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I have same thing going on. IVF baby first, big shower etc. Now freebie baby - I feel weird having a shower! And come on, we can afford to buy our own stuff! But friends wanted to do it, and I agree it will be fun to celebrate new baby - but yes, calling it a lunch. And I requested something on the invite that says "just token gifts only if desired" or "diapers shower only" or something like that. Would have said "no gifts please" but as the hostess said, some people will ignore that, and the others that didn't ignore will feel bad for bein emptyhanded even if they were following directions. So anyway, keeping it small and going to let it go and see what happens!! Good luck!

It sounds like you've found a good compromise for both of you. Celebrating the new baby but without all the girly pomp and circumstance.

For what it's worth, I'm always relieved when I don't have to buy yet another bridesmaid dress that I'll only wear for one day.

I had a lunch, instead of a shower for my 2nd. In the south (USA), it is against custom to have showers past the 1st baby.

How exciting!

We are also having our third baby and had a baby shower. After our second baby was born, they warned us that a third could very well kill me, so as our second son outgrew things, we sold or donated them. Just before our second son turned 2, we found out what was "killing" me during each previous pregnancy - Celiac Disease. Once on the diet, I was cleared to try again. After about 6 months, we got a positive test and now we're awaiting our first girl! I think it's totally cool to get together and hang out. For me, that was more what my shower was about, too. I like the idea of calling it an "un-Shower." ENJOY YOUR (pregnant) LUNCH!

How very sweet...you have a very good gal that sister Mel! We should have more UN-celebrations in life... where maybe a gift should be given, but then again... it's not an expectation. It's just nice. It's nice to be remembered, and thought of. Of course me... being a mother, daughter, aunt, friend could take a little advice on the remembering part.... I am successful at handing out birthday presents on Christmas Day.

I live my life kicking myself for not remembering....

"Here nice niece... here is an un-christmas gift that really is your birthday present from last June, but because it is Christmas and all... here is a real gift to you as well.... BONUS!"

(Failing to mention that nice neice and her nice family live about an 89 minute drive from our home).

See.... see..... see how nice an un-celebration is..... it's nice to be thought of....

I am excited for you....perhaps one day I might follow in your sisters Mel footsteps and have an almost kindof maybe sortof un-celebration for someone... not sure who... I have so many people to pay back...

On second thought....

You enjoy your day...!

T, since i clearly don;t see you often enough to get an invitation to lunch I'll come to the hospital with a BB bag full of surfboard sanitary towels and a gently worn onesie and then I'll sit and pray for you. You're going to love it. Promise. I might even bring ribbons. xxxxx

The feelings card. Your sister is eeeevil!

LOL, love the way your sister thinks... she's getting a party out of all of this!

I am right there with you on the babyshower thing. After years of IF I felt a shower would just jinx me. I wanted no part of one. My mom had the idea of a "Welcome to the World" party for the baby..AFTER she arrived! My MIL unfortunately decided that SHE wanted a shower...so there was a "surprise" shower about 3 weeks before I was due. "Surprise" because DH know I would be LIVID if I walked into the shower totally unaware, and he wanted to give me some time to get over it and figure out how to pretend to be grateful.

We also had nothing for the baby up until the Dr told us on Monday that he would be inducing me on Thursday! Talk about panic....

Happy days! I believe it's so important to celebrate the impending arrival, go Mel!

Sounds like you still need to give yourself "permission" to celebrate this wonderful baby and all the tthings that go along with having him.

Enjoy, (that's an order) and allow others to enjoy as well ( there's another order!!) Seriously though as one who falls into the ivf category, I am 1000000% rejoicing for you ....and the least you can do is do the wild abondoned happy dance/baby shower/squeals of happiness with your like minded friends and family.

Enough with the guilt(!!) please! Nobody ever should feel guilty because they're pregnant, so PLEASE whoop it up sister + revel in your pregnancy!!


Dear Tertia,

Second babies usually don't get showers because the moms already have everything. Since you are practical, you don't like shopping and you seem to need baby items, you should go for it and let your sister give a baby shower for you. In fact, why not let her do it her way? Let her have some fun and organize this her way, with pink ribbons and a baby theme! After all, you just have to show up!

Whatever you do just embrace and enjoy!

I'm so glad i'm not the only weird one!

I also had no bridesmaids......and I have one baby outfit from way back when (4 years ago) when I thought it would happen just like a normal person.

Enjoy the un-shower - a GREAT idea by the way!

I remember realizing one week into my own wedding planning that it was NOT really about ME AT ALL! It was about all the people around me who wanted to have a PARTY. ;-) Maybe that will help...

Me too! No bridesmaids here as I am just not into that (I never had the desire to be Cinderella either at my wedding), so I see your reasoning's. But hell, whether through IVF or sex as well as your sisters desire to shower you with love (and gifts), you should (no permission necessary here) shout out in celebration baby #3 AND the mama who is bringing him here! YAY Tertia! And yay to Mel for setting you up!

oh i think my sister would have liked to be my bridesmaid too, she has never said anything, but i think it really hurt her that i got married in city hall in a chocolate brown dress.
have a happy non-shower!

have a wonderful lunch, you clearly have fantastic people to celebrate with. looking forward to the pictures of you staring longingly...not the gifts that will inevitably arrive, but of the glasses of wine placed infront of everyone else.

No bridesmaids? Thats tragic!! I havent been married yet, but I used to dream of the day when I walk down that aisle following my 6 bridesmaids, lol.

The more I read you and Mel's blogs, the more you remind me of my sister and I. I am 100% with Mel on this. Max also deserves to have a party in honour of his arrival. :-)

Enjoy your lunch, I think it will be an absolute blast.

ooohhh - I had 7 bridesmaids when I got married and I was 35!!!

Haven't done a thing either.
Don't want a shower either.
Luckily I still have stuff from before though.
Still need to clear out spare bedroom for M to move into and then re-ready the baby room (set up the crib again etc.)
I hope the moving rooms doesn't back fire - so far he's up for it - it is bigger and I think a good plan.
Just don't want him to feel displaced so really should do it NOW so he is settled before.
Denial is so much more comfortable right now than getting ready though...

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