So Close

Like mother, like daughter

Me:  Kate, you are not being a very nice girl

Kate:  Being a not-nice girl is fun

I couldn't argue with that. Being a not-nice girl is VERY fun.

Kate is such an "unstereotypically*" ungirly-girl.  It is probably all my doing, as I am a very ungirly girl myself, but she really does take (not bake) the cake.  When ever we go to the shop and I tell them they can choose a toy each, Adam always (ALWAYS) chooses a car, or a variation thereof (car / bike / truck / digger etc) and Kate almost always chooses something completely ungirl-like - usually a monster, or a skeleton or a dinosaur.  Last week it was a packet of plastic snakes and today** this is what she chose: (Adam chose a fire truck!  Living life on the edge!)

The 'Alien Magic' was a COMPLETE waste of money, but the monster proved a big hit.  You know how in Africa the moms carry their kids on their back?  Well Kate made us wrap her monster up on her back. 

She says "I just love my monster".  Apparently the monster's name is also Madame Fifi, "same like Kate".   Madame Fifi the monster is currently in bed, under the duvet with Kate Madame Fifi Albertyn, lover of all things creepy and scary.

My poor children have no chance. They are both just as odd as their mother.  Poor dears.

(Adam told me today that when he is bigger, he is going to bike school.  What is bike school, I asked. Bike school is a school where you ride bikes and cars all day.  That's all you do.  Learn about bikes and cars and ride them, all day.  Like father, like son.)

*Orange, my feminist, non-plastic surgery-loving friend-in-the-computer made me put the stereotypical thing in. Besides being slightly attracted to her, I am also a little scared of her. 

**They could each choose a toy after the dentist visit today. I had to resort to bribery because Kate refused to sit in the dentist chair. The dentist told me that the kids must stop sucking their dummies soon.  Sob. You can say "I told you so" if you like. I'll try not to swear back at you.

Non racial children

(Using the drive to school as an opportunity to do a little brainwashing education)

Me: It is important to be polite. Polite children say please and thank you, and they listen to their mommy. We like polite children. 

(Silence while they digest this)

Adam: But we like dark children too?

Me: POL-lite, Adam, polite. But yes you are right, we like light children and dark children, but we especially like polite children.

If I wasn’t straight, I would be gay

I love women, I really do. I know some women don’t like other women, but I am not one of those women. In fact, if I wasn’t straight, I would be gay. (yes, that was supposed to be silly).

Our little egg donor business* is going SO well, and one of the really cool things is that we are all women. By women, for women, with women. You’d think that it would be an emotional, bitchy nightmare, but it isn’t. Perhaps I am just lucky in that my partners and I (yes, we have GROWN to a team of four!! - new member to be announced shortly.) are all gorgeous and divine, but I am loving it. The thing I love is that we understand each other so well. We can be busy with a call about work and one of us will go “I am sorry, but I have to go throttle my child ask my child to keep quiet” and the rest of us will understand. Or someone will say “I can’t make our meeting, I am feeling miserable from hell and I wouldn’t be much good” and we are all like “totally understand”. It is so divine. I feel like these women care about ME and not just my ‘output’ or what I deliver. Love it, love them. Give me women over men any day!

* Go check out our website (www.nurture.co.za) We are so proud of our little business!!! Besides having my children, it is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. It has done wonders for my self confidence, my sense of purpose, everything. I AM LOVING IT!!!

(Just realized that between three of us, we have personally done 35 IVFs!!! That is a shit load of IVFs. Oh, and Melany has donated her eggs twice, so we have done 37 IVFs between the four of us. I guess we do have some insight into this IVF business.)

I have never before been more excited to see someone

I have never missed anyone as much as I have missed Aunty B, Adam and Kate's teacher.  I nearly fell down on my knees and hugged her around her waist this morning. If the other moms weren't looking, I might even have sobbed with relief a little.

It has been F I V E weeks since they were at school. FIVE WEEKS.  Four of which they were sick. 

Rose asked me this morning "why are you in such a hurry this morning?"  I said "because I want to get these children out of this house ASAP!!"

I love my children dearly, but FIVE WEEKS?  That is a very, very long time.

And the lord said, go forth and drink Chardonnay!

There is definitely something to be said for those lordy folk. That whole inner peace / religious radiance thing is very appealing. As Sister Mel says, while the rest of us are all on Prozac, she is on Jesus. 

In fact, being a lordy type has a lot going for it – the strong sense of community, the wonderful sense of belonging, a feeling of a higher purpose etc etc. All very appealing, except for that one tiny little thing – that whole being good thing. Being good seems to come with all sorts of self-denial and saying ‘no’ has never been my strong suite. Why say no when you can say “Yes please, I’ll have a double”?

