So Close

The Bad Mother – or why I could never be a full time, home-schooling*, SAHM

There is such a thing as too much quality time.  After almost 5 days of non stop quality time with the kids, I am about to get on a plane and fetch Rose myself.

I am tired, I am heavy, I am grumpy, I am v v busy and I am rapidly running out of a sense of humour.

I think if I didn’t have to work full time while being a full time SAHM (spot the error there), then it might be easier, but there are only so many hours in the day.

Here are some of my pearls of mothering brilliance uttered this morning:

1.  To Adam after he hurt Kate for the third time in a row.  (PS it was only 7:30am and they already had 3 arguments)

“If you hurt your sister again, I am going to hurt you, and I am much bigger than you so it will hurt A LOT”

Beautiful.  Threaten your child with violence.  Solve violence with violence. What a winner mother.

2.  To both Adam and Kate after they decided they didn’t feel like eating the breakfast I had just made them:

“Fine, don’t eat it then.  Starve to death for all I care”

Great.  That caring attitude is going to stand them in good stead for life.

3.  To both of them in the car on the way to school (thank GOD for school!) after 5 minutes of non-stop whining and ‘she/he’s teasing me’

“BOTH OF YOU KEEP QUIET!! You look out that window and you look out that window.  Don’t look at each other, don’t touch each other, don’t say a word to each other.  In fact, if you don’t utter another word the whole day, I will be VERY HAPPY!”

Yes, things are going extremely well at home.  Much fun is being had by all.

* The home schooling remark is not a judgement or endorsement on those who home school (I know it can be a sensitive issue), it is merely a statement of fact that I don’t think I could handle being with my kids 24/7.  I need those few hours a day where I happily (very very extremely happily) send them off to school.  But then again, I am a clearly a baaaaaad mother.

South African Blog Awards

So, it is that time of the year again, when the little children start stomping their feet and pouting their lips. “It’s not fair!” or “I don’t like you!” or “Me and my friends are going to sulk because you won’t play by our rules” etc etc.  Yes folks, it’s time for the annual South African Blog Awards and once again, all you hear from the restless natives is moan moan moan. Mixed with a side of bitchiness and a dollop of nastiness.

It never fails to irritate the living shit out of me.

Every year a group of volunteers, who must either be particularly thick skinned, or else they are just suckers for the worst type of punishment, get together and put in their OWN time and resources and work tirelessly to put together a FUN (<-- remember that point, it is supposed to be a FUN exercise) awards program that recognizes some of South Africa’s top blogging talent.  It doesn’t claim to be the definitive measure of blogging genius, of journalistic excellent, outstanding writing ability or who knows who; it is just a FUN awards program that allows South African blog readers to vote on who they think the top blogs are in each category.

And each year, without fail, there are the miserable little preschoolers with their noses out of joint because they either haven’t been picked for the top lists, or because they perceive that there are flaws in the system.

Of course there are flaws in the system!  This is not the effing end of year financial statements for a listed firm!  It is not the national lottery!  It is a FUN competition that is supposed to be ‘by the people, for the people’. 

But it appears that point is missed by some. Each year they see the SA Blog Awards as an opportunity to moan, bitch and point fingers.  I read a complaint that the results aren’t audited. OMG people!  WTF! Get a fucking grip on yourself.

Ok, so let’s assume for the sake of your delicate egos that the system is flawed.  Don’t you think a FAR better idea would be to offer CONSTRUCTIVE input and even better, GET INVOLVED!  Use some of your obviously superior knowledge and talents and volunteer to help out. If audited results are important to you, organize a group of people to do this! If you don’t like the way the competition is run, suggest ways it could be done better and then volunteer to DO IT!  Get involved, help out.  Instead of just complaining about the situation, offer to create change.  Slating from the sidelines against the people who put in their OWN time and effort to do something for the rest of us serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever except to create noise and perhaps some traffic to your blog.

