So Close

What’s your beef with the boobs and botox?

I hate keeping things from you. We’ve come such a long way, and you’ve taken such a keen interest in my life, from when my womb was just a barren wasteland, to when my vagina ate my Mirena, and even during the order and delivery of my picked-out-of-a-catalogue boobs. Even when we’ve disagreed on key issues like cyclists and bathing, we’ve stayed friends. (Ok, besides Mail Order Bride Zhsuana, who, although she pretends to hate me, secretly harbors lesbian fantasies about me). Through all of this, we’ve always been honest with each other. I hope after this revelation, our relationship will continue….

I had Botox. And I didn’t tell you. And although I feel completely terrible about keeping this shocking secret from you, I have to say that I look absolutely fucking gorgeous!

SIDE NOTE: My biggest tip to anyone over 30 – GO GET BOTOX DONE! NOW!! Don’t wait until you are almost 40. If you don’t mind injecting a few thousand bucks worth of poison directly into your forehead, Botox is without doubt the best thing you can do for those pesky wrinkles. Do it before you get the wrinkles. Some naysayers will tell you might die from it, but just remember this, if you do die YOU WILL BE A FABULOUS LOOKING CORPSE!

Ok, I am obviously taking the piss (except for that part about doing it earlier rather than later), but I do want to have a serious discussion about this.

I have been reluctant to tell you about the Botox thing because I knew some of you would disagree and I wanted to have a proper conversation about it, not just throw it out there.

I know some people are very anti things like Botox and fake boobs etc, and while I can understand why they would choose not to do it themselves, what I can’t understand is why they get so upset when other people do it. My friend Orange has tried to explain it to me, but either I wasn’t listening properly (quite possible!) or I didn’t quite get what she was trying to say. She does tend to use big words and fancy sentences.

Explain to me, in simple English, why you are so anti someone else getting fake boobs or having Botox done? If it is a choice they are making out of their own free will, why would it affect YOU in any way? If one could reasonably assume that I am a fairly intelligent woman who, knowing the risks involved, is doing this out of my own free will, then why is it a problem? It’s like you having your hair permed – I might think “OMG, I would NEVER do that”, but I wouldn’t dare say you shouldn’t. If you want to look like a poodle, then so be it! Good luck to you, I hope it makes you feel good. What ever floats your boat, baby!

And I am not being facetious, I actually seriously want to know. I wish we were doing this over a glass of wine so that you can say something and then I can respond and we can go back and forth like that, but in the absence of wine and geographical proximity, let’s see if you can get it into my thick botoxed head.

Ok, I’m going to get my wine, you go first!

BTW - Sister Mel does a Lordy version of the plastic surgery debate her blog.  Yes, fake boobs run in the family!

(PS Best Botox Doctor Ever – my friend and MBA study partner, the very handsome Dr Alek Nikolic. )

Battening down the hatches

Just in case you are wondering where I am...

(Updated to add: Fellow South African blogger Kerry-Anne took some amazing photos of the storm yesterday. Have a look at them here Cape Town Daily Photo Extras: Worst storm in 7 years?   Storm still going strong!)

THE Western Cape is bracing itself for what experts predict could be the worst storm in almost 10 years.

The South African Weather Service predicted strong gale force westerly winds of 65km/h over parts of the province. Storm strength winds in excess of 80km/h were expected along the Western Cape coast.

"Very rough seas with destructive waves in excess of 7m, coinciding with spring high tides, are expected along the Western Cape coast, spreading to Durban by Sunday evening. Heavy falls of rain are expected in places over the western parts of the Western Cape overnight [Saturday]," the national warning read.

Snowfalls were also predicted on mountains and high ground above 4000ft (1219m).

He also predicted that homes along the Atlantic seaboard could be damaged and flooded.

