Pre Chemo anxiety

I am feeling incredibly anxious for my mom's chemo on Tuesday.  I feel like I am sending her into this terrible place, this scary painful place, and although I can be there to support her, she has to go through this pain alone. I can't carry it for her. I can't lessen it by sharing it, taking some away from her onto myself.  I keep wanting to say stop! Let me do it instead, I will do it for you.  Chemo terrifies me, not because of what it is, but because of how it makes you feel.  My poor mother.  She is so brave and kind and good and wonderful and she shouldn't be going through this. Not that anyone should. I feel helpless.  I know I can, and will be there for her, and help her as far as I can. But at the end of the day, she is the one that has to have the chemo injected into her body. She is the one who has to suffer the nausea, the fatigue, the bone pain, the hair loss. It is so hard to see someone you love suffer.  But, she is strong, very strong and she has the most loving, supportive family in the world, and as far as we can, we will carry her and support her through out this process.  Please think of her and all of us on Tuesday and the days to follow.

Comments

[Rona Michelson]

I pray that the chemo has as few side effects as possible and that it is effective. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person. I wish her good health and many more years to enjoy her family.

[Kirsty]

Thinking of you all at this difficuilt time. Especially your mum. I guess you must be feeling a bit like what she felt when you had to go through all your IVF's and all the losses of your sweet babies. Feeling helpless, wanting to take your place, to take away all the pain from you... take comfort from the knowledge that, like she was with you every step of your journey, you will be with her for every step of her journey. And just as she was needed by you, so you will be needed by her.
Good luck! You are all strong. You can all do this!
xx

[Caragh]

My thoughts are with you mum and your family at this very difficult time.
I saw both parents through extensive chemo and radiation before the age of 21.
It is an extremely painful process to watch, but obviously more painful for those who are going through it. Your mum sounds like an extremely strong person who has been able to handle a lot.

You've got to hold strong that the chemo will be affective and that she will have as little side affects as possible.
Obviously not everyone will suffer every side affect, but be prepaired for the hair loss. I remember going away for the weekend and coming back to find my mum bald. It was a big shock, but like everything most mum's take this better than most.

I don't believe in much of anything (relgion wise) but I do believe that like millions of other women your mum can and will fight this terrible disease, and due to her strength the support of her family and medical advancements she can go on to beat this and live a long long long long and healthy and happy life.

[Heather]

I'll be praying and thinking of your mom. Good luck wit her on the treatments. My grandmother went through chemo for lung cancer 2 years ago and she's been doing great.

[JuliaKB]

Unfortunately, yes, there are things in life that are impossible to share. Knowing you and your family, your mom will be surrounded with as much support as is humanly possible. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, or even enough. While that is indeed all you can possibly do, please do not lose sight of how much that is, and how important.

[deblet]

Will keep your Mom in my thoughts on Tues all the best,chemo not always as bad for everyone each case diff side effects so praying for best results with least side effects

[Nicole]

I'm so sorry she has to go through this and will be holding her and you and your family in prayer. I pray that she/you find some measure of peace and comfort during this treatment; that the side effects are negligible and the outcome positively successful!

P.S. Did you know that the Zofran you found so helpful a few months back was actually developed for chemo patients?

[Laura in L.A.]

Darling T,

Praying hard for your sweet Mom, and your whole family.

Love, Laura

[Lindsay]

Being surrounded by so much love and support and 4 amazing children and their families there's no doubt she'll do well, now the damn chemo just needs to do the same!

[Tine]

Yes, definitely will be keeping you, your mom, and your whole family in my thoughts. ((hug))

[J from Ireland]

My thoughts and prayers to you all especially your amazing mother.

[Geertje]

Will be thinking of you and hope the side effects won't be too bad.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in March. Now 6 rounds of chemo, the radiation and a rehab are things of the past. There were easy days and hard times. But I have a brave mom too. So it was good to be around, to encourage, to make sure it was ok to take additional breaks and naps, to take care for the garden etc. I brought fresh flowers and things she liked to eat (as long as she did not have gustatory problems).

It was me that cut her hair and shaved her head when the hair started to fall out. It was sad, no doubt about that! Still, it was something I could do for her. Together with my dad we had chosen a wig. We had bought nice shawls. And we made sure that she could be around us with her bald head too.

Tertia, you are right. Noone deserves that. But you have good premises to get trough - step by step. It is good to be informed. And it is good to have to take every single step after the other. Do not panic. Stick together - that IS the help.

I do not know what the future will bring. I hope and pray for the best. Meanwhile we take life as it is.

Will think of you and your mom!

[mar]

I've done it 2x, and you're right, it stinks. However, one of the nurses at the oncologists office said this to us. Chemo is the means to an end - winning. Chemo is actually your friend - it is finding all of those cancer cells and killing them. Chemo is your ally - it is doing for you what your body can not - beating cancer. Yes, there are some ugly parts - but you and chemo are the team. As with any winning team, there is going to be hard, exhausting work - but at the end is victory, making the work all worth it.

I was pregnant with my second when my mom was going through it too - and the one thing that my mother was most concerned with was for me to take care of myself. It's exhausting enough being pregnant, but I know from experience it's even harder when this other burden is on your shoulders. So remember by taking care of yourself, you will also be making your mother happy, and putting her mind at ease. I'm sure if she's like my mom, her biggest concern was that she was doing anything to put stress on me during pregnancy. So do take care of yourself - it's a gift you can give to both of you!

