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Oh wow, a million congrats with the first Nurture babes. What a lovely moment.

With regards to the talk, I remember something from Akeeyu's blog like: When a mommy's credit card and a fertility specialist love one another very very much... but yours is hilarious too - can I bet now that Adam may turn out to be an FS himself one day...

Oh, if you feel like copping out again:imagine how much worse it may get the older they get. You chat to them now, and you can both conveniently forget about it and never EVER have to mention it again as by the time they want to know more, they'd be able to read and they'll steal all your books (oh wait, they'll Google it, forgot).

CONGRATULATIONS TO NURTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOW!What an exciting moment for the nurture Aunties!!!Again Tertia ,you are just amazing!!!We love you!!!!

I just cant believe the timing of your blog today!!I am somewhere in between the point of your girlfriend you mentioned recently (over 40 and wants to keep going with IVF and using her own eggs) and "The talk""-however I do not know if my specialist will give me "The talk"!!Since I live in Australia and we have legal issues and as a result there are no such Egg donor clinics.(It is illegal to pay someone for eggs).It is not totally hopeless-however it is up to you to find your own egg donor,and pay for medical expenses only.It is actually not that easy.

I am finding it too painful to think about right now,and can honestly say I dont know if I can go down that path.Reading your blog today,however made me look outside the square,and i am grateful to you for that.

I think you have done a great job today explaining babies to Adam-probably enough information for his age!

Once again Congratulations!! and take care xxxxx

Antoinette

Loved this very topic on momversation! http://www.momversation.com/episodes/mommy-where-do-babies-come

Wow, Adam is asking that at four years? Mine won't even touch the subject! Every now and then, I try and probe his imagination by pointing at pregnant ladies' bellies in books (even Richard Scarry books' doctor's offices have preggie women posters on their walls!) and telling him that there's a baby inside. But no, he's not moved one way or another. Maybe if I had baby two that would come up, but until now, nothing.

You're doing a wonderful job counseling, you could give _yourself_ a hug. It's damn hard (I'm doing peer-to-peer counseling at work reg. harassment+bullying at workplace).

Oh my goodness. B does not leave me alone for FIVE MINUTES either!! It drives me insane!! I mean really, when am I going to be able to pooh in peace again?

CONGRATULATIONS NURTURE!! What fabulous news.

I think the egg and seed story is just fine. They really do not need to know any more than that right now.

And.....

Your secret? When you are going to tell us?

CONGRATULATIONS NURTURE!!! Tertia, you are doing a wonderful, wonderful job. Labour of love. (love leading to labour???)

Thank you so much for the hope you bring to women when the hurt is so raw and everything seems to be so chaotic and intimidating.

YAY congrats how exciting. The 'talk' is always fun ;)

I have had several iterations of it already.

I think you did great for the first conversation. I think it's best to have "The Talk" in dribs and drabs over the years. When our daughter was your kids age this was about where we were at. About two years later, it finally came up that most people have sex to have babies and that we had to see a doctor. She has no idea what sex is, but now she knows at least that much. And she knows she shouldn't talk to her friends about these things, that it's just a conversation between us and that they should have these conversations with their own parents, but it's not up to us to bring it up.

Good job!

Congrats on the Nuture babies thats fantastic news for all involved.Stick with the egg and seed story for now.

You are never, ever really ready to answer that question. However, I have to admit I took perverse delight in subjecting my oldest to the TALK.

I am a potential egg donor recipient - I have a Robertsonian Translocation and blah blah long, sad story. Just yesterday I was on the nurture site for a long while and even sent some of the pages to my husband to read. You really have set my mind at ease in terms of the whole "the baby will have my blood, feed off me", etc thing - and I truly LOVE you for it! I have made peace with the fact that half the DNA won't be mine (it's taken 3 years to get to this place!!) - but hey, the other half is my husbands, and I'm LOVING him so much, and that's one up, isn't it????

Congrats on the TWINS! Yet more encouraging news for us infertiles, eh?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Lord, T! They are not possibly ready for any of that birds and bees stuff - they just gave up their pacifiers for goodness sake. LOL Give it a year or ten!

Congrats on the babies! Twins no less!