Honestly, it is like complaining about the government but then never bothering to vote, or complaining about crime/pollution/schooling and never getting involved in finding a solution. Sorry buddy, unless you get involved and help out, you have no right to sit on your arse and point fingers.  If you don’t like the game, don’t play, but don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

To the people who tirelessly put together the SA Blog Awards each year, and who do so for absolutely no reward or recognition themselves, thank you.  I honestly don’t know how you don’t throw your hands up and say ‘thanks, but no thanks’ after all the kak you get thrown at you every bloody year, but I am glad you keep doing it.  Because at least you are doing SOMETHING, which is more than I can say for most.

To all the entrants in this year’s blog awards, good luck.  Looks like the organizers have done some excellent work in securing some fun prizes!  Well done to them. For the rest of you, get voting!  Voting closes on the 01st April.

To the moaners, the complainers and the foot stompers, either put up (your time/effort/help), or shut up. 

Mommy has spoken. Now go to your rooms!

(Disclaimer - I offered to be a judge in this year's competition, which meant my blog was not eligible for nomination. I thought the judges in the previous years were perhaps a little too of the 'techie' flavour, so I offered to get involved. I am the token Mommy Blogger Judge)

 

10 Things I love about my husband

One of my girl crushes, ExMi did a blog post on this a while ago, and I have been meaning to do one for ages, but every time I start one, my husband does something so extremely asshole’ish that all fond thoughts dissipate immediately.

However, he is out the house for an hour or so, so I guess the timing is about as perfect as it could be.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder etc.

Those who read this blog, and don’t know Marko and I personally, might assume from my VERY occasional little moans about my husband that Marko and I aren’t made for each other, but they would be very wrong.  I am not sure I could ever find someone more perfect for me. He is my lid (i.e. lid as in ‘every pot has its lid’ – is that a local expression?), my very best friend, my partner, my lover, the father of my children and my darling husband.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t drive me to drink, he does! He is a stubborn, strict, sulky pain in the arse, but he is MY stubborn, strict, sulky pain the arse and I do love him very much.

So, here are 10 things I love about my husband:

1. He’s got my back. Always.  This is hugely important to me.  I know that Marko is 100% behind me, always. He is always there for me, and always takes my side.  He is my true partner, in every sense of the word
2. I trust him completely. Look, I know one should never say never, but for all the important things in life, I trust him completely.  I know he always has my best interests at heart.
3. He’s funny. Marko might come across quite serious at first, but he has an impish sense of humour – there is NOTHING Marko likes more than to pull a prank on someone. He is very funny.  (Just FYI – he has to work very, very hard to pull a prank on me, I know his tricks by now)
4. He is clever.  More important than looks, power, money etc, ‘clever’ has always been my ‘thing’. I love clever and Marko is very clever. At all sorts of things.
5. He is hot.  Being caught up in the daily grind of work/kids/sleep etc, this is something I don’t notice often enough, but the man is damn hot.  If I had to describe my ideal physical characteristics in a man, Marko would be it.
6. He loves my parents.  This is HUGE for me – I could never be with someone who didn’t love and respect my parents. They mean the world to me and it would be an absolute deal breaker if it was any different.
7. We are remarkably similar in many respects – we have the same attitude towards money, family, punctuality etc etc
8. Yet we are different enough to make life interesting.  We compliment each other, he is strong where I am not, and visa versa.  I think life would be very boring if we were pure carbon copies of each other. Does make for some ‘interesting’ times though.
9. He works bloody hard.  I don’t think I could be with a slacker.  I complain, often, about how hard Marko works and his Calvinist work ethic, but I also admire how much he puts in.  Any employer would be damn lucky to have Marko on his team. Having said that, I could never, ever work with him, or for him.  He is WAY too strict!  Or as we say in Afrikaans, ‘paraat’.
10. He is the father of my children.  This is something that is so big, it blows my mind.  It sometimes makes me mad (how dare HE discipline MY children), but most of the time, it makes me feel humbled that he is my partner in the very thing that is central to my whole world, my kids.

I could actually go on and on.  He really is perfect for me. Make no mistake, he is a HUGE pain, an industrial enema at times, but he is perfect for me.  Sister Mel often says she has no idea how the two most anal, odd people in the world managed to find each other.  And it is quite weird actually, considering we are from such different backgrounds and he is a bit younger than me. But we were obviously meant to be together.

