Emergency LBC*

*For those who weren’t here four years ago: LBC = Live Baby Check and DBTs = Dead Baby Thoughts. For those of you who were around four years ago, déjà vu.

 

In the ideal world, you get pregnant, you are happy and then nine months later you have a baby. You go for a few scans through out your pregnancy, and you sail through happy skippy.

 

In my world, you don’t get pregnant, then you don’t get pregnant some more. Then you get pregnant and it dies. And then you get pregnant and it dies some more. Rinse and repeat x6. You are only happy when that baby is born. Healthy. Not premature. You try and last two weeks between scans, but inevitably the DBTs sneak in until you are convinced all is lost and the only way to stay sane is to have regular (WEEKLY) LBCs.

 

Because I am supposed to be all Zen about this pregnancy and not really care whether it works out or not (YEAH RIGHT), I thought I should do a LBC only every second week. Because I am so calm this time. Oh, forgive me while I laugh hysterically.

 

It has been 8 days since my last scan and by this morning the DBTs were threatening to consume me. I called my wonderful new gynae and said I need to come in for a LBC, I’ll be super quick, I’ll even take my pants off in the car on the way there. I’ll run in, buck naked, and scan myself if the good doctor is busy with someone else. Divine Doctor said come in now. I was there in five minutes. All well. Live Baby, beating heart, growing nicely.

 

I immediately made weekly appointments. I just can’t do it. I thought I could last two weeks, but I can’t. The longest I can last without going totally insane is 7 days. And yes, I will get a Doppler, but I think it only works after 12 weeks, right? Weekly LBCs will have to suffice till then.

 

This will be my last pregnancy, ever. I can’t do this again.

Comments

[Tripsmom]

I think this one is a sticker - holding thumbs!!!

[Janine]

Yeah! Phew! Bravo for lasting 8 days!

[kirstyphysio]

Yay - on the LBC! So pleased for you! Now - do what I told you before: Start enjoying your last pregnancy! This is it! The.Last.One!! Do your LBC every 7 days, and enjoy it in between!
You.Will.Never.Have.This.Again. Have I made it clear?? Enjoy.It! Plus - you are allowed 1 glasss of wine to celebrate you know! xx

[Jessica]

Hi Tertia

I dont post much on ur site but i do read ur blog everyday.
Yesterday, after weeks of trying to get a copy of your book, i finally had it in my hand. I started reading it and carried on until it was finished in the wee hours of the morning. I cried as i read ur experiences, for Ben and for everything else. Hubby and i are also bettling with infertility ( male and female factor). Knowing what u have been through i think it is totally understandable for u to have the same fears..who wouldnt. You and i share similar traits. And like you i know i can never give up. Reading your book has given me even more strength to continue on this journey. I pray that everything goes well for ur pregnancy. And if it makes u feel better to get a scan everyday, u go for it.
All the best

[Bianca W]

Cheese Louise - when I saw your title I nearly just puked from stress.....had to skip right down to the end of the post to see the result and then went back up and read the post. SERIOUSLY - you need to give the outcome FIRST.......shew, I need some chocolate now, to calm down!

[Bianca W]

Oh, and PS. THAT IS DIVINE NEWS!!!!!

[tess]

excellent that you have the one week appointment option...fits nicely into your window of need. ms bo ulder and i were chatting the other day and we said if we were in your jimmy choos we would be having emergency scans often.

smooches from the chaos.

[Gina]

Oh my G-D T! You are truly one of the strongest women I know!!!!
So glad everything is going well!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

[Coral]

Oh, Tertia, keep strong. I think this one is destined to be called Coral and be brilliant and good looking like the namesake. Oh, you don't like the name. I thought it would be good for a boy!!

Tell us how far along you are at the moment. (My daughter is 11 weeks 3 days today). And I am too informed having read your book. I keep having nervous thoughts. (and you never said it was a 'noo-kal' fold, you said 'nooch-all' fold, I am sure! Yup, made a fool of myself) I saw the little fishy kid on a scan yesterday, I am in love.