This made me laugh because Ben, 4, cannot stop asking questions about his penis, what does it do, what are the little balls for, why does it float, where is your penis, how come you don't have one. Oy. Finally, of course when Dad was out of town, he asks what his testicles do. I told him we'd look it up! (total cop-out) Anyway, I bought a book. It's for preschoolers and it's called Amazing You. It's good for both girls and boys and talks about all the parts, babies, where they come from, etc. Written to their level. For some reason, with the book in front of me, I had no problem answering his questions. Now, beware...it talks about sperm and how they look like tadpoles and have tails that help them swim.

One day, Ben says to Daddy..."Daddy! When I'm big, I won't have to swim like THIS (paddling arms), because the sperm will help me swim!" Rich tried to explain that the sperm swims to the egg, but Ben wouldn't hear of it. He only said "NO daddy, I'm not talking about THAT, I'm talking about in the POOL".

Good luck with that talk! It still cracks me up!

How wonderful, I remember the "talk" from my FS and felt so yuck for so long afterwards but you are making it better for women- you are doing such an AMAZING job. You really inspire me to be a better women! Thank you, T! Congrats on those babies- they will forever hold a special place in your heart!!

RE: the birds and bees talk - it's never too early. Not to get on a soapbox here, but I've been convinced (largely by info on this site: http://www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/) that EARLIER is actually better. When they're 4, the have no context for embarassment about it all. Once they get older, they'll start hearing rumors at school, etc. (I remember the exact moment in grade 4 on the playground when someone told a "dirty" joke and it all clicked for me ... my mom didn't do "the talk" until I got my period 3 years later.) So, it's better to give them the facts ASAP, so when they hear the crazy stuff kids come up with, they'll know what's true and what's not. A great book is "It's So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families" by Robie H. Harris - it is absolutely comprehensive, covering ALL the ways families are made (including adoption and assisted reproduction) and it is geared towards about 6-12 year-olds. Ok, off the soapbox I said I wan't getting on ...

congratulations x two ! what a happy family that must be, and how proud you must feel. really wonderful.

i agree with heather that building on the sex conversation is the way to do it. you provided the basic information - seed and egg. and in time, you can build on that information. awareness dawns gradually, and let's face it, the schoolyard helps heaps to fill in any information that's missing. you did the right thing. we're currently at the stage with ours where they know when the baby is ready to be born it comes down the birth canal. at this point, sebastian got bored and forgot why he asked how the baby got out, and said, "oh, like a big boat" and i said, "feels like it, yes" and that was that.

Oh Tertia, that is so moving. Congrats to Nurture and welcome to the bambinas!!!

I always seem to be the outlier on this one, but I really, really don't get why the birds and bees talk is so hard. It's just science, after all. My daughter asked when she was five, and I told her, and that was that. Then a whole bunch of moms in my moms group freaked out that I told her so early, and what if she told their kids? Sigh.

It's just science. I don't get what people are afraid of. Is it that old sex-is-dirty hangup that we (Americans) got from our Puritan beginnings? That wouldn't explain, though, why it's hard for non-Americans too. Someone explain this to me!

Hi. Who exactly is Rose? (sorry I am late to the party). I have a high FSH number - eggs are no good. I went straight to adoption. I figure if I am going to spend 30K I might as well make it a sure thing. Perhaps I am in the minority but I NEVER once had to go through a grieving period that my DNA was not going into someone else. I just wanted a family. I was pissed that I had to do it the hard way (no slam bam baby in hand) but in the end, I got my babies. My perfect babies. Anyone else out there feel this way?

Yeah, I went with the egg and sperm thing too. Why traumatize the child with images of their parents putting body parts together at a young age. In time you can fill in the blanks, and buy them age appropriate books to help you along. I am sure you will not be one of those parents with their head in the sand whose daughter gets her period and thinks she is bleeding to death via vagina (ahem.)

Congratulations on your first Nurture babies. I would feel so gratified and thankful to be part of the making of this newly blessed family. Talk about career gratification. You go girl!