But if I was ever in any doubt, my mind was made up this week when Sister Mel told me that God had called her to raise additional funds for her charity for the underprivileged moms. What a big chore!!  I simply can’t take the chance that God will call me to do something stressful like that. “Hi Tertia, God here. Please could you raise $200,000 for the poor” Um, thanks but no thanks God, I’m kind of maxed out here right now. If God had to call me to drink copious amounts of Chardonnay or spend my days lounging around the pool, I’d consider converting, but right now, being bad is far too good.

Anyway, this post wasn’t supposed to be about me or about lordy folk.  My dear sister wants to know if anyone has any advice for her regarding fundraising in America. Please see her note below and check out her blog post here. 

(Please note: this is not an invitation to bash the lordy folk. I am kind of fond of them. Zhsusie the Baptist mail order bride aside.)

Hello Tertia's American Critters
Most of you have visited me by now so thanks for dropping in.  I am in the very early stages of a big fundraiser to raise money for our Bosom Buddies Charity for the new premises.   I am hoping some of you have experience, tips, advice or knowledge in this area in the US and can help us to get going.  Also if Angelina or Oprah is your BF then we need them too. Pop over to my blog if you can help or know those who do.
PS, we are a registered NPO.
PPS, don't get distracted and miss the point and have the whole Lordy debate, focus ladies!
PPPS, thanks to all of you who bless us with infant clothing, we LOVE you!   

 

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Marriage makes you pathetic

Children make you stupid, but marriage makes you pathetic.

Before I met Marko, I was single for a looong time. I had lover(s) of course, but I preferred to fly solo. Which meant that I pretty much looked after myself. I was self sufficient and rather handy with a hammer. 

However, ever since getting married, my DIY skills have deteriorated to a point where they are practically non-existent. 

Marko has been away on a business trip this week, which means I have spent the entire week driving my car in total silence because my radio says it needs an access code and I have no idea what to do. I tried to read the instruction manual but it made me cross and irritated and so I gave up.

I have also not been able to print anything because there is a paper jam in my printer and I can’t see how to open the different compartments to get to the stuck piece of paper inside. 

I used to know how to do stuff like that before I got married, now I just call Marko to do it for me. Marriage has made me soft and pathetic. It’s all his fault, obviously. Can’t possibly be mine.

As I said to Marko, at least there is a good reason to keep him around, if for no other reason than for technical support.

PS Ailing Albertyn Update: Everyone is on the mend, thank bloody goodness!! No more fevers and even a few smiles. I am very relieved and very exhausted. And with that, I am off to bed. Night all, have a lovely weekend xxx

What’s the worst that can happen?

I want to know whether, if you are a mother, you feel this too. Because either I am an asshole beyond compare, or I am just normal. 

I hate it when my kids are sick. HATE it. I react so badly. It makes me so anxious, it is all I can think about. I find it impossible to concentrate on anything else. I have that terrified feeling inside. It feels like my heart and lungs are in a vice, plus I have that horrible adrenalin rush feeling inside. I know most mothers don’t like it when their kids are sick, but my reaction seems extreme. 

I keep giving myself stern talking-tos, but it is not helping.

Previously, when I was seeing another therapist, we spoke about this terrible fear I have inside sometimes, especially where my children are concerned. At the time we were speaking about sending them off to school for the first time, and how anxious I was about it. She asked me to ask myself ‘what is the worst that can happen’, to try and put things in perspective. It is actually a useful thing to do when you are really nervous. Like when you have to do a presentation in front of a hundred people, or you have a job interview. What’s the worst that can happen? Put things into perspective and makes you feel less fearful.

Except it doesn’t really work when your kids are sick. 

What is the worst that can happen? Well, they could die. That would be pretty bad.

They have the flu, they are unlikely to die from the flu. 

Yes, but that is the worst that can happen, right! THEY COULD DIE. 

Is this anxious, fearful feeling normal? I am not sure whether I really fear that they could die. I don’t think I do. I mean, I know logically that they are unlikely to DIE when they are sick (unlike when Kate had her operation and I spent the entire time almost vomiting with fear). So if I don’t really think they are going to die, why do I feel so anxious and out of sorts? Is it an instinct / mother thing? Are we programmed to get upset if our offspring are not well? Or I am extra fearful because the worst has already happened to a child of mine?  Or is this just fearful / anxious / paranoid / highly strung normal Tertia behaviour?

All I know, is that I absolutely hate it when my kids are sick. And we have had four long weeks of sick kids.  So for four weeks I have lived with my heart in my mouth. It’s exhausting.

(The latest victim is Adam with a fever last night of 104/41. Nice. Took them both to the Paed today. He suspects flu. I feel like we are under siege here!)

PS  This has been a VERY expensive week.  I had to have my car repaired (R3000), Shelly spayed (R2000) and with all the medicine I've had to buy for the kids (>R1000), I am now officially BROKE.

