Outsourced Parenting

I was thinking about celebrity parents recently, and I wondered how different their lives were from mine and yours. One of the biggest things I’ve always envied about celebs is their staff compliment. I fantasize about having personal chefs, and 24 on call masseuses. A personal stylist and your own shopper. Imagine outsourcing all the drudge work to paid help.

And then I wondered about their other paid help, the nannies, au pairs and other child helpers. I wondered which of the parenting drudge work they outsourced to others. (Lets face it, parenting is not exactly all sunshine and roses all the time, there is a LOT of pretty routine work involved!)

I wonder what parenting drudgery I would outsource to others if I could….

Not too much, to be honest. The taking and fetching from school I love doing. My mom offers to do it sometimes and I have to force myself to say yes. I LOVE taking them to and from school.

As for the night-time wakings (few and far in between as they are now), no, not that either. When they were newborns I hired a night nurse who lasted exactly two nights. There was no way on earth that I could lie there and not attend to my children at night. It was a total waste of money. I like being there for my children at night.

Hmm, what else? Doctors appointments….like doing it. Trips to the park…..like doing it. Walks? Like doing it. Games, playing, puzzles….I like doing it.  In fact, even with the routine drudgery, I like doing almost all of it.

However, the one thing I would DEFINITELY outsource if I could (because I really, really hate it), is the feeding thing. I would outsource that in a heartbeat. But for the rest of it, I can’t really think what I would rather not do myself.

If you are wondering what the hell I am talking about as I have a nanny… Rose does all of that when I am working, but when I am there, I do it. Perhaps the celebs do that too. Perhaps when they are there, they all do all the drudge work too.  What do you think really happens behind their closed doors and what would you outsource if you could?

Comments

[JH]

I'd outsource COOKING. Except maybe I'd make my own tea, because I'm v. picky. But everything else I'd get someone else to do it. I would out source every Saturday night and go off somewhere wonderful with my husband every week. To feel 'normal' again.

[Anon]

I would outsource the stuff that goes along with the drudgery... cleaning up the kitchen and table (and floor!) three times a day. And emptying the dishwasher. And the laundry... oh the laundry! I actually don't mind doing the laundry, but the folding and putting away just seems to build up. I'd rather do the hands on drudgery stuff and let someone else handle the clean up end.

I'm with you, I love taking care of my kids 95% of the time. (This is easy to type while they are all 3 napping...)

[Wyliekat]

Potty training. I'd totally outsource that.

[JuliaKB]

Yeah, not big on outsourcing the parenting stuff. Oh, wait. There is one thing-- keeping track of the clothing in the closets. What's small and needs to be put away now, what's still big, rotating for the seasons. Yeah, that I am totally down with outsourcing.

[Shannon]

I think its one thing if you have no time off at all (as many American SAHM's experience) vs nanny some of the time even if you are working (as many of my SA SAHM friends have).

There is something very appealing about outsourcing EVERYTHING when you are so deprived of personal space that going to the bathroom alone is a luxury.

Now, in reality I should just outsource having a personal life to someone else and suck it up on the mothering.

Is there a substitute personality out there somewhere? A "I was born to be a 24/7 mommy?". Snap one up for me right now.

[Amy M]

I think I'd outsource the cleaning and cooking and shopping. I love the rest of it. I just would love to not have to clean the house, cook, shop for groceries. That would be heaven :)

[Jen]

I agree with Shannon who said "There is something very appealing about outsourcing EVERYTHING when you are so deprived of personal space that going to the bathroom alone is a luxury."

I'm with my kids 24 hours a day and yes, I would be more than thrilled to once in a while let someone else do all of it. A lot of the time though I enjoy the parenting gig and the only thing I would want to outsource would things like changing diapers, picking up messes, dealing with temper tantrums while shopping and middle of the night requests for just one more drink of water please.

[Katie]

I love your last paragraph heading off all the parenting police commenters with humor.

Anyway, I'm with you--the meals. If I could just pass off the three meals a day to someone who provided variety AND motivation for my kids to eat nutritious foods, I would be a happier person.

[Carla Hinkle]

I would outsource cleaning up AFTER cooking/meals. I like the cooking and sitting together to eat, loathe cleaning the kitchen.

Also would outsource the tidying up/nagging children into "learning" to do their own tidying up. Makes me want to scratch my eyeballs out. And I hate the endless picking up of toys/clothes/books that get strewn across the house. (How did that hair brush end up in the dirty clothes hamper??)

Don't mind laundry ... don't mind getting children ready for school/bed or taking said children to and fro. Don't *really* mind night time wakings (I have to admit this, b/c my kids do wake and yet I never really do anything about it).

[Mama-Beans]

Outsourced Parenting? Happens all the time, is now rather common. Here in the States we call it "Daycare".