(BTW, we met in a bar, how appropriate.  Although he stopped drinking about 3 weeks after we met (false advertising!!) and I…well, I haven’t really stopped since then.)

Now I better end this off because he comes back and does something so unbelievably irritating that I am forced to kill him and change this list into an obituary.

(PS I do know and realize that I am not the easiest person to live with, as much shit as he gives me, I probably give him too.  Which might actually qualify as point 11 on this list)

WWYD? (What would you do?)

**Warning: Liberal use of the F word to follow**

A friend of a friend would like to know your input on the following:

If you ask your partner to do something, something you think is a legitimate request* (please wash the dishes and / or pack away the laundry / bath the kids / put the kids to bed etc), and they either sigh dramatically or roll their eyes, do you:

1. Think ‘fuck you buddy’ and do it yourself because you are not going to beg for help, or
2. Think ‘fuck you buddy, you WILL do it’ and then get all cross inside because they should do it without bloody moaning, or
3. Ignore the eye rolling; you don’t care how they react as long as they do it, or
4. Kill the fucker
   

The friend of a friend does mostly A or sometimes B, when she knows she really should do C but she just can't help herself, it drives her CRAZY!!! Maybe doing D will solve the problem.

*’legitimate request’ in that you do it most of the time, and really, they can help you out every once in a while.

Edited to add: To be fair, the husband does do a fair amount around the house, 'his' chores. The problem comes in when asked to help with what he considers 'her' chores. And she also suspects that the eye rolling is more for effect than for anything else, but STILL!  It still drives her crazy.

I am without my right hand

Life has been even crazier and busier around here lately.  I think the ‘honeymoon’ phase of the pregnancy has worn off and I’ve come to realize that being a fair distance from the first flush of my youth, and being in my third trimester = being farking tired.  And tired I am. I went for a check up last week because I thought “surely I must be lacking something – iron, thyroid function, a bladder that can last longer than five minutes and a good night’s sleep – something” But all tests came back ‘normal’.  My good doctor reminded me that some level of fatigue is normal when one is in the third trimester (and when one is 40 years old!).  On top of that, work has been crazy busy.  Good busy, but tiring busy.  So, I guess being tired is normal.

On Wed morning Rose told me that her brother has passed away the night before.  Her poor mother has had to bury four of her adult children, it is so very sad.  Rose flew up to Johannesburg (where her family live) on Wednesday evening to help arrange things for the funeral. 

Of course, I am at a complete loss without her. She is usually a super star, but has been even more helpful (if that is possible) lately, taking a lot of the physical stuff away from me so that I don’t have to do it in my ‘delicate’ state.  So I am getting a taste of how normal people live – i.e. people not as fortunate as I am to have a full time, live in nanny, and let me tell you, I take my hat off to you!  You all deserve a medal! :And at least a week away at the spa!

It took us two hours to get ready for school this morning.  I have no idea why it took that long, it just did.  As you can imagine, doing any work is a challenge in itself and I am grabbing whatever time I can find between the “I am hungry / thirsty / bored / cross / sad”.

Edited to add:  It is two hours after arriving home from school and I just discovered that I forgot to put panties on Kate this morning. She has been swinging from the jungle gym at school the whole day, in a dress and without panties. Worst Mother Ever.

Hence my recent silence. But I am here and I am (s)well, just waddling along a slightly slower pace than usual.

PS My mom had her second last chemo session on Tuesday.  Hopefully only one more to go.  Like with most chemo patients on the three week schedule, she has one very bad week, one recovery week and one good week.  This is her bad week where the side effects are particularly biting. 

PPS I recently bought Rose her first computer ever. So she is officially connected to the WWW. She is SUCH a fast learner, amazing.  It’s quite funny, because now she reads my blog every day and knows even more about what is going on in my life than ever before ;-)  She has also recently done a 6 week cooking course – and is cooking some pretty impressive dishes, perhaps she can share them with you on her new blog, when we get it up and running. Rose for President! 

