we are no longer married, and he is STILL complaining every time i see him. i think his mum could have helped him as a kid by not responding to his no-stop moaning.