But truly I have really positive thoughts for you. Keep being strong.

love and hugs

xxxxxx

[Ann]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Trish]

Oh God yes T - weekly LBC please, for your sanity. The only way to go really! Glad you still have 1 x healthy beating baby heart!

[Tiah]

Had to scan to the bottom to make sure LBC = a live baby. Whew. Glad things are good.

Coming from a woman who had two pregnancies that equaled two healthy babies that arrived practically on their due date - no, there is no pregnancy that just sails through. You still get the living heck scared out of you from time to time, even just after the baby is born. (I'll spare you the details, you're pregnant).

I don't think you have to appologise for being paranoid. Just happy you have a sympathetic medical team rooting for you.

[VHMPrincess]

I got my doppler to work at 8 weeks, with all three pregnancies.

Glad to hear all is well! YAY!

[Angela]

I so know what you are going through. I am 14 weeks pregnant, 3rd pregnancy after 2 mc's. I had weekly scans until 12 weeks (the only way I stayed sane) and now that I am down to monthly checks because I am safely into my 2nd trimester, I can still barely hold on between appointments.

[Lesley Watt]

I have a feeling this one will do fine and that Adam and Kate will be joined by Albertyn No 3. I don't know why but for some reason I also think this one might just be a girl ;)

[Slim]

Shoot, the anxiety was getting to ME -- no way should you be going more than a week between checks.
Could you pls post video of in-transit pant removal? TIA!

[Angie]

Running in naked would be sexy now, but imagine how you'll look in 6 months doing that.

[Liria]

hey you, i had a scan every signle week from week 5 to week 18 when i started feeling the baby move...and the every 2 weeks.....i had bloode test done every 3 days to see if the nubers were going up.... it was at 25$ each time for scan and 50$ for blood work, and it was the best spent money ever! i didnt relax till she came out alive and shat my self daily...its a rollercoaster, but you can do it! do the weekly scan without any guilt!
so happy for you!hang in there!

[Hanlie]

I check in every day - my version of a LBC. I really am rooting for you Tertia!

[gkk]

I finally caved in my last pg and bought a doppler and managed to get something from 10 weeks on. I bought the base model which didn't tell me the HR and am so glad, I think having a number would have been something else to obsess about. Yay on the successful LBC, and while we're deja vu-ing our acronyms, remember NBHHY.

[Jennifer]

I was here 4 years ago and I am happy to hear that everything is going well. It took me 3 years to conceive my DD (who was conceived naturally after two failed IVFs, how's that for irony?) and I was consumed by DBTs for awhile but then I calmed down and figured my issue was just getting pregnant (DD is going to be 2 in December). I just lost my second child at 9 weeks and I don't know how you've gone through it as many times as you have. I am rooting for you and living vicariously through you right now.

Congratulations again :D

[Andrea]

{{{Tertia}}}

I know the waiting is hard. I probably had 10 sonos my first trimester with this recent post-IF, post-adoption, post-40 pregnancy. Waiting betwixt them made me madly insane.

12 weeks will be here soon.

[Nicole]

So So happy for you.
And it's perfectly normal to have the DBT's, have those while all of us out here send you LBV's (Live Baby Vibes!!)

[Julie]

My whole family is rooting for Lucky 7!

[Stefanie]

WOOHOO! Glad we don't have to wait another week. LOL I think this baby is settled in for the long haul, T.

[Bobbi]

I'm so happy that everything is going well...that said, good for you for knowing what you need to get through this with your sanity intact. And good for your doctors for honoring that....

[Maritza]

Phew, what a relief! Baby Analtyn still going strong.

I must say the picture of you doing your own sonar was a little disturbing...that and buck naked Mrs. Analtyn running in a parking lot...I'm guessing these images will afflict me for quite a long time into the future (the type of pictures that pop into your head involuntarily when you try and quietly meditate). I have a very sharp visual memory so try and ignore the odd smile on my face the next time I see you. Try the Men in Black stare, maybe it works.