[erin]

Outsourcing in America ;)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_many_u_s_parents

[Dani]

I'm way too much of a control freak to outsource any of the actual parenting. The cleaning on the other hand, well...

::sigh::

Oh wait. Sorry. I was just daydreaming about a house that was just magically clean and orderly all the time. Where was I? Oh yeah. Having someone else to clean so I don't have to tell my children "As soon as I'm done with the dishes, laundry, floor, tub, etc., I'll help you get started on the book report." THAT would be heavenly. Life really gets in the way of the parenting.

[margalit]

I grew up in Los Angeles in a town with a LOT of celebs. My best friend growing up's mother was a starring actress in a TV show and I spent a lot of time at their home. They did have a nanny, but so did we. Maggie's mom didn't cook, but she did a lot of the child care and ALL of the animal care. She was an animal nut and they had many horses, goats, chickens, ducks, etc. They had a driver from the studio pick her up from work, but she drove a lot, and where we lived, Maggie and her brother Jack could ride their horses to their friends houses and often did. They had someone to clean, but then again, so did we. In fact, we had TWO maids when I was growing up.

Of course they had a gardener, everyone in LA does, and I'm sure they had a handiman to fix stuff around the house. But they didn't live all that much differently than anyone else did.

I also had other friends who were kids of stars, some big stars but mostly TV stars, and they lived very similar lives to us. My mom was in the 'industry' and had many many friends who were very big in the entertainment industry like Tony Perkins (i hated him) and Yul Brynner, and really, not that much different than other americans that have money.

Since I was raised by a nanny, maybe I don't see why it's so different, but it just didn't seem like that to me.

[Tripsmom]

We also have a nanny - but when I get back from work at 5.45 she goes off duty. I would LOVE to outsource cooking evening dinners and putting the girls to bed. It would be great to come home after a days work and just be able to spend it with the girls, instead I have to cook, listen, build puzzels, calm cranky kids that have not seen their mommy all day - all at once - by bed time I am cranky and not tolerant at all.

[Bianca W]

Discipline. I would outsource discipline. Not becuase I am not good at it, just becuase it Is. So. Tiresome! The CONSTANT reminding, the constant talking, threatening time outs, following through with time outs etc. I wish someone else could do that.

Also, all the cleaning too. That would be great.

[Julia]

Cooking and cleaning. Don't mind anything else. And I would like an uninterrupted nights sleep at least twice a week.

[Gina]

Stinky nappies! I will do anything to get out of stinky nappies, just ask Paul... :)

[Slim]

Good one, JuliaKB! I would love someone else to deal with the filing and circulation of clothing.

Taking kids for a calming trip out of the restaurant when they're acting up? Someone else can do that while I wolf down my meal.

Also, shampooing. Specifically the rinsing of the hair, which is so loathed around here that we don't talk about "needing a shampoo" but "needing a hair rinse." Then the wailing and keening and general trepidation.

Other than that, yeah, I'd outsource the housework stuff so I could do the parenting stuff.

[jennifer]

even if i didn't have kids i'd want to outsource the cleaning and laundry duties. cooking too if i could afford a good personal chef. i'm not much on grocery shopping or mending or ironing. but as for the actual parenting stuff, i'd prefer to do it myself.

[Stefanie]

I'd outsource laundry and cleaning so I can have more time with my kids.

[ls]

I would outsource vacuuming, because I hate it beyond belief and yet it is the one crucial key to having a house that looks/is clean. And I would outsource dropping off/picking up from school. I love laundry, and so would hang on to that. And definitely grocery shopping; another loathed chore. But not much in the way of parenting, it goes away too quickly as it is.

[Penny Pincher]

Hmmm. I would love to outsource fighting.

"Oh, you just want to go to a drug infested club now honey? Let me just call in our International South African Debating Champion. You can take him on."

[Penny Pincher]

Hmmm. I would love love love to outsource fighting.

"Oh, so you just want to go to a drug infested club tonight, sweet heart. Let me call our International South African Debating Champion. He can deal with you."

[june]

We did the first 4 months without a nanny, but I've started working a little again, and we hired someone to come to our house from 10-4 everyday. She helps with the cleaning (I still have to clean some) and plays with the baby while we work.

The SAHM vs work at home mom with a nanny is a night and day difference for me. Flying solo as a SAHM is rough. I'm so thankful that I get a break during the day 5 days a week. I still play with him and take him on walks while the nanny is here and I'm supposed to be working. I don't think anything is entirely "outsourced", but I love the extra set of hands.

It's expensive, but I would go without new clothes or any vacations for several years in order to keep her.

[Andrea]

I assume we are all ignoring the divisive comment above? OK, I will too.

