Not exactly a stellar record

(Updated below)

Because I am an anal little nerd, and because I’ve been around the block a few times, I decided to type up a little info sheet for the technician in preparation for next week’s (eek!) big NT scan and CVS:

 

PG History

 

Dx PCOS, Endo, 10 IVFs, 3 IUIs, 7 pregnancies, two known trisomies, two suspected trisomies, two lives births (including one set of twins), one neonatal death, one set surviving twins

 

2002 – ectopic pregnancy

 

2002 – Early vanishing twin, remaining embryo MC 8w3d – Trisomy 21

 

2003 – quad pregnancy. 12w scan showed following risk factors:

Baby A – 1 in 2 – S/R

Baby B – 1 in 15 – CVS – normal male – still born @ 21w

Baby C – 1 in 25 – CVS – normal male –born prem @ 26w, died 10 days later

Baby D – 1 in 200 – suspected heart defect, S/R

 

2004 – twin pregnancy – low risk on nuchal scan, so no CVS. 16w scan showed potential marker (hole in heart), did amnio – normal b / g twins, live birth

 

2005 – 2006 – contraception - Mirena

 

2007 – spontaneous conception – MC 6/7w – Trisomy 13

 

2008 – spontaneous conception – MC <6W ??

 

2008 – spontaneous conception – current pregnancy

 

As you will see by my list, my record is not exactly stellar when it comes to chromosomally ‘normal’ pregnancies. And those were all pregnancies in my mid thirties. Seeing as I am Very Old now, I am pretty sure I am going to hit the 1 in under a hundred odds even before I lie on that exam bed.

 

I am very nervous for the CVS, the last one I had was not nice. I found it very painful and quite traumatic. And I know how agonizing the wait is going to be afterwards. In fact, I am absolutely dreading next week. And yes, I know the risks of CVS, having done both CVS and amnio in the past. But it is a risk I am prepared to take because unfortunately, unlike so many of you have indicated you are, I don’t think I am special enough for a special needs child.

 

I need my LBC today (1pm). As the nausea abates, the paranoia increases. And of course it doesn’t help that I got the Doppler this weekend and couldn’t find the heartbeat. Didn’t know where to look, so tried for five minutes, got too anxious and gave up. Lovely. Fun fun fun.

 

I just want next week over with. I feel as if I have been holding my breath since I found out I am pregnant, and I can’t wait to exhale.

Update:  LBC = all well.  Phew.  My lovely gynae who I love, helped me find the hb with the doppler, you were right, I was WAY off course - I was buggering around close to my belly button when I should have been poking around near my pubic bone.  No wonder it took us so long to conceive, we've clearly been poking around in the wrong area all this time.

Comments

[ruth]

i wish i could hug you right now, even if you hated it. the nausea should be going away, if all is well, you are in the second trimester. if not, hearts around the world will cry for you.
if this baby could survive simply because enough people wished it so, she would live to be five hundred.

[sarah]

Ill be thinking of you...good luck, Tertia. You're an amazingly strong woman.

[ruth]

p.s. i just checked the time difference between SA and australia . . . its going to be a long wait til you post the results of today's LBC.

[Julia]

Oh my dear, I understand completely.

[Suzi]

Tertia - we're with you, regardless.
sending good love and crossed bits all around from Vegas.

[Egg Donor (ret.)]

Hugs. Wish I could do more.

[Erica]

Darling Tertia, I wish you could exhale, too. Crossing everything for you. Big smooches!

[gkk]

good luck with the lbc. as for the doppler, look ridiculously low, at the very top of the pubic bone.

[Angelique]

and, from a midwife, start centrally just above pubic bone, and point slowly towards each hip.

And then if I can't get it, I go from each side and stabilise the other side with my other hand.

And still sometimes can't get it til 14 weeks, esp if anterior placenta....bla bla.

I have had recurrent miscarriages also, and even tho midwives are sposed to be crunchy....go for weekly scans til I can get it reliably also.

Fingers xx'd for you later today.

[liesl]

thinking of you non stop and sending such big love to you my precious friend xx

[Mandy]

Wish I could fly over to CT and hit you with a positive-thoughts-stick over the head. Just to relieve you from this agony! No just kidding! Try not to imagine bad things and start to enjoy, I know it VERY DIFFICULT...but try! Have been wondering when you'll grace us with a pic, but can understand the why you're hesitant to show off.

[Trish]

Crossing all my bits that the scan & cvs have good results.

[ann]

Loads and loads of love
xxxxxx

[Bianca W]

"I feel as if I have been holding my breath since I found out I am pregnant, and I can’t wait to exhale"

Wow! That explains it perfectly.

Good luck for lbc today. Will keep an eye out for the update.

And, as I said yesterday, am praying this week speeds by, and next week even faster. Air hugs and cheek to cheek (barely touching) smooches.

