Hostage to the Hormones

Apart from that whole infertility / crappy eggs / miscarriage thing, the good thing about having PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is that I seldom get my periods.  Only a few times a year.  Which means that I very rarely suffer from PMS. I get perhaps an afternoon of either wanting to kill my husband, or wanting to weep at anything / everything.  Which could, or could not be related to the PMS, but I hardly 'suffer' from PMS at all. However, I have seen it affect people close to me, and it sucks.

My best friend (Friend Mel) and my sister (Sister Mel) both suffer terribly from PMS, as in very, very bad.  I can see they are not making this stuff up as they go from normal, skippy, happy to almost suicidal.  I feel really sorry for both of them, it must be terrible to suffer like that.

Apart from the lack of PMS, I was also really fortunate not to suffer from the affects of the fertility hormones.  I never went completely crazy on them, no Wicked Witch behaviour from me.  And in my six previous pregnancies, I was lucky enough to escape the Hormone Monster as well.

Well, have things changed this time around. This time around, I get a taste of what it must be like for those who suffer from PMS / hormone thingies.  And honestly? I feel incredibly sorry for you, because this sucks donkey's balls.

I am both amazed and horrified at how hormonal I am, seriously.  Today I wept and wept because Marko hadn't fixed Max's room yet, and clearly no one cared about me or Max and for all they cared, I could go into labour this very minute and have NOTHING ready*.  I felt desperately sorry for myself and had to go lie down on my bed for a bit as I was so upset.  PATHETIC!  I dont recognize myself. In fact, as I am having my meltdown / temper tantrum, I have an almost 'out of body' experience.  I can see and hear how absolutley over the top I am being, but I have no way of stopping myself. It's actually really scary.  I honestly don't recognize myself.

I am shitting myself for when Max arrives (I haven't forgotten how scary newborns are), but honestly, I am not sure I can live with myself much longer.  Deeply asshole'ish behaviour in the extreme.

* Everyone keeps asking me if my bag is packed and ready to go to the hospital, which is freaking me out because the answer is a definite no!  Firstly, I dont have a bag. Secondly, I am currently using / wearning all the things (PJs etc) I need for hospital and lastly, Max's things (nappies, bottles etc) are all still in boxes. I am starting to panic. In fact, I will get this sorted out tomorrow. Fuck. Back sore! This is how labour started last time. I CAN'T GO INTO LABOUR NOW, I DON'T HAVE MY BAG PACKED! 

It's hard work being this high maintenance. 

Comments

[caz]

Your not high maitenance.
You poor dear..
Things will be okay, Max is just totally hanging it out and spinning in your tummy thinking "ha i'm sending mum up the wall"

Yup, he's totally just messing with you.
He wanted you to experience this... but don't worry, you'll have years to embarrass him infront of his friends as payback.

I hope you feel better soon1

[J]

I can totally relate to the PMS and to the out of body experience knowing how irrational you are being or sounding and not being able to do anything about it. You know if this were a male problem they would have a wine tasting medicine that could cure it. Sometimes the PMS sadness is seriously debilitating. I have depression in my family but have never experienced it myself. Two days a month I wonder if this is it- if I have it now too. And then two days later I wonder what I was so sad about. UGH! Congratulations on making it to and past 36 weeks and on your move! You will feel so much better when you are packed for the hospital and when Max's room is ready and when he is here!

Good luck to you!

[tess]

at least you KNOW it's the hormones !!

[Tracy L]

For years I just didn't get the whole PMS thing, I secretly thought women just made it up. Then I hit 29 and suddenly I got it (I don't know why 29 is the magic number btw).

Anyway, as I head for 35 this PMS thing still manages to catch me every month. Meaning I am all happy and fine and then suddenly I morph into this monster who goes from being angry to sad and back again before you can blink an eye and craving sweet stuff like my very life depends on it. Then my period arrives and I go "oh".

Totally weird and I get what you say about the out of body experience. I don't think the man in my life quite understands it though :-(

[Suzanne]

You are approaching this from the wrong end. When you get a caesar you don't need anything at that moment except for a camera. You are in a theatre gown and stay in it for a good long time. Enough time to send Marko home to go and get whatever you need.

And the hospital supplies everything you need for Max for the first week or so, even clothing. Anything you don't have, Marko can get.

Instead of seeing it as you not being prepared, see it as a survival course for Marko. A good way of reintroducing him to the needs of small babies. *insert wicked grin here*

[L.]

I think you are one step ahead of me, Tertia. (I think our due dates are just one week apart, or something like that.) I am exactly the same (no one cares about me or the baby, lying on the bed crying, or else rageful, ready to tear my husband's head off, which is also delightful) except that I hate thinking it is hormonal and prefer to blame my husband. In other words, pathetic but not admitting it yet.