There are some things my kids won't get from their mother

I am a good mom in many ways, I am a kind, caring, soft, loving, protective mom.  I think my children are lucky to have me as their mother. But there are certain things my children probably wont ever get from me.  Cordon Bleu cooking is one thing, and beautifully decorated bedrooms is another.

This was brought home recently when Sister Mel told me that her daughter Rebeka was getting a room make over for her birthday.  I giggled to myself because firstly, I so completely SUCK at things like decorating and décor and secondly, Kate is such an ungirly girl that if I gave her a room makeover instead of a skeleton and a monster book for her birthday, she would have a fit.

Sister Mel came to visit recently and saw the kids' room.  She said I HAD to take a picture of the room and post it on my blog.  Their room is all about comfort and warmth!  They have horrible new brown stripy duvet covets (brushed cotton for winter warmth!) and unmatching curtains (got on a sale), bits of odd furniture (borrowed from my mom) etc, but even Mel had to admit that the beds were damn comfy and cosy. 

I am such an ungirly girl, and things like comfort and warmth are far more important that fashion or form.  My poor daughter will never have the prettiest dress on in class (mostly because she hates wearing dresses), but at least my kids will be comfy.  Those dummy-sucking, loud, unfashionable Albertyn children.

Sister Mel and I decided we would do a cross post to show you the difference in our kids rooms.  Please click here to check out my beautiful little girly-girl niece's pretty room.

This is the room they now share.  Bit of pink, bit of blue, bit of brown, bit of lime wash. Lots of comfort.

Should children be seen and not heard in public?

This is one of those times I ask a question with a slight cringe, anticipating that I might not get the answer I like. But I do want to know your opinion. I might not change my behaviour, but I would still like to know.

Do you think that children should be seen and not heard in public? And when you give me your answer, I would be interested to know whether you have small children, grown children or no children. I am interested to hear how that does (or doesn’t) influence your opinion.

My children are quite loud. Especially the boy child. When he talks, he talks at full volume. It doesn’t worry me at all, but Marko is forever saying “shh, stop making so much noise” when we are out. Marko was brought up very much in the ‘seen and not heard’ way. 

I’ll give you some examples: yesterday I was with the kids at Baby City (a store selling baby goods, not babies, unfortunately. Would be so much more convenient). Anyway, Adam was on the one side of the shop (like an open warehouse kind of place) looking at toys and I was at the other side looking at sippy bottles. So he asks me (in his booming voice) “Mom, can we buy this toy?” and I answer “No” across the room. He says “why not” and I tell him “because it is too expensive”. We are having a conversation across the store. Not shouting, but clearly not whispering.  

I often walk around the shop with both of them in the shopping cart, having long and obviously louder-than-whisper conversations. Again, not shouting or screaming but we sing, and talk and dance and laugh in the shop. I couldn’t care less what other people think. We always have fun when we go out and everything is an adventure. Even going to buy groceries.

Another example: We were having breakfast at a café. It is one of many in a big open air courtyard type thing. Tables outside and a little fountain nearby. The kids normally play around near the fountain and parents and other big people sit at the tables having breakfast. My kids laugh and talk loudly to each other, playing around. NOT screaming and not running around causing havoc, but also not sitting quietly reading a book. I think it is perfectly fine and Marko thinks that they should be quiet. He says that other people don’t want to have to hear them, my point is that it is an open air, casual place and if the other people want peace and quiet, they should go to a grown up place.  I would never take my kids to a grown up restaurant, because when I want a grown up meal, I don’t want kids running around disturbing my meal. But if I go to a casual café, I should expect it will be noisy. I actually don’t like going out to eat with Marko and the kids because he gets so uptight. I am always so stressed that he is going to get stressed if the kids talk loudly etc. Pain! (BTW, I know I have been moaning about him a lot lately, but I do actually love him, very much. Especially at the moment, seeing as he is away on business hehehe!)

I know I am a bit of a soft (ill disciplined?) parent, but my feeling is children are children only once. They are not army interns to be broken down and forced into military like obedience. I do not think they are entitled to run wild and be brats, but if they want to laugh and talk loud, why not. They are children.

I know that some people don’t approve because I do get disapproving looks sometimes. Often from the older generation. But I also get lots of smiles, so I know it doesn’t piss everyone off.

What do you think? So you tell your children to talk softly, sit still and behave or do you let your children laugh and talk freely? Should children be free to be childlike, or should they be seen and not heard when in public?

PS Re Adam's binki / paci / dummy in the last pic – Kate still has one too. Both my kids still have dummies.  They are only supposed to have it for sleeping and in the car.  I said when they were two, I would take it away. That changed to three. It is now four. They might keep them forever.  Told you I am a soft, ill disciplined mother. My children will clearly grow up to be (loud) axe murderers.