The severe weather was expected to ease by Monday.

read more here and here

And the moral of the story is…

I was chatting to Sister Mel the other day and we were talking about how we are teaching our children about values and our approach to life. My sister says that she looks for opportunities to teach her children about compassion, about tenacity and not giving up. She said that her motto is “if you start something, you finish it”. I told her that I tell my children that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. “If it feels horrible inside, you don’t have to do it”. Which just goes to show that you can raise your children the same, but there is no telling how they might turn out.

Seriously though, I am trying to teach my children about caring and compassion towards their fellow humans and also reaching out and helping those less fortunate than ourselves. Not just in our words but in our actions as well. This morning we gave loads and loads of our toys and stuff to a safe house for abandoned children. If there is one thing my siblings and I have all learnt from my parents, it is that we have a duty to give to those less fortunate than ourselves. My parents have always had great compassion for others. Sister Mel runs her charity and my other two siblings are also always helping others.

My children are so enormously privileged, and not only because they have an incredibly good looking and extremely witty mother, but because they have so much in comparison to so many. Using the opportunity of the daily drive to and from school, I have been trying to teach them that there are people who are less fortunate than they are. I am introducing them to the concept of poor and unprivileged. They are getting it, slowly.

Me: “See, that poor man is walking in the rain, he has no car”.

Adam: “And he doesn’t even have an umbrella”

Me: “yes”

Adam: “Why doesn’t he have an umbrella?”

Me: “Because he has no money to buy an umbrella”

Adam: “Why doesn’t he have any money?”

Me: “Because he doesn’t have a job”

Adam: “Why doesn’t he have any job?”

Me: “Because of an evil system called apartheid that subjected many people to terrible conditions of forced separation and poverty, the results of which can be seen by the massive amounts of poverty and unemployment that are keeping the poor downtrodden even today”

Ok, not the last part.

But I think I’ve been trying too hard at the Life Lessons, because they are taking this poor thing a bit too far.

Adam: “Look at that poor man, he doesn’t have an umbrella”

Kate: “Yes, and some people don’t even have legs or arms”

Adam: “Or a nose”

Kate: “Or a face”

Another thing we’ve been discussing is family, and how different families are made up. Some people have a mommy, a daddy, a boy and a girl. Some people have two mommies, some have no mommies etc etc.

Now, I live in a predominantly wealthy, white area. In South Africa, those two things – white and wealthy – go together more often than not. The hangover of apartheid. There are black people who live in the predominantly white and wealthy areas, but they are wealthy. There aren’t too many wealthy black areas. It is changing, but it would be dishonest to say that it isn’t so.

We are at a coffee shop / park the other day and there were a whole lot of (>90% white) families there. Kids playing, parents drinking coffee etc and there was one black guy standing there, watching while his daughter played on the climbing frame.

Adam in his booming voice pipes up: “OH DEAR, SEE – LOOK AT THAT POOR GIRL OVER THERE”

(Now, remember the “Black Work” post from last week? Remember I told you that we are a little sensitive to the race thing?)

Well, I nearly shat in my pants. I have obviously been over-zealous in my Life’s Lessons and now he thinks all black people are poor. Instant sweaty armpits.

I laugh with false cheer and whisper “no Adam, she is not poor, she is fine” Haha, nervous laugh. Grabbing his arm and trying to steer him away from the situation

He booms back “BUT SHE HAS GOT NO BROTHER”

Gawds truth, this child is going to be the death of me. I had to explain that yes, some people have no brother, but that is ok. They don’t even mind and it doesn’t make them poor. (Some sisters would even argue they are LUCKY to have no brother to irritate them!)

Phew. This parenting thing is damn hard work. I am thinking “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” is a damn site easier than this other life lesson stuff.

(Now, don't get your granny knickers in a knot! I know this sounds like I am too sensitive to race issues and that blah blah I am going to teach my children to be over sensitive to race etc etc, but it just so happened that the two incidents happened a few days apart. Relax! I am actually very chilled about race issues.  Some of my best friends are white.)