(In a quiet voice I will say that I have a tiny bit of an excuse because my husband has been in denial until the last couple weeks and there is a shitload of stuff to do and this weekend has been yet another fiasco and we have three weeks left until my due date and what if I go early and, and, and...! Gah!)

[Woody's Girl]

I felt exactly that same way, right at the end of my pregnancy. I actually felt so despondant, I considered running away. Bizarre!

FWIW, I ended up with severe PPD. So be alert, Tertia!

I'm so glad that Max is still cooking. How awesome is that?!

[furiousBall]

i used to call my ex-wife Pregnito when she got in these hormonal rages. she was like a different creature

[Carol]

I just finished reading a book by South African OB-GYN Deborah Sichel (with American nurse practitioner co-author Jeanne Watson Driscoll) called "Women's Moods: What Every Woman Must Know About Hormones, The Brain, and Emotional Health." I think you might recognize your particular hormonal experiences in its pages. I love this book. It was so interesting and enlightening.

[May]

I don't know why everyone's so excited about The Bag anyway. My husband forgot ours when my son was being born - he was literally wanting to come out while we were still in the car and arrived fully as soon as we reached the hospital bed. Somehow, we didn't freeze our asses off because the hospital magically had enough blankets to wrap both me and my newborn baby in... I don't know. Something about The Bag just makes me want to punch someone. People who have accidents don't have hospital bags ready! Anyway I'm sure Marko will raise to the occasion and bring you everything you'll need when you need it.

[Netta]

I just got out of a 36-hour PMS episode where I was SURE my husband hated me and was just waiting for the worst time possible to announce heartlessly that he was dumping me and has arranged to have complete legal custody of our 14-month-old daughter...And boy, did I concoct some life-sentence-deserving schemes to get back at him, and in this whirlwind of real, stand-up-in-court-and-swear-on-the-bible, "no it ISN'T PMS!" depressive desperation, I was so sad and deflated and scared that I was having these thoughts about the man I was supposed to love that I just wanted to pack my bags and leave.
And then whoosh! It went away, and I did some calculating, and realised it was PMS. After 30 years of menstruation, I still get caught off guard. My husband, on the other hand, has learned the art of tiptoeing around the house and keeping his mouth shut (insensistive b*stard!).
See how PMS (or pregnancy hormones - been there, done that) make you self-centered and self-pitying?
I think if I didn't suffer from PMS, I wouldn't understand it either. Same goes for infertility (which we battled with for 4 years). Takes one to know one, I guess.
I think you're very lucid about it all, which for me is a sign of mental stability!

[Old Mom]

My hormonal mood swings tend to be over reactions of real slights. He really did just leave me standing there but its not proof that he doesnt love me and never has, its just means hes an idiot. :)

I was going to say, the bag is totally unnecessary anyway but, it seems I've been beat to it.

[Nicole]

Hahaha. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you because I am 38 weeks pregnant.

Round about the 30 or so week mark, we had an argument over HOW I HAVE TO GO AND GET CELLULAR BLINDS RIGHT THIS INSTANT THAT COST AN ARM AND A LEG BECAUSE THE NURSERY FACES SOUTH AND THE BABY WILL COOK GRAAAAAAAAA!And we have done NOTHING to prepare for this baby! And I'm having so many Braxton-Hicks contractions and downward pressure that it feels like she's going to arrive YESTERDAY DAMMIT!

Then he asked me if my hospital bag was packed, because really, doesn't that take priority? Baby can sleep in our room in the bassinet for a few weeks if necessary.

Of course the bags weren't packed - because that would make sense and hormones? Do not make sense. Duh. Men. Rational. Geeze.

And the hospital will not let the baby freeze/starve/run in fear. So even if you go into labour today, it'll be okay. :)

[Katrina]

I said that exact same thing *just* yesterday! I have endometriosis so along with unbearable pain, I get irritable and depressed and defensive. I watched myself yesterday - and couldn't stop myself! - from snapping at my boyfriend. His crime?

Asking me whether or not I was finished with the video game I had been playing in the bedroom.

SERIOUSLY. That was it. My response was (in an incredibly bitchy tone): "Of course not! I have to do the LAUNDRY and you TOLD me I couldn't leave the TV on if I wasn't doing anything with it because it will burn the image into the screen so I shut it off so I could swap the laundry over and WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME!?"

I then burst into tears and ran into the bedroom.

Poor boyfriend, he took it like a champ. He's a keeper for sure.

xoxo
katrina

[Lisa S.]

I have normal PMS and hormones so I feel pretty much the same as usual right now (usual as in, grumpy, moody, lazy). But I have to chime in on the hospital bag questions. People keep telling me to pack (38 weeks tomorrow). My son was 10 days early so I hadn't packed anything, no big deal, plenty of time to pack before I left for the hospital. This time, knowing it may be another early one, I planned to pack early but YES I am using all of the stuff I will need!!! I only have 3 shirts and maybe 2 pants that still fit (and one pair of pants is ugly and to be worn inside only)!! And I know some weight drops off in the hospital but it is impossible to know what is going to fit for leaving the hospital. Plus it's not like hubby or my mom won't be going back and forth from hospital to home while I'm in there, so what's with the pressure on packing in advance?