[Dani]

Saw the title of your post in my reader and new exactly what you were referring to. Do you think you're the only one who has flashbacks around here? ;)

[Egg Donor]

Honestly, I was wondering earlier this week why you didn't just break down and get the weekly checks! I'm glad you've decided to do it. Your life will be so much easier because of it.

[Orange]

Hey, your blog title makes sense again.

You know, in June-ish when you're having a scheduled C-section, you might think about getting your tubes tied. If you're sure you're done, that is. What if you start wanting a fourth kid?

[Jennifer]

I am so glad things are going well. Do not feel bad for needing weekly scans. If it helps you emotionally, it will help with keeping the baby from feeling your stress. When I get pregnant again I will try for every two weeks, but I don't know if I will be able to. I've been pregnant three times this year already and no baby to show for it. Two early losses and one with twins at 18 weeks. I thought getting pregnant would be the hard part once we started trying again, but it seems to be staying pregnant. My last loss happened two days before my first scan which would have been at 7 weeks. For the next time I will go in at 6 weeks, so I don't waste a week of worrying. I wish you the best and keep up with whatever works for you! Healthy baby vibes are being sent to you from Wisconsin, USA!

[Sara]

I can't believe you even considered torturing us all for two whole weeks every time. Quite selfish, really. This plan is much better.

[Jody]

That's good news, Tertia. Both the Live Baby, and the weekly appointments.

(And dear, you say it's your last pregnancy every time. It's not that I doubt you, but....

I'm hoping it's your last pregnancy because the new baby arrives right on time in a little less than 8 months and then you and Marko are too sleep exhausted to....)

[Amy]

I think that you really should name this baby Lucky. S/he's going to beat all the odds and grow up to cure cancer or win the Nobel Peace Prize or something.

Praying for you...
Amy

[Anjali]

Wonderful. Fingers crossed here.

[Tine]

Is it OK that I'm laughing at you? In the nicest possible way, of course. And I'm thrilled to hear the LBC produced a thumbs-up.

[Mar]

I am just sending you all the good thoughts I can. So glad you have a dr who can give you a bit of piece of mind!

[Cassey]

awesome term nicole..........so tertia here are some more LBV :0

[marine wife]

YEA!!! I am crossing my fingers and toes for you!!

[wyliekat]

Good news. Good news is Good News.

[Louise Sloan]

Give me a heart attack, why don't you? But thanks for the laugh re: the image of you running in pantsless to scan yourself.

[Bethany]

Yay for weekly LBC's!! Don't know how you could possibly think about NOT doing so. I mean, really, if not for you, what about US!

[Jigsaw]

NBHHY. Fingers still crossed for you.

[Diane Dawson]

Doppler will sometimes work at 8 week. But for sure by 12 weeks. I would say at least 60% of the time not till 11 weeks.

[Jen]

Dopplers only work consistently after twelve weeks, but some people, with patience, can get a reading earlier. One of my friends got hers at 9.5 weeks. And order it now! Mine took ages and ages to arrive and I nearly died while I was waiting for it.

[Tif]

I've only been pg 1 time in 19 years and I was scared the whole time. I was a regular at L&D coming in every 10 days to make sure my little guy was ok. I wish I could've relaxed more, but I was petrified. I see nothing wrong with going to check, if only for your sanity, because then when all is good, you are relieved and can go about not stressing out over it.

[Jessica]

That's great news. Have a super weekend!

[Rachel]

What divine news! Bravo Tertia! (P.S.- I don't blame you about the LBC's. I've never been pregnant nor tried to get pregnant, but when I do, paranoid sort that I am, you can bet that there will be many many LBC's.)

[Lina]

Also, for those of us who have been longtime readers, NBHHY!!!

