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Wow. What a weekend, I am exhausted. I can't believe that it is only Monday.  And that my father's setback only happened on Friday.  It has been the most harrowing time of my life. 

You know, I owe so many people an apology.  Whenever I used to hear of (grown up) people losing a parent, I used to feel sorry for them, but never appreciating the depth of their despair.  I consoled myself with the platitudes like "oh well, they were getting on a bit", or "it must have been sad, but it is part of the natural order of things".  Thinking that although they must have loved their parents, there is no way they could have had a relationship with their parents like I have with mine.  We have an incredibly close family.  My parents are more than just my parents, they are my everything.  They are my world, my life, my rock, my hope, my strength, my role models, my friends, my muse.  I need my parents as much now as I ever did, and life without them is untenable. In fact, it is so impossible to contemplate that is it improbable.  It just couldn't be.  Other people's parents, but not ours.

Even with my mom's cancer 6 months ago, I was scared, but still hopeful.  My mom was very lucky to caught the cancer so early.  And my mom and I have always said we are going to share a room in the retirement home together.  There is only 20 years difference between us (19 years between my father and I) and she is a lot stronger in body and mind than most of us. 

And then my father's two heart attacks last week, plus his open heart surgery.  Scary, terrifying actually, but still ok.  Until Friday.  Friday shook me to the very core.  All of us.  My brother flew in from London on Saturday. Thank goodness my little sister was already here from Korea.  This is the first time in while that we have all been in the same place at the same time.

It has been the longest, scariest weekend of my life.  As my sister says so beautifully on her blog, it has been a weekend where my mother, the four of us children and our spouses have come together with each other and for each other in a way that has given each of us incredible strength and fortitude. 

And there is light at the end of tunnel.  After a harrowing weekend, my dad is looking a lot better today.  He has been through hell, and I know we still have a long way to go, but it was so wonderful to see that great, naughty sense of humour of my dad's peeping through again. We are hoping with everything we have that he will be allowed to go home tomorrow.  I know it will make him feel a million times better to be home in his own bed, with his beloved wife and his beloved dog. 

What an unbelievable few months we've had as a family.  We've been through so much, but we have also been so incredibly lucky.  These incidents have made me realize that nothing, absolutely nothing, is more important than your health and your family. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have both. 

Comments

[Woody's Girl]

Tertia, I am SO glad to hear that your father is doing better! Even those of us who don't have a close, loving relationship with a parent(s) can appreciate the bond that you DO have with yours.

Please tell Pops that our family is praying for him to make a full (hospital-grade) recovery, so he can go home for the remainder of his recuperation.

Love,
Jennifer

[Jeanette]

So very glad that he's on the road to recovery! What a relief!

[Dana]

Tertia - I understand what you mean. I always felt like that, until we lost my Dad 9 years ago. I was 28, and it was completely unexpected, and the two weeks that he was in the hospital before passing was a time when my brother, who lives on the other side of the country, and my Mom and I came together in a way that we really hadn't in years. Then this past March we almost lost my Mom and the same thing hit me all over again. Luckily my Mom has made a full recovery, and I will be hoping for the same for your Dad!!!!

[Elaine]

Glad your father is doing better. As I found out when my father went into the hospital four years ago, there's the ironic flip side that the love, support and strength you can get from the rest of the family can actually create some special and precious times in the midst of all the fear and stress. Hope he'll be home soon.

[paz]

You are so right, I am glad that your family can come together and have it help all of you. Hoping for the very best for your dad!

[tiah]

Glad things are looking better. These things are always so hard. Wonderful your family could get together to be there for one another.

[Janine]

Thinking of you all constantly. I have a small idea of what you're going through after my dad's brush with death last year - there's nothing in the world more frightening. xxx

[Michelle]

Tertia - I am so glad that things are looking up for you and your dad. The words you wrote struck a chord with me as I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer - she was 65 and I was in my late 30's - just a few years ago. Most of my peers had not suffered a loss like this yet - b/c she was relatively young. So, it is very hard for even my closest friends to really understand. To say that my mom was my best friend is an understatement. She was my "everything" as you say. I am still lost without her but doing the best I can. No one can really understand this type of loss until it happens or nearly happens to them - but it would be nice if they could! The other issue is that people are so closed off about death in general, no one knows how to handle it. I could go on and on about this - but basically just wanted to say bravo for even touching on the subject.

[terri c]

Everything still crossed here, hoping your Dad is tucked into his own bed just as soon as soon can be.

[Wobs]

They say every cloud has a silver lining - perhaps this scare has reinforced how much you guys all love each other and that your support of each other is the webbing that keeps you so close in heart and mind. All the very very best wishes to each of you!

[Coral]

I know what you mean, lately I realise nothing matters as much as family and love.

Good luck Pops! Get well soon and stop scaring your family! That is seriously not funny - even if your sense of humour says so ;-))

[Sue]

Hi Tertia, I'm so glad for 2 things. Firstly that your dad is on the mend again, and secondly that your brother and sister are here. It's so sad when families are divided by distance, and even sadder when it is death, not life, that brings them together. When my gran passed away, my uncle flew in from Scotland and my aunt from New Zealand. It was the first time in 15 years that they and my mom, the 3 siblings, had been together. I'm happy that it's life that is bringing you all together again.

[Jessy]

I am so glad your dad is doing well, and your family is coming together. Too often I see these moments separate families just when they should be deriving strength from each other.

I was wondering if you would write a post like this. A few years ago I was torn apart on this very website for suggesting that there were commonalities in my grief at my dying mother and the grief of infertility. Not saying they were the same, at all. But man does it suck to have a parent sick and die, and it's not supposed to happen at a young age like it did to my mom.

http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2005/06/being_friends_w.html

Best wishes to both of your parents.

[Charmaine]

Tertia, I'm so glad your Dad is home! Last year my Dad was sick for so long and passed away in August. My Dad was my hero, I always say Dad's are the first men we love. My life has not been the same and I miss him still every single day, I still cry, my heart is still broke. Once you see a parent with a serious illness (my Mom had cancer 6 yrs ago) suddenly you realize you can never take their lives for granted. I think we think parents are invincible because we see them as so strong, just as you are strong for your children, they are strong for us. Prayers & love to you and yours.

[Hanlie]

I'm so glad he's home and on the mend!

[Kristin]

I am so very glad to hear your Dad is doing better and that you all were able to come together and support each other.

[Jean]

Glad things are looking up! I am so not ready to think about losing my mother. When I was younger, I used to think that once you were grown up with a family of your own that it somehow would not be a big deal to lose your parents. I was an idiot.

Hopefully he is all fixed up now, and will be around for a good long time.

[BiancaW]

I smiled when I read that he was home. I can only imagine how much better that must make him feel.

I love how Jean (above) phrased that. I think I was the same, you know, have the husband and kids, surely it is not that bad. What an idiot I was. I have told my parents that they need to live for at least another 25 to 30 years. They are 56 and 58 now, so I think that is reasonable.

[rahmanahchongmuniandy]

very very interesting story n ideas.keep it up.tq