New IVF technique!

I think perhaps I am spending a little too much time living breathing eating my egg donor / surrogacy program. I work late every night and this morning I got up at 4:30am to do some more work. Because I wanted to!  Because I love this shit!

Unfortunately Adam got up at 5:30am so that was the end of that, but luckily we got some one-on-one cuddling time together before the Boss (aka Kate Madam Fifi Albertyn) woke up.

However the real sign that perhaps I am spending a tad too much time on this infertility stuff is that last night I dreamt that the doctors had discovered a way to incubate embryos in an orange. Yes, the fruit. They injected an orange with 7 embryos and four ‘took’. There was a woman was standing there with four kids. All gestated through an orange. The piece about how the orange actually carried four babies was not covered in any amount of detail.

I think I need help.

This might turn you on just a little bit

**WARNING: Smokin' hot images to follow, might cause a stirring in your loins**

Behold the magnificence that was me at my final year school dance, in the height of my '80s splendour. 1986 - 18 years old. Smokin' hot!

That's me on the far right. Gloves!!


Top row, second from the right. Attitude.

Financial Infidelity

I heard such an interesting chat on the radio the other day, about financial infidelity. Where one partner lies / cheats on the other financially. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it, but if you think about it, it happens all the time, albeit on a ‘smaller’ scale. Who hasn’t said “oh this old thing? It isn’t new, I’ve had for ages.” I suppose we all do it, to a degree. 

But apparently lying and infidelity when it comes to finances is rife, and some pretty big deceptions occur. Terrible stories about how one partner swindles all the money, leaving the entire family destitute. How heartbreaking.

Marko and I are really open about our finances, and always have been. Sure, there are ‘secrets’ we keep from each other (how much I really spend and how much he really has squirrelled away), but for the most of it, my money is our money and his money is my our money. It’s good to have balance in a marriage, so I am the spender and he is the saver. It’s a pleasure, no need to thank me.

Seriously though, I was pretty shocked at some of the stories coming out. I would be devastated if I found out my partner had committed financial infidelity. I rate it as bad as sexual infidelity. Honestly. In fact, I think I would handle a smooch better than I would handle a swindle. 

In our relationship, because I have no self discipline or impulse control, I pay for all the household expenses. The mortgage, the food, the bills, Rose’s salary, school fees, insurance etc etc. Whatever I have left at the end of that, I spend on completely unnecessary shit. Marko is responsible for Savings and Investments, and for his car repayment (my car is paid up). Works out really nicely for us and I only get moaned at about 4 times a year for being totally useless with money.

I’m interested to hear how you handle the finances in your relationship. Do you share everything? Do you have a joint account? Do you hide money away from your partner? Do you know how much your partner earns? Does he or she know how much you spend? What would you do if you found out your partner had cheated on you financially? Is a swindle worse than a smooch?

In touch with both his feminine and masculine side

Keeping up his usual running commentary while sitting in his car seat, Adam exclaims "Wow mom, look at that gorgeous truck!"

Future paleontologist in the making

Kate's bedside table:

Loves dinosaurs / monsters / ghouls / ghosts or anything scary

Autism South Africa and Jail4Bail

**Public Service Announcement**

Imagine being imprisoned, trapped inside your own world. Watching the world go by, unable to reach out, unable to connect. Trying to tune into the frequency of the rest of the world, but all you hear is a distorted cacophony of sound. Faces, objects and sounds make up a nightmare world and leave you with fear and confusion. Your outside world becomes chaotic and frightening.

Now try and imagine spending every waking hour of your life in this world. It is too much, so you withdraw into a safer world inside your own self.

Autism a developmental disorder that affects one in every 158 children under the age of 6. Autism is a Spectrum Disorder, therefore a person may be severely affected or mildly affected. No child with Autism is the same as the other. It therefore requires specialised and individualised education for the person to progress and reach their full potential.

