Permanent PMS

PMS, if you suffer from it badly, is a terrible thing. I have two close friends who, for two weeks of the month, are somewhere between slightly emotional and practically suicidal. It must be terrible; my heart really goes out to them.

 

As for me, well, among the not-so-fun things about having polycystic ovaries (i.e. infertility, olive on a toothpick body shape), there is the advantage of hardly ever having your period.  No period means no PMS. And even when I do get it, I get it mildly.

 

I normally know when I am PMS because 2 days before I get my period, I eat as if the end of the world is nigh. I also get a bit weepy the day before, but the most obviously signal that something is up, is that my husband irritates me immensely.

 

Now, my husband usually irritates me anyway. Which is understandable as he is particularly annoying at the best of times. But during that brief one or two day PMS spell, he drives me absolutely bat shit crazy. The way he drives irritates me. Even his breathing irritates me. I look for places to hide his body wherever I go.

 

As if that is not bad enough, it is usually around this time that for some reason unknown to logical man, I decide we need to have The Talk. Suddenly, after months and years of being absolutely fine, I decide that he is not: caring enough / helpful enough / loving enough / sensitive enough etc. And then I will tell him that We Need to Talk.

 

Now, if there is something Marko hates even more than loud people, stupid people, slow drivers and his German ex boss, it is having The Talk. The words “Sweetheart, we need to talk” is enough to make his sphincter loosen.

 

Marko does not do The Talk well. Which is probably why we do it so seldom. First he gets defensive, then he gets cross, then he shouts, then I cry, then he calms down and then we both say sorry.

 

This morning I felt not unfamiliar feelings of intense irritation at my husband. He has been particularly insensitive and unloving lately. Last night I stormed out of the bedroom in a huff and slept in the spare bed the whole night because HE TOOK MY FAVOURITE PILLOW. He clearly hates me and everything about me because if he loved me he would willingly offer up the favourite pillow to me. I AM PREGNANT AFTER ALL!!

 

And then it hit me. Early pregnancy is a lot like permanent PMS.  The food cravings, the moodiness, the bloating, the intense husband hatred…..except that it lasts for three months, not three days.

 

Poor Marko. Let’s hope it passes before I find that perfect spot to bury his body.

 

PS If you are ever fortunate enough to be pregnant for the first time, enjoy and relish every single minute of it. When the second (or seventh in my case) time comes around, there is no peace for the wicked. No rest, no special treatment. In the words of my immortal husband, you will just have to “suck it up, you are pregnant, not disabled”. Where did you say that shallow grave was?

Comments

[karla]

I remember being pregnant with my son the same time you were pg with Adam and Kate and wanting nothing more than to stab my husband in the eye with a salad fork! Funny, I remember commenting about it on your blog when you Marko was driving you nuts then too. Deja Vous?

[Abbie]

Grrr for husbands not being perfectly gracious while we are pregnant! They need to learn how to suck it up and give us everything we desire!

[Lila]

Oh, poor you, and poor Marko. I guess he will exchange car porn soon with a support group of pregnancy-traumatized husbands... something where they sit on pastel colored pillows, breathe deeply and have in-depth conversations about their feelings ^^

If you don't drown him in some puddle before...

[Ruth]

oh marko, you arse!!!! if men had to go thru early (or the whole thing, including all the complications and the invasive procedures), there would be a serious shortage of human beings in the world.

that man needs a fork in the eye like nothing else . . .

[Geohde]

Yep, I can only say thios now after finally scraping through a second shite pregnancy and getting a live birth, but I hate being pregnant.

It sucks.

There. I feel better now,

J

[kathleen999]

The thing is, they don't realize just how easy it would be to find that perfect spot....

Pregnancy is the time when he should be soothing you, not telling you to suck it up. Tell him you will suck it up when you are done gestating. In the meantime, it is his turn.

[jen]

My mum and her best friend have sworn that if I am pregnant again they will divorce me. I don't DO pregnancy...

[tess]

a great post! i just put down my cup of tea and surveyed the landscape in case i receive a large fed-ex box from SA with do not open instructions attached.

[Egg Donor (ret.)]