[Liz]

Being able to wait 7 days is admirable. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, I wish I could tell you I read fortunes and know what the immediate and long term future holds (but if I knew that I would be able to sell baby clothing without think, maybe it will happen again...then I burst into laughter and yet still store the clothing and toys and gadgets and gizmos).

All my best to someone I would one day like to buy a glass of wine, err bottle of wine for. Your writing keeps me going on tough days.

Liz

[Val]

You gotta do what you gotta do. So far - so good. Sending good thoughts and wishes.

[Heather]

I'm glad everything is going well. And I agree. For your sanity, you need weekly LBCs. I know if I get pregnant again from this IVF cycle I will be going weekly.

[victoria]

I know you can't afford to let yourself get happy yet but -- YAY! I am so thrilled. Thank you for getting the scan. I think *I* needed it almost as much as you, lol.

[Marivic]

I've been reading for almost 4 years now (rarely comment) but wanted to let you know I'm pulling for your family as well. Glad everything's fine - stay well Tertia!

[Melissia]

I am amazed that you made it eight days myself. Am not sure that I would have lasted 2. You are made of strong stuff, even if you sometimes forget. We are rooting for you and L#7! Have you made a study of dopplers? you could order several and then do a review for the blog and anybody else you could get to listen. Perhaps you could get them for free(as a donation) for a charity when you no longer need the others for you review. What do you think?

[pdxem]

I wish I had access to that many lbc's . Ive had two miscarriages.. 7 weeks 5 days today. all I can do is check my toilet paper with obsessive compulsion and wait for my next scan in a few weeks.
you get as many scans as you can. get one for me while youre at it.

[Kristin]

I almost panicked when I saw the title of this post. I am so relieved all it well and your new OB/GYN is willing to work with you.

[Luann]

you absolutley kill me and I love you to death.

[kristylynne]

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry about the DBTs. But you have certainly earned the right to be worried, after all that you have been thru. Your doc sounds awesome and accommodating. How great that you can get weekly scans. Glad to hear that your little bean is healthy and well.

[Pam]

Doppler started working for me around 9 weeks. At time I was pretty thin, like you. You could give it a shot! :)

[Alex]

Tertia, truth be told I'm halfway across the globe, have never met you, and only started reading your blog after Adam and Kate were born, but I'm wildly anxious on your behalf. So, yeah, I think your reaction is totally understandable.

(I had a doppler and couldn't get it to work until about 12 weeks. From that point on, it was very reassuring (and I did manage not to go crazy before it would pick up the h/b, but things were much better once it would).)

Hang in there. I'm so glad your doctor understands.

[Lila]

Go every day if you can. I told my hb about your pregnancy (tfu tfu tfu) and noticed how tense I am about it. How weird is that? Tell us everyday that everything is fine and it won't be too much. I keep every crossable bit crossed. Spit over shoulder, water and salt in all corners of the house.

[Casey]

Yay!

[karla]

Rooting for you girlie. Hang in there.

[BrooklynGirl]

Hang in there, dear girl.

I never got a doppler because I figured if I had one, I'd either be connected to it 24/7 and unable to think about anything else or I'd stroke out alone in my room if I had even the slightest difficulty finding a heartbeat. Just saying.

Love those frequent scans, though.

[Jill]

Culture/economic question: What does standard medical insurance pay for in South Africa? If you want to go in every week, do you have to pay for those visits yourself? Or will insurance/other health plan pay for them? Some plans here will only pay for a certain number of scans, so I was just wondering.

[Amy]

Have you begun referring to yourself on forums as a pregnant goddess yet?
Oh wait never mind.

[Anna]

Hang in there, Tertia! Do what feels right to you, even if it means going evry day to your doctor's office!

[Angie Best-Boss]

Yay!

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself--

Holding you in the light.

be well,
Angie

[Sarah]

Dude. Thanks. It was getting sympathtic dbt's all the way over here in the US. Whew.

[Katie]

I think it's completely understandable. Do what you have to so that you don't stress - even if it means the weekly appointments. Many positive thoughts!

