So Close

We are all in

Well, it is 9:30pm and we are all in the roomy house. And baby Max is still in his roomy womb. Thank goodness. 

Everyone worked their asses off the whole day and we still have a shit load to do!  I can’t ever remember it being this much of a mission before. In fact, the first time I moved (out of home), it was with a suitcase and a few bags.  My next move after that included the suitcase, a sound system and a few other things.  Not more than could fit into the trunk of a car.  Scroll on a few years and it took a MPV type car and a small tow behind thingy to move.  Then a small truck.  Five years ago when we moved into our recent ex house, it took one removal van. This time it took two trips in the removal van plus several hundred car trips up and down.  And that is just to move the stuff!  All we have unpacked so far are the beds, the linen and our toothbrushes.  But, we are in. 

Of course, now that we are in, I realize just how anal and pedantic we are, and how un-anal and un-pedantic other people are.  Our ex house is in pristine condition, everything works, everything is neat, tidy, clean etc.  This house? Not so much.  There are so many little ‘things’ that I see now, that I simply can’t live with.  Perhaps other people don’t see it or it doesn’t worry them, but it worries me.  And it will worry me until I get it done.  I can just tell I am going to drive Marko and myself crazy because I won’t rest until all the ‘things’ are done.  Repaint this, re-plaster that.  Take that nail out, fix that gap.  Unfinished stuff works terribly on my nerves.  But nothing that a bit of elbow grease from highly expensive sub-contractors won’t fix.

Plus I’ve had the entire house cleaned, from top to bottom (cost me a bloody fortune). And you know what; I am going to have it cleaned again.  And it wasn’t even that dirty, but I am used to ‘eat off the floor’ clean.  And it aint that way over here. 

Anyway, beside the moan moan moan, the house is gorgeous and as soon as we get our stuff unpacked and our pictures on the walls, it will look even better and start feeling more like home.  And as soon as I get my people in to fix and clean, it will feel even better. OK REALLY STOPPING NOW! Am looking at the bright side – gorgeous house, lots of space.  Am grateful and happy. 

(May I just say that the first sub-contractor to arrive on the scene and charge us a small fortune were the……….DSTV* people!  You can see who organized the Priority List.  We are eating off paper plates and still haven’t found our shoes, but at least we have 150 channels to choose from! Well, at least Marko, Rose and the kids are happy)

* DSTV is our TV option where you pay quite a bit extra but you get 150 or however many channels to choose from. Not sure what you call it over there. 

PS I’ve just realized I could never be the type that goes camping.  I can hardly stand to ‘rough’ it in a new house, never mind sleep with unwashed feet among the creepy crawlies.  It’s not easy being this anal. 

One more sleepy

The Big Move is tomorrow.  Been a teeny bit stressed about that. Just a tad.  It is quite frustrating not being able to get stuck in and do stuff.  But I have been very good about not lifting / packing etc. 

Tomorrow we have a team of cleaners finishing cleaning the house, the pool net people installing the pool net, the new patio furniture been delivered, the new beds been delivered, the ADSL folk doing their thing, our new couches arriving, plus the movers arriving at 8am. Going to be LOTS of fun.

Of course, it is going to rain tomorrow, just to add some extra stress.  But, what can we do. Hope it doesn't rain too hard when they carry my precious furniture and brand new beds from the truck to the house. 

I have been so nervous that Max would come before we move as I want to be there to get the kids settled in the new house, but so far he has behaved very well.  Just a few more days dear Maxie boy, and then you can join us. But really, listen to your mother here, it really is MUCH better in than out, promise!  Hang around in there for a bit longer, once you are out, there is no going back in buddy.

Marko has been an absolute star. This is when his anal, stubborn, driven, SUPER focused characteristics come into good use - he is fantastic at shit like this. He has everything organized, scheduled, packed, arranged and paid for.  He's not too bad, I think I will keep him. (and I can hear him still packing stuff as we speak, poor bugger)

So, that's the update. One more sleepy, and from tomorrow we will sleeping in our beautiful new house. Wish us luck for tomorrow, it's going to be busy, to say the least.