But the reality is that for many underprivileged South Africans children, their Autism goes undetected and untreated. South African Society still regards children with disabilities as incapable, ill and a burden on society. More than 80% of African children with disabilities live in extreme poverty in inhospitable environments. They have very poor access to appropriate health care facilities and early childhood development opportunities. Such children are less likely than their siblings to attend school, to go on outings, to experience situations where they have to solve problems or contribute to household chores. As a result they grow to be disempowered adults, unable to make decisions, solve problems and take initiatives. Children with disabilities fear and experience exclusion from a very young age. Although the parents of children with disabilities have a special and specific role to play in the development of their children, mothers (especially) of children with disabilities often face ostracism from their partners, their families and their communities. The exclusion badly affects other non-disabled siblings, the survival of the family as a unit and the meaningful development of the disabled child.

A human rights and development approach to disability has significant implications for the way in which we provide education for the nation. It is estimated that almost 70% of children with disabilities of school-going age are presently out of school. This naturally results in illiteracy and low skills amongst adults with disabilities, contributing significantly to high levels of unemployment.

One father has made it his mission to raise awareness and funding for this cause. Gerhard Pieterse is a father of three children, one of whom has Autism . Instead of just standing by, he decided to do something that would highlight the plight so many children with Autism face.

Dubbed "Jail4Bail", the concept involves the ‘imprisonment’ of Gerhard in a single cell, placed in the middle of a shopping mall. “We would like to break down the barriers that people with Autism face on a daily basis.  Autism is a part of our world, not a world apart.”

With a "bail" set at R1 million ($130,000) to raise funds for the development of children and adults with Autism, Gerhard is has so far raised R500 000 in 65 days ($60,000) and a phenomenal amount of awareness to the general public.

If you want to contribute to this amazing cause (and help Gerhard get out of his jail cell to be reunited with his family!!), click on the Autism Western Cape site – there is an option to make a credit card donation there.

For more info on Gerhard and his amazing campaign, check out the Autism Western Cape website.

Black Work

Race is still a very sensitive in this country, for obvious reasons. I wish we could say that race is not an issue and we are all colour blind, but like a deep wound that is only now starting to heal, the area is still very bruised and quite sensitive. I have lots of hope for future generations, but this generation still proceeds with caution.

(And much to my dismay and deep despair, there are still some racist assholes in this country who keep perpetuating the pain. I have very strong feelings about this, but I will contain myself)

Anyway, so back to my story. Both Adam and Kate have only ever known a life with Rose in it. When we speak about families, and how our family is made up, they always include Rose. Our family has a mommy, a daddy, an Adam, a Kate and a Rose. Not a nanny, a Rose.

Rose and I have tried to find out from them what they think a Rose is. What is a ‘Rose’? But they don’t understand the question, all they know is Rose and Rose is Rose.

So the four of us were chatting at the kitchen counter the other day, and we were talking about families. About one day when they were bigger and would have their own children. Adam said he was going to be a daddy one day, and have onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten children and a mommy and a Rose. So Rose said to him, “but what is a Rose? What work does a Rose do?” And Adam answers ‘black work’.

Well, I nearly bloody died!! Black work!!! OMG, the child is saying black people must do black work!! Where does he get that from! I have never said that to him, we have never even spoken about black and white. I was so embarrassed.

And then he carries on talking, “and I am going to do green work, and Kate will do pink work”.

Rose and I just burst out laughing.

(BTW, Marko doesn’t do a specific colour work, his work is to “smack lions”. Where the child gets that from, I have no idea. Must have been all that dope I smoked in my pregnancy)

I wonder whether the answer ‘black work’ would have sparked the same kind of anxious reaction in another country. Would it have? The scars run so deep here that we are so sensitive to it. So overly careful not to cause offence, so quick to look for it. 

PS Apparently I do black work as well.

No one is entirely sure what exactly is involved in 'black work', but it obviously doesn't include smacking lions