 PPPS  My preschool of choice just informed me that my kids didn’t make the cut. I am trying not to hate them, but failing miserably. Stupid, ungrateful scum of the earth – how dare they not accept my darling, talented, gorgeous and divine children. A pox on them!  May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their armpits and may their bums grow closed!  Not that I am taking it badly, at all.  Fuckers. 

 

The teaser and the cry baby

Coming a close second to finger nails on a chalkboard, there are few things more grating than your offspring fighting with each other. Of course, fighting and siblings go together like coffee and carrot cake (my current craving), so I understand that some fighting is inevitable among siblings, but OH MY GOD, the teasing and the resultant whining drive me INSANE.

Of course, with sibling close in age (ie one minute apart), they know exactly which buttons to press to get a reaction out of the other one.  And then you have the Tease/Whine reaction. 

Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine Tease/Whine  WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Until I want to murder both of them. 

I never know what to do.  Chastise the teaser for teasing, or chastise the whiner for being so fucking whiny.  Because OMG, that child can WHINE!  Ideally, I suppose, one should leave them alone to sort it out. They are evenly matched in terms of height, weight and annoyance-factor, so I could just wait it out until one murders the other, but to be quite honest, I am not sure I can last that long. 

What do you think?  Who should get moaned at?  The teaser for deliberating annoying / provoking the other, or the whiner for being such a wuss? 

No prizes for guessing who the teaser and who the whiner is. 

RSS Feeds not working?

Those who read my blog in a RSS feeder like Bloglines, Google Reader etc, are you getting my full posts?  I have heard from some that they are no longer getting my updates, but I dont know why.  I haven't done anything differently my side, at least I don't think I have.

Typepad sent me this response, but it can't be the whole truth as although I do copy paste from Word in most occasions, I also type some of my blog posts directly into the Typepad word editor itself, like this post. 

I hate it when things don't work, it frustrates me terribly that I dont have enough knowledge to figure these things out myself

Hi Tertia,

Thanks for the note. When I view the feed validator results, it looks
like you are copying and pasting some content from another application,
such as Word.

Microsoft Word's formatting code does not work well when merged with
the Rich Text editor. Copying content from Word can cause formatting
problems (including the link color discrepancy you see), error
messages, and feed validation problems.

The code that is copied over into your posts when pasting from Word is
the source of the issue with your feed.

You can read more about this at FeedBurner's Support at:
http://www.google.com/support/feedburner/bin/answer.py?answer=79005

More information on Copying and Pasting Posts from Other Applications,
as well as information on correcting the affected posts, is available
here:
http://kb.typepad.com/id/297

And we have specific information on correcting your weblog feed at:
http://kb.typepad.com/id/1342

The issue with Microsoft Word formatting code is not unique to
TypePad's Rich Text Editor. Any editor that copies over formatting will
cause issues such as this - because the code that Microsoft Word
inserts is not web-compatible.

If you would like to compose your posts outside of TypePad, you may
want to consider using a desktop client, such as Windows Live Writer -
which is very comparable to using Microsoft Word:
http://get.live.com/writer/overview

or like one listed at:
http://kb.typepad.com/id/87

I hope this helps! Please let us know if we may be of further
assistance.

Thanks,

The Tertia Version of Alone Time

Got to the guest house at 12:30.  Worked solidly for 8.5 hours (butt was v sore from sitting), stopping only to pee (10 times), have a few of my snacks* at the desk and have a little sip or two of the wine).  Wash, go to bed.  Get up three times to pee.  Wake up at 5:50, make coffee, sit down at laptop and continue working.

I've had a good time in that I got lots of work done, but the scary thing is, I am not even close to being done.  All I have done is caught up, I have done any of my strategic planning stuff.  Oh well, at least I made a big dent into the backlog. I should actually make this a regular thing. Lessons the anxiety tremendously.

I had a pathetic little moment before bed time where I was all 'boo hoo, I miss my family', but I had a stern talking to myself and said "TERTIA!  Don't be ridiculous, you saw them this morning, you will see them tomorrow morning, get a grip, you fartbag".  I felt a bit better after that.

