Like mother, like daughter

Me:  Kate, you are not being a very nice girl

Kate:  Being a not-nice girl is fun

I couldn't argue with that. Being a not-nice girl is VERY fun.

Kate is such an "unstereotypically*" ungirly-girl.  It is probably all my doing, as I am a very ungirly girl myself, but she really does take (not bake) the cake.  When ever we go to the shop and I tell them they can choose a toy each, Adam always (ALWAYS) chooses a car, or a variation thereof (car / bike / truck / digger etc) and Kate almost always chooses something completely ungirl-like - usually a monster, or a skeleton or a dinosaur.  Last week it was a packet of plastic snakes and today** this is what she chose: (Adam chose a fire truck!  Living life on the edge!)

The 'Alien Magic' was a COMPLETE waste of money, but the monster proved a big hit.  You know how in Africa the moms carry their kids on their back?  Well Kate made us wrap her monster up on her back. 

She says "I just love my monster".  Apparently the monster's name is also Madame Fifi, "same like Kate".   Madame Fifi the monster is currently in bed, under the duvet with Kate Madame Fifi Albertyn, lover of all things creepy and scary.

My poor children have no chance. They are both just as odd as their mother.  Poor dears.

(Adam told me today that when he is bigger, he is going to bike school.  What is bike school, I asked. Bike school is a school where you ride bikes and cars all day.  That's all you do.  Learn about bikes and cars and ride them, all day.  Like father, like son.)

*Orange, my feminist, non-plastic surgery-loving friend-in-the-computer made me put the stereotypical thing in. Besides being slightly attracted to her, I am also a little scared of her. 

**They could each choose a toy after the dentist visit today. I had to resort to bribery because Kate refused to sit in the dentist chair. The dentist told me that the kids must stop sucking their dummies soon.  Sob. You can say "I told you so" if you like. I'll try not to swear back at you.

Comments

[Orange]

Tersh, can you add "stereotypically" before "ungirl-like"? There is nothing innately gendered about cars, monsters, or dolls—it's that pervasive, pernicious socialization that tells us what are "girl toys" and "boy toys."

My son liked dolls and dress-up (skirts!) in preschool, along with vehicles of all kinds. It wasn't until kindergarten that his classmates started barking at him that certain things were only for girls or boys. He still likes purple, but his classmates destroyed his fondness for pink markers. It's really crappy.

[Katie]

Kate is way too cute - reminds me of when I was a little girl and my mom found me "nursing" my Oscar the Grouch puppet. Weird is good and very interesting.

Good luck with the pacifiers. I wish I could give you some encouraging story but we took my daughter's away when she was just over three and it was a living hell for a month. And you have two kids. I will pray for you. LOL

[Stefanie]

Kate is so funny! But, get rid of the pacis!! Package them up and "mail" them to the new babes that need them. Your dentist is right!

[Rachel]

Hi Tertia,

I keep meaning to tell you--I had the same dilemma about the soother situation. My husband and I were stressing about taking it away for about 1 year. One day, I finally said to my son (bracing for the worst)--you are so big now, you don't need a soother. He looked at me, and said--OK!
That was the last time he used it. Kids are so funny...
I realized the whole time that the soother meant more to me, than it did to him ha ha.

[JuliaKB]

Our dentist actually has a chest of cheap toys kids get to pick out if they behave during their appointments. Wonder why they all behave so well in that office? :)

[hayesmary]

Thank you Orange.

[Sue]

Oh geez with the pacis already. My un-girly daughter is a bit of a thumb sucker - so what am I supposed to do, lop it off? That's why we have insurance - for the braces.

Anyhow, here's to the un-girly girls! Mine is only 11 months old, but she is rough-and-tumble just like her big brother! (and a bit of relief from an ungirly mom!)

[Em]

I have no opinion on the paci's. You're the mom and you'll do what you think is right. Suck up over.

Love the pics. You really have the cutest kids in all the internet. Love the one where she is looking over her shoulder. Very sweet.

[Shannon]

My son sucked a blanket till he was 5. We are now seeing the orthodontist for the "overbite" that is not hereditary. They are not being mean about the sucking but did ask whether "he had a sucking habit" when younger. He still sucks the collar of his shirt if he can reach it.

About the stereotypically girl/boy things. I am a feminist and steeped in all that socialization of gendered objects stuff but both my boys threw out dolls by 18 months and picked DIGGERS and then TRAINS.

I did not even buy diggers and trains, there was no preschool yet and we were immigrants without grannies and grandpas to blame. There was something inately attractive about these objects that appealed to boys.

[Amy]

My kids never did pacis, but the cutest idea I ever read for getting rid of them was to plant them in pots and have them "grow" (with a little Mommy magic of course) a flower. Bonus points if the blue paci grows a blue flower, and the pink one grows a pink flower, etc.

I don't know if they'll buy it, but maybe it's worth a shot??

Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

[Poltzie]

That monster on her back is so dang cute! A canadian kid would put it in their dog sled I guess (kidding, we don't actually do that anymore)!

