Why children make you stupid

I wrote up a deep and meaningful post on debt relief for developing nations and Word crashed and I lost the entire farking thing so now I am sulking. I am not Word's friend.

You know how people are always saying having children makes you stupid? No? Never heard of that? You clearly have children then. Porridge brain! Anyway, I’ve discovered the reason why children make you stupid – spending too much time with them forces your brain to recalibrate down to their level. Which in my case, means I have the intellect of a 3.5 yr old. 

It is school holidays at the moment, WINTER school holidays. Which means lots of quality time together, heaven help me. I find myself cracking jokes like “you smell like a stinky old shoe” and laughing uproariously. Actually, it is quite sweet. My children have discovered jokes (albeit very bad jokes) and they think they are hilarious. “Mom, green is for stop and red is for go. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!” 

My jokes are better than theirs which gives me a certain sense of satisfaction.

I have even started to curse in three-year-old. The other day I had a bit of an altercation with a fellow driver on the road and I shook my fist at him and yelled out my window, "you silly banana, you!"  He was most offended.

Another reason why having children makes you stupid – I realized today that I haven’t listened to the news in ages. In fact, the only thing playing through my car radio is CD stuck in the player, ironically called “Car Sanity Savers”. I know every word of every song off my heart. That is not a good thing. It is not as if I can catch the news on TV because Kate controls the TV remote in our house. She can switch the radio off, switch on the TV, load a DVD and press play. All by herself. Who said TV was bad for kids!

Of course, besides making you stupid, kids always make you old, tired and poor. And yet in spite of all this, we want more! Now there is the proof right there that having children really does fry your brain. Luckily the little buggers are so damn cute ;-)

Comments

[Becky]

Every time I babysit my two nephews (4 years old and 1 year old) I can't believe how hard it is & can't imagine having 2 full time, let alone one.

And yet, I still would love to be pregnant. Stupid hormones. I think they make you forget all of the hard work the second you hold an infant or see a pregnant woman.
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

[Tripsmom]

I think the amount of kids = the amount of stupidness. Since my girls I am really like duh???? Forgot wallet at home today and went to fill up my car - luckily it was at my Dad's garage so I could tell the office I would do an electronic transfer. I forget to close things, I speak like them. Last night I gave Hannah a smack on her bottom because she wouldn't stop crying - I ended up with her at the MediClinic at 11pm - she had middle ear infection - HOW STUPID AM I??? Should have known something was wrong, but all I could think of was that I needed to sleep.

[21stCenturyMom]

My kids thought I was a great artist. It was a golden time in my life but the fact is, I can't draw a smiley face that looks half decent. So enjoy your life as a stand up while it lasts!

[Celeste]

Pardon the Afrikaans comment - no way you can say this in English. My peetkind het een dag saam met sy ma gery (ook omtrent so 3 jaar oud), toe se hy vir haar, "Mamma, dit werk mos so, as 'n vrou voor mens inry noem mens haar 'n heks, ne mamma?" "En Mamma, as dit 'n man is wat voor mens inry, dan noem mens hom mos 'n d**s, ne mamma?" I think silly banana is way safer! Anyway - why do you think people find it necessary to appoint you as their children's godparents if you don't have any of your own? We already have 8. It's an honour I know, but EIGHT??? I think we'll be drawing the line soon.

[Emma in Amsterdam]

The traffic light joke actually made me laugh. I can vividly remember making these jokes, 21319 years ago. Sigh.

[allie]

This is the first time I've visited your blog (courtesy of five-browns - I am Mel's mom).
In kid-terms, I nearly wet myself reading it.
And I wasn't in the best of moods to start with, let me tell you - I HATE being this cold.
So thanks for the belly laughs - I will be popping in regularly

[roberta]

Kid jokes are awesome because, deep down, we always WANT to laugh at corny jokes - but all the mature people around us make us feel self-conscious about doing so. Hanging around kids & their silliness feels good.

Although 20+ years have passed, I remember my daughter's first joke as if it were yesterday:

"Mama, we not in traffic JAM!!! We in traffic JELLY!"

C'mon, laugh! I know ya wanna!

[Flicka]

All of this is how they ensure the propogation of their tiny species. Know it. :-)

[Anna]

'Mommy, I want this too!'
pause
'I want it three!'

[Jane]

We have a dvd player in the car. The best and worst purchase ever made. I must have "heard" toy story a zillion times but still haven't actually seen it all the way through!

I was the one who said no t.v. (what was I thinking???)

Jane
http://snanimals.blogspot.com
www.snanimals.com

[Simonne]

I used to think that 'baby brain' was an expression used by pregnant people to give them an excuse to draw your attention to their pregnancy.

That is, until my IVF cycle was a success, and about a week later, my brains fell out of my ears never to be seen again.

I'm a bit scared that it gets worse ...

[Kia]

Ah, yes... I'm holding tightly onto the theory that when we get pregnant with our first child, our brain cells immediately are transferred to the child. My son is definitely smarter than I am and he's only 4.5yrs old. What does that say about me, exactly? OH, never mind. I don't really want the answer to that question!

[Lucy]

You made me Laugh really loudly! Thanks for that!

[Hannah]

I agree with previous comments that the more children you have the more brain cells you lose. I'm pregnant with no. 2 and I have gone down hill drastically since the second line appeared. I need two hands to count the number of times I've forgotten deodorant in the last three weeks. It's just sad.

Speaking the news, I'm interested to hear what you think of the 70-year-old woman in India giving birth to twins. She got pregnant via IVF so that she could produce a male heir.

[Nicole]

I just love your three-yr-old potty mouth!

btw - about the loss of TV control and the news, I hate to say it, but it guess worse as they get older. first i had to wait my turn for the TV (which I eventually just gave up watching), but now mine want my computer and internet too. maybe i should just go back to good old fashioned books for entertainment, sheesh.

[kirstyphysio]

Yes - I have tried to toilet-train my mouth since my mini-me's started repeating everything I say! And I concluded that "bloody" wasn't such a naughty word, and so whenever i feel the urge/need to use a naughty word - "bloody" will suffice!
But then my kids, who have a homing device to find anything they're not allowed, or say anything they're not allowed somehow picked up on this!
And imagine my shame 2 weeks ago when 4 yr old walked into preschool and exclaimed: "It's only us, we're bloody late again!" Mortifying....

[Dondi Tiples]

You hit the nail on the head with that one, Tertia. I have never felt so dumb and unsharp in my life as now, and I have two kids. But I've never been as happy either. A very acceptable balance, wouldn't you say?

[Maria]

My son is 27-months-old. I just NOW feel like I'm getting my brain, or at least my imagination, back. Now I'm writing like a fiend because I know baby #2 could very well suck the remaining intelligence out of my come November.

Also I closed my head in a door last week. I'm not sure I can afford to get stupider.

[Heather]

So, is it official you want more? I've had that struggle for the past few years and have finally given in and started treatments again. We just started IVF this week! Aack! Don't know if I can go back to diapers again, and I hope very much that I have to. It's a strange catch-22 situation.

And my daughter is lucky she's so cute. It saves her a lot. It's really hard to hide you're laughing when you're mad at them!

[Miranda]

May those of us who want to continue to get poorer, tireder, stupider, but most of all happier.

Signed,

A new, very tired, poor, stupid and happy mother

[Sunil Pathak]

I have no kid my self but i know how difficult it is to control those little rascals I have 2 nephews and they both are one hell of trouble but they are so cute and adorable i cant stay without them no matter how much hard time they give me babysitting them