So Close

A rare treat

Someone recently asked me what Adam likes to watch on TV and I replied “anything that Kate says he likes to watch”. Kate is in charge of TV viewing in our house. She chooses which DVD her and Adam will watch and the poor chap is so well conditioned that if I ask him what he wants to watch, he has to check with Kate first.

 

But every now and then he wakes up a few minutes before Kate and gets to choose the DVD he can watch while he lies on the couch and drinks his bottle. (Yip, we still have that bottle. I have my fingers in my ears, not listening…nanananananaaaaa)

 

In those few precious minutes until Her Highness awakes, we wipe the dust off ‘Cars’, ‘Thomas’ and our sparse collection of ‘boy’ movies and he doesn’t have to pretend that he really does love Dora and Barbie.

 

This morning it is Cars and he is as happy as a pig in shit, lying on the couch pretending that he is Lightening McQueen racing around that track.

 

Adam’s wife will one day inherit the perfectly henpecked husband, well trained by his domineering twin, cleverly persuaded and fooled into submission.

 

(The reason why Kate is still sleeping is that she decided to stay up late last night. She lay in her bed quietly until after 9, reading books, playing etc. I only spotted her awake at 9:15. Little madam!)

For those of you on Facebook, I've uploaded some hilarious old photos of my sisters, brother and I. Check it out here. Reminder - if you want to be friends on Facebook, it is absolutely fine, but please let me know how we are connected ('I read your blog' is fine) so that I know you aren't some creepy stalker who wants to kidnap me for ransom. If you are, don't ask for too much money because my husband might tell you to keep me.

The jealous type

I am not sure if you are aware of this, but Marko is actually soiled goods. Used. Second hand. It’s true. Where as I was practically virginal (STOP LAUGHING SISTER MEL!!) when we met, he had been ENGAGED before. Yes, that’s right my dear friends, I was NOT the first one my husband asked to be his wife. THE BASTARD!!

 

Although he clearly saw the light / found the way / came to his bloody senses and made the brilliant decision to choose ME as his wife.

 

I don’t know too much about Marko’s past because I don’t really want to know. I am fully aware that he had a past, and I am interested in the bits that he shares with me, but other than that, it doesn’t worry me at all. Marko is much more concerned with my past, but I’ve told him that what happened before we met each other doesn’t matter. The chance of me being a virgin at the grand old age of 29 (which is when we met) was rather slim and so that’s that. I’ve had a past, he has had a past, but what matters is the present and that our future is together.

 

I’ve never been the jealous type, at all. In my mind, what’s in the past is in the past, and secondly, if your partner is going to fuck around, they are going to fuck around. Being jealous is not going to stop that, so what’s the point? I know this is a little odd (surprise! surprise!) and sometimes I pretend to be a little jealous just to see what it feels like, but then I either forget or I get bored and move on.

 

I had to laugh at myself though, because on Friday night Marko came home from a business trip and he said “Guess who I had lunch with at the airport today!”, which is a really stupid thing to say because he is right, I will never guess. After three random guesses I said he better tell me or I will have to kill him. I hate that guessing game.

 

Anyway, the lunch date was his ex fiancé! Apparently this is the first time he has seen her since we met 10 years ago. He was having lunch at the airport and she walked up to him and said hello and sat down for a chat.

 

My response? “Oh wow, and? What’s she doing now? Is she married? How was it?”

 

After a few minutes, I had a little laugh inside because I felt absolutely no jealously. I thought to myself ‘surely I should feel some jealously, she is his ex fiancé!’ but no, nothing. It must have been fun to catch up and find out how each other’s lives have turned out.

 

I know jealously can be a terrible thing, I’ve seen a few friends suffer from it, and it really is awful for the person who feels the jealously, I think they wish they didn’t. Are you the jealous type? Is it horrible? It must be. Marko used to be a bit jealous when we first met, but I think after being with me for a while, he realized it was pointless.

