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What to expect when you are expecting your second/third etc child

Question:  What do you expect when you are on to your second, third or more child?

Answer: Not a helluva lot.

When Adam and Kate were born, I scoured the 'milestones' books (Exhibit A: What to Expect: The First Year) to see what they should be achieving when.  Each month I would read up about what they should doing. I would puff out my chest in pride when they achieved something early. I would worry that there was something 'wrong' when they didn't quite hit the milestone. 

How things have changed.

Max is such an easy baby, but maybe that is because I am so much more relaxed this time around.  This morning I was changing Max's nappy, marvelling how big and strong he has got and I thought to myself "I wonder when he is supposed to start rolling over?" In a totally 'whatever, whenever' kind of way.  And then I had to have a little laugh at myself. I thought if it had been with Adam and Kate, I would have not only known the exact moment when babies were supposed to be rolling over, I would have already started worrying that they weren't. Old Maxie boy?  He will roll over when he feels like rolling over.

Motherhood is sooooo much better this time around, I am enjoying every stage and phase so much.  This is how it *should* be. 

Sunning the bits

My riches

Heaven forbid you get cold in winter

Not sure how it works where you live, but over here the clothing stores start stocking the next season's clothes as the new season begins.  So as summer gets nicely warmed up and into the swing of things, they start stocking winter clothes. Which means by the time it gets chilly and you are ready to buy a few warm things to wear, they have either (a) sold out all sizes except XS and XXL or (b) have cleared the winter stock to make space for bikinis and shorts - entirely appropriate gear for a temperature hovering somewhere around fucking freezing. It drives me insane.

If you are a grown up and you have old clothes to fall back on, you are reasonably safe, but god forbid you should lose or gain weight, or need anything new because sorry-for-you buddy, all you have to keep you warm are board shorts and bikinis.  As for your 4 year old who needs thermal vests because they have outgrown last year's, forget! Should have thought of that 3 months ago in the middle of summer, you bad bad mother.

Seeing as my father has lost so much weight since he got ill, my mother has been looking for some warm track pants and some new vests for him*.  Not a thing to be found. Plenty of short sleeved shirts and shorts, no vests.  WTF!  It is only July! The coldest, wettest months are still to come. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, MR RETAILER??

Someone in retail please explain why clothing stores do this.  And let me know who to address my letter of complaint to.

* Father is doing extremely well, even in my most wishing thinking I didn't dare hope he would be doing so well so soon.  Carry on Dad, and remember to listen to Nurse Ratchet Mom - she knows best (now, drink that Ensure and get up and go for your walk immediately)

PS  Another pic of Max, just because.

Checking an old To Do list

One of my lovely blog readers (and a friend of mine), Adi, found an old To Do list of mine, from two years ago, when I did an FET (frozen embryo transfer IVF). Which obviously didn't work. "Things I am going to do when this 'trying for a baby' shite is over". Was it really only two years ago? I can't believe it. How my life has changed since then!

I though I would see how I am doing on that To Do list, two years down the line:

1. File my tax return. Or at least, get all my receipts to my tax consultant. WAY over due. Way. Am queen procrastinator. Hate that about myself. Done
   
2. Tidy my study. I am tired of receiving final demands for bills lost in the pile. Done
3. LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!! Yuck. Done, but need to redo
   
4. See a shrink about going back on the happy pills. Can’t live like this. Done!!! Very successfully - thank you Cipramil!
   
5. Fix up my hair. The dark hair is not working. Done, but redid - hair now dark again, see pic below
   
6. Immediately stop spending as if there is no tomorrow. Not done Sort out overdraft. Done Make a budget etc.Not done
7. Tidy my cupboards. Give away the stuff I will never wear again Done!
8. Pack away all the baby stuff for good. Sob. Done, and gave away all the baby stuff.  Because you know, I was done. Not suspecting I would have a baby ever again. 
   
9. Drink wine. As if I have ever stopped. Done - ongoing
   
10. Try to stop drinking so much. Haha!  Silly me.
11. Make an effort to look after myself some more. Start liking myself again. Hmm, 'ish
12. Order those multivitamins. Done
13. Focus hard on my job and catch up with all the things I have been putting off Done
14. Tidy the play room. Give away the toys they never play with. Done!  Donated bags and bags and bags of the stuff
    
15. Find a decent / appropriate play school for the kids. Done
16. Book the kids into a good primary school Done
17. Be kinder to my husband. This will require some effort as he is acting like a total fucking DICKHEAD at the moment. Asshole. Will have to copy and paste for this year's To Do list
    
18. Go for that massage I have been promising myself. I know it costs money, but I need it. Done
19. Try and be happy again and live in the moment. Done'ish

Not too bad actually, I've done fairly well I would say. 