[Jean Carlo]

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Saludos.

[Jean]

My youngest was born a month early. Nothing was ready. I had him at 1:30 in the morning and was home by noon that same day because I wanted out. Hospitals are too loud and I couldn't sleep, so I wanted to go home. Even though he was a month early, he was 6lbs 4oz and he was big enough to go home. I came home, went to bed, put him next to me on the bed, and my then husband put the bassinet up next to the bed. That's all you need anyway. Don't panic. While you're in the hospital, have your husband put out the bassinet, diapers, wipes, bottles, and you're good to go. A baby doesn't need much. You can do the room at your leisure. That's what I did.

[juliette]

Honey just chill!! Don't worry!! I had nothing ready for Jake as I didn't want to jinx anything....we managed! You need as much rest as possible for the next couple of weeks. You have just moved house..any wonder you feel this way! Plus being in the late stages of pregnancy...it is all completely normal.

You must not panic and worry. Even if you have Max today I am quite sure he will not be bought home to sleep in an empty drawer!! Try to make the most of these last couple of weeks of relative freedom!!

Hugs

xxxx

[Lisa]

Long about age 2 for Max, you will start laughing about the hormones. I had a few very bad instances which I think are hilarious now.

[Julia]

Aw, hang in there. I never used anything in The Bag (toothbrush maybe) but I understand the need to feel like you are ready. Clutter makes me feel like my entire life is out of control - a brand new house with stuff in boxes and a baby due soon? Would make me craaaaaaaazy.

It'll be ok. Set small goals and reach them. Then set new ones.

Much love to you.

[Coral]

Poor you, I remember those days!! Crying because my husband looked at me!

Do pack a bag, you and I know that SA hospitals do not provide everything, so at least pack a bag with nappies and vaseline in it - vaseline multi purpose stuff that!! Oh, and those ugly sanitary towels - shudder! The other stuff can wait.

Waiting impatiently for Max's arrival.

[Adi]

Just pack the freakin' bag already, you got me stressed out... It will take five min. Do you have a bag? Do you need one? 'Cause we can organise it, you know?

[turnitupmom]

Breathe in, breathe out. All these feelings are okay. You're about to give birth. Ride the wave.

[Lori]

Pregnancy is HARD! Physically, emotionally, mentally, physically, emotionally and so on...
I packed a carload of things to take to the hospital and did I use any of it? NONE. OF. IT. The hospital had everything I needed.
You are the one carrying this baby. Marko can take care of the rest!
And the hormones? I used to think I suffered from PMS and then 6 months post partum, lets just say my husband deserves an award.
The newborn thing will pass and you have two beautiful kids who will help you!

[AnonThisTime]

I accidentally took adult magazines in "The Bag." Hee hee. Forgot that suitcase was recently used by DH for a business trip, and I guess he didn't remove them when he unpacked. I packed without noticing, and found them it at the hospital. I almost died laughing...

[Auburn]

I remember that phase like it was yesterday. We were in the middle of a major house renovation when I was ready to give birth and we were staying at a friend's apartment (they were out of town). The contractor was weeks behind schedule and I had nothing ready. I mean nothing. Forget a nursery, I dind't have a hospital bag, a crib or a diaper in sight...nada. I vaguely remember my husband calmly packing my bag for the hospital while I paced the hallways of this strange apartment while panting in labor. Oh...and he forgot chapstick and I have never had such dry lips in my entire life as I did in labor so go throw some chapstick in your purse right now. Anyway, while I was in the hospital my mom came over to the apartment we were staying in and set up a pack and play and a little changing station in a corner. She bought diapers and all was fine. The first few weeks with a newborn all you need are some swaddling blankets, some diapers and either a boob or a bottle and formula anyway.

On the upside I think the hysterical sobs from the crazy, hormonal pregnant lady did make our contractor work a bit faster at the end. We finally moved into our half finished house when my son was 3 weeks old.

[aibee]

When I didn't have a hopsital bag packed had nothing prepared AT ALL for the new baby, I was fuh-reaking OUT.

Then I was reminded that there are 24 hour stores, and that if need be, the baby could sleep in a laundry basket.

Instant zen, that moment, right there.

and when I delivered my son, I STILL had no hospital bag packed and virtually nothing at home ready for him, and it all turned out FINE because the 24 hour store thing? IS TRUE.

[tanyetta]

I completely understand about the hormones. I am on serious edge myself. I am due in 2 days and if another person asks me when I'm having that baby, did I drop that load yet, why are you still blogging, shouldn't you be at the hospital, I am going to FRIGGING snap.

Oh sheeeeeee, I guess I should pack my hospital bag too huh?

Geez.