*My eyes were obviously much bigger than my stomach (which, bearing in mind the size of my belly, is a BIG thing) and I couldn't manage half the stash of snacks.  Never mind, they wont go to waste, I will eat them at home.  Except the wine, of course. And the sushi. That I managed to force down. 

Alone time off to a slightly rocky start

So, the day of the Great Alone Time getaway dawned bright and early this morning. All started off well, kids off to school with minimal fuss, a quick shop for supplies for family and back home to back my bag.  Then I got a phone that threw me into a total spin.  Work crisis stuff.  Had to take two rescue remedy pills to try get heart back from throat into chest.

Nipped off for quick pedi and wax.  Wont do that again as uterus does not like the half reclining position for too long, complained like hell.  From now on, only 30 min appointments.

Popped into Woollies to get snacks for Alone Time.  Spend equivalent of 50% of rate I paid for accommodation on snacks and yummy things. What can I say, I like to snack well.

Got to guest house.  Not exactly what I would have wanted.  A bit small and um, not luxurious, but for 450 ront, what do you expect. 

So, here I am, in the small room with freezing feet and already missing the kids, but I am determined to enjoy my time alone!  I have chocolate cookies, chips and dip and a smidgen of wine (conveniently decanted into one of my children's spill proof containers, what a good mother I am). I even bought a magazine in case I magically manage to get through all my emails / work within the next 24 hours.

I *will* have fun, even if it kills me!

PS Pregnancy police, look away or else you will see that there is SUSHI!! and WINE!!! in my snack pack!

Interview with a four year old

Published this on Facebook, but thought it was cute enough to share here:

Kate, age 4
1. What is something mom always says to you?
Um, um… 'no'

2. What makes mom happy?
Not being naughty

3. What makes mom sad?
When you break things

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
I can’t remember. Oh wait!  Mommy makes me laugh when she is tickling me

5. What did your mom like to do as a child?
Go to school

6. How old is your mom?
Can’t remember. Oh I see! 4.

7. How tall is your mom?
Taller (puts her hands up over her head)

“I am getting quite good at this” (no problem with self confidence)

8. What is her favourite thing to watch on TV?
Cricket

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
I can’t remember.  (Doesn’t know what ‘famous’ means)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Going to work. 

Ok, what else is mom good at? (worried how bad that sounds)
Also working

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Not staying with us at school

13. What does your mom do for her job?
I can’t think what the answer is.  Oh, wait!  Talking to people.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Pies (I never eat pies!), Macaroni (hate the stuff),

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Being happy

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Ceebabies

17. What do you and your mom do together?
We play, we go in the car together

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Same red tops, same hair, our feet

19. How are you and your mom different?
When you are crosser and crosser and crosser

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
So much.  Because.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Your husband

22. Where is your mom's favourite place to go?
Work

Adam, age 4

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Um, I don’t know

2. What makes mom happy?
Not cross

3. What makes mom sad?
When she is cross

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
I don’t know

5. What did your mom like to do as a child?
Watch ceebabies

6. How old is your mom?
4

7. How tall is your mom?
Five. you very big

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV?
ceebeebees

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
go to work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
I don’t know  (Doesn’t know what ‘famous’ means)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Nothing (pronounced ‘nuggink’)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
being naughty

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Nothing (nuggink)

14. What is your mom's favourite food?
Spaghetti (not true)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
nothing (nuggink)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Lightening McQueen

17. What do you and your mom do together?
hug

18. How are you and your mom the same?
both have a bum

19. How are you and your mom different?
I don’t know, ask me something else

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
hug

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Kapow!

No, don’t be silly, answer the question!
Kapow!

Adam!
Nothing (nuggink)

22. Where is your mom's favourite place to go?
Jimmy Jungle or Deer Park (um, those are HIS favorite places to go, not mine!)

Can’t believe how much easier it was with Kate than it was with Adam. It was like getting blood out of stone with him!  Typical male.  Kate is telling me to ask her more questions!   Bit worried though at how much 'work' I seem to be doing all the time!  I am clearly scarring my kids for life. 

If you have kids, I would love to read your interview.  Post a link in the comments section.