I got the Donor Egg speech - or rather said it for the doctor who was relieved I said it first. He did say he would agree to let me try again with my own but the chances were so so slim - not a good use of resources , etc. So we took time away to think about Donor Egg, Adoption, get Immune Testing done (my Natural Killer cells were said to be "overactive"). 3 months later, I was pregnant with only the addition of progesterone supplements in the second half of my cycle. (continued baby aspirin too) Age = 41
Turns out I had an issue digesting wheat/gluten that I think was a big factor in possibly making my immune system overactive.

I think fertility medicines are hard on older eggs but that older eggs can still turn into babies. So I would tell the women who are waiting to get matched with a donor (a very good option for many), not to give up on nature with a little help from progesterone and perhaps looking into an immune system issue.

Anyone who wants to learn more can search PubMed or the internet in general under Gluten Sensitivity and Infertility. It doesn't have to be full blown Celiac Disease for there to be a problem.

ok, I'll get off my "trying to help others with my story" soapbox for now,

Congrats on the first DE babies from Nuture!
It's great that you can help so many women.

'wishIknew'

From someone who, in the back of her mind thinks I may have "the conversation" one day, congrats to Nurture and the mom & babes! Thanks for making having babies possible for people like us!

O kids are so funny - I remember getting out of the bath one day and my little boy asked "why do you have hair on your bottom mommy?"
After explaining the whole sex thing to my boys (age 7 & 5)my eldest said he just has one question ; Did we only have one sex to get him and his brother or did we have to have two sexes! Still cracks me up!

** children ment **

I have a daughter from IVF and then had two more the low - tech way. I struggled for ages with a way to make both sound special and finally came up with telling the kids my tummy was broken so I needed the Drs to help dd#1 start growing, but she was so clever while she was in my tummy she fixed it and so I didn't need the Dr to get her brother and sister. All the kids love that story and it makes them all feel special, so so far so good. As for the specifics, so far my kids are more concerned with how they get OUT which is bad enough....

I also have a well read copy of "Our beautiful work of a-r-t" by Rozanne Nathalie which would be spot on age-wise for Adam & Kate.

And those babies are GORGEOUS - we went to see them last night and I am petrified to think I'll also have to handle ones that small (and they're not even small)

Tertia, can you recommend some good twin books?

Ok- I am with Carol on this one. I don't get why talking about sex to kids is so difficult (not judging you or anyone else Tertia!). I have had many talks with my kids over the years and I have been very matter of fact about it and they take away what they want and need (although you should have seen my then 9 year old's face when I explained, in response to her question, the purpose of a tongue stud!).

Can anyone help us?

Yeah...the 'where do babies come from talk'... My son has asked and I always give him the 'high-tech' version. Of course add in DE (to get back to the other topic in your post) and you have even more complication.

I was one for whom the 'DE talk' and subsequent transition was fairly straightforward. Guess I am too much of an engineer, but when I was told the low odds of success with my eggs I moved over to DE fairly quickly. I cried though. Now it so doesn't matter. I really cannot imagine loving a child more than my son.

You know about PVED (formerly MVED). We will welcome anyone that you send to us.

Congrats to the new family! That must be so fulfilling.

heh heh, we have a very groovy ad on NZ tv, where a little boy is in the car with his dad and asks: "dad, where did I come from?" the next few scenes have snippets of the majorly embarrassed father explaining 'stuff' - almost lost for words and desperately needing a beer - as they drive through town. at the end the little boy looks really thoughtful and says, "oh, i was just wondering, because Robert (a kid in his class) comes from SCOTLAND . . ." oy vey - the shame, the shame.

my oldest daugher katie was present when i gave birth to her sister chelsea - who was born after my second daughter emily died of sids. katie was almost 4 when chels was born. a few weeks later, my mother-in-law (ex now) came to me with a face like a hardboiled egg, and a mouth set tighter than your average fishes butthole . . . katie, filthy wee lass (according to m.i.l.) had been playing 'doctors, nurses, and having babies' with her slightly younger cousin kelly, and had told kelly (who had been selected as the birthing mother) to 'take your knickers off so the baby can come out' - my m.i.l. was DISGUSTED and told katie not to be so dirty. katie said, "but mum took hers off when when she had chelsea, the doctor told her too. and i'm the doctor so i told kelly she had to take hers off as well." . . . that was 20 odd years ago - thank GOD we are so much more open these days!

Sehr gute Seite. Ich habe es zu den Favoriten.

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