Oral dyspraxia

As you might remember, Adam has been on a break from his OT sessions since our OT pushed us out the nest a year or so ago.  As she was herding me out the door, assuring me that although Adam didn’t need any more OT sessions at the moment, *I* was welcome to keep bringing him if it made me feel better, she told me that although he was done for now, it was quite likely that he would be back every now and then for some maintenance sessions.

About two months ago, I noticed that he was being a little um, what’s the right word? Difficult? Needy? Sensitive?  Slightly pain-in-the-ass'ish? All of the above. So back to OT we went, opting for twice a month sessions.  Last week the OT said she thinks we should come once a week as his sensory issues seem a little high at the moment.  On Monday she said she thinks we should go see a speech therapist as Adam might have mild oral dyspraxia (low muscle tone in his mouth).  Sigh.

Isn’t it funny how when someone points something out to you, it all of a sudden becomes very noticeable.  Just that morning my mother had asked me whether the OT had remarked on Adam’s lisp. No I said, I hadn’t really noticed. 

Last Friday, all the kids were playing a game at school where you do funny actions with your tongue. You know, curl it up between your teeth, roll it around, wag it from side to side.  Adam couldn’t do any of it.  (BTW, Kate is absolutely brilliant at it. Me? Useless as well)

The OT said that she was just a bit concerned that Adam was drooling a little, and that his tongue sticks out quite a bit.  Marko is forever telling him to put his tongue back in his mouth, but I’ve always thought it was kind of cute. You know how some kids stick their tongue out when they concentrate?  Adam does that, but perhaps more often than he should.

The OT said it doesn’t seem very serious, but we don’t want the other kids to tease him at school and say ‘Hey Adam, why is your tongue always out!” so off to the speech therapist we go. Obviously Marko thinks it is all a load of bollocks, but I am of the opinion that it can’t harm to get it checked out, and if they can give him some exercises to help, then why not.

I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with Adam, no more than there is with me (one could argue that there is LOTS wrong with me!), he has similar sensory issues to what I have, but if I can help him make his life a bit easier, then I am going to do whatever it takes.  He will be fine, whether I take him to OT / speech therapy or not, but while I have the capacity to give him these extra boosts, I will do it.

But I have to say, it does make me feel a little heart sore and a little tired at the thought that any of my children might have to face even the slightest challenge or difficulty in life.  We all want our children to have happy, healthy, non-challenging lives. And it does seem that for a sensitive, sensory child like Adam, life can be just a touch more challenging than for a take-no-prisoners child like Kate. 

But it also makes me realize how very, very lucky I am that my child’s ‘challenges’ are so mild, when there are those who face FAR more severe challenges than any of us. One of my favourite bloggers in the world has twin girls who were very premature, one of whom faces some of these challenges and I am reminded in times like these of my friend’s grace and strength, as well the grace, strength and beauty of her daughters. 

And then, I am also always amazed at how these two children of mine, who shared a womb, the same genetic pool and a very similar upbringing, can be so very different.  They shared the same pod, but these two peas are very, very different.  And I am grateful for that, because I am not sure what I would do if both of them were the same flavor, whether that flavor was super-sensitive or super-stubborn as it is with the two of them!

(PS Maybe I will strike it lucky and Max will be an obedient, well behaved child who always does as his mother says.  But then again, based on previous experience, probably  not.)

PPS Adam is wearing his sulky face because I let Kate hold Max first. What a little joy he can be sometimes.

Comments

[Heather]

Your kids are adorable! I'd put on a sulky face too if I wasn't holding Max, LOL! And I agree. I think early help for issues is better than waiting until they are older or not at all.

[Momcat]

Why is it always the mom who has to face up to the fact that something probably travelling through the DNA of the family has popped up and will probably need treatment. The dad's always think its all nonsense but eventually the extra effort you put in now will make sense. I say do whatever you have to do. If we are not perfect our kids will also not be but thank goodness for all the knowledge we have now which means our kids are spared being teased or blamed for something that they have very little or no control over. Hang in there. PS. Little Max in this photo looks exactly like one of those lifelike dolls one can buy in toyshops.

[ann]

I agree with Heather - I would sulk!!!!
Your family is just gorgeous!

[Bridgette]

The kids are gorgeous! And I have pics of my Son looking exactly like Adam. A lot of them actually. He has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, an anxiety issue (the only thing I have seen that he inherited from me) and AD/HD. I knew something was going on with him, but it did still sting a little when they started figuring him out. No one wants to hear that their perfect little Peanut might have an issue.