 

This is probably yet another sign of my oddness, but I think it is probably easier being this way than the other. Or what says you? What would you say or feel if your partner had to come home and say that he/she just had lunch with their ex? 

(Look a poll!! Something I haven't had time to do for ages!  Hope I've covered all the options, if not, stick your reason under 'other')

Childhood labels - a self-fulfilling prophesy?

Sister Mel mentioned something in passing in one of her blog posts the other day that got me thinking…

 

“I do not consider myself especially intelligent. Not doff (means ‘stupid’ in Afrikaans), but not brainy.  Naturally I blame my parents who labeled Tertia as the clever intellectual responsible one and me as the slightly flakey model/beach bum one.

 

I was the brainy one, the ‘responsible’ one. Yes, can you believe that shit! Me! Responsible!!! But I was. I am actually. I am the eldest of four children; I was responsible for my siblings. If we all did something wrong, I got into the most trouble because I should have known better, I was the responsible one.

 

I hated that label; it was a heavy weight to carry. I hated being the responsible one; I wanted the freedom to be the free one, the fun one. I certainly didn’t want to be responsible for the actions of my siblings. I rebelled against that label as soon as I could, yet a lot of it still remains true. Even during my most irresponsible times, I still feel a strong pull to be responsibly irresponsible.

 

Labels. Perhaps there is some truth in our labels, but they can also become an enormous burden. I hope not to label my children, but I see myself doing already. Kate is the cheeky little shit rebel, Adam is the whiny asshole sensitive one.  Am I predetermining their future by giving them ‘labels’? If you hear it said of yourself often enough, does it become your truth?

 

What was your ‘label’ as a child? Has your label become a self-fulfilling prophesy?

Finding Nemo

While we are on the subject of terribly unflattering photos, a recent trip to the aquarium.  A few more pics on my Flickr account.

Shite, that really is a very unattractive picture. Hands up who wants to have sex with me?  Anyone?  Damn.

PS Check out that frozen, poison-infused forehead!!! 

Hayibo - South African satire at its finest

I am sure most of you know the American satire site, The Onion? Well, I recently discovered the South African version of The Onion, Hayibo. It is absolutely brilliant, I actually chuckle out loud when I read it. For non-South Africans, it is a great insight into the humorous side of the psyche of South Africa, and for South Africans dit is forking snaaks.  Even just writing this post, I am grinning like mad. So, so funny. I do love this country of mine.

 

Do yourself a favour and check Hayibo out, good stuff. Particularly relevant at time like this when a cartoon has ignited the nation.

Faking it with your husband

I’ve decided to act nicer and more loving to my husband, and its working. The more I fake it, the easier it becomes.

 

It is not that I don’t love him, certainly not. Despite his many, many pain-in-the-ass qualities, I am very fond of him. He does drive me to absolute distraction, but what husband doesn’t? Husbands are by their very nature, very fucking annoying. I’ve heard it said (by my husband) that wives are just as annoying but I think that is a propagandist plot to diffuse attention away from their asshole’ish behaviour.

 

Anyway, back to the two lovebirds. After seriously contemplating the benefits of divorce (less jail time) over murder (quicker), I realized that this is it. Unfortunately, the kids are rather fond of him too, so I am stuck with the bugger. And if we are going to be together FOREVER, then we might as well enjoy it. Which requires effort on both of our parts.

 

Lately we haven’t been very nice to each other. It’s both of our faults. As we become more wrapped up in the day to day grind of our daily lives, we spend less and less time being loving towards one another. Marko is not the most romantic, loving type, but I am even worse so between the two of us, if we don’t make an effort, it won’t happen.

 

The more unloving I am, the unhappier Marko becomes. The unhappier he becomes, the more I think to myself ‘snap out of it you sulky bastard’ and the less I feel like being loving towards him. Which leads to more lip hanging on the ground. Now let me tell you this: kids + a day job + one’s own business + several writing obligations ≠ feeling terribly sexy and loving. However, kids + a day job + one’s own business + several writing obligations + a sulking husband CERTAINLY does not turn me on either. In fact, not even a paper bag and thinking of England makes me want to be loving towards old Sulky Susan.

