The jealous type

I am not sure if you are aware of this, but Marko is actually soiled goods. Used. Second hand. It’s true. Where as I was practically virginal (STOP LAUGHING SISTER MEL!!) when we met, he had been ENGAGED before. Yes, that’s right my dear friends, I was NOT the first one my husband asked to be his wife. THE BASTARD!!

 

Although he clearly saw the light / found the way / came to his bloody senses and made the brilliant decision to choose ME as his wife.

 

I don’t know too much about Marko’s past because I don’t really want to know. I am fully aware that he had a past, and I am interested in the bits that he shares with me, but other than that, it doesn’t worry me at all. Marko is much more concerned with my past, but I’ve told him that what happened before we met each other doesn’t matter. The chance of me being a virgin at the grand old age of 29 (which is when we met) was rather slim and so that’s that. I’ve had a past, he has had a past, but what matters is the present and that our future is together.

 

I’ve never been the jealous type, at all. In my mind, what’s in the past is in the past, and secondly, if your partner is going to fuck around, they are going to fuck around. Being jealous is not going to stop that, so what’s the point? I know this is a little odd (surprise! surprise!) and sometimes I pretend to be a little jealous just to see what it feels like, but then I either forget or I get bored and move on.

 

I had to laugh at myself though, because on Friday night Marko came home from a business trip and he said “Guess who I had lunch with at the airport today!”, which is a really stupid thing to say because he is right, I will never guess. After three random guesses I said he better tell me or I will have to kill him. I hate that guessing game.

 

Anyway, the lunch date was his ex fiancé! Apparently this is the first time he has seen her since we met 10 years ago. He was having lunch at the airport and she walked up to him and said hello and sat down for a chat.

 

My response? “Oh wow, and? What’s she doing now? Is she married? How was it?”

 

After a few minutes, I had a little laugh inside because I felt absolutely no jealously. I thought to myself ‘surely I should feel some jealously, she is his ex fiancé!’ but no, nothing. It must have been fun to catch up and find out how each other’s lives have turned out.

 

I know jealously can be a terrible thing, I’ve seen a few friends suffer from it, and it really is awful for the person who feels the jealously, I think they wish they didn’t. Are you the jealous type? Is it horrible? It must be. Marko used to be a bit jealous when we first met, but I think after being with me for a while, he realized it was pointless.

 

This is probably yet another sign of my oddness, but I think it is probably easier being this way than the other. Or what says you? What would you say or feel if your partner had to come home and say that he/she just had lunch with their ex? 

(Look a poll!! Something I haven't had time to do for ages!  Hope I've covered all the options, if not, stick your reason under 'other')

Comments

[Rebecca]

I would have been amused. Who cares that they were engaged, they are not anymore and with this much time they are surely more able to see why they are not. I find things like this, well... funny.

[SuePoo]

Am with you on the "not jealous" personality type - I never get jeolous and hubby is great friends with all his ex's. Must be our damn good looks and supreme confidence that does it for us!

[HappyGrl]

How do I get rid of the Oprah advert in the top left corner, there's no "close" button and I can't read your post, very f*cking annoying? (I'm using Firefox)

[goodsandwich]

I would not be fazed in the least (yes that's how it's spelled in the US), BUT I would still want to know every detail. I am not in the least jealous either, but I am very curious and find things like this immensely interesting!

[HappyGrl]

Sorry - it's ok in explorer :\
Just doesn't work in firefox.

[Kristin]

@ HappyGrl...I'm using Firefox and don't have a problem.

Tertia...I have never been jealous either because I have absolute security in my relationship. I am sure it is much easier to be this way.

[kristylynne]

I hope he showed her a photo of his gorgeous and divine wife and adorable, precious children.

I wouldn't like it if my hubs had lunch with an ex, but then again I know he's far too lazy to cheat. It would require him to get off his ass and turn of the computer and/or TV, and that's just too much work.