[Darckchocolate]

They are cute and you are blessed. I went a little insanish when i was told my son needed OT because of midline cross over.He is now self managing and so over it

[acidicice]

This was the dilemma I was faced with during my first pregnancy. When we found out that our child would have severe physical and possibly mental disabilities, we were devastated. Although it was the hardest decision we have ever had to make in our lives, we decided to spare our child the pain and suffering (and multiple surgeries) that would surely have to be endured.

I get it. You do whatever you can to help him, as a mother that is your right!

[Val]

Cute picture. Love the face. In my family, the tongue comes out for "aiming" purposes. Whether it be aiming at a nail to hit it with a hammer or any other type of manual labor. My Dad, my uncle, my brothers and even I've caught myself doing it. I immediately stop when I catch myself. The males in the family - they cannot aim at anything without the tongue pointing the way.

[barbara]

wait....wait! that's Max? a real live BABY?

hah. looks like a doll.

[Adi]

Don't listen to Marco! We have all these fantastic people and services so that everyone can learn stuff earlier which, in the end, everyone can do anyway by the time they are twenty. So, it's not that he won't be able to do it at some point, it just helps to speed it up so that he can speak with confidence & it stops potential teasing, like you said. Also just remember that kids are usually ok with themselves at this age. That is perhaps the important message to Adam that Marco is trying to keep? All the best... and if Adam is a bit like his mom, well, I see No Problems which won't just add to his person!!

[Kristin]

Its definitely worth getting it checked out. My oldest had to have some speech therapy in 3rd grade because he talked so fast that people couldn't understand him and it really helped.

And, I would be sulky yoo if I didn't get to hold Max first.

[Sister Melanie]

Hilarious pic.
Poor Adam, know its tough to hear our critters are not perfect.
x

[Kristin]

That should have been "sulky too"

[Debby]

When I was 13 and got braces, I was diagnosed with a "Tongue thrust". This meant that every time I swallowed, my tongue pushed against my upper teeth. This was probably the major reason that I needed the braces. I had to go to swallowing therapy for a while to retrain myself. I remember home exercises consisting of sitting quiet (me?) for lengths of time holding a small rubber band to the roof of my mouth with my tongue. And drinking water while holding the rubber band.

It worked, as my teeth didn't get pushed back out once the braces were removed.

I'd think the sooner this is corrected the better for the bite.

[May]

Hey, my son has that. Well he has other developmental delays too, but one of his worse or at least most life-impacting and noticeable traits is low muscle tone of the mouth - dyspraxia (I just learned this term today while speaking to the special kids' teacher at his future school, how weird is that). He drools a lot, mouth open at all times, and his OT therapist was encouraging us to try and help him overcome that before school starts so he might be less picked on. Darn, I thought. He's been to speech therapy and OT since a couple of years now but the dyspraxia is still there, although he's making an effort.

What kills me, though, is to think your kid might be picked on. Bullied, excluded, harassed by his peers. That's just too bitter a pill for me to swallow.

[stephanie]

Your "PPS" made me crack up!

[Lindsay]

SO GORGEOUS!!!
Thank you so much for doing ALL of "this" for Adam- we(teachers) LOVE proactive parents who we don't have to whine at, convince, beg that it's the best thing for their child and then of course - it's often our fault!!!! So I thank you for taking EVERY step to make his and his teachers life easier- why aren't there more parents like you????

[Ekta]

What a lovely picture....God Bless them....adorable....my yummy Max!!!

I agree with you on Adam's OT sessions...if u can provide him that extra help then why not...u r an inspiration Tertia.

[Anna]

At this age, any therapy looks like a game, so it's the best time to do it.

[pixi]

My three year old has SI issues. He's been doing really well, but recently I've noted the re-emergence of some behavior that I thought he'd outgrown. I mentioned it to his Early Intervention teacher yesterday. She explained that it is not unusual for kids (all kids) to have regressions/setbacks when they enter new developmental phases. They default to the old behavior as a means of coping/regulating. As they adjust into the new phase, the worrisome behavior tends to abate.

Could the addition of a new sib have something to do with Adam's increased sensitivity? Maybe two months ago he started to become aware of the changes to come? Even if he adores the new baby, it's still a big change.

Your kids are just lovely, btw.

