Motherhood or marriage?

Heather at Dooce had a really interesting post up on her blog about marriage and motherhood, and asked the question 'which do you find easier motherhood (or fatherhood) or marriage (or any long term, serious relationship'. I urge you go read her post, but the question is a pretty simple one, and I am interested to know what you think.  Which has been easier for you - Marriage or Motherhood? (For those who aren't married or a parent, which do you think you would find easier?)

Comments

[Kermit]

Marriage, natch. I can REASON with my husband. My 8yo talks like a lawyer and the other three will follow in his footsteps, I am sure of it.

[Sue]

I thought it was pretty interesting too! I borrowed the question for my blog as well, if you feel like stopping by. In short, MOTHERHOOD is way harder for me.

[Sue]

Tertia, thanks for coming over to my place! And in your delicate condition. You can have some Dorito's too! anyhoo, I hope you decide to answer the question for us. I am interested to hear! The question is a fun one and I have posed it to many people the last couple of days.

[Lindsay]

I think they are so different. Motherhood can be exhausting but then so can my "hyper active" husband. I do however think motherhood is more rewarding, maybe marriage will be more of a challenge later in life- to keep it alive, although my husband and I have been together for 11 years and we're still so in love!

[Amy]

I think both are equally difficult - the thing I really have trouble with is doing both effectively at the same time. Seems like if I improve my mothering, I start to slack on the wifing, and vice versa.

Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

[Andrea]

My husband makes being married easy, a pleasure, a calm center in the chaos of life. My children, they do not make being a parent easy. As I'm sure few children do! Parenting is a TOUGH job.

[Orange]

Crap, I misvoted. I thought the question was which is harder. I think parenthood is harder because of the level of responsibility and the patience needed. You can't just roll your eyes at a crying baby and walk out of the room, whereas you can navigate spousal conflicts without worrying that you're going to doom your partner to a life of therapy because you're so terrible.

[Peach]

I think parenthood must be harder. My spousal equivalent and I thoughtfully decided AGAINST ever having children. We know it's hard enough making our OWN life decisions, but at least we have each other to talk things through with and to support each other. We can't imagine having to make those types of decisions that would affect KIDS... people who would have to depend on us and all that! Way too much pressure.

[Melanie]

Motherhood, because I'm the boss....and children don't cheat.

[Jeanette]

I say Marriage, because it's something that you can easily get out of, well relatively anyway. so you have to work harder at making it work.

[Bere]

Parenting has been the toughest thing I have ever done, hands down, and my kids are really *good* kids. It's just that the job is all-consuming. My husband is my partner, but my kids need me to do for them 24/7. I love both but when my first was born I thought, "What the hell did I just get myself into?"

[Chickenpig]

Dooce is obviously not the mother of twins. I suppose marriage would be harder if I had TWO husbands. The only thing That I can imagine being harder than the first year with twins is the first year with triplets...or quadruplets...

[lolismum]

It's a stupid question because once you possess both, they are not alwaysmutually exclusive. Marriage becomes harder with kids, kids become harder without a well functioning marriage etc. Maybe someone who had a marriage without kids and then kids without a marriage can answer it.

[RainbowW]

you don't get any pussy with fatherhood.

of course I didn't get any pussy when I was married either, so its about a wash.

they both suck.

[Lila]

My husband is a pleasure to live with, a perfectly cute, funny, reliable, honest and lovely man, so no effort there. My children, God bless them, are a pleasure to live with, too, but a teeensy bit more exhausting. On the other hand, since I love them since the first moment of their lives, I find it easy to forgive them.

So none of it is difficult at all. I find it's tiring work, yes, but mentally, emotionally, very easy. I love my life as wife and mother and never struggled with it for longer than it takes to make a cup of coffee.

But hey, my kids are biiig so maybe I banned the difficulties from my mind...?

[Jean]

To me motherhood is still and always was much easier than marriage. I'm divorced though. LOL Single parenting is hard, but I love being with my kids. Actually I'd rather parent without a husband than parent with one. Give me tons of kids and I'd be in heaven. But keep the husbands away. lol

[Gem]

For me, I voted motherhood is easier but that's a bit unfair on my husband, whom I love very, very much. I think this has changed over the years though and I am certain if I had been asked this when my oldest was a toddler or preschooler I would not have hesitated to say that parenthood was harder. Now my oldest is 14 and my youngest 7. I am dealing with teenagers and preteens which can definitely be challenging but I think I have got so used to it I don't really notice how hard it is most of the time. For me if I think about it I think the bottom line is that my love for my kids is pretty much unconditional whereas my poor husband has to earn it! We have been married for 17+ years though so it's not too hard!

[Mama-Beans]

Motherhood, by far.

Marriage is all about ME and US. You work on US because it directly benefits ME, and also has the perk of benefitting HIM(her, whatever). But people are all a little bit selfish, I think, which makes the direct warm fuzzies of a successful marriage easier to obtain/strive for.

Motherhood? Totally thankless and all about THEM/HIM/HER and not at all, even a little bit, about ME. That alone makes it a bit of a chore. And yet? Possibly the most worthwhile chore ever designed and a chore I'd choose over the "ease" of wifehood if it were ever put to a test.

[T]

Ohhhh, marriage!!! For sure, I mean you can't order your partner into time out when they need a nap, or make them eat a snack when they are grumpy from being hungry...

[Uncommon Julia]

I almost didn't answer for fear of jinxing myself one way or the other. At the moment (and I'm sure it changes from time to time) I say marriage. Of course, my husband didn't just take a header off a chair and bust his face open, so there's that.

[Aurelia]

Hmm, well this assumes that husbands and children are different than each other...and frankly raising and training the husband has been just as difficult as the kids.

Honest to God, he threw a actual freakin' tantrum the other day over nothing. It's like living with a hormonal teenage boy sometimes...you know what, I need another category, like other.

[Edna B]

For me, motherhood. The marriage didn't last but the motherhood bond thing will last forever. I've also been extremely lucky that I had an easy-going, healthy child and only one of them.

[Hayley]

From someone who has no kids...I am going to say motherhood/fatherhood. It just seems like it is 24/7. I know very rewarding, but it just never stops.

I might change my mind once I have kids (hopefully), but thats how I see it now.

[JenC]

Marriage is so much easier for me. Although it's much harder since having our kids. I love being a mom, but I can't just say to my young children. that I am going out to clear my head, because that's illegal.

[Boliath]

I can answer lollsmom up there, I'm not married but have 2 children with my partner. We've been together for 10 years and known each other for about 30!
For me, the relationship is the hard part, my kids can make me want to tear my hair out at times but I love them unconditionally so even when they've driven me up the wall, I can still put it aside and kiss and hug them, not so with my partner, we can piss each other off for days. I'll agree with Aurelia, it's like living with a hormonal teenage boy at times, my man has also thrown spectacular tantrums about the most ridiculous things.

[Netta]

For me, marriage is harder because I love my child unconditionally, whereas my love for my husband comes with small print. Plus I feel I was born to be a mother, whereas marriage is a choice and a work in progress every day. I love my husband, but the love I have for my daughter is on another level. She's only 10 months old though, so talk to me in another few years!

[wyliekat]

I say marriage/long-term relationship even though I'm newly divorced. I found the commitment easier than parenthood, though. Always.

[Margie]

Dunno. I'm a single mother by choice. So I guess motherhood is easier because I don't do the otherhood.

[Jerri Ann]

My husband does what I tell him to do....my kids....argh...just kidding but definitely parenting is harder and..er...I've been married 4 times...