[Melanie]

Well. I'd be pissed, because his ex-wife makes no effort to hide the fact that she wants him back terribly, and attempts to get in his pants whenever she can, even against his will. Then she has him arrested on false charges. So. I'd be more than a little ill with him.

But some random ex, that I've never met and we don't have constant problems with? I wouldn't care. Probably be fun for him to see what she's up to these days, etc. I just don't like the ex-wife. (She calls 60 times an hour sometimes (NOT exaggerating!) and leaves screaming messages, and really tried to have him arrested one time because he "broke into her house & tried to smother her with a pillow". Luckily we were 3000 miles away, so the police understood that it was bogus...but sheesh)

[Greta]

My poll option would be like several of the others that wouldn't be jealous but still want to know every detail.

[tess]

charles and his ex-wife have met up occasionally when they are in the same city at the same time.
one time, the two couples had lunch together. their split was not acromonious, and the best thing that ever happened to both of them.

i wouldn't be jealous...if they wanted to be together, they would be. do i want to know what they talk about? yes, but the conversation is usually interrupted by 1000's of other things of what happened that day to me, the kids, or to mc at work/when he met up with other people.

smooch. (a MAC grenadine smooch!)

[Tine]

I voted "not fazed" but actually, I would be incredulous. Hubs and his ex(es -- there are 2, actually) hate each other with a white-hot passion. They would never willingly lunch together.

[Farmgirl]

I think it's a girl-thing, really, to want to know the details. If your girlfriend meets up with an ex, wouldn't you also want to know the details. My husband is pretty much my best friend and we really enjoy the odd "skinner" together! So, I'm not jealous at all either, in fact, I remind him of her birthday!

[Caustic Cupcake]

I am intensely jealous and resentful of all the fun my boyfriends had with their exes. I wish I wasn't; it hurts! At least I don't inflict it on my boyfriend, but internalize it. Not that that's healthy, either. I will repeat to myself from now on that I should aspire to be more like Tertia, not only because she is gorgeous and divine but also because she has a healthy attitude on jealousy.

[Lena]

I think it is easier not to be jealous if your husband / partner has never cheated on you. I think that once the trust has been broken it is more difficult not to get suspicious and jealous.

[Karly]

I'm not overly jealous, but I do get jealous every now and then. And if my husband had lunch with his ex I would kick his ass. His ex is crazy though...she literally stalked him for the first five years of our marriage. I'm pretty sure she was the jealous type. LOL

[jellycat]

I too, would be fascinated to know every detail, without being jealous. I know he wouldn't cheat, plus he is to lazy to put in the effort required to snag somebody new.
Recently we went interstate and my husband's ex-boyfriend was one of the staff at the airport. I was DESPERATE for my husband to say hello, but he wouldn't. His past is way more interesting than mine and I try to live vicariously wherever I can. ;O)

[Emily]

Guess you can file both myself and my husband under the "not jealous" type. He still speaks to a couple of his exes (one of whom I'm very good friends with now), and a couple months ago I took a trip to Seattle and stayed with an ex of mine while I was there (cheaper than a hotel), and hubby didn't care in the least. If they're gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat and being jealous won't change that--so what's the point??

[Deanna]

Heh, I find the whole idea kind of amusing because I'm friends with my husband's ex. The last time he traveled on business was to her city and I insisted that he take her to dinner as a thanks for letting me crash at her apartment the last time I was in town!

[Deanna]

Heh, I find the whole idea kind of amusing because I'm friends with my husband's most recent serious relationship ex. The last time he traveled on business was to her city and I insisted that he take her to dinner as a thanks for letting me crash at her apartment the last time I was in town visiting. And my most recent ex before I dated my husband came to my wedding with his lovely new girlfriend. So, pretty much a non-issue for us. Had things ended badly and dramatically on either end I think I would have wondered "Why on earth did you decide to lunch together?!" but they didn't and we're all grown-ups, so why not be friendly?