[ruth]

yep, i agree to get adam the extra help, sounds like it is necessary. just like getting a splint on a broken leg or orthotics in your shoes.

what you say about not wanting your kids not to face challenges concerns me though. i think it is possible that you may be at risk of overemphasizing or implying to adam that there is 'something wrong' with him - and that can be a hell of a label to carry into older childhood and adulthood. he needs to see you modeling the belief that he WILL be able to manage to face any difficulties he encounters. because kids do. he needs to hear you say the words along the lines that "yes, it is difficult or frustrating, but i am sure you will work it out" - in other words, he needs to have acknowledged that life does throw up obstacles, and that you have faith in him that he will be able to manage them - if not immediately, at least in time.

when he falls off his bike, you put a bandaid on his knee and let him get back on, and tell him you know he will get better at it, and that falls are part of learning to ride well. you dont ride his bike for him, or stop him riding it altogether, in case he falls again do you?

if he continually gets the impression that he won't be able to cope with life unless things get 'fixed' by someone else, and that if he has a problem, someone will 'save' him, or make it better for him, especially mommy, it will probably have the effect of making him more dependent and anxious. somewhere along the line he is going to have to figure out how to get by on what he has in the way of personal resources. there are truckloads of men in therapy out there who bitterly resent their mother's overinvolvement - the mothers say they were/are only trying to help, the men say its too much.

this is part of letting go - standing back and allowing him to take risks and to face issues. you are there to put a band aid on him, physically or mentally, but then you push him back into the fray saying "you will work it out my son".

we can't get away from the fact that life is challenging, and if we continually try to protect our kids from facing those challenges, they never get the chance to develop their characters, or to get the buzz that overcoming some problem without help can bring. think of how they learn to walk. by falling and bouncing and tripping and crying - but oh the joy they have when they make it. they need as many of those moments in their lives that they possibly can, moments where they overcome a challenge and we are there on the sideline acknowledging their achievements.

i read once that if we want our kids to be happy adults, we have to allow them to experience unhappiness in childhood. adults who were protected from unhappiness in childhood never learned how to access their own resources so as to feel better, and are continually looking to someone else to do it for them. they are often the ones on antidepressants and anxiety pills, not having been able to develop their own strong inner resources to manage - and i count myself as one of those - altho i am medication free now after years of self development. i am a work in progress.

if we want our kids to be happy adults, we have to stop overprotecting them in childhood. we must let them have problems and face challenges, and work out how to overcome these. it won't hurt a kid to face frustration, and to have to work hard to make it to a goal. if as parents we are always picking them up and carrying them across the finish line we rob them of the chance to feel how good it is to get there under their own steam.

yes, get adam the therapy, but use your innate bravery to let him face the world he is growing into, showing him a strong certain face that he has what it takes to make it on his own, and that while you are there to support him, he will become more and more capable of managing his own life. let him see that you believe in his ability to live a happy productive life in the future, and that his childhood is not a cause for fear or anxiety, but a rich magical adventure with dragons to be fought, and huge walls to climb, and deep seas to be swum . . . he will thank you for it when he is older, and your anxiety about him can be eased now.

you learned to manage the way you do by facing what you have faced. and that has been a lot.

he comes from your genetic material, and has seen you make it through some really tough times. he has the potential for similar resilience and determination and success. have trust in him that he can manage what he has ahead of him with the same grace and guts that you have shown. you are a survivor. a strong fierce determined survivor. show him that this is the case with him also. tell him in word, and in action; tell him by stepping back where you might rush to resolve something so as to stop him feeling pain; tell him by acknowledging that he is struggling with something, and that you just know he will figure it out eventually; tell him by looking in your own mirror and seeing the powerful drive that propels you forward and means you will not be beaten down regardless of what life throws you; tell him by celebrating ever goddam moment that you are alive and above ground for a few more precious but fleeting moments. show him that your life is an adventure, not a terrifying ordeal. that is the best gift you could ever give that gorgeous boy.

right. must pack soapbox up now, and return to my parenthood. :)

[tess]

re: the photo - i suppose that is one of the challenges you never counted on when you have twins first and then a singleton!
it is a lovely photo!

[ruth]

oh god, i RANTED.

SORRY :(

at 48, i am still being s'mothered by my mum, whom i love dearly, but will not accord me the honour of her trust that i will actually manage, and if i don't manage, then at least i have the brains and courage to ask for help.

my inner fear that i could not cope disabled me for years, and held me back from going out and doing the things of which i was capable. my rage at her was immense for such a long time.

hoo, every now and then, just when i think i have no more buttons to push, one pops up and off i go . . .

[Laura Dawson]

Here in the States, we have a children's show, "Max and Ruby," based on a series of children's books by Rosemary Wells. Max is the ornery younger brother bunny and Ruby is the bossy big sister bunny. Max is always getting into things and being disobedient, but he often saves the day. Perhaps your Max will have a similar disposition.