Stand back - I am not sure how grumpy this thing gets

Each pregnancy is different, so they say.  Which is certainly true in my seven experiences of being pregnant.  (<-- a little infertility gallows humour there)

My two long prior pregnancies (Luke & Ben, and Adam & Kate) were totally different to this pregnancy.  A lot more anxious, a lot more bedrest, but OMG, a lot less hormonal / emotional / grumpy than this one.  I don't know whether it is because this time around I am running flat out, working two jobs, moving house, hardly sleeping, and taking care of two children who JUST DON'T LISTEN, but I am grumpy and emotional as hell. If I am not busy weeping, I am plotting to kill someone.  Or myself.  Jeez, it is really bad, *I* don't even like myself.  I was never this bad before.  I really hope it is just hormonal because if this bad mood is terminal, I might not have a chance to kill myself; my husband / friends / kids might do it for me.  These last few weeks of pregnancy are Not Fun. (My poor husband deserves a medal, he really does!)

But, the good news is that I am 35 weeks.  Which is a major achievement, I am really thrilled.  Maxie boy must please stay in for at least another week so that we can just get the move over and done with. I wouldn't like to leave Marko to do the move alone, or have to come home with a brand new baby to a house full of boxes.  Not that I am packing or unpacking boxes - but at least I can take care of the kids while Marko and Rose do their thing.

Then, you know that whole "if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound" thing?  Well, do you think I can apply the same thinking to my bikini area? If no one, especially myself can see my bikini anymore, do I still need to have a wax......

Lastly, some people really look beautiful when they are pregnant.  Sweet, glowing - , a perfect (petite) bundle of earthy motherhood. Me? Not so much (not that I have ever been petite, but seriously - I am HUGE (ok, my belly is huge)):

Oh dear! I wasn't fishing for compliments! I know I am not hugely overweight, I just feel enormous and very unwieldly.  But thanks for the kind words re the size of my ass ;-)

Therapist / psychologist needed in N Suburbs

Hello all.  Does anyone have a therapist / psychologist / counselor who would be prepared to do some free / cheap sessions in the Northern Suburbs?  Not for me - I have my v v nice shrink who charges about a million bucks per session, but my friend is not on medical aid.  She needs to chat to someone.  Any ideas / suggestions / offers to help? 

Moving house

This is the last weekend in this house, by next weekend we will have moved into our new house.  I feel really sad about it. Excited to move into the new house, but quite sad and emotional about moving.

Marko and I had this house built.  We were pregnant with Luke and Ben, after many years of infertility and IVFs, and this house was to be our celebration of new life.  While they were building it, we walked through the foundations and half built walls and fantasized where we would put the cots, the babies’ things etc.

And then Luke died, and I was hospitalized for five weeks trying to keep Ben inside. And then he was born and died 10 days later. I had to come home to a new home that was once so full of promise and now resonated with so much pain. Poor Marko had to do everything by himself, finish that whole house alone as I just couldn’t.

But then, our next IVF worked and suddenly the house was filled with (very cautious) hope again. And once the twins were born, they came home to this house.  The first few weeks were damn tough, but they passed and things just got better and better. We had a jungle gym built, a play room and soon our home and garden were filled with toys, bikes and lots of laughter.  This house had come to represent everything that was good and beautiful in my life and I never wanted to leave it. Perfect for an anti social being like myself! This house is my safe house, in so many ways.  I almost too scared to change anything in case I upset this wonderful equilibrium I have created.

And now we are moving.  I feel a little sad and anxious about it. Our new home is beautiful, and it will be a beautiful new chapter as a family of five, but I still feel sad.  But, as I said, our new house is really lovely, a real grown up house. And it is just down the road from my mom.  I should be happy. I am happy! I am just a little sad too.

There is a tree in the garden that was planted just after we moved in.  A beautiful oak.  It was planted in memory of Ben.  It will be left behind.  I know his memory comes with us, but I am sad to leave.