[Toke]

to help you think happy thoughts check out my pages and plan a trip to Accra, believe me it works you'll be thinking positive in no time hun!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-ACCRA/25826092526

http://iheartaccra.blogspot.com

Don't worry about the baby, you're going to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Don't ask me how I know these things, I just do.

[ruth]

you make me feel so sane and normal. after losing my second daughter to cot death (sids), i spent a lot of time having dbts . . . even going so far as driving to the maternity ward in my nightgown, no knickers, bare feet, and running in announcing that my baby had died. the lovely nurses propped me up on a bed, gave me a cup of tea (the new zealand panacea for all bad things) and monitored the VLB until i was satisfied that she was alive.

once she was out, i had a breathing monitor - which ticked every time she breathed. i don't know how many times i picked her up by the back of her clothing and dropped her about 3cm to make her take a breath, even tho i could see the green light flashing, and could hear the ticker ticking.
in my mind, she was dead.

then there were the times i have hauled both her and her older sister out of bed while they are sound asleep . . . same deal. or coming suddenly and in panic out of a sound sleep i have kicked my husband, or bashed him in the chest. and booted the dog or cat right off the end of the bed, or knocked them on to the floor - all in the same manner - a wild mindless panic that almost stopped my own heart.

now she is 22, almost a fourth year vet, very very very much alive. the eldest is 25, ditto to liveness. and the new baby, the one who made me bleed for six weeks in between violent vomiting while waiting for the axe to fall, the one who is now almost 14 months old and bounces through life on steel springs for nerves? she only rarely gets shaken or bumped to breathe.

but i still get the panic when i am away from her for two seconds, where my fingers curl right into my palms and the nails dig in, and i let out a weird kind of grunt as if someone has just punched me, and then i have to wave my arms and hands to dispel the adrenaline coursing through me.

it sucks.

but oh the joy those kids one and all bring me and the rest of the world. thats why we are the mumies, because we are the only creatures on the planet capable of laughing in the face of our own terror - terror we have met at the untimely and unfair deaths of our own flesh and blood. but we joke, and tease, and laugh while we freeze inside at the barest sniff at another loss, and simultaneously practise the art of loving our children with every tattered and ragged scrap of our battered hearts.

and what a love that is.

you would survive anything T, anything. you already have. despite the terror and anguish and sheer knowledge of all that is potentially bad - you laugh at a future day . . . and in doing so you light up the pathways of so many women facing similar situations.

you make it okay to be scared, to be petrified, to bave to force yourself to breathe at times when the 'what might happen' presses in around you.

thanks.

xxx

[Amyinbc]

I am so glad to hear you are still pregnant. I lost a baby to miscarriage between my first born and the twin girls I eventually had. Let me tell you having ONE miscarriage was stressful enough, I have no idea how you manage dealing with your current pregnancy with such a history of loss.. With humor and grace. You are a strong cookie Tertia! All the best to you and your beautiful family!

[serina]

Hang in there, Honey.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jen @ amazingtrips]

I am a psychic (or maybe it's psycho?). I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN and I TOLD you so and you said "No, no, no." You knew it would happen. In your heart, you KNEW it, didn't you? ;)

I'm really thrilled for you, Tertia. Really, really thrilled. I hope and pray that everything goes smoothly and you are able to enjoy an uneventful pregnancy and all of the joys of a "surprise" baby. All of our children are absolute blessings to me ... but experiencing the joy of a "spontaneous" singleton baby has undoubtedly been the best thing to ever happen in my life. Especially after everything I've gone through with infertility and a high risk pregnancy and motherhood by immersion to triplets. You and Marko, Adam and Kate (and Rose, too) are in for such a wonderful adventure. Many prayers for good health all around.

Now I'm a little jealous and must go get knocked up.

Indeed, I am psycho.

xoxox Jen

[oliete]

Hey Tertia,

I am so happy to hear the news though in your world I know that the anxiety and secptism prevents you allowing yourself to 'get happy' about the pregnanacy just yet.