[charity]

I'll be praying for your mom.

Please, please, please look into alterative treatments. I've personally seen great sucess with people who strictly followed a vegan, plant-based diet. There are people who do both the medical & alternative treatments. Check out A Cancer Battle Plan by Dave Frohm. The human body has an amazing capacity to heal itself if given the right nutrients.

['wishIknew']

Tertia and Tertia's Mom,

Thinking of you both. Wish I had remembered this audio tape/CD/MP3 download earlier but it's not too late to get the MP3 version.

I really like this woman and her guided imagery.
I strongly recommend it for chemo.

http://www.healthjourneys.com/product_detail.aspx?id=5

You may very well find that the side effects aren't nearly as bad as feared and if there is nausea, by all means take the meds they can give you for that.
Hang in there.
You'll get through this and before you know it, it will all be in the past.

'wishIknew'

[Kathy]

T- Only good thoughts (and even some happy-clapping kind) for both you and your mom on Tuesday and everyday. As PP said, may this be a means to an end.

[persephone]

there is going to be an element of this which you can't shoulder for her or even truly understand, but she will have to endure alone... and that is probably going to be one of the hardest things for you who love her to watch.

if i were you, i would try to put her in touch with some kind of peer support from other women who have been through chemo themselves. we have an organization here which matches women who have just been diagnosed with a survivor as close as possible in age, stage of cancer, family, etc. do you have an organization like that in sa?

this is not to minimize at ALL the support you are already giving her, and will continue to give. that is going to be one of the strongest things that will pull her through. but i think she might need both.

xoxo
persephone

[tess]

praying for you all and the effectiveness of the treatment.
xo tess

[Melissa in TN]

I will be thinking of you and your mother on Tuesday.

[Flicka]

I'm thinking of your sweet mother and praying that the chemo treats her gently.

[jeannie]

I don't know how your mother will feel about it, but I know for me, I think the chemo would be okay, even with the terrible side effects, because at least I would be DOING something, fighting the cancer, making it go away. So even though I might feel terrible physically, psychologically, I would feel stronger. No one hates feeling helpless, and at least chemo is a weapon. Especially since your mother caught it pretty early, so she can really feel like she is killing the damn cancer once and for all.

Feeling nauseated is terrible, but feeling nauseated because you are pregnant feels okay. In fact, I used to pray to feel sick, so I could feel really pregnant. I would think nausea from chemo would be similar. There is a purpose to it, and it reminds you that, while the chemo is making you sick, it is killing the cancer.

I suspect that in some ways it will be worse on those watching your mother than it will be on her. It is hard to feel helpless. So help her out as much as you can, be as optimistic as you can, and hope that the side effects are mild.

[Liza]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom. My mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer in September. We went through daily radiation and weekly chemo in November. While we were optimistic about her chances for recovery- we lost her last Tuesday, the day before Christmas eve.
We were, however, surrounded by many patients at Sloan-Kettering who were kicking cancer's ass. I wish the same for your mom.

[Shaun]

Being an ex cancer patient myself at the age of 7, and having chemo I know how it feels. Then my son Joshua was also diagnosed at the age of three, I know how you feel I was often scared that I would loose Josh to the cancer and prayed to God to please take my life instead of his. I must be very honest that Joshua's chemo was really not as bad as my chemo I had as they have come so far with medication there is even something they give you for the nausea and it really seems to help a lot. My prayers are with you.

Shaun

[beyond]

i work as a reiki therapist in a cancer clinic in manhattan. reiki helps cancer (and non cancer) patients with pain, side effects from the medication, nausea, and also with more emotional things like anxiety. maybe your hospital has a complementary therapies program you could look into with her. if not, maybe you could look privately. reiki and accupuncture are very similar, but reiki does not involve needles and is thus non-invasive, so doctors often recommend it.

[beyond]

ps: my thoughts and good wishes are with your mum!

[jeannie]

Oops! I meant "No one likes feeling helpless" not "no one hates feeling helpless."

Best of luck to all of you.

[amy]

Wishing nothing but the best for your Mom during this trying time. She is lucky to have you as her ally. All the best with the chemo, hoping side effects are minimal and it kicks some cancer ass!

[Tinker]

Your mom will be strong -- that's what mothers do. I saw my mom through chemo too and it's awful, but she put on her bravest face in spite of how obviously she was ailing. She didn't want her kids to see her pain and discomfort and that was both beautiful and heartbreaking.

[Sharon]

Hi Tertia, my thoughts and prayers are with you all!

[Kristin]

Chemo is downright awful - for some reason I was more scared of it for my mom than I was of her brain surgery. (Quite accurately because two of her three rounds landed her in the hospital very ill.)

Many types of chemo result in awful mouth sores - here is a 'recipe' for so-called 'magic mouthwash' that makes them less painful: (1:1:1) mixture of kaopectate, benadryl, and lidocaine (KBL.

[renee frouws]

i was meaning to ask you when your mom was going for her first session. Listen, it's certainly not going to be fun,
but like the others have already said at least you're gonna kick the hell out of any "c-cell" stragglers that may be lurking around!
kill those mother suckers!!!
my thoughts are with you guys
xxxxxxxx