Sorry for the downer post.  The hormones must be kicking in big time because I am feeling really weepy today :-(  I am sure I will feel better tomorrow xxx

It is his lovey

So, a few of you noticed that Marko had his hand in his pants while he was sleeping? 

After I posted that pic and started reading the comments, I suddenly had a "oops, have I over-shared again??" moment, so I called Marko.

Me:  So, I posted that pic of you and Adam on my blog this morning

Marko: Ja?

Me:  Well, you have your hand in your pants. Are you ok with me posting the pic?

Marko: I have my hand in my pants?

Me:  Yes, you know.  You know how you always have your hand in your pants when you lie on the couch watching TV?

Marko: No?

Me: Yes you do! You told me it keeps your hand warm?

Marko: Oh, didn't realize I do it. Fine, whatever.  But in future, do you think you could ask me BEFORE you post a pic rather than afterwards.

Orange is right, it's his lovey. And it keeps his hand warm. Or whatever.  Perhaps if I had some of what he had, I would also want to 'keep my hand warm' with my lovey. 

PS it is our ninth wedding anniversary today.  I got coffee in bed this morning.  I didn't have the heart to point out I haven't had coffee in the  morning for the last 8 months.  No gifts, obviously. Or cards. As we don't do that stuff.  As my husband said to me this morning during our brief but meaningful hug: "nine long years" ;-)  He's my lovey. I do love him quite a lot.

Give aways! (for the locals)

Hello all

I haven't done this in AGES!  I have three fab give-aways for the local (South African) moms  / moms to be. All 3 products made in South Africa.

Preggy Protector

The Preggy Protector® is South Africa's leading safety device that helps protect an unborn child while travelling in a motor vehicle.

There is an age old debated question, «Should a woman wear a seat belt while she is pregnant?» The answer is simple - Yes, in conjunction with the Preggy Protector®!  Without a seat belt the pregnant woman could sustain even greater injuries or death therefore increasing danger to the unborn child.

The Preggy Protector® is a new product being launched by the company Life Box® targeting all pregnant women who travel in motor vehicles. The Preggy Protector® is a seat belt repositioning device and works in conjunction with the motor vehicles seat belt without affecting the safety use of it.

How it works

The Preggy Protector® works together with all motor vehicle seat belts by preventing the lap belt from riding up onto a woman's pregnant stomach. This will ensure the safety of the unborn child should sudden braking or a low speed collision occur. The Preggy Protector® is simple to install in any motor vehicle and is easily moved between seats.

For more info, and to submit your name for the free give-away, email Megan Green at megan@lifebox.co.za.  For more info, check out the website www.preggyprotector.com

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Then, the only shoes that my kids would wear as toddlers.....

Here in South Africa, our kids don't wear shoes the whole of summer. Not to school, not to the shop, and not even to church (ok, I am generalizing a tad here), but the bottom line is, our kids hardly ever wear shoes in summer. So when it comes to winter, they refuse to wear shoes unless the shoes are as close to barefoot as possible.  Thank goodness for Shooshoos!

Manufacturered right here in SA and sold across the world, these shoes ROCK. Their winter range was released in stores this week and they are giving away a pair to my gorgeous and divine South African blog readers PLUS a pair of the cute soft sole shoes to a second reader.

In order to win a pair, please email Dave Lemkus at davlem@iafrica.com with the size and colour you would like (sizes UK4 . UK5 , UK6 , UK7 – colours Rose , Denim , Sand and Grey)

For more info on the gorgeous shoes, check out www.shooshoos.com or check out your local baby store.

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This definitive guide to the ups and downs of motherhood is guaranteed to offer insight and wisdom to new and experienced mothers alike.

Right from the opening pages, readers will be captivated by Lindy’s inspirational advice from her own personal experiences as she takes them through a journey of self-discovery.

No mother should be without a copy of this book, which is the ideal gift for moms-to-be, or a handy reference for busy mothers in need of upliftment and support.

For the gift that keeps on giving, order a copy of Motherhood and Me today and unleash your motherhood potential!  