I hope my gut feeling is right (and it usually is) but I think this baby is going to be just fine. I will be praying that all goes well.

Remember my friend Gill I brought to the lunch - she's 1 week away from being 7 months pregnant. She's 42 and conceived naturally after many years of being told by doctors it would not happen. It's truly a miracle and she looks gorgeous! All the fetal scanning for abnormalities also came back clear, Christine is due in Jan.

Take care!
Oliete

[Lindsay]

TOTALLY IDENTIFY!!!! What a little miracle this babe is!

[Boulder]

Am so pleased that you've taken the route of scheduling the scans at 7 days. 14 days is just too many to have to get through, and I think this is a brilliant choice you've made.

You know how much I want this for you, and I can't tell you how much all of my bits hurt from staying crossed for good luck.

xoxo

[blackbird]

Assvice for today: stop apologizing to us, to the doctor and to yourself and do what you need to do to feel well.

I heart you.

[Gill Lister]

Hi Tertia,this is Gill, Oliete's friend! What wonderful news! Hang in there girl!! As you know, I have been through all that anxiety recently and know what you are going through. Tough but chin up! Hopefully we can let our babies meet in a few months time!!

[Ladybirdgirl]

Oh Tertia, You are doing great sweetheart. No one could blame you for camping out by the scanner. I am so delighted with your news. Keep well. Ixx

[Sue]

Delurking, and as a DBM, I applaud the courage with which you enter this pregnancy and your gumption in demanding what you need to get through it.

Fingers crossed for a healthy, boring 40 weeks.

Thinking of you.

[kate]

YEAHHH T! Excellent news. xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Heather]

I think my sister would benefit from LBCs. She is also PCOS, fertility issues- gets pregnant easily, then lost baby #1-3 this year already. I think current Baby #4 is going to stick though! Good thoughts for you and yours!

[Jb]

glad LBC went well. weekly scans are great. I vote for c-section + tubes tied - ok, I know, its a long ways away but...and on the doppler thing: a study was done where they found that it could (empahsis) happen that a mom would rely on the doppler (hear a heart beat) and think all was well even though the baby was not moving well....I don't need to keep going. So, use with caution at the end of pregnancy...the great thing about gestational diabetes was the every 3 day non-stress test -- helped me get thru the end of my pregnancy nicely....
hang in there!

[Geohde]

I had weekly LBC's in my first trimester :) (many of them I DID scan myself, in my workplace no less- but only once I was eight weeks or so and could do it transabdominally).
Oh, and I first got HB's with the doppler at 9 weeks..

J

[Jeanette]

I remember those feelings so well, so glad your gynae will allow you to get checked out so often.

[Chickenpig]

WHOA!!!! Hold the phone! When did this happen????

Amazing!!! I'm thinking tons of LIVE BABY thoughts for you. Wonderful!!!

[wendy]

I had weekly ultrasounds the first trimester. Couldn't handle the thoughts. The home dopplers do work before 12 weeks. I think some say 8-10 weeks. I started using mine twice daily at 11 weeks. Helped me start my day off reassured and then rest my thoughts before bed. Best to you.

[Terrie from Oz]

Please get a doppler... now! I think you'll find that you'll be able to detect a hb from around 10weeks (I could). Definite peace of mind and will save you a fortune in scans!

[LBC]

Wow! it was so interesting experience,good luck for your pregnancy. Keep it up.

-missy-

[lbc]

How's your pregnancy?congratulation! at least you did well.

-missy-

[Andrea]

I am a labor and delivery nurse. I saw something at Walmart the other day that made me say "that's really cool!" It appeared to be a doppler type device for listening to your baby's heartbeat at home. I didn't buy one and since I'm not pregnant couldn't try it out. It was relatively inexpensive if I remember correctly, so I wonder if it is as good of quality as what we have at the hospital. But still seems like a really nifty thing to have.