[Jessica]

Hey Tertia

I just wanted to wish you everything of the best..i pray that all is good with your LO and that you get the results superquick so u arent stressed for the whole week..Take care..lots of hugs

[Debet]

Ai Ai,good things happen to those who wait and you have waited!! Holding my thumbs, toes ,breathe and what ever will help to get you thru this time.Its all good, positive thoughts and energy sending your way......Hugs and positive energy always

[tiah]

Well...since you don't do hugs...kisses!

[Gill]

My heart really aches for you, this must be SO hard. Hang in there!

[Jazz]

Thinking of you tons. Perhaps a few bottles of Rescue Remedy could be of use?

[hanlie]

Still rooting for you Tertia!

[Heather]

You have been through the wringer, haven't you. I've had three miscarriages, one live birth (she's eight years old now) and am currently pregnant again from IVF. Just had my first beta. I'm trying so hard not to hold my breath on this one. All miscarriages were genetic issues too. it sucks.

[Terrie from Oz]

I've just checked the time difference between SA and Australia - and according to Google it's 2pm now.

I'm holding my breath so hard I'm likely to have an aneurysm ..... any news?????

[Wobs]

Will be holding all my thumbs and toes for you next week.

[Molly Chase]

You know, I just can't get pregnant. We try and try and try and nothing happens and there's just no reason for it, and we already have one perfect beautiful boy that we got pregnant with on our very first try, and I thought it was the hardest thing ever, that it happened once and we just can't seem to make it happen again, but when I compare it to what you've been through, I feel, frankly, fortunate by comparison. I just can't imagine it.

I'll be holding my breath until we hear everything is fine.

[Abbie]

Hooray for the good LBC! Will be keeping everything crossed for your NT scan/CVS next week!

[Lena]

"But it is a risk I am prepared to take because unfortunately, unlike so many of you have indicated you are, I don’t think I am special enough for a special needs child. "

Does this mean you will abort the pregnancy if the results come back negatively?

[Jennifer]

You say you are not special, but I have to disagree. I think you are very special no matter what the outcome happens to be. I am sending positive thoughts that everything will be OK. Hang in there!

[Chicago]

Tertia: I had little trouble TTC and two relatively uncomplicated pregrancies with a m/c in between. So, my path to motherhood has been strewn with rose petals compared to yours. And still I worried every minute of every day between LBC's. As my doctor explained to me, most of us moms no longer need to protect our babies from getting eaten by a bear, but we are still hardwired with the need to protect them from getting eaten by a bear (or in SA, it might be a lion). In the absence of any real threat to our children, our brains find things to fret over, real and perceived. All this to say, I totally get all your fear and anxiety. I pray for some moments of peace and joy for you as you wait and hope for a healthy new little Albertyn.

[Kay]

Tertia - I mean this in a very kind way. You already HAVE a special needs child. His needs are ones that didn't show up on a scan. You are dealing with them wonderfully - with all the love and compassion a mother should have. I am not telling you what to do - and hopefully there won't even BE a choice - but please, don't sell yourself short!

[Dana]

Good for LBC!! we are not ready for a special needs kid either but we will do amnio only if the sequential screening gives us bad numbers.
I would get rid of that doppler!! I was about to buy one too but I was told that sometimes it is very difficult to hear the heartbeat(depending on the position of the baby), specially this early in the game, and you get Very Very paranoid. Not good for your anxious self...

[Lisa S.]

Hey Tertia, just a thought = is the FISH test an option while you wait for official CVS results? I had mine back within 3 days of my amnio, and even though I knew the full results would only be from the amnio, getting the good feedback from FISH was enough to allow me to exhale while I waited.

[Anna]

Thinking of you Tertia, stay calm.
Anna

[sarah]

Yay!! I love waking up to good news :)))

[!!!]

well, its 3:48am where i am, the geckos are chatting loudly outside, lightning is rolling across our cloud streaked sky, and i woke up this early because you hadn't posted before i went to bed!

it is a glorious day in paradise now i know LN7 has just been hiding out on you. little bugger. she's gonna be just as cheeky as your other kids. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

[Emma]

You are special enough for a special needs child. Because a child with special is born into a family who loves them, no matter the need - no matter the family because they are *ours* and no one else's.
Tests can rule out many things but not most, having a chid is a leap of faith - a grabbing of a golden ring, or was that a brass ring..? Whatever! IT is a leap of faith like no other... It shows optimism and love, and that child will deliver all of those things, not always as we would expect, or as we demand for our ideal of continuation of 'today' but they are always worth it. You are special enough.

[L.]

How did it go?? (Has it gone already?) The little I see of your Facebook status looks good... hoping for the best!

[millie]

So glad you finally know where to poke.

Thinking nothing but good thoughts for you. Don't freak me out anymore with status updates! My even older heart than yours can not take it.

[PCOS Survivor]

I was totally devastated when my doctor told me that I may not conceive because of PCOS. I tried some treatments but it didn't work. After I stopped my treatment, I naturally conceived and later on gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

I totally admire you for your courage and perseverance. I wish you all the best.