[Deanna]

Sorry for the double post, didn't realize the computer posted the first and I had an extra point to make. :)

[Sister Mel]

I wouldn't dig it. I believe every relationship goes through vulnerable times and it is important to keep it safe.
I love Gary to go out on boys nights (when he finds friends)but we have a few unspoken rules about what not to do.
I know myself so going out with an ex is not a great idea. If wine is involved EVEN worse. I know him too and its just better for us for no boy-girl lunches or dinners unless a few people are around.
Marko different though. I think it depends on the person.

[Bianca W]

I voted for the second one. I am VERY lucky indeed that my hubby has no ex's. I am his first, which is a good thing because I am a little bit jealous - but in a healthy kind of way. Kind of like, "hey, that's my man - hands off!" Not in a, "I will have to hunt you down and kill you if you even glance at him" kind of way.

So really, if he did have lunch with a girl, I would just like to know about it, and would be asking all the "whats the scancal" questions.

[SCY]

Hmmmm, well I do sometimes get a bit jealous of my hubby but am I am friends with his serious ex so it's not often that I get jealous about her specifically - I mean I'm married to him now and I trust him implicitly (sp?)...

[Bsquared]

I'd like to be friends with my hubby's ex but sadly,she's not interested. Have tried and although she has said, "the past is the past and if we meet up somewhere she hopes we don't ignore each other", I think this was said so that she didn't sound bitter. It's 20 years down the line, we are both happily married and I didn't see the harm in reconnnecting... I'm not the jealous type as long as nothing is done behind my back. Great slogan: People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

[Missy]

OK.... I am used goods too. I was engaged once before I met my husband. My husband is really funny too because there are lots of times we run into my ex fiance. #1 my ex lives in the same town as me and #2 my ex and I share a lot of the same old friends. It never really bothers my husband. He just can't believe that I would date someone so different. I remember the first time my husband met my ex and my husband's reaction was wow he's nothing like me. I really have no problem in the ex files but my ex's wife is really jealous of me. That is weird because my ex and I broke up 7 years ago. I met my husband 6 years ago and been married for 3 years. I shouldn't be any type of threat but she feels that I am.

[LR]

Sorry, completely off the topic...

I have this terrible shameful addiction that I have been secretly indulging in and feel I should confess it at this point. I am still reading Zhuzannah's blog... there I have said it. I didn't want to because it would boost her hit rate and get me all riled up in the morning when she starts to rant etc but it is pure comedy sometimes. Her views are just so alien to me that I kind of enjoy being shocked.

Anyway she also had a poll on her blog today and she asked why the reader reads her blog. 17 out of 28 admitted that they "hate the blog but have a morbid fanscination" which compels them to read it. Those where her words or something like it. Good to know I am not the only sicko reading it.

[wyliekat]

When you have kids, the exes are ever-present. What's tough about my sweetie's ex is that she doesn't seem to realize that she's no longer married to him. She seems to think she gets to know everythign that happens in our lives, and doesn't appear to have any sense of physical boundaries with him.

Am I jealous? Yes, some, I suppose. Not because I don't trust Buddy. More because I resent the intrusion than anything else - and the fact that she thinks she can get away with it.

[Stefanie]

I'd be a bit jealous but I wouldn't worry about it.

I just found out my former fiance is thrice divorced! Glad I saw the light like Marco did or that would be a disaster.

[Luann]

I beleive that insecure people are naturally jealous because they always think there is someone better than them out there and surely their mate would rather be with them.
You are not an insecure person..therefore, not jealous.

[Tash]

Hey Tertia, I was blog hopping and found this blog. The most RANDOM thing ever, because as I was reading it, it was like deja vu, I had read a similar post somewhere before!!! Parts of her post she took word for word from this post!!! I had to go back to your blog and google search 'jealousy'!!! I thought it was hilarious! She's a 20-something pharmacist from Malaysia, you just gotta read it:

http://jojo-and-myself.blogspot.com/2008/10/min-and-i-talked-on-phone-for-2hours.html

Sorry, I'm a follower of your blog, and I bet she never imagined ANYONE would stumble across her post and realise she'd plagiarised it! I left her a little comment tut-tutting her for her lil cut-n-paste job =).