To win a copy of the book, please email Lindy at lindy@lindybruce.co.za  For more information about Lindy's book, check out her website

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Please note - entries close midnight Friday 24th April.  Winners will be notified early the following week.

Good luck everyone, I hope you are one of the lucky ones who wins some of these cool give-aways!

Sunday afternoon nap on the couch

My mother

I haven’t written about my mother for a while and many of you have been asking me for updates, so I thought I better put keyboard to screen.

I am not sure why I haven’t written about her.  Maybe because I haven’t had the time to do an update justice, and maybe because I wasn’t sure what to write.

My mom has just finished her sixth and hopefully last chemo session.  I am the type of person who is good in a crisis. I jump into action, I get involved, I organize, arrange, sort out.  I am able to put my emotions aside and deal with the reality of the situation. Which is what I have been doing. Head up, shoulders back, one foot in front of the other while we go through the terrible, horrible, absolutely dreadful chemo sessions.  And now that we have come through the other side, I am starting to feel the emotions creeping in.  And I find it hard to deal with.

I am both incredibly angry and incredibly afraid at what has just happened to my mom. I can’t believe that this evil disease crept up on us like that.  That while we weren’t looking, it crept and crawled and slimed its way into my mother’s body. How dare it!  How dare it do that?  HOW DARE IT!  I am very angry.  And afraid.  And to be honest, I am not sure I am ready or able to deal with the emotions about what we just went through.

Writing these few words is merely scratching on the surface of it all, and even these few words are deeply upsetting to me. 

The enormity of what just happened, and how we were so incredibly lucky to have caught it so early, and survived through it, is almost too much for me to bare.  My mother could have died.  The thought of that just blows my mind. I need my mother, as much now as when I was a child.  The thought that this evil thing almost stole her from us blows my mind.  And then there’s the thought of going for the first check up in three months time, and then the next and the next….well…. you can imagine how that makes us feel.  So, this is why I haven’t said much.  Because I am too scared to open this box and deal with that stuff that lies within. 

But, the good news is, my mother has finished her rounds of chemo. Six, hard, long, torturous and dreadful rounds of chemo. To see my strong, healthy, beautiful mother lying there, completely felled by the chemo was DREADFUL. Beyond description.

I am so glad she gets a chance to grow her strength back and reclaim her life.  By the time Max comes, she should be up to almost full strength again, and it will be a new chapter in our lives.  A new time of hope, new beginnings, new life.  My mother is determined to make something with her new strength and wants to help others who are not as fortunate as her to have access to help and support.  She is just amazing.

Through my mother’s incredible strength, perseverance and determination, and with the help of my father’s deep, deep love and support, we have made it through.   Many others don’t.  I am humbled by that thought.

Thanks for all your love and support for my family through this difficult time, and to those who prayed / lit candles / sent good wishes– please keep doing what you are doing, it looks like it works and we will take whatever we can get.

 

Homework

At the end of each term, the kids get a book filled with their drawings, projects etc.  It is very sweet and the teacher adds little notes.  At the end of this term, the teacher suggested that Adam and Kate practiced their fine motor skills with things like colouring in the lines and cutting. 

Which we duly did, but while Kate has taken to the colouring in idea with great enthusiasm, Adam has decided he is too tired to colour in.  He is apparently too tired for lots of things.  He is not, however, too tired to fill his page with crosses (damn that Jesus-on-a-cross Easter story) and letters, specifically the A for Adam and T for Tertia.  I despair of that child sometimes!

In fact, it is quite scary to see the difference between the two of them, and how they approach things like drawing, colouring in etc.  Adam is just not interested. He wants to play outside and build things.  While Adam is physically more advanced than Kate, she is way ahead of him in terms of social, emotional and many other aspects.  I am not sure if this is just how boys / girls work, or whether I have lots of extra lessons and OT in my future. 

This is Adam at the beach (if you look very carefully and squint through your one eye, you will see a green figure that sort of resembles a person) and Kate at the dinosaur 'buseum' (museum).