Can I make a small suggestion relevant to this particular situation? Buy another pillow like the favorite one. Or buy a couple more. I've found we often resist spending money on kind of meaningless things like this, but having them plentiful improves the quality of life So much. It ends up completely being worth the investment. If you do this for some of the more annoying things during pregnancy, it may make life more bearable :)

[savannah]

I hope to get so lucky one day...and I will spoil the hell outta me...

love your blog..it keeps me going!!

[Lisa]

I have PMS something fierce every month and in fact, recently went on medication for it. It's scary and life interrupting. For the most part, I was actually better while pregnant than I was during normal PMS, but I did have 2 incidents. One involving a lot of sarcasm over garbage that needed to be taken out & the other was when I burt into tears because a cat wouldn't stop meowing when I told her to. Silly hormones! I'd love to see a man deal with them for one month & then tell us to "suck it up." I'd tell them what they can suck...

[colicmommy]

Isn't that the farking truth. By the time I got to my third pregnancy (and, yes, live baby, I'm lucky, I know it), no one gave a rat's ass. My husband didn't even want to stay for the whole ultrasound at 20 wks. No sympathy. No special treatment. People on the street said, Oh is it your first? As soon as you say, no, my third, they all look away, bored.

[Hope]

LOL! I laughed so hard at this post. I am a regular reader (okay I admit it I check it everyday..lol). I had to read this one to my husband. I don't think he thought it was as amusing as I did. Ha!

sorry to hear that you have "PMS" for 3 mos....hopefully that soon will pass!

[Marie]

This is not funny, but it kind of is. I too stormed out of my bedroom last night in a huff. Why? My husband didn't tell me I was pretty after I got ready for bed. I had taken great pains and used my new bath and body works lotion and he didn't notice.

I didn't get to sleep in spare bedroom though as I have the bed full of Halloween decorations that I have yet to put away. I slept on the couch.

I am not pregnant but I did start this morning so just wanted to let you know you were not alone.

If you find the perfect spot please email me I could use the suggestions. :)

[amy]

Ahh PMS and pregnancy. If there is ever a time in my life where I become a bitchy, self doubting ("I hate my hair! I hate my clothes! I hate my life! I hate my husband!) crab ass it is then.

Hang in there Tertia (and Marko ;)

[tree town gal]

Loved the suggestion of enjoying the first pregnancy pampering. With my second (ok, fifth) pregnancy this summer, I was having intense backaches as in I-couldn't-walk and bent-over-in-pain backaches. The RN said "oh, I'll get you a referral for a PT" (WTF - are you listening, lady?) And my husband said "suck it up, you are pregnant - of course your back aches." Both RN and husband were full of it; I had a serious kidney infection.

[Sarah]

Ah, PMS - we're old enemies. I've battled monthly with this for a long while and (rather unfairly, I think) things have got worse through my 30s and after having a child. I don't know why, but I somehow hoped that having a child would 'fix' any hormonal issues. Yeah, right.
All I know is that I was nodding my head at your description of your irritation at Marko. SO know that one!

[Jeanne]

I blogged on PMS a few days ago, with some insight on how we can deal with it internally.

http://touchingsa.co.za/2008/11/07/talking-about-pms/

[Em]

My husband told me once during my first pg that morning sickness was all in my head. He only said it once because I had him whacked and put in the pillars of a bridge. Sure, its my head that is making me unable to move my head without vomitting. Did anyone ever stop to consider that it isn't us? Maybe they ARE idiots? I'm just saying....

[Lisa]

This post made me giggle madly.
Last week my anal husband was just being himself. He was irritated at me for pouring from the soda bottle too "roughly", saying that the gas then goes out too quickly causing the soda to go flat. As usual I laughed him off and told him he is mental and needs therapy. Two days later however, I was sitting at work (where coincidentally my coworkers also had me looking for some shallow graves), recalled that incident and felt the need to call him up and open up a can of whoopass on him regarding said soda. That's pretty much how I am for about 2 days of the month.

[MFA Mama a.k.a. "Eliza"]

Oooo...Marko likes to live dangerously, doesn't he? I had horrible high-risk pregnancies, and the FIRST time around my (soon-to-be-ex) husband developed an irritating habit of standing over me as I lay on the floor in a cold sweat from low-blood-pressure spells and taunting "this is what you WANT-ed!" He did it when I was too faint to get up and kill him. I should've done it sneaky-like later on, perhaps while he slept. Oh well.