[Amy]

Too cute. I have a similar pic of my twins. Except they one of them is holding the new puppy and the other scowling in jealousy!

My girls would LOVE a little sibling to cuddle :)

[Alexandra Kirker]

Aaah what a good looking family - they obviously get it from you!

My son Tim, now 17, used to stick his tongue out the side of his mouth everytime he concentrated on anything. The result is that he now has to have braces as his teeth have moved up (ie - no longer in a straight line - it's curvy) even though they are otherwise perfect.

So go with your instincts!

[Maggie]

T, I don't comment often, but after reading your post, and some of the other comments, especially Ruth's, I think I should. I was born with a cleft palate, and a connective tissue disorder which caused (and still causes) severe health issues. I am the third of 4, and my parents were determined not to let me use my 'disabilities' as an excuse. Like you, though, they did everything in their power to help me be the best I could - speech therapy, operations, physio, back bracing, etc. Today I am a successful highly functional individual, who at varsity actually won an award for a speech I had to deliver! However, I was always acutely aware that I WAS different, even though my parents wanted me to feel like everyone else. I fought my battles by myself, never telling them about the teasing and mocking, namecalling, social pitfalls and feeling I don't belong. Now as an adult I am facing fears that I have built up over years, wishing just once they would have stepped in and said: it's okay, we're here for you, we understand. But I don't judge or blame them, I know they did the best they could under the circumstances.

Wishing to protect our children from bad and heartsore is normal, I don't think any parent wants it. But there are things we are helpless against - my son lost his dad, and I the love of my life last year. He is 13, and it breaks my heart daily that he has to go through this - I wish to God I could have sheltered him from this experience. But I can't, and he has to deal with it. You are doing a great job, go with your instincts, but just be aware that there are certain things your children will need to face by themselves, and that you can do nothing to protect them from life's hurt but to try and prepare them to be strong. I know I would not have been able to carry on if I wasn't as strong (lost a baby to stillbirth 13 months prior to my husband's death). My childhood prepared me to face the most difficult time of my life now.

So happy for you for those 3 beautiful gifts. Take care

[Laura]

hiya, i've been reading your blog for a bit, and it's great to see the pic of your lovely kids! at the moment i'm a third year student in Scotland studying to be a speech and language therapist. i've seen a couple of kids with oral dyspraxia when out on placement, and from my experience the speech-launguage therapist has given them some exercises to do to improve the co-ordination of movements, and had them look in mirrors to encourage awareness of things like the tongue portruding etc, and encourage the child to be aware of this for themself. the therapists usually try to make it fun, so i hope it all goes well for Adam and he enjoys it :)

[Lisa]

Totally thought Kate was holdind a baby doll. Didn't realize it was Max until I got to the very last sentence!

[luana boel]

hi there long time reader your post relly hit a nerve my son has dspraxia vocal and moter he was dignosed at 2 years of age and has ot and speech therepy every week he has come shch along way even though its hard you gotta do what u can for your baby big hugs hun do what your haert tells you to do it will only help him not hurt big hug
p.s max is sooo cute congrats

[Mary]

I am with Maggie and Ruth. I think challenges are good for kids, and when you are there to provide support and back them up and love them, it helps them to be stronger people. My husband's older sister was born with a cleft lip and has spent her life (close to 60) expecting extra accommodations because of it. By the time my husband was born with a much worse cleft lip and cleft palate, my mother in law was over the pampering. She knew he would have challenges and she wanted him face them. He has had multiple surgeries, and grew up to be a responsible, contributing member of society, and a great dad. I admire her so much for giving him that.

I would never say I don't want my kids to have challenges. I would say that I hope they can always handle the challenges they are given. I want my kids to grow up to be strong, competent people. Like you.

[Sarah]

Adorable kid pic!

And not saying he doesn't need OT - you've described more issues there. But the ability to roll your tongue, according to HS biology class is genetic. It is a fun game to play at family gatherings - LOL. My husband and I can. Our kids can. My mom can't. My dad can. Neither of my mom's parents can. If you can't, being asked to makes no sense. If you can, the kids start doing to without thinking.

[Ingrid Milne]

My daughter Roxane has verbal and oral dispraxia and is currently going for speech therapy. She was born with low muscle tone, so we did see it coming because she attended physiotherapy for 18 months. It is so worth putting the effort in - but I agree with you, I also sit down once in a while and look at her and think wow, some sort of therapy every week for most of her life so far - and she is a wonderful, bubbly little girl that gives us wonderful pleasure, so its just so worth it!
Enjoy all your wonderful babies!