Seems like the question is which part of "parenting" do we really not enjoy. So I'll skip mentioning housecleaning. I think it's a given most people, mothers, women, or otherwise, would have someone else keep their house immaculate if it were feasible.

The part of parenting I find a drudgery is being trapped at home during naps. Oy, if I could have someone show up every day to just sit in the house while I ran errands, necessary and personal, during naps, I would get SO much more done, and would get giant chunks of "me" time that would be so rejuvinating. But instead, I sit here reading blogs, doing housework, reading, or sleeping. Those things are OK sometimes but given the choice I wouldn't be in the house the hours every day it takes my kids to fall and stay asleep for naps.

[Boogs]

I'd outsource filing and paperwork like a shot! The bloody stuff grows out of my desk and apparently I am the only individual in our house who can read - or so they tell me ! It's got to go ..... am all for a paperless society.

[wordygirl]

I have a 5wk old baby and I have to say, I would hire a wet nurse and outsource breastfeeding if I could! I don't even mind the poopy diapers or the way she screams when I'm bathing her, it's the sore nipples and constantly being trapped on the couch that drives me nuts.

[Wyliekat]

Oh, and I guess I should confess that I do outsource the cleaning. I have "cleaning fairies" - twice a month to do the heavy lifting portion of the cleaning - washing floors, toilets, tubs, etc. Tidying and organizing is still a larger portion of my life than I'd like, but not a big deal.

But then again, I guess I'm outsourcing parenting as a whole, since Rosebud is in daycare.

Evil mommy.

[suzanne]

Ignoring Mama Beans Ignoring Mama Beans Ignoring Mama Beans, Suck It Mama Beans, Ignoring Mama Beans, Ignoring Mama Beans Ignoring Mama Beans.

[Swampy]

This is going to sound awful but what I'd most like to outsource is playing with my daughter. She's 3 and an only.

I just go insane from boredom while playing never-ending versions of make-believe games that somehow I never get right ("No mommy I'm the princess and you are the lion not the tiger"). I suppose if I worked more hours and didn't see her as much I would miss this but now I'll do almost anything to avoid it.

[Kay]

Aw man, now *I* have to take the high road too. Poop.

Well, other than the stuff I already outsource since I work, I guess I would outsource the 15 to 20 minutes after I get home. I would like to be able to go into my kitchen and get dinner to the table without people under my feet nagging at me and causing me to burn myself to keep them from touching the oven. But, this also applies to my husband, so maybe that's not even "parenting" I want to outsource. I just need a transition time from work to Mommy and I NEVER EVER GET IT. My husband? He will sit on his recliner and proclaim that he "needs to decompress". I want to tip him over in his chair when he does this.

Okay, I'm completely off topic now.

I think I don't mind doing any one thing, or all the things, I just need to figure a way to have some time to myself. So, I would outsource 20 minutes on a workday, and 3 hours on one of the weekend days.

[Neda Ann]

I think the only part of parenting I would outsource would be cleaning up puke/vomit. I can handle just about anything else. Oh, and I would outsource picking the child up from school. Mostly because when I pick her up she starts to cry because I'm ruining her day by taking her away from her friends. I'd happily hand that off to anyone else. Otherwise I'm good to do it myself.

[KimN]

I would outsource my job and handle the parenting/cleaning myself. Of course, I guess that kinda defeats the whole reason why I have to be at work in the first place. Bummer.

[anon]

I will outsource listening to whining and bickering. I am fine to help the kids with their disagreements, as long as there is no whining or bickering involved, or yelling and crying.

[Rachel]

i would definitely outsource diaper changes and, if the time ever comes, potty training.

i have already outsourced sweeping to my husband, thank goodness.

[midlife mommy]

I would outsource going to the park. As a matter of fact, I do. My husband does that. I don't mind watching, but the endless swing pushing is annoying. I would much rather sit in the shade. I am more of a "let's do this art project" kind of person. Or, "let's bake cookies." But the park? Effing hate it.

[boogs]

Midlife Mommy - I am so with you on this one - I couldn't stand that ridiculous amount of time pushing a swing back and forth - eventually I savvied up and took my darling help to the park - she thought she had died and gone to heaven to be let off her chores to socialise with other dear souls of a like mind, so a real win/win except for the swing as I couldn't resist giving it a good kick on the way out ! Idiot swing.

[Jerri Ann]

I would outsource the picking up of toys, their laundry, hell, I would outsource the gathering of the laundry from the 15 corners of the house, I would outsource potty training my 3 1/2 year old who tells me, "My bubba is big, he uses the potty, I am the baby, I wear pull-ups". Baby, shit, he is 3 1/2 years old. And, the part where I say, "When are you going to start using the potty" and he says "next year". And, definitely that goes out to some one else.