[Lisa]

Ha I got into the most ridiculous PMS-induced argument with my fiance last week. He was sewing a hole in his jeans (yes I know, he's strange) and I noticed he was using this vintage thread I bought on ebay (for $1) a month or so ago. I asked him if he was planning to use all of it and he said yes, and then I said it was special thread, and he said, this has probably been in here for years, and I said no, it was new, and he should ask before he uses my things. And then I demanded he apologize for using my thread, and he refused. And then I sulked in the other room and when my brother called I told him the story, because I was sure than any sane person would agree with me and take my side, and my brother said I was crazy.

[Kristin]

“suck it up, you are pregnant, not disabled” ranks up there in stupidity with "if you breathe right, it wont hurt as bad" when said to a pregnant woman.

And yes, my best friend's husband actually said that to here when she was in labor with their oldest.

[Wobs]

I had PMS for 9 months when pregnant with my son... Poor hubby was close to divorcing me. I was a delight with EVERYONE else and he could do nothing right. Didn't even want him to look at me, let alone talk, touch, etc. It was a rollercoaster ride. My gynae said that perhaps it was the increased testosterone in my body... Hubby suffered big time hence no more kids... ;)

[serina]

My daughter and I both suffer badly. As we are the only two females out of a household of 5, we have devised a system. We have a secret signal, which basically means "keep out of my face until further notice." We never annoy each other because we barely speak until the "thumbs up" signal a couple of days later. Daddy and the boys, however, just think they live with trolls, especially when we are on the same cycle! How does that work, anyway, we are in sync more often than not!

[Coral]

My daughter has already asked if she could move in with us - how nice for us!! Ha ha!! She didn't - thank heavens!! Ian was horrified and terrified! She is fine with us, but her boyfrind - totally cowed! Yes, far too many exclaimation marks!!!

[Debbie]

Hi All PMS sufferers. There is no need to suffer. Take Evening Primrose Oil (bought at Clicks) a week before the dreaded day. One in the morning and one at night. You will no longer suffer with PMS. If need you can take it for longer

[Bianca W]

All jokes aside, I feel TERRIBLE when I have PMS. I HATE that I am ratty and impatient and all those nasty things! And....I HATE, HATE, HATE that I cannot control it.

I have been on EPO for a while now, but it hovers, not as bad as before, but still there. Grrrr WHORE-MOANS!! :-)

[Candice]

Ah, PMS my old friend, we used to be mere acquaintances, but now we are BFF's for a good week every month, sometimes even longer. This is the week I grow horns & a tail & become a total bitch on wheels!
It is also the week that I often fantasize about the perfect body disposal strategy... and then one day while I was at the dump dropping off garden refuse {which, by the way, is supposed to be my husband's job} I had an epiphany - the wood chipping machine, of course! They have this enormous machine that they feed the garden refuse in at the one end & it grinds & whizzes & crunches & out the other end comes this divine organic mulch... my garden has never looked so good ;o)
If Marko uses the word "suck" again, in any context, just let me know & I'll give you directions to my local dump...

[Jennifer]

“suck it up, you are pregnant, not disabled” -I'll help you dig the grave. It is a familiar sentiment, but if they had to do more than just have fun to get us pregnant, they would never be as stupid as to say shit like that. I'll start looking for something remote......

[Peach]

My older sister is the engineer in the family, the most practical, down-to-earth woman on the planet... until she got pregnant. She called me at 3 am one morning SOBBING and swearing she was going to divorce her husband because he ignored her at a concert she went to.

1. My brother-in-law is an audio engineer and he was *working* at the concert.
2. He had the flu as well and was barely keeping his own shit together, but still managed to take a break to sit with her for a while, just not the whole show, aparently.

But even AFTER my sister explained points #1 and #2 above, she still wanted to divorce him. I told her to wait until the second trimester and see what she thought.

To this day she swears she wasn't *that* upset... so maybe pregnancy hormones later make you forget how awful you were when pregnant??

[Heather]

You crack me up! I have to admit though, my DH did not pamper me through my first pregnancy either, so if I find out tomorrow that I am pregnant, I'm not expecting much special treatment. I might get it if we find out we're having twins, though. Let's all hope for that for me then...

[Katrina]

I get it, being PMS central right now. But you're going about the body dump location search all wrong. You don't have to dump the WHOLE body in one place! scatter it everywhere! Feed it to the sharks, something! ;o)

Hang in there, chickadee!

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