Things I didn't have on the To Do list, but did anyway:

1. Have a baby
2. Buy a new house
3. Start a successful business

All in all, a pretty good two years ;-)

Me with dark hair - a sneak peek as these are part of a set professional pics done for a magazine, due out in September, so shouldn't be posted them yet, (and not the best pic of the set) but it is just a glimpse at the dark hair. I like the dark hair, I know blonde probably looks better, but I couldn't be arsed about doing the roots every 4 weeks.  So I am staying dark for now:

1. File my tax return. Or at least, get all my receipts to my tax consultant. WAY over due. Way. Am queen procrastinator. Hate that about myself. Done
   
2. Tidy my study. I am tired of receiving final demands for bills lost in the pile. Done
3. LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!! Yuck. Done, but need to redo
   
4. See a shrink about going back on the happy pills. Can’t live like this. Done!!! Very successfully - thank you Cipramil!
   
5. Fix up my hair. The dark hair is not working. Done, but redid - hair now dark again, see pic below
   
6. Immediately stop spending as if there is no tomorrow. Not done Sort out overdraft. Done Make a budget etc.Not done
7. Tidy my cupboards. Give away the stuff I will never wear again Done!
8. Pack away all the baby stuff for good. Sob. Done, and gave away all the baby stuff.  Because you know, I was done. Not suspecting I would have a baby ever again. 
   
9. Drink wine. As if I have ever stopped. Done - ongoing
   
10. Try to stop drinking so much. Haha!  Silly me.
11. Make an effort to look after myself some more. Start liking myself again. Hmm, 'ish
12. Order those multivitamins. Done
13. Focus hard on my job and catch up with all the things I have been putting off Done
14. Tidy the play room. Give away the toys they never play with. Done!  Donated bags and bags and bags of the stuff
    
15. Find a decent / appropriate play school for the kids. Done
16. Book the kids into a good primary school Done
17. Be kinder to my husband. This will require some effort as he is acting like a total fucking DICKHEAD at the moment. Asshole. Will have to copy and paste for this year's To Do list
    
18. Go for that massage I have been promising myself. I know it costs money, but I need it. Done
19. Try and be happy again and live in the moment. Done'ish

Not too bad actually, I've done fairly well I would say. 

Things I didn't have on the To Do list, but did anyway:

1. Have a baby
2. Buy a new house
3. Start a successful business

All in all, a pretty good two years ;-)

Me with dark hair - a sneak peek as these are part of a set professional pics done for a magazine, due out in September, so shouldn't be posted them yet, (and not the best pic of the set) but it is just a glimpse at the dark hair. I like the dark hair, I know blonde probably looks better, but I couldn't be arsed about doing the roots every 4 weeks.  So I am staying dark for now:

Spotted error removed

I put up a post yesterday about a blogger who was plagiarizing my posts, passing them off as her own. She contacted me today and apologized, so I have taken the post down. It was honest of her to face up to it and email me directly. 

If you missed the post, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!

(I don't blame you for only checking in on me every once in a while, I have been a useless blogger of late)

He looks like a boy

Max 9 weeks

Hair today, hair tomorrow

Firstly, may I just take a moment to say MY DAD IS HOME!!!!!!  Home and doing very well.  You have no idea how effing wonderful it is to say that.  It has been an absolutely harrowing time.

Then, back to our regular programming.  I need to discuss something of national importance with you: my hair.

I have interesting hair.  Schizophrenic hair. Confused hair.  Half my hair thinks it is curly and the other half straight. It makes for an interesting look.  Combined with my confused hair is a complete lack of any desire to spend more than 2,5 seconds 'doing' my hair every day. In fact, my entire repertoire of 'doing my hair' consists of running a comb through it and tying it up.  Oh, and please note:  I've had the same 'style' (used in the loosest sense of the word) for the last 10 years.