Lastly, I would out source every activity that comes after the following words come out of my children's mouth, "No" and "I don't have to" and "I'm not doing what you say" and "I don't want to clean up my room (see above)". I'm not necessarily outsourcing all the discipline issues, just the ones that make me want to smack them in the lips and crack all their teeth (j/k).

[Lisa S.]

Man this is a funny post. One I am in love LOVE LOVE with the fact that we are all ignoring Mama Beans. Two, I LOVE that we all have such different views on what we would outsource!! And nobody is hatin' which is way mature of us, yay.

Personally - would outsource the artsy fartsy stuff and keep all the outside / park / etc stuff (vice versa from midlife mommy). And would outsource bedtime one night a week or so - love it, but also would like a nice, easy evening without the whole routine once in a while. And would without a doubt outsource the middle of the night feedings during newborn days. I am seriously considering that (night nanny) for a night or two if I have another baby - but wonder if, like Tertia, I would change my mind and want to do it myself. I can see that happening.

[Brainy girl]

I am LOVING the honesty that this post has pulled from everyone! It's so interesting to hear different people's perspectives. So, aside from all housework-related chores and general tidying of the heaps of paper that seem to accumulate on our counters no matter HOW hard I work at this, I think I would outsource the "carrying around" of my infant daughter. At four months old, she has spent most of her life thus far either sleeping, nursing, or being carted around, mostly by me. She will not tolerate just being held while I am sitting or rocking - no, we must do constant laps around the house.

And I'd also like to outsource having someone to follow through on timeouts with my 2 year old - you know, the "timeouts" where you spend 30 minutes hauling the kid back to his "naughty step" or whatever, after he runs off giggling and shrieking like a million times in a row. Yeah, that. So tiresome.

[Tiah]

I actually DID outsource potty training :-) My MIL arrived shortly before our second was born and I happily let her take over with my son. I am very grateful!

This isn't exactly parenting - but if somebody else would clean the bathroom - bliss.

[zerch]

Changing poopy pull-ups
Potty training
Tantrums

[zerch]

OH, this is too easy:

- Changing poopy pull-ups
- Potty training
- Tantrums
- Laundry

[Marlen]

I am sure it has already been said, but I would totally outsource the laundry. Kiddos dirty alot of clothes!

[kate]

I was a nanny here in Australia for about 7 years, for a range of families, and mostly outsourced to me was: cooking kiddy dinners; bathing; messy play like painting; changing sheets and trips to the playground.
I now have a 1 year old and a 3 year old, and I wouldn't want to outsource the cooking or bathing, but I'd love someone to do messy stuff with them, take them to the playground while I tidy up, and just stay here while they sleep so I can go out to the shops alone!

[Ruta]

I would outsource dealing with the whining/fighting/tantrums and putting them to sleep. Not the bedtime routine, mind you, but the 5-90 minutes following such, of bouncing on beds, refusing to sleep, fighting with sibling, you name it, when everyone else just frikken wants to go to sleep.

[amyinbc]

I would happily give up housework and laundry. Don't mind the cooking but if someone could please make their lunches for school? Thanks much. If I had the $$ to out source help it would be over summer holidays when we are all off. I would have someone take them somewhere super fun every afternoon I had to work from home.

[robyn]

i have not read all the other comments, so i may be repeating ..
having grown up in sa, and moved to another country,parenting takes on another role completely.
i find i dont have nearly as much patience as i did in africa..
playing was a lot more fun when there was someone else to pack away, waking up in the middle of the night was easy when i could hand them over to someone else in the morning,driving them to and from school was a blast when i knew i was going to get back to a clean house,dishes,made beds made,ironing done..
do i sound bitter no. envious, yes a bit. but the upside is huge(when i am not complaining about the house work,or tripping over the laundry) my children are growing up with a true sense of being in the world and what it takes to be there.
dont get me wrong in sa it is very important to employ people to do all of that, it is just another way of life, a different way, for different reasons.
envious,yes a bit.

[Brenda]

While waiting in line at the grocery store yesterday, I saw one of the tabloids had Brangelina's little girl Shiloh on the cover. The article was about her being lonely in the midst of all of her siblings (with two more shortly to arrive!).

I feel sorry for the little girl. I can't imagine why her parents couldn't lavish all their attention on just her for a short time before they started the "save the world" adoptions. And now she's going to have twin newborn siblings!

I bet she spends a good bit of time on therapist couches in the years to come....

[HeatherN3Boys]

I'd outsource folding and putting away clothes (because washing and drying takes a snap second), and washing dishes. We bought a house without a dishwasher and small sinks... It blows.

[JMW]

What I would like is a nice young person to stand directly to my right all day long. Then when I needed two hands to butter my morning toast, or 30 seconds for an uninterrupted phone call, I could just hand baby over for a minute. Whenever I wanted.

Awesome!