[Kristin]

I LOVE that Kate is like that. How cool!

[Ute]

Un-girly? But... Isn't Kate the archetype of a mother, actually? No matter how ugly her baby - she evidently loves them to pieces. Even monsters. *ROTFL* :-P

As for cars: Tobias (1 year + 10 months) takes them to bed with him in lieu of a cuddly toy. He'll scream his head off if there's no "Dada" (=> "Tatütata!" = fire engine, ambulance, police car, car...) in his bed. Or fist, rather.

[Ute]

PS: Most of those cars used to belong to his sister. Who used to love them too. But has now focused her attention on "Princess Lillifee". (NO, do yourself a favour and don't google that! It's a veritable candy-pink freak show!)

[Nola]

My dentist told me to make a small snip in the teat on the dummy and when they suck the teat collapses. This is apparently not such a nice thing to suck on and then they wean themselves off it. I told my son he was so strong he popped the teat with his mad sucking skillz. It worked. He stopped asking for the dummy after a week. I did keep a spare one just incase I needed one for a middle of the night emergency (which we didn't use).

[Elaine]

I didn't have a pacifier but I sucked my thumb until I was seven or so. Unfortunately I ended up getting braces for an UNDERBITE...haha

[Kay]

Well, if the dentist will let you hold out until Christmas, you can put the pacis on the plate with the milk and cookies for Santa. We did this for my little girl just after she turned 2 - so that Santa could take the pacis to some babies who needed them. She would state that she was a big girl and Santa took her pacis. We would always follow that up with "why" and she said because pacis are for babies and Santa gave hers to some babies.

We never had a meltdown.

Reminder - you have to get ALL the pacis gone.

Good luck!

Love Kate! My Anna Kathryn will wear her high heel princess shoes while she's in her batman jammies swinging her light saber and jumping from the couch.

[Anna]

Julia: 'mommy, can I kill some flies now? can I kill something? can I?'
Me (vaguely apprehensive): 'ok, just don't touch your sister'
This is scary....
too bad we don't live in SA, I think she would get along with Kate
ciao Anna
PS we had to go cold turkey with the pacifier. it was hell for about two weeks, almost like drug withdrawal, but then is was ok. never touched one since, even though she has her sister's around

[AmyM]

There used to be this great site called Crypt Kids I think. They were babies with faces made up like monsters. They were really cool. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a link, but Kate's love of monsters made me think of them.

[Rachel]

She's got it all figured out at such an early age. I was at least 13 before I figured it out that being a not-nice girl was so much fun. :)

[Bec]

Have you seen this article?

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1200/is_16_173/ai_n25431673/pg_1?tag=artBody;col1

It talks about the (possible) effect of testosterone on females in utero with a male twin. Just thought it was interesting. It basically says she's likely to be less girly/more adventerous and outgoing and much less likely to develop an eating disorder.

[Orange]

I still use a pacifier myself. Is that so wrong?

[Katy]

Nice girls get walked all over as adults - I've aimed to teach daughter & things one and two to be kind while simultaneously standing up for themselves. I think this is especially important for girls as I know far too many women who do what others want them to do just to "be nice", put up with partners that are not good for them just to "be nice" and take shit from bosses just to "be nice". Drives me up the fucking wall.

Somehow I get the feeling that we're on the same page on this one...

[Anna]

Nice comment, Katy! I agree.

[Ruth]

ungurly gurls rock. kate is perhaps the cutest most delectable thing i have seen in ages. ungurly it up you two!!!

[Cory]

You and I have chatted before about lovies and thumb-sucking/paci's before... My son is now 4 1/2 and we are still working on kicking the thumb-sucking habit. Yes, his dentist has scolded us at his last two 6-month check-ups, but eh... there are many MANY larger issues that we could have, so I'm not going to stress about it. He'll give it up when he gives it up is how I see it. :)

[Storken flyger]

Hi
Im a swedish woman who just found your blog. First I want to say taht I find it very interesting, funny and informative. Im self into the "infertilety business". Right now I´m trying to find out what it cost to do a IVF at the clinic you went to. (I will go to SA and Cape town om holyday later this year. I have sent an e-mail to them but have recived no answer so far.)

In sweden its not as expensive as in USA. One IVF at a private clinik costs betweene 3 400 - 5 000 us dollar. Medicine is free.

Hope its ok that I have you in my blogg roll on my blog.

Best regards Storken (sorry for my bad english)

[Wobs]

Have you seen the bumper sticker that says, "Nice girls go to heaven, Bad girls go to London"... reading this post just make me giggle & think of it!

[Francois]

Ok, I must be the only guy here but I have to say your blog is hilarious! My wife Hayley (http://hayleymal.blogspot.com/) has been on about this blog for a long time and today I gave in and came to have a look. I haven`t laughed so much in a very long time.

As an aside, I was nearly run over by a lady with legwarmers and a demented look in her eyes at the Woollies sale. Any chance it was you?

Anyways, great blog Tertia, I`ll be back.

Ps. If I see posts with "eggs", "vagina" or "period" I will make a polite exit only to check back later....