It is time for a change, however I have a small problem and its name is Marko.  My husband, lover of things staying the same forEVER, is not at all keen for me to cut my hair.  He doesn't mind short hair, just not on his wife.  Over the years I've raised the subject halfheartedly a few times, but the response has always been the same - not on your life!  I have no idea why because my hair is tied up all the time, so what difference will it make? 

I tested the waters recently by coming home with a wig on.  I thought (and my mother agreed) that I looked absolutely fantastic with the wig on ("at least 10 years younger!" according to my mother), but my husband was Not Amused! At all!  He was quite cross in fact. I had to calm him down by giving him a turn with the wig. 

I liked the style, and I agree - I do think it makes me look younger and certainly fresher, but one thing I have learnt over the years with my husband - I pick my battles, and this battle is not (yet) worth fighting for. Partly because his opinion is important to me, and partly because I suspect keeping the hair looking lovely would require Effort, something I am short on when it comes to my hair.

So back my question (I am rambling here, sorry. It is late and I have had wine) - As part of easing my husband into a new look over the next 17 years, I was thinking about having my hair straightened. I've heard about some bionic iron / ionic or whatever thingy that you can do to have your hair permanently straightened? Does it work on confused hair?  Will it straightened the little bits and pieces that tend to go frizzy? Does is ruin your hair and make it all brittle like a perm does? Anyone have any experience with this?

Fun with the wig (unfortunately I didn't get a pic of Marko in the wig - NOT a good look Muriel)

Light

Wow. What a weekend, I am exhausted. I can't believe that it is only Monday.  And that my father's setback only happened on Friday.  It has been the most harrowing time of my life. 

You know, I owe so many people an apology.  Whenever I used to hear of (grown up) people losing a parent, I used to feel sorry for them, but never appreciating the depth of their despair.  I consoled myself with the platitudes like "oh well, they were getting on a bit", or "it must have been sad, but it is part of the natural order of things".  Thinking that although they must have loved their parents, there is no way they could have had a relationship with their parents like I have with mine.  We have an incredibly close family.  My parents are more than just my parents, they are my everything.  They are my world, my life, my rock, my hope, my strength, my role models, my friends, my muse.  I need my parents as much now as I ever did, and life without them is untenable. In fact, it is so impossible to contemplate that is it improbable.  It just couldn't be.  Other people's parents, but not ours.

Even with my mom's cancer 6 months ago, I was scared, but still hopeful.  My mom was very lucky to caught the cancer so early.  And my mom and I have always said we are going to share a room in the retirement home together.  There is only 20 years difference between us (19 years between my father and I) and she is a lot stronger in body and mind than most of us. 

And then my father's two heart attacks last week, plus his open heart surgery.  Scary, terrifying actually, but still ok.  Until Friday.  Friday shook me to the very core.  All of us.  My brother flew in from London on Saturday. Thank goodness my little sister was already here from Korea.  This is the first time in while that we have all been in the same place at the same time.

It has been the longest, scariest weekend of my life.  As my sister says so beautifully on her blog, it has been a weekend where my mother, the four of us children and our spouses have come together with each other and for each other in a way that has given each of us incredible strength and fortitude. 

And there is light at the end of tunnel.  After a harrowing weekend, my dad is looking a lot better today.  He has been through hell, and I know we still have a long way to go, but it was so wonderful to see that great, naughty sense of humour of my dad's peeping through again. We are hoping with everything we have that he will be allowed to go home tomorrow.  I know it will make him feel a million times better to be home in his own bed, with his beloved wife and his beloved dog. 

What an unbelievable few months we've had as a family.  We've been through so much, but we have also been so incredibly lucky.  These incidents have made me realize that nothing, absolutely nothing, is more important than your health and your family. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have both. 

The second worst day of my life

Yesterday was the second worst day of my life.  The first was when my son died five years ago, and the second was when my father took a serious turn for the worse yesterday.  While my mother was sitting with him, holding his hand.  Which was absolutely terrifying for her. 

I don't want to tell the entire story, because it is his story to tell and I am hoping with all my heart that he recovers fully and is back at home, soon, to tell it all to you himself.  They are in the process of assessing what happened and exactly how serious it was.  He was already a bit better by the end of the day yesterday (telling me I better get his laptop ready for his return, because he is going straight on the net! My v cool web surfing dad), which was obviously a huge relief for all of us, and hopefully each day will bring more recovery.  We hope to have our Tungsten Man back at home soon. Because he is still our Tungsten Man, just a little battered and bruised at the moment.