 

But, but, I know I must make an effort. Unfortunately, as much as I’ve tried, it would appear that one can’t press pause on your relationship while you raise your kids and build your business.

 

Even if being loving and all kissy and cuddly is not my love language (my love language is more ‘bath the kids and pour me a glass of wine’), I appreciate that I need to make an effort for the sake of my husband and for my marriage.

 

So I am ‘faking it’, I am acting loving. And you know what, the more I act loving, the easier it becomes. The more loving I am towards my husband, the less of a sulky asshole he is. And the less of a sulky asshole he is, the more loving I feel towards him. Which makes him happier which makes me happier which is so much better to live with.

 

Sometimes you need to fake it a little to get it going, but the more you practise, the easier it gets. And you know what; I really am quite fond of him after all. He’s not a bad bloke; I think I will keep him after all.

 

(I was going to post this yesterday, but after a week of loving, he was a KING SIZED asshole yesterday. Wanted to kill him. Luckily the purchase of a new HD TV cheered him up immensely. All is well again. I nearly hugged that TV. Not because I wanted the overpriced thing in the first place, but I know it will guarantee a happy husband for at least the next few months. Retail therapy - expensive, but effective)

Terribly unflattering picture, I know. Oh well, just pretend I look gorgeous.

 

I am on Hair Thursday!!!

Wooo hooo!  How very exciting.  The gorgeous Sarah from Whoorl has my 'do' featured on Hair Thursday! V v exciting.  Feel like having my hair done IMMEDIATELY!  Check it out here and add your vote.

Suffering from endometriosis?

Calling all endometriosis sufferers, please see this divine note from a blog reader below.  Please participate in this study, if you can as us infertiles need all the help we can get!!

I am writing to you with a professional request that I hope you will consider.  I work for a small US biotech company who has a clinical stage development program for the treatment of endometriosis. While I do not myself suffer from endometriosis, I have interacted through my work with many patients and quite aside from the impact on their fertility, I’ve been extremely moved by their pain and frustration in seeking treatment.  That is why I’m very proud to be part of an organization that may have something new to offer endometriosis patients.  As an aside, this treatment (an oral GnRH antagonist) has already resulted in several women in our clinical trials getting pregnant who had otherwise been infertile due to their endometriosis.   

One of our ambitious goals is to raise awareness of the magnitude of the problem in the US (we’ve collaborated with the Endometriosis Association towards this goal also), however our funding is limited so we are trying to be creative.  At the moment, we’ve just completed an important clinical study and would like use some of these results to gather thoughts from endometriosis patients.  We would like to conduct a market research study with women with endometriosis and ask them how they suffer from their disease, what are their thoughts on current treatment options, what success they’ve had with treatment, and their thoughts on a new treatment that we would describe. With these results we may be able to raise funding to continue our clinical work and actually bring this first in class treatment to market.  It is somewhat difficult to identify endometriosis patients, since disease awareness is low in the general population (and many women are undiagnosed), but I had an idea that perhaps among your readership and readership of other major infertility and endometriosis blogs we could obtain more than enough participation in a survey to get robust results. 

So darling blog readers, please read on and participate in this worthwhile study.  It is just a few questions that you need to copy and paste into an email and send off.  Yay! Love you, mean it.

You're never too young to be an ABBA fan

The Botox Doctor is in the House!

(Dr Botox has answered some of your questions in the comments section below. If you have any further questions, please email him directly or pop over to the Health24 Q&A section where Alek is the resident anti-aging expert)

My friend, the dear Botox Doctor has agreed to do a little guest feature on my blog.  If you have any questions on Botox, fillers, laser treatments, or any anti ageing